It is just a word that is spoken softly in one’s ear. Said by a cruel sadist it means the end of a life one knows. Once you have felt pain, there is no way back. Pain is all consuming, pain is the meaning of life. If you haven’t tried to experience pain you have no idea what it means. One could start with a simple definition, like “an uncomfortable feeling”. That might be true, upon first glance. But often pain is just a stage, pain is a stepping stone to something more. Not for young children of course they fall, they are hurt, they are in pain. But mostly it is shock, the realisation something has happened. In my case, a grown up man, it is different. There is a deep and dark desire for pain, to experience it, to endure it. Being denied pain for some time it builds up, and with it desire. They go hand in hand, never leave my mind alone, and I want more of it, it never to stop. And then thinking stops, playing begins. I need this pain, I want this pain, my mind cries for it, my body cries for it. It is much more important than any orgasm, it is my way of showing my mistress my devotion, my submission. Giving her the key to my life, it is the door that is to be opened. I go on my knees, and beg to open it. Since I crave to be behind that door, I crave to have all power transferred. To be nothing, but a toy in your hands, a puppy, jumping upon command.
Is that all just pain? Yes, I think it is. The important of pain is so much more than one thinks. It is all about the key of life, towards life, a fulfilment of life. I do not find it had to want it, it is easy, every moment of the day. My sensitive parts, like nipples, and balls, yes even the head of my cock, they all want to have this feeling. And when I look at videos, or pictures, what do I feel? Do I feel the pain? The rush? No, there is just desire, that is why I said that the mind, the desire, and pain go hand in hand. It is not just the one or the other. And more important, once the desire is there, and the pain begins, one can endure it better. One feels that there is dope coming into one’s mind, lulling the pain, and making it want for more and more. The interaction between subject and controller is all consuming. The subject has this one desire, to be controlled, and ultimate control is pain. And it is the controller that starts at work, flicking the proper switches, knowing what will bring more pain, and more. Is there a limit? Yes, of course there is. There is pain that cuts so deep one cannot see it as pleasure, the old adagio pain is pleasure can feed quite easily. Many pain is no pleasure at al. But enduring it, for ones controller? As a sign of commitment, a sign of kneeling and bowing. I think that is a serious option. And it must be between the two that this limit must be taken. Once the limit is accepted as limit it will withhold further development of the relation, between slave and his mistress, between the pain-slut and the sadist.
Is it necessary that the mistress is a sadist? Does it help? I am not sure, maybe yes. I know it rings a bell in my mind. Why else would you demand pain? As a way of bringing pleasure to you. Does a sadist enjoy when a man is in pain? Does it bring pleasure, make her sex wet? Seeing the marks on a man’s body, hear his cries, knowing that she is able to make him endure more, but also possible to go way beyond that pain? Where the slave is begging for mercy, for a stop, a break, and the mistress just starts enjoying herself? To continue at such a point means a sadist indeed, I think. And to continue is cruel, to ignore the begging, bring more pain. But a slave is never true, saying to stop, begging is just a way of defining the relation. A good and proper relation with a firm and tight control. It could go any way from that point.
Now let us look at the slave itself, being happy with the pain, and then realising pain will be real pain, pain will be torture, will be relentless, will never cease. No slave can endure that. It has accepted pain as a start, it has accepted submission, it has accepted that pleasure and pain are connected. Then to face the inevitable, the real pain. The real point of no return. The real panic. I have never been there, and I long for the experience. And is scares me to death! Yet, have I ever been more aroused by any idea?