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Once you are made REAL

I, like the velveteen rabbit, have been made REAL. I have gone through the process of seeing my own truest self and nature. I know WHO I am, and that can never be taken from me.
I am a slave hearted submissive with a heart the size of the ocean and an emotional capacity wider than the sky.
I am a woman of Faith, though a believer of the truth and validity many religions.
I am a singer, a trained chef, and an amateur artist of no remarkable talent ^__^.
I am above all else; myself, the velveteen slave.
The Man who "made me Real" has moved on from the chapter of my life, however I will always remain with the deep and abiding understanding of who I am; for "once you are made real you can never be made unreal again."

This blog is a catalogue of my journey. It includes the lessons that I've learned while walking down my path. It serves to help me remember those lessons that I might retain them. It is my hope that it can provide insight to others as well, perhaps spark an understanding or a feeling of camaraderie.

~The Velveteen slave; Faith; His Mikayla{MstrJ}

*The girl accepted MstrJ's collar on 2/10/22 and her new name; Mikayla <3
2 weeks ago. May 17, 2023 at 3:30 PM

I've struggled with what to write recently, as the vast majority of the things that are important to me would only be of importance to One. Yes, there is always learning, but that learning is only relevant to U/us. Couple that with the fact that long distance does not get easier with time, it gets harder to live with. Very much worth it, but harder none the less. 


After much thought I do have something I can share. this trip He introduced me to a new favorite toy ^_^. W/we are both big fans of discrete public play. This particular toy is definitely a surprise win in that regard.

Dun dun dun daaaaa!

Not sure if this is where He got it. 


So when I arrived at the airport He decided to do something W/we have talked about for a long time now. The first thing after a giant bear hug (and a second intentional three breath hug for a dear Friend) he handed me a bag. Inside the bag were the things He intended me to disappear to put on for our first adventure back home. 


There were warm comfy clothes (it was still winter), then there were the *fun* items ^_^

most importantly we will focus on the dildo gag. I don't think there would be a way to get away with it prior to covid and the normalcy of seeing masks around. They certainly werent prevalent anymore, but at the same time no one batted an eye. The first thing to note is that it was absolutely impossible to communicate in any meaningful way around it. The second thing to note is that it was impossible to close my lips completely so I was very grateful for the neck scarf I was wearing. It served double duty. #1 had it not been for the muffler my teeth/mouth would have been FREEZING, #2 drool was a problem. A legitimate real immediate problem. Due to the length/girth of the dildo it was impossible to swallow my own saliva. Finally, the last important note is that I had to be cautious and aware of it at all times as it was long enough to cause some internal concern over my breath. I would NOT have wanted to wear it had my hands been restrained. 


Now to the experience... luckily the mask covered everything very well, so there was no concern over anyone knowing what was going on. Walking out of the airport was no problem, though the awareness of the cold and of my immediate saliva issues were a bit of a mental game. Once in the car He checked in on me and I explained all I just have. Then off we went on our adventure. I had it (and other things) going on in the car, and I absolutely loved every single minute of it. A brief stop off at a restaurant which necessitated its removal, then on to a very public grocery store. A lot was going on at that point, but suffice to say it was one of the most excellent experiences of my kink life to date. Focusing just on the gag though, again, had it not been for the scarf it would have been an exercise in public humiliation as there would have been NO way to hide the drool that was going on. As it was, however, it was simply an added level to the other things going on. It gave me a greater sense of lack of control, and of ability to just give in and turn my brain off and follow. 


He will have to speak for His side of it, but I know that I for one got a great amount of fun out of it (and still do). 


If it sounds up your alley I'd definitely recommend it. 

Had it not been for the gag there were definitely a few times I'd have sounded like this:

;) The author may not have known what was what... but W/we all sure do ;) 


~His slaveMikayla


1 month ago. April 20, 2023 at 9:13 PM

More to come when writing won't take me out of the moment, however I wanted to quickly poke my head in to do a happy dance. Honestly, life with Him is exactly that, dancing. 


Yes, we have the growth moments, but even those are dancing. When I'm with Him all is right with the world. 


