I bought the workbook from submissiveguide.com, Submissive Reflection: A Journey of Rediscovery & Affirmation by Luna Carruthers and KallistaJ on impulse recently. I was looking for a structured way to sort through my thoughts and feelings as I develop my submissive self, so when I saw the word "workbook," I took it as a sign and bought it immediately! Going forward, blog posts under the title "Submissive Reflections," will be regarding my responses to questions and prompts from the workbook.
"It's what draws us to submission that makes us unique and perfect for someone. What draws you?"
To put it plainly: I'm not sure anymore.
As I've expressed in a previous post, I did not get involved in D/s for the right reasons. I started experimenting and exploring this part of myself at a very vulnerable time in my life. I thought I needed a collar to prove to myself that I was worthy of the love and acceptance I craved from my family and peers, I thought I needed a Master to give me Purpose.
Now that I'm older and able to look back more objectively, I can see that what drew me in the past was unhealthy and very externally focused. Finding the line between what is healthy and what is toxic is tricky. I don't want to stay away from D/s and kink all-together, but I'd rather not fall into old habits ever again. I don't know or understand what my new motivations are but I hope to be better able to define them in the near future.
YOUR SUBMISSIVE MINDSET: Score 96/130
Not bad! Definitely room for improvement though. It is clear that I have confidence in myself as a submissive but that I am not ready to "give the gift of submission." I believe that once I have identified what motivates me and who I am as a submissive, that I will feel more comfortable agreeing to a formal power-exchange.
YOUR PERSONALITY: ISFP
As an ISFP, I am a..
Introverted person, who likes to spend time in a quiet environment, usually by myself.
Sensing person, who gets information from the world around me.
Feeling person, who makes decisions based on my instincts and emotions.
Perceiving person, who like to explore my options and improvise how I spend my time.
YOUR SUBMISSIVE TYPE: 28 total, *traditionally Dominant roles
1 Bottom
2 Submissive
3 Sadist*
4 Masochist
5 Switch
6 Top *
7 Prey (Primal)
8 Pet
9 Non-Monogamist
10 Rope Bunny
11 Experimentalist
12 Hunter (Primal) *
13 Exhibitionist
14 Slave
15 Girl
16 Owner *
17 Voyeur *
18 Degradee
19 Rigger *
20 Mommy
21 Degrader *
22 Dominant *
23 Property
24 Mistress *
25 Age Player
26 Brat
27 Vanilla
28 Brat Tamer *
Overall, I'm not surprised about these results. I definitely identify as a sadomasochistic submissive, but this exercise has me debating on whether I should call myself a switch. I like to give sensations, which is Top-like... Especially painful sensations, which is Sadistic-like... but I don't like to be in charge or in control, which I think of as more Dominant-like. Presently, I am filled with glee at the thought of being in service to my Dominant partner like an evil-sidekick, pushing the buttons, pulling the levers, and laughing maniacally as I tease and torture our captive. Such fun!
-Anima
