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The Chimera's Whispers

Musings, whispers, thoughts, opinions, murmurs, and lessons learned from someone new to the Lifestyle.
20 minutes ago. Wed 16 Oct 2019 04:31:43 AM IDT





I don't feel like doing much right now... I'm trying, but it's hard. Sure, I'm going through the motions. But, I'm auto pilot.
After a teary goodbye in the airport yesterday, I watched and waited as my Dom got onto the shuttle-tram to get to his gate to board his flight...
((We won't get into how horrific the flight back was for him. That's a gigantic rant for another time and ehhh -- effort...))


I ache all over, deeply, down to my very core. I feel sluggish and lethargic. 24 hours after the "see you soon." at the Airport with him and the weight of it all is beginning to settle in.
I keep looking for him a little bit. Like when I get into my car, I glance towards my passenger seat expecting him to close the door and look to me to start the engine.  Or, in bed I'll toss and turn, waiting for his arms to scoop me up and draw me in to his chest. Or worse, I'll wake up periodically, looking up in hopes to see his chin and scruff against my forehead, kissing it... 
I had issues falling asleep last night, worrying for him since he was stranded in Dallas airport over night. I gripped the little green star tag on my "day restraint"
(Not a collar, nothing permanent. This is an item we agreed I'd keep on me during the day instead of wearing my big leather restraints on my ankles and wrists... It's an odd thing, but they bring me comfort. This is something much less conspicuous to wear while I'm out in vanilla public.)

I tried to bury myself in the bedding that smelt like us, and I buried my face into the shirt he left behind for me. It smelt like him. I caught a couple hours of sleep before I had to pour myself out of bed and trudge to work like a zombie.

 

 



I've done LDR's before. I'm not new to this. But this feels different. Heavier, lonelier. I feel needy, and clingy. I'm trying not to be. Trying not to focus on the feelings, or let it show. But, I feel it... 



My Dom managed to finally get back to his state.
(I'm not saying home, because he now has opted to say 'Home' is with me. And I'm just fine with that. He's right. When he's here with me, I am home too.)

So, please excuse me.

I'm waiting for him to come back home to me. 

1 day ago. Tue 15 Oct 2019 03:17:01 AM IDT

Another Inktober Prompt. 

Trying to keep myself busy since my Dom is on his way home. 

 

This is out of order,  but yeah. I'm trying to catch up since I fell behind.

 

 

 

Yep. I made fish porn. It's two betta fish mating. The male circles himself around the female to fertilize her eggs before she drops them. Thus forming a ring around her. 

It's odd, but watching a pair of bettas is almost like a dance... it's beautiful to me. 

1 day ago. Mon 14 Oct 2019 07:52:26 AM IDT

Well now. If anyone saw my last post, they'd of seen that I gave one single sentence to sum up my day today.
Pillow fort and subspace.

Before I jump into that, lemme step back a bit.

Last night we went to the local BDSM club by my home (I've known about it for years, and I've been there a couple times on my own just to observe my local kinky community.)
We went to an open play party. We observed a few people, and a whip class.

After some very deep, careful discussion. We decided that we'd join the open play party and do a scene of our own.
I've been interested in Impact Play, my Dom was considering purchasing a flogger. However, I wasn't sure if I'd actually be into impact play since I've never truly partaken in it.
So, what better way to test, than to jump in?  (Mind you, with lots of talk, a rundown of our safewords/colors, and ensuring that we both truly wanted to do this.)

The club had their own bag of house toys we could use, 2 of which were floggers!
One was a bigger, thicker, beastly thing, and another was thinner, and longer. I learned the bigger, thicker leather strips have a more "Thuddy" sensation, which is what I found out I liked.
The thinner strips leave a sharper, focal, stinging sensation.

My Dom was kind enough to let me pick out what toys we played with that night. I picked out a broad, flat wooden paddle, a smaller wooden paddle that had holes for less resistance and greater impact, a small paddle with faux fur and a wooden opposite side, a cute tiny wooden crop, this bendable 7inch strip of pleather that looked to be nearly an inch thick the Dungeon Masters of the club call "The Slapper" (Oh lord have mercy.) and the two floggers I mentioned before.