Thank you Cage for the growth that I've found here, the support, and most of all for bringing U/us together. This is the real deal. This is what I've been searching for, working for, striving for for 20 years. It's worth every minute of not having it, not finding it for this right here. Right now. 


Thank You my Master for jumping, for all the work You have done, for trusting in my strength, and for all the ways You exist. Thank You for playing in the snow, napping on the couch, asking me to jump, fantasies played out, communication through miscommunication, hilarity, singing karaoke through a cock gag, lunch with family, planning surprises, aftercare tea.... And everything else. You are absolutely the love of my life, and I'm so grateful for every single thing that brought me HOME to You. I pray I always add value to Your life. I'm lucky to be Your girl. 

His slaveMikayla 

1 month ago. April 18, 2023 at 10:56 PM

It's interesting how each trip carries different emotional weight and substance. 

From the excitement and nervous energy of the uncertainty to the longing and joy of welcoming Master to the satellite campus. This trip is different in that it doesn't carry the "new" nerves. It is solidly in the "coming home". I have missed Him and Home desperately. That isn't to say that it's not exciting or there is nothing to discover,there always is. This is a comfortable feeling though. 

The girl is getting ready to board a plane for the long trip home. It's a very short trip, but I know it will not be short on love, memories, or growth within O/our dynamic. 



Thank You for all the plans You make. Thank You for bringing me home. Your girl can't wait for all that is to come.


His slaveMikayla 

2 months ago. April 1, 2023 at 9:02 AM

This is not an April Fools joke, it wouldn't be funny if it were. 


I'm sharing this because had it not just happened to me, I would not have believed it possible. 

I know that there are a few people on here, who, like me, have been kicked down the street and back in their past. 


So to make this very brief... I was married at 18 and had a child at 19. I was all in on my marriage, but on our 1 year anniversary I found out that he wasnt. It was deeply painful. However, as a direct result of that I found myself as a submissive. 

Lots of terrible nasty acrimoniousness followed... a divorce, and the loss of my son. I have spent the last 18 years feeling SO ANGRY. SO HURT. SO WRONGED. I was. I was wronged. That does not change. 


I have had no reason to have any contact with my exhusband in the last nearly 9 years. I think the last time I saw him was walking out of a hotel loby when he dropped off our son for a visit when he was 11. 


This year my Master has sent the intention that it would be "a year of transformation". We are in the midst of fasting and praying together for Ramadan. One of the things that He set as an intention for me (and U/us) was not to be afraid of opportunities which showed up; opportunities for growth and healing. 


Two days ago as I was getting ready to host a dinner for my students I was cleaning out my old email and I stopped short when I saw a profile picture of my ex husband. ... It took me about 18 hours to decide what to say, or if I should say anything at all. Then I wrote an email. 


In the email I simply sought to acknowledge *her* and tell her that at one point in time when we were young she told me something about herself that must have taken courage. I took it sincerely in the context it was presented, but I never pressed the issue. Clearly, I did not do enough or offer enough help or support at the time, because it took her a further half of her life to make whatever changes and realize whatever she needed to to decide to be who she told me she was. I wished her well, happiness, and peace. 


A few hours later I received a reply. It acknowledged that I had asked for no reply, but in the interest of mutual healing, she felt she owed me an apology in return. She thanked me for my acknowledgement and apologized for the hurt that she caused me. She apologized for not loving me how I needed to be loved. She did NOT apologize for the damage in relation to our son, I'm conscious of this... but I was grateful for what was offered. 


When I wrote the email it was not to get "closure" it wasn't for or about me. So when I received the reply I did, it was much more deeply felt, spontaneous if you will. Thus felt more sincerely. 


We will not be friends. We will not communicate again. However I can acknowledge that today I feel just a little less internally angry. 

It took 18 years to have a sincere conversation. It took 18 years to give and receive any kind of acknowledgement or apology. I'm glad to feel just a little less angry. 


~His Mikayla



10 months ago. July 23, 2022 at 3:04 AM

A few times over the years I've shared some of the tools in the proverbial toolbox which have been incredibly effective. No, not literal tools, toys etc; metaphorical ones. Ones that people tend to overlook, or underrate. 

