I thought I had finally made progress. Those walls I had put up, they were finally down. I finally had let someone in.
I hate it when people tell me not to let words get to me. Well, unfortunately you can build me up and completely tear me down in two seconds just by using words. It partly is about how I was raised. Sarcasm was my dad's weapon of choice. He always made comments about my appearance, my body, the way I carried myself, and so much more. I've come far, but I know my limits. Simply put, when the other half of my soul makes a comment, even though it was months ago, that puts you on your knees holding your chest it sucks. I know we'll make it past this, it's not a hunch, I know down to my very core we'll make it through this. I'm getting off track. Damn rabbit trails.
Eventually my profile is going to have some changes, changes that solidify more and more each day. I both love and hate change. I love it because it means that the dark days are going to be over. But I hate it simply because I know things will be difficult. I'm reworking how my support system works, but that'll take time to put into practice. But for right now one step at a time is how I get through my days.
If you have a partner, don't do what I did. Don't let them get to the point where you allow them to become abusive in any way shape or form. Emotional, verbal, none of it. Don't put up with that shit. You are worth more that that. Even if you can't see it now, you are.
If you think that you're not worth more than what they say they are, then take this to heart. I know you are worth more that that. You're worth more than what every single douche-canoe says. Don't let them get you down, be the beautiful and amazing person I know is under all of that hurt and tell them to Fuck off. It feels amazing when you take that first step. I know.
Well, thank you for joining me on this spiral of rabbit trails. Maybe just maybe I'll be able to make a post that is a little more solidified within the next couple days.