We kept the scene relatively short, since it was my very first time ever experiencing Impact Play. Plus, we had the careful eye of the DMs watching too, able to step in and help where needed, and give advice if necessary.

However. We did in fact find out that I enjoyed it, and I can take quite a beating!  I left the club last night with happy singing welts and a desire for more. My Dom purchased a pretty purple flogger with brass studs in the handle~




Which brings me to today!

My Dom and I made careful preparations, and built an amazing pillow fort! (My first one in a few years!)
Today, we had a private scene. My Dom use the new flogger and my own toys from my toy chest.  As the scene progressed and the lines of pain and pleasure blurred.
When we finished, my extremities felt light and"Tingly" almost. I was lightweight and floating a bit. My mind- which is usually busy with thought, calculations, and murmurs - got fuzzy, then faded to nothingness.
Almost like turning off an old TV. The screen went flatline before going out completely.  My Dom carefully guided me to the bathroom and washed me off really quick (Which he admitted he doesn't normally do, due to potential fall risks. But due to our type of scene we had done, we needed to wash off)
I didn't care, I just drifted along with him, almost feeling drunk. Like... Outside of myself.
Soon, he brought me to the pillow fort and I crawled in, then he wrapped me in a blanket fresh from the dryer to help keep me warm, had gatorade, snacks, and water ready; and from there we watched Spirited Away while I slowly returned from my trip into subspace.


I enjoyed it, I can see why so many subs are eager to go to subspace. I'm very thankful that my Dom was so attentive and caring  for me in that moment of vulnerability. I feel it helped strengthen that bond I had to him.
I can't wait to do it again soon!


Also, a couple pics of "Fort Aftercare"
Everybody crawl in!

 


(Excuse my finger there in the corner, apparently I don't know how to take pictures)

Enjoy!

 

2 days ago. Sun 13 Oct 2019 07:19:42 PM IDT

I GOT ONE SENTENCE FOR YOU CAGE DWELLERS...

 

 

 

PILLOW FORT AND SUBSPACE.

 

 

 

MORE LATER.

5 days ago. Thu 10 Oct 2019 09:08:58 PM IDT

Inktober prompt was "Husky"

 

I couldn't think of any deeper or clever meanings within the piece.

 

So I TOOK IT LITERALLY.

 

 

5 days ago. Thu 10 Oct 2019 04:04:37 PM IDT

So my Dom made it!

After a hellacious flight- which, I'll say, we're never using Spirit Airlines again after this. It's a low budget airline, but they gouge the hell out of you with fees on the side.

They charge you for a carry on bag [luckily for my Dom, a backpack is a "personal item" and wasn't charged]

They also charge your checked baggage for every connection you have. My Dom had 3 transitions. His home state to Dallas fort worth, to Ft.Lauderdale, to Tampa where I am. They tried to charge him about $100 for a checked bag that's under 40lbs.

 

I've been blessed enough to travel quite a bit, immediately I pointed out to him that, that didn't seem right, looked like a cash-grab, and that it'd be wise to grab a manager and ask why that's such a steep price. 

So he did, and they explained to him that charging per connection was a "new thing they're trying"

In the end, they refunded him 50 dollars, but I will say I'm still unimpressed...

 

As he came to the exit of his gate where I was waiting, we both dressed nice. I wore my restraints, be damned if I got any weird looks. They bring me comfort, and I was quivering with nervousness, excitement, and a little anxiety.

As he strode up to me we started off with the awkward hug. You know, that hug you loosely move your arms around the other person and lean in slightly.

As we did that, he murmured into my ear to stop quivering. Immediately like a switch being flicked to the "off" position, I stopped. I melted into the hug a little more. Hearing his voice right in my ear did it.

[For anyone on TikTok it's like that sound clip. "......Wow, I didn't know it did that..."]

 

We got his bag, and ventured off to my car. After checking in to our Airbnb [which, this little lone apartment is GORGEOUS] we went shopping and I had the pleasure of cooking with my Dom~ We made some Southern Soul food to welcome him to the South.

Hand battered chicken, baked mac n cheese, and collard greens! [I didn't have the tools or enough pots to make corn bread or black eyed peas]

He loved the chicken and mac n cheese! The collards he nibbled on but it wasn't his favorite, which is ok! It was his first time having them. I'm just happy and proud he liked my cooking haha!