Yesterday a dear friend wrote about how dedication and kindness will get more out of a girl than any amount of cajoling ever would. 


This morning at one point I was curled up in MstrJ's arms and I asked Him if I'd told Him recently how smart He is. He asked why and I explained that He is the most emotionally intelligent man I've ever known. 


Emotional Intelligence is defined as is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.

I find it is one of the most underrated yet most effective if not absolutely essential tools in the Dominant's toolbox. 

I have been in a domineering relationship where I finally said to my ex husband: "You know you could accomplish more with a flyswatter sometimes than a hammer!" He took every problem and made it Mt. Everest. Some Dominants take correction the same way. They get home and find her less than perfect in her patience, fail to take a moment to think WHY and immediately call her to the carpet (literally in many cases). Sure, it will work, and for some girls it might be the most effective tactic. However, for THIS girl, sometimes having my Master stand up from where He is seated despite having just sat to a meal, having Him wrap His arms around my neck in a tight hug from behind and having Him just hold me then making the intentional choice to lay in bed and watch a show with me *before* passing out after a very long night at work.... You are the smartest most emotionally intelligent Man I've ever met. It is one more reason THIS GIRL would walk across coals, or fly over oceans, and gladly gratefully dedicate her life to You. 


Advice to Dominants reading: You can practice your fun toys till the cows come home, and work on Your "I'm very serious!" tone and look, but unless it is balanced out with a healthy dose of Emotional Intelligence and practiced patience Your toolbox might do with some rounding out. 


Take it away Ms. Elle X!






3 years ago. June 3, 2020 at 8:19 PM

I kneel

by The Velveteen Slave

For me:

When the world is moving way too fast,

When worries and the troubles seem to over run,

When the hurts and anger feel like they will last,

and it seems that everything is spinning, dizzy, and confusing....

I kneel.


For You:

When life has given you one more burden to shoulder,

When I see the chaos in your tired eyes,

When the stresses seem like they will cause you to falter,

and I see You weighted down by it all..

I kneel. 


For me:

You call me to my place,

I come with quick and quiet feet

and you lift my chin to look up into Your face

THIS is the safest space;

my calm, my arbor, my fort, my home. 

I kneel.


For You:

Looking down at what is Yours,

Watching how my mood immediately shifts,

through this simple act, the mood lifts:

devotion, calm, tranquility, desire, and need

I kneel. 


For U/us:

A simple act

A deeper meaning

reminding us both of the most important fact

I am Yours..You are Mine... I am Yours.

I kneel. 


~Faith; The Velveteen Slave

3 years ago. May 29, 2020 at 5:53 PM

I'm not sure of this will end up being worked into a "Needs" post... but it is one I must write for me. I've never addressed here WHY I write these, but it is pertinent now. I write them because it helps me solidify ideas that are floating around in this muddled up head of mine. If I dont solidify them into something I can see and touch (in a way reading them again is just that) then I will never fully grasp them. 


I have two concepts that are interrelated lessons and I don't quite know what their convergence will be... but they have been circling around my life path for four years and it is imperative that I learn this lesson NOW. I need to be done with this particular loop. 


#1: Respect. No one will give it to you unless you insist upon it for yourself. Respect is not a dominant only trait. No one will argue that you should respect your Dominant partner, but they dont have a monopoly on this. As a submissive you are also worthy of respect. You can be of service, even enjoy all forms of humiliation, degradation, objectification... but even then you are still worthy of respect. Respect for the things you do, respect for the person you are, and respect of the needs you have. Any right to be degraded, objectified, humiliated, or put in a place of service of any kind is a right you give and thus worthy of respect. A side tangent here... even giving of those actions can be a form of respect. It is respecting you enough to accept that it is your right to ask for those things, to want them, to need them, and to have them in a safe, sane, and consensual manner. Denying you the right to ask for those things or like those things is a form of disrespect. Respect starts with yourself... with how you hold yourself. You must hold people to the line of your boundaries, and you must insist upon respect. "give em an inch and they will take a mile" is a very accurate statement here, sadly. 


