This process! Getting to know someone. They reach out to the Lonely Fat Girl and say hi. Or she sees his profile and takes a chance saying hi to him. The conversation starts. The questions are always the same. “Tell me about yourself.” “Are you single?” “How long have you been in the lifestyle?” “How much experience do you really have?” They go on and on.
The energy! It takes so much energy to start this process. The Lonely Fat Girl has all her past experiences. She hears the same words over and over again. “I’m different.” “I’m not like those other guys.” “I want the real thing.” She starts to wonder if maybe this time will be different. But dammit what about her heart? She must protect it right? What if she is just being played again? Because the Lonely Fat Girl has heard the words repeatedly.
It’s scary! The Lonely Fat Girl is both little and sub. She doesn’t like being vulnerable with people. When she is then it opens doors to be little. She doesn’t know how to be little. It’s scary to her. An ex-daddy opened those doors for her and then left her to figure it out on her own. And yet each time she starts talking with someone it must happen all over again. She must talk about her wants. She must talk about her needs. The Lonely Fat Girl wonders if Doms really understand what it takes for a sub to open up like that. To show their heart time and time again.
She tries! Boy does the Lonely Fat Girl try to put those walls down and open up once again. Why do they have to play the games? Why can’t they take this seriously? Why do they see subs and littles as someone they can manipulate for a little while and then move on?
She gets angry! She is a little. The Lonely Fat Girl doesn’t want to open her inbox to more rude messages about sucking cock and fucking dick and so on and so forth. When she is close to little space it just snaps her back. It’s hard enough to deal with little space alone. But when she gets pulled back out of it as she is trying to deal with it, it’s just not cool.
She gets angry! Honestly? Why in the world would someone think the best introduction has to do with fucking and sucking cock? The Lonely Fat Girl doesn’t get it! How in the world does that help develop a trusting and safe relationship? For many this is not just about the bedroom. This is who we are. This is our essence. This means more to us than just freaky, kinky sex.
She gets frustrated! Why is it so hard to follow through with something? Isn’t this lifestyle supposed to be about trust and communication? How does the Lonely Fat Girl build trust when you can’t even follow through with the simple things? You say you are going to give her a call when you get home. Then call her. You say you are going to text her later her. Then text her. It may seem like such a little thing, but it is huge to her. It lets her know you are real. It lets her know she can depend on you. It lets her know when she needs you, you will be there. They don’t want clingy. They don’t want to have to deal with the insecurities. Do they not understand if they followed through the Lonely Fat Girl wouldn’t be clingy? She wouldn’t be so insecure?
The ghosting! The Lonely Fat Girl opens up to a person. She starts to tell them about herself. She doesn’t want to sound stand offish, so she tries to be honest and genuine. And then apparently, she says something they didn’t like. She never knows what it is she said. They just stop talking. No more comments. No more messages. Ghosting is cruel. It hurts. It makes her question what she did wrong. What she said wrong. What made her undesirable once again?
Is she worthy? The Lonely Fat Girl has been in this lifestyle for going on 2 years now. Men love to mess with her mind. They love to lead her on. They want to have freaky fun sex. But they don’t want the real thing. They don’t want to own her. They don’t even want to be seen with her.
She jokes around. But sometimes they have serious questions behind them. The Lonely Fat Girl will say to friends in the lifestyle, “Don’t you know someone who is a Daddy/Dom, is into fat girls, is single, and actually wants someone like me? Couldn’t ya just hook me up this once?” She says it as a joke. She wishes they would take her seriously. The Lonely Fat Girl is tired of searching on her own.