 

After, we had some "bonding time" together by cuddling on the couch and watching comedy specials. Over a little bit of time, we came to the point I had been inwardly dreading a bit. He wanted to see me, and show me that he wasn't going anywhere.

[[Prior to this we had spoken about how self conscious I can be, how I was worried about how he  might be disgusted by what he saw, etc... I'm a heavyset woman. I know this isn't attractive to many.]] He figured me out immediately.

I'm very afraid of rejection, and the pain that comes with it.

He reminded me that he wasn't going to hurt me, or force me to do anything. He unzipped and unhooked the back of my dress and kissed along my back. Telling me that he saw all of the good things in me, the kind of person I was, and the person he adored.  He closed his eyes and had me remove my dress and crawl onto the bed naked, and lay on my belly. As I did, he sprawled out with me and made me look up at him, whispering to me that he had chosen to be here. This was where he wanted to be again, reminding me...

Soon, he told me to stand in the bedroom doorway where the light was, and I did... he had me turn slowly 180, then another 180. Looking over my back and my front. Soon, he approached and took my hands and had me look up at him again. He told me that he saw all of me, and wasn't leaving, or disgusted at all. As we curled up on the bed together he apologized to me for people hurting me in the past... I teared up a little bit at that.

After a little more time of cuddles and quiet whispering in the dark, we headed to the bathroom and I got to show him what I meant when I said bath time is a sacred time for me.

I personally had the pleasure of washing my Dom's body from head to toe; and in return he washed my body too. I loved every second of that.

 

Soon though, after washing in the shower ahh... I won't give details, but I will say that things got steamier than the shower quickly and we scooted off to the bedroom. [Shower was a bit too narrow to properly play in]

 

Now, I'm sitting here in bed, my Dom asleep behind me, and I realize he's a complete blanket hog!! I sleep with a fan on, I woke up chilly hah! That's ok though. My state is hot as hell, and I like the coolness a bit.

 

 

I'd give him my blankets any day. To me, he's amazing... 

 

I dunno how much of a play by play I'll be able to give of my experience Cage Dwellers. But I'll try~

 

 

6 days ago. Wed 09 Oct 2019 05:27:48 PM IDT

G-Guys...
I'm actually quivering!  My Dom is on his way here. HERE!!!! WHERE I AM!
We'll be face to face in just a few more hours.




 



I'm so nervous and excited!  I can almost FEEL the static in the air.
I have tingles.
He's already in my state! He's about 5 hours away from me on the other side, passing through another airport for a connection flight. 

Oh man, this is happening. It's really happening!  It's not me dreaming.  

I can't help but feel a little anxious too, being a bit heavier set - I worry I might not be attractive physically. But, I'm not gonna let those insecurities rattle me. I can't.  I'm too excited for one. And for two? I GOT TOO MUCH STUFF TO DO YET!

Now if y'all will excuuuuuuse me~
I got a shower to take, and a last load of laundry to move to the drier.

Bwehe~

 

             I still can't believe he's almost here... Squee~

6 days ago. Wed 09 Oct 2019 06:14:23 AM IDT

Inktober Prompt "Build" 

One of which I feel a lot of people might be able to relate to and this one was a very simple but I felt powerful concept.

 

You have to build trust, you have to build a relationship with someone else. In any kind of relationship; be it vanilla or within the lifestyle, a lot like how a kid might build with Legos.

 

It takes time,patience, effort, planning, even a little skill, and it may even seem tedious.

But man.

Building it is all part of the fun, isn't it???

 

Enjoy!~

 

1 week ago. Tue 08 Oct 2019 05:10:12 PM IDT

Another prompt for Inktober.

 

Part of this challenge to myself is to try new things, break out of my normal tendencies.

This technique did not come out how I wanted it.

I don't much like this piece, but, it's all a learning process. Plus, I might not like it--- someone else might.

 

 

So, enjoy~

 

1 week ago. Sun 06 Oct 2019 07:45:05 PM IDT

Inktober prompt was "Bait"

Trying to break out of my usual style and go into alternative things, methods, and techniques. 

 

Trying to break out of my normal tendencies.