#2 Being accepted for that which im not, is the same thing as being rejected for that which I am.  

*flails* This one is one that came about absolutely unintentionally. When I was faced with the prospect of returning to a previously imploded relationship I was afraid of rejection. He had denied me a part of who I am... and in a single moment it came out of my mouth... Accepting only a part of me is the same thing as rejecting who I am. That single realization was a HUGE leap forward for me. In that moment I understood that if he was only willing to have a part of me... he was still rejecting me. I can't do that. It isnt fair to him, it isnt fair to me. I dont want to just be accepted ... the word means nothing... I want to be accepted and loved and treasured for ALL of me. 



I'm still working on how these two converge... anyone who has any input here... I'm all ears. 



~The Velveteen Slave

Everything original artist: Alanis Morsette 

my rendition:



Needs Series Index: 

Taken to Task:

#1 Time:

#2 Growth:

#3 Seen, Heard, Understood:

#4 Safety & Consistency:

#5 R.E.S.P.E.C.T:

#6 Love:

#7 Acceptance:

Finale: The tamed to the Tamer:

Follow up: The Gauntlet: EARN ME!


3 years ago. May 25, 2020 at 11:59 AM

Needs #4 Safety/Consistency



I read a post two months back and it was the first thing that literally made me cry. It brought my soul to my knees because of how deeply it resonated with me. In the post the Dominant was dealing with the concept of Wants vs needs, which most of us have read a million times over. However the example he used knocked me back ten steps. In it he discussed how it is much more difficult to truly identify wants and needs inside aspects of a relationship and gave the following example: "The situation complicates because in most cases we are not dealing with simple subjects.  We are not dealing with things but with aspects of our relationship.  Does she want the excitement of being bound to your bed each night or does she need it as a representation of being held within your sphere.  In one case, it is a hot kick which is fun and you can do it or not, and in the other it is a symbol of your surrounding her with your protection and you had best NOT forget about it." ~Master Arach ( full post:

I sat on my bed and had to put the phone down and cry. He had hit the nail completely on the head. So many times we place a deeper emotional meaning on specific actions and how they make us feel. It definitely can very on both sides of the slash, and sometimes we may not think to communicate how the action really affects us internally... maybe we dont even think to, or it doesnt occur to us at the time. Maybe we aren't even completely aware of it. 


One of my greatest... I'd say top 2 NEEDS in a relationship is to feel safe. I dont mean physically safe, that should be a given. i mean safe to be emotionally vulnerable. i need to know that my hurts will be heard and cared about. I need to know my joys will be cared about too. My concerns matter. That my past isnt just swept under the rug and pretended like it has no bearing on my present. 


Safety also in relation to expectations. I need to know that I know the limits. My mom always told me as a little girl that children feel safer when the limits are clear and enforced. That they will push those limits to test to be sure that they would hold firm. I can look back at the moments in my relationships when I felt particularly like they were unsure and I can see where I pushed. Not hard. But i did. It was me saying... "have you still got us?" "Are you still holding firmly?" A friend on here posted the most wonderful video on here a week ago which she felt displayed a healthy brat dynamic very well. while i do not consider myself a brat in the least... i can absolutely see elements of this in myself when things are shaky. A book I once read but can no longer recall the name of used to identify these as "Conquer me Feelings"... and it is absolutely apt. It is those moments when I desperately need to feel that hold on me, on my metaphorical or literal leash to say "I've got you." Sometimes i just fucking need it. 

original blog post: <3 you 


Consistency is one surefire method to making me feel that safety. Consistency I think underpins it. If consistency is there both in action and expectation then i never have to feel those wheel spinning in the dirt, flailing, falling feelings. 


When have I felt that safety and consistency? 

I had one Master who would make sure to tuck me in every single night. I used to regularly fall asleep laying on my tile floor with my phone pressed to my ear. When I would wake he would be there ***EVERY TIME** and he would say "Do you think you can sleep for me, my sweet slave?" ... he would remind me to check my locks and gas and ask me to tell him when I'd gotten into bed. He had something very specific he would say. Years later i still have every word memorized. Every word was intentionally chosen. It was the most safe I ever felt, despite my life was in massive turmoil.


