For the first time in my life I am beginning to see me. All the parts of me I was afraid to look at. The flaws I was afraid to let others know I have. I found them. And I know that they don't make me bad. Broken. Disgusting. Or unlovable. They make me...me. And me isn't that bad.
For the first tkmeI accepted a part of me I have kept hidden. I am poly. My dream in life is to live with one Master and a sister submissive. To love one another so deeply and passionately and to serve our Master jointly out of love. The day I finally voiced that in therapy is the day I met my Master. And the journey has been beautiful since.
For the first time since my abusive ex I have been able to call someone Master. To let those words flow from my mouth like sweet music. To hear myself use a title I feel is earned through trust from both parties. In fact I cried the moment Master told me I was owned and I was able to call Him that.
For the first time since losing my body and my pride to cancer I have accepted that out there somewhere. For some reason. Someone thinks I am beautiful. Someone thinks that I...even as I am now is beautiful. That even with extra weight and even though I dont see beauty at all in me....that I deserve care..that I deserve to be owned...that I deserve to be wanted...
For the first time in a long time I have realized I am worthy. Worthy of relationship. Worthy of care. Worthy of a bond which does not hurt me. And I have that from two people. Two amazing, beautiful, awe inspiring people.
And finally I have realized and accepted it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to struggle. Its okay to have horrible ideas and thoughts and desires. And it's okay to have them and to reach out instead of doing them. It's okay to cry. To break. And to mourn. And it's okay sometimes to have others help put you back together.
I cannot wait to share this journey with you all and to be amazed by who I become and the true me I find and first I experience.
