First, here's a poem I wrote, loosely titled
"For My Cookie Cakes"
My toes are teal
And my fingers are lavender fields for you
The glitter coating is chipping away
Yet I find beautiful imperfections in lieu...
In lieu of your mind fucking switch
In lieu of the pain I want to inflict
I find beauty in my Cookie
When she listens and goes pink for me
Though hesitant, still obedient
When the long redness has been removed from
her chin, from around her nose
Her cheeks... bare
And the hair shallow there
But among her head, tresses flow
I want to seize her and never let go
My toes are teal
My fingers are still chipping glittered fields
And though a bit of acetone could remove it
I have no desire to
I have no desire to erase memories of you
Instead, I want to make them new
Perhaps I should have
Painted things more clearly
But I'm intrigued by the vibrancy
Turned off by the need to hold on to autonomy
Cookie, you chose for me
My toes are teal and my fingers are lavender fields for YOU. I just wish chipping away wasn't something we had to go through.
*My poem is NOT for anyone here that has the nickname Cookie. What is shared in this poem has special meaning and may be hard to understand if one isn't privy to our experiences. But, I wrote this poem while in a place of sadness/ uncertainties. Wanting to hold on, but feel like things are falling apart .
Second: I had a falling out with a friend over a year ago, due to a (racial) misunderstanding. Came across their partner's kink account on another site yesterday and thought it would be a good time to reach out. Annnnnd... Well, they responded! I'm actually really excited that they responded in such a positive way. We both agreed that what we went through was a good thing, because it made us realize our own privilege and positionality... Which tends to come up socially for people who are either Black or White. We have plans to hang out soon, and that really made my night.
Third: Still reflecting on my Cookie. They are on a trip today and gone for the weekend. My mood is somber for them, and this very moment. Mainly because I am in the surgery intake and pre-op waiting room, awaiting my turn to have a procedure done this morning. I wish I could have spoken to my Cookie before hand. To clear things up. To be in better moods before my procedure.
Fourth: I'm just feeling a lot of things. Like I said, for my Cookie, but happy because of a restored friendship, but anxious because I'm in the hospital, but ok because I've lived and loved another day. I am happy overall. My good good boy has been in touch all morning. I love him. The 12 years we have together have been amazing. He knows how to lift my spirits. I'll meditate on our love while I go under. Strange are the feelings though when your heart loves someone for so long and yet a new one comes along and causes it to simultaneously ache.
Thanks for reading. Peace, love, and blessings to you all! ❤️✨