I've mentioned Mr. Richard by name in a previous post. He was absolutely military in his consistency with communicating with me. I knew I had from 10pm to 12am. I knew where i was to be waiting, and how. 99.9999% of days he would be there, and if he was not, there was a damn good reason. I also knew that that time belonged to him. I had only two rules: Do not divide your attention. Tell me if you need to handle something else. Promptly at midnight I knew no matter WHAT was going on he did not want a single message from me. I better put my damn phone/computer down and go to sleep! God help me if i messaged after midnight. *lol* It was not because there was someone on his side that he was concerned about disturbing... no. it was because he knew what time i had to wake in the morning and it was incredibly important to him that he did not do me ill. he needed to know that that time was his without feeling guilty that he was keeping me from sleep i needed to be a healthy and productive member of society. It freed him as much as it freed me. The times that he was not there, in every circumstance save 2 he had informed me prior where he would be, what he would be doing, and **WHEN he would communicate with me again**. << i should have thanked him for this more. ... The two occasions were absolutely nothing he could control, and he came home to find me "curled up on his chair" once ... and "sleeping in his spot" the other. 😁 (It made him smile) 

I think he was a fantastic example of consistency and how it positively affects my quality of life. 


I think micro rituals and protocols are so positive for me because they underscore that consistency and sense of safety. It sets the parameters for me (maybe for U/us both) such that it becomes second nature. That does not mean they should be just a tick-box to say "yep did it done!" No. These things should always be mindfully done, intentional, and with purpose... but that is a topic for a different post. 

I believe that that specific passage about how being bound to someone's bed could be a symbol of their care and protection struck me so deeply because at one point... my Master KNEW this. He knew it. He is the one who opened that door for me.... but I did not ask for that consistency. I did not tell him how much it mattered, or how much I ached for it. I was not honest with him or myself. I regret this. 


~The Velveteen Slave


As always, ending with a song <3

Needs: Consistency/Safety 

original artist: Jacki Velasquez sung by yours truly. 


Needs Series Index: 

Taken to Task:

#1 Time:

#2 Growth:

#3 Seen, Heard, Understood:

#4 Safety & Consistency:

#5 R.E.S.P.E.C.T:

#6 Love:

#7 Acceptance:

Finale: The tamed to the Tamer:

Follow up: The Gauntlet: EARN ME!

3 years ago. May 18, 2020 at 8:51 AM

*disclaimer: If you have not read the first three blog posts in this series, please move backwards in time and do so. It will not make as much sense if you do not know why I am writing this. The first post in the series is: "Taken to Task". Thank you.

Need #3 to be seen, heard, understood


Some might opt to break these three into separate needs, but for me it is all part of one fluid process.

". . . it is not uncommon for masters to pride themselves on the depth with which they know their slave girls; this depth is far greater in my opinion than that with which the average husband of Earth knows his wife; the slave girl is not simply someone with whom the man lives; she is very special to him; she is a treasured possession; he owns her; he wants to know, profoundly and deeply, the background, history, the mind, the intelligence, the appetites, the nature and the dispositions of his lovely article of property;..." ~Tribesmen of Gor Book 10 Page 42

My hubris (okay one of them) is that I'm well aware of my own intelligence. I will not "one true way" things, so yes, there are plenty of submissives and slaves out there that are truly desirous of having no say in their life. Of being simply told what to do, and being allowed to be mindless. Bless them. I am not among their ranks. I crave the knowledge that my Master holds me completely and entirely. Knows all of me. Knows my past and my present so he can best chart a path forward to the future. He knows my fears and doubts... those tapes that play on in the back of my mind, knows where those demons came from and then can best know how to tame them. Knows the things that I am proud of, and does not feel intimidated by them or feel the need to blow my candle out to make his shine brighter, rather knows that my successes are feathers in his own cap. 

In order to get there is a tried and true path... you have to see someone, all of them. The things that are easy to show, and then the things they are afraid or hurt to expose. I need you to see it all. I need you to HEAR me, not just the words I say, but the words of my heart, the things that words fail to express. The things body language and breath express best. The things that are said when you know what every expression truly means. When you know exactly what a tight lipped smile means vs when my teeth show. Hear not what you are afraid I am saying, or what someone in the past meant when they said "ABC". Then I need you to use all of your wisdom and intellect as well as your own heart and soul to understand me. 

Someone important to me has been pounding it into my thick skull that "we do not see others how they are, we see them how we are. "~ Anais Nin. 

They drove the idea home that very often we paint onto others words the inflections, backgrounds, intentions, and meanings we either: wish to see, or are afraid to see. Both are equally as likely. It is very hard for people to stop writing their own narratives over situations and experiences and accept them for the truth of what the other party is offering based upon the totality of themselves. 


What does it look like when I'm seen, heard, and understood? 

I received a box once upon a time... inside it were a few very special and important items... i will only discuss one: Inside was a shirt inside a ziplock double lock bag. The shirt I had seen worn for weeks and weeks. I knew the minute i saw it inside the plastic bag exactly what it was. Only last week did I take the shirt out of the bag entirely. Over the last year i have just opened one tiny corner of the bag to touch it, or smell it, or hold it close inside the bag. Last week, i took it out of the bag, buried my face in it and cried harder than I have in two years. The shirt, and everything else in the box which was entirely unprompted made me feel very seen, heard, and understood. 


I received a message from someone else entirely different at one point... it was in reply to a message I sent answering some questions. The person had asked questions on an open forum, and they were incredibly thoughtful, deep, and thought provoking. I wrote back with the depth they deserved. What I received back was the single greatest piece of writing I've had the honor of receiving. The man wrote me about a shirt of his own he loved. He wrote me fully 6 pages of different experiences that this shirt saw him through, and how it was a memento of all of those times. It ended with telling me how he would never have another time to say, "perhaps i love this shirt best because" for it is buried along with a part of my heart... and shared that hurt with me. I have rarely ever felt so well met and on even ground. 


a Dominant of mine who did me great hurt, and I did him equally... came back to me one day and asked me for A DAY. One day to get it all right where we got it wrong. One day to replace all the shit we had been through. One day to hang onto. Fuck I loved that man. In that day; he put me in his pocket and carried me around. He tucked me in for the only second time he EVER did, and actually stuck around until I fell asleep. He read me a story that he wrote himself, which I still have entirely memorized. The most important moment came at lunch when he called me for the first time in countless months. I sat in an empty classroom where he told me he was proud of me and I again cried, not ugly broken tears, but deeply needed healing ones. I did not cry when he told me he loved me. I did not cry when he told me he missed me. I cried when he told me he was proud of me. Those were the words my soul most longed to hear. 

That day I felt, seen, heard, and understood. 


A Master who was incredibly special and important in my life never had to have me explain myself. He always knew. The pocket didnt come a year into a broken relationship. "I'm proud of you" and "I love you" were not so foreign as to cause tears when heard. Rather he felt like he always knew me, because at one point of time, he was me. This was never better shown than how I felt the first time he spoke softly to me and pulled my little put from under every blanket and pillow she had been hiding under ... where I didnt even know she lived. It shocked him every bit as much as it shocked me. I felt very much seen, heard, and understood.


~The Velveteen Slave 

will add music once the workers who are installing my porch covering are gone. <3


Needs Series Index: 

Taken to Task:

#1 Time:

#2 Growth:

#3 Seen, Heard, Understood:

#4 Safety & Consistency:

#5 R.E.S.P.E.C.T:

#6 Love:

#7 Acceptance:

Finale: The tamed to the Tamer:

Follow up: The Gauntlet: EARN ME!

3 years ago. May 16, 2020 at 1:28 PM

*disclaimer: If you have not read the first two blog posts in this series, please move backwards in time and do so. It will not make as much sense if you do not know why I am writing this. Thank you. 


#2 Growth

ο δ ανεζεταστος βιος ου βιωτος ανθρωποι ~Socrates


You may not know it, but while this site is my HOME, it is not actually the site I've been on longest, or most actively. The place I most often frequent I host a thread entitled: Lessons Learned that invites submissives and Dominants to share the deep and meaningful or small and silly lessons that their dynamics teach them. Now, truth be told I do the majority of the posting (which is why here is home, and there is not), still, that says a lot about who I am and what is important to me. 


The unexamined life is not worth living. If you are standing still, if your growth as an individual, as a submissive, an *insert your descriptor here* is stunted and you are at ease... you are doing it wrong. Countless people; both living and dead, who are FAR more wise than I will ever be have attempted to get this point through to us. Marcus Aurelius said, "At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm? So you were born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands? You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you.When they’re really possessed by what they do, they’d rather stop eating and sleeping than give up practicing their arts. Is helping others less valuable to you? Not worth your effort? When you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, remember that your defining characteristic— what defines a human being — is to work with others. Even animals know how to sleep. And it’s the characteristic activity that’s the more natural one — more innate and more satisfying."

More recently and personally, someone incredibly important to me used to say over and over again, "You can only fail at being what you TRULY are." 



What does any of that have to do with growth? At my core I'm a student of life. I'm a servant of the universe. I'm a teacher. I'm many many many things, but what I'm not content to be is stagnant. Nothing makes my teeth itch and my skin crawl and makes me feel like I'm running internal circles and pacing the floor like when I'm forced to sit and wait ungrowing, unchanging, untended. 


A Dominant of mine once said to me sarcastically that I always sought out my "gurus". He bemoaned that I had better go seek my "lesson". He had a habit of paying me the greatest compliments in ways he believed were criticisms? *smiles*. Telling. He will be gratified to know that one of my greatest teachers and confidantes right now is an amazingly wonderful, brilliant, and protective woman. *sticks out tongue playfully at his memory* See, it CAN be a woman, it just needs to be one I feel I've got a lot to learn from, who is strong enough to teach me. 


Strong enough? Yes. More recently I was told that, "It's hard to raise a stubborn daughter." Yes, it is. I'm stubborn because I dont just learn on the surface. I will fight a lesson, fight to understand it, to understand every part of it. To conquer it, and then to own it. I'm not a sponge in my learning... I'm not a sheep. These are not judgments of others' learning styles, but acknowledgement of my own. I do not need a lesson beaten into me! It will not work. 


What will work? How do I learn? What do I need to learn? 

.... I do not know. It takes a wise, patient, and immensely intelligent Man to Master me. You can not do so if you are not my better. You can not do so if you can not stomach and APPRECIATE my need to truly comprehend. You can not do so if you have not the time, patience, or derive pleasure from watching one under your hand grow. It must be a part of who you are and what you need in your very core being, as much as it is mine. 


Here is the catch: Growth is, to my mind, a cyclical breathing exercise. It should be self perpetuating! My growth from things you bring to me should spark conversation, dialogue, action which in turn sparks growth in you. It is not a one way parasitic thing. If I can not and do not challenge you, if you do not see me as capable of teaching YOU and inspiring changes in YOU, then this is not the relationship for you either; for as much as I'm a student of life, im at my soul level a teacher. To be allowed the privileged of knowing that I have impacted your own journey is not a statement of your weakness, but of your strength and an acknowledgement of my own. If this frightens you, or is not something you want... then I am not something you want. I will never be haughty or prideful that I "taught you a lesson". it is HUMBLING and gives me a great sense of gratitude that you allowed me to have that connection with you. 


When are times that I have experienced this wonderful growth in my life? 

I had a Dominant in my life at one point who was wholly unlike anyone else I've ever met. I do not usually enter into relationships that it is clear they will never be anything more than online. Still, I was drawn to conversing with him from day 1. He was not emotionally open, which is also not something i'm usually drawn to. He was completely closed off. Our original interaction came because he complimented my username and welcomed me to a site. I thanked him and asked him why he was there. He gave me a very terse reply and said there are only two reasons a man is on a site like that: he is either socially inept or lonely and unsatisfied. I said that there was a third he missed. I proceeded to outline the third. His demeanor completely and utterly changed. He messaged me back in great detail telling me he had given me bones and straw. I had drawn on it muscles and flesh, color and life. 

He told me over time that he mat indeed give me a ladder to get over his walls, but that remained to be seen. Over time i asked how many rungs it would take to climb that wall. So I crafted a ladder... a very small very intricate ladder with many rungs and sent it to him. When i would do something that massively pleased him, and brought me one step closer to being over that wall, he would tell me i may add a step to the ladder. I put many roses each hand-stitched onto the ladder, every time I'd gain a step. 

This Man was one of the greatest teachers on my life. I saw his face only twice (if you ever read this, i hope you have continued to work on your smile) and heard his voice only once. He did however, give me the gift of his TIME only sparingly. He taught me me many many many lessons. The greatest of which, I believe, was about the ages of love. I had no idea that love had distinct ages. It helped me to understand so very much. I will be forever grateful to you; Mr. Richard. Thank you for allowing me to climb that wall. Thank you for sending me on my way when you felt it was the time for me to continue my path. 


Another time I learned a painful lesson: I had asked my Master to take care of a situation that was painful to me. I had asked him to be an intermediary between myself and someone else. However, in the middle of it, i replied to the person he was dealing with at my bequest. When he knew he sat me down differently than any other time in the past. He told me alright, his hands were off. He would no longer deal with this matter. I sat silently and cried. He asked me if that was fair? I choked out a reply: "No, Master, please. It is not." "why not? Clearly you believe that you can handle this situation better than I can. your actions say that you do." "No, Master, I do not. I'm sorry. You are right, my actions said that, but it was wrong. I do need your help and wisdom in this matter. I can not handle it alone. It is too big and too scary for me. Please, do not give the responsibility back to me. Please help me carry it." ... and he did. This may not seem in keeping with my saying that I would let POSITIVE memories dictate my needs. How is this a positive memory? The growth and closeness that hard lessons bring deepens the trust in the relationship. After that I never attempted to "take back" a responsibility he had accepted to carry and one I had offered to him. The lesson hurt, the relationship grew. Thank you, Grumps, for teaching me what it truly meant to give in and let you carry the weight. 


Finally, I remember one time my Master sat me down and told me "Sit down! You are not to move from that spot until you can tell me exactly what is wrong with that sentence. You are not to move. you are not to distract yourself. Think. You have it in you to make this lesson take as long or as short as you desire. You are capable. You have the answer. Tell me when you know it." 

So I sat there, on the floor of the office i do believe I was damn near naked though luckily it was not cold at the time. It took less than an hour for me to come back to him and say, "When I say the words "do you understand" it questions your dominion over me. It questions your knowledge of me. It questions your ability to lead me. When I ask "do you understand" it is a clear sign of doubt. Lastly, when I say "Do you understand" it puts the emphasis in the wrong place. I should be a bit less concerned with whether you understand, and far more concerned with whether I do. If you do not understand something you will find a way to ask it, or know it, before asking me to do something. I have acknowledged you as my Master, by doing so I acknowledged your understanding of me... asking this calls that into question. I am sorry, Master." That answer helped us grow and work together towards the growth he needed from me with farrrrr less difficulty. Thank you for truly knowing me. 


I need you to: discover the parts of me that are stagnant. Identify places that i need to grow. Have the wisdom to know when it is the right time to help me do so. Decide how best that growth should happen. Praise me when i have succeeded. Correct me when I have fallen from the path you lay. Push me and hold me accountable if i am not keeping up the pace. Punish me if i have been willful or obstinate. Hold high expectations of me. Have mercy when it is warranted. Be my biggest supporter in my struggles. Take the time to clearly set out the expectations for growth, make sure i understand them before jumping to conclusions about my failures. Be man enough to adjust expectations and admit miscalculations. Give me ways to make you PROUD. Never accept less than what will make you proud to be my owner... because I'm responsible TO the relationship, to you. You are responsible FOR the relationship, for me. 


~The Velveteen slave. 


Needs Series Index: 

Taken to Task:

#1 Time:

#2 Growth:

#3 Seen, Heard, Understood:

#4 Safety & Consistency:

#5 R.E.S.P.E.C.T:

#6 Love:

#7 Acceptance:

Finale: The tamed to the Tamer:

Follow up: The Gauntlet: EARN ME!