Once you are made REAL

Sooooo much has happened in the last two weeks. I can not even comprehend that I have not even yet BEEN HERE two weeks! It's been nonstop  awesome at every turn. 

I had my 40th birthday. W/we spent time with family, did some kayaking in the mountains, went to a VR games thing, went to the Science Center, went to O/our first Munch here (He will write more on THAT) and have done some work on the house and the yard. Oh, He played in a huge tournament for His golf club (and placed) managed the best round of golf He has ever played (broke 80) and W/we got invited to a play party (which W/we will be doing later in the month).

So! He got me my birthday presents! #1 a super insanely fluffy/soft purple blanket which is ALSO waterproof ^_^... it's now my comfy/play blanket cause well sometimes waterproof is necessary ;) 

and then my second present was late getting here... but it's definitely story time worthy! 

So on Monday before the Munch He went down to the post office and came back with a package. I was told to be careful opening it. when open I saw it was bright pink and a very hefty plastic. It reminded me of the material dodgeballs were made of in 80s-90s Gym class. Everyone who ever experienced those knew EXACTLY what I mean. So I started guessing. I saw the pump and guessed it was a yoga ball (MstrJ has a black one which He loves to use for His exercise and calesthenics). "Close"... so then I laughed and said "What does it have a dildo on it?" at that exact moment I saw it did in fact have just that! But wait... there's more! It's a twofer! So I started cracking up like mad. He said to keep looking then I realized what I had in my hands was this....

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRX73nnQJavXPaakSJRNpLSa4LEUPyJy1Qo7pfDoeaTsJjclhcH7DwINpzgT_16aW_0_MY&usqp=CAU

oookay.... so after pumping it up (which, in and of itself was comically suggestive, given that the blowing up was hand pump action... so I played that up well. Then to inspect it. Okay that sucker is NOT 6 inches! Fuck off. It's quite a bit larger... and the plug is VERY solid so that was intimidating. I'm not a brat, but whatever possessed me I brightened up and said, "Oh! This could be good to practice... (grabbed the handles and immediately went to deep throat it and came up gagging "OH THAT'S FOUL!" *instant regret*

The taste on that was just beyond horrific. It's everything you could possibly imagine from licking a dodgeball and more. YUCK! 

So it will NOT be used for deep throat practice after all, but it DID give MstrJ his money's worth of a laugh attack that's fir sure! It also provided some chuckles on the retelling at the Munch. ^__^

Now I need my foot to stop being all  Von Willebrand's and stop with the stupid so I can try it out! 

(I have a bleeding disorder, so simple injuries can end up just deciding to be a pain in the ass in not fun ways). 

Cheers!

His slaveMikayla

Now I'm going to be honest that that title is absolute clickbait... but it's also hilarious. 

Ok, so I've been debating about posting this for a WHILE... and I'm actually hoping it will bring some smiles and some levity. 

Some important back story. MstrJ has been my kiddo's father figure for just under half of her actual life. Actually, she does not consciously remember a time that He wasn't there. Every single tooth she has ever lost has been "with Him", to the extent that the one time she lost a tooth while He was at work she insisted that I get on the gosh darn phone and call Him because He was the only thing that would comfort her. She has a very mildly wiggly tooth right now and she was arguing with me before I left that she wanted to get it pulled just so that it wouldn't fall out while I was gone (in which case she couldn't call Him).. (He did not know that until reading this). 

In fact, His name here: MstrJ is actually from HER. When she was 4 1/2 she wrote Him a card and didn't know how to spell yet, so MISTER came out Mstr. Well, W/we both adored it so much that that became His name, and the card is still on the fridge. It has also become His monogram which is sewn onto His golf shoes ^_^. 

Which brings me to today's story. Before MstrJ there were a few significant others in my life. I do not think she has any memory of two of them (Thank Fuck) but she apparently has some conscious memory of one. A few weeks before I came back for the summer I received an email from that significant person. I was reading it beside her when she looked over and she lost her ever living mind at me. "Is that NAME?" "Yes. I didn't know you remembered him" (she cut me off mid sentence) "Does MstrJ know?! MOM I'm telling Him! Give me the phone!" (I bust out laughing) "Baby, yes, MstrJ knows, actually I introduced them and W/we are all in a group chat together." (she was huffy and crossing her arms and just visually perturbed) So I opened the chat I have with MstrJ and opened a voice message and proceeded to greet Him and tell Him that O/our kiddo would not be calm until she made SURE that He knew I was conversing with *other person* and that it was okay with Him and that I was not irrevocably messing up our lives. Could He please confirm for her that it was okay." Then I sent it and showed her that the grey check marks meant that it had been sent. Then I let her keep the phone in her hands until she saw the checkmarks turn blue indicating that He had seen it. Then the angel girl took the phone to her room until she read what He sent telling her that it was completely okay. 

THAT right there is freaking gold. I love that my kiddo loves Him and U/us so much that she would go to such lengths to be sure that it's safeguarded, even from me. 

Now, that night He and I had a conversation with her while she was wrapped tightly in my arms. W/we explained that one of the promises He has made me is that even of something completely unforeseen happens and He exits the relationship with me, He will never exit her life. He has promised me that He will maintain that relationship with her in whatever capacity He can. She broke down crying and then visibly relaxed. I had no idea that she was holding that fear/worry. No parent who has had a divorce or been through significant relationships that have ended WANT to create abandonment issues in their kids. I'd like to take a moment to shoutout to all the D types who step up to the bat and actively work to prevent it. The D types who stand up to the challenge of being a good fill in parent; pills, bills, and everything in between. Y'all deserve recognition and a round of applause. Especially ones who never intended to have kids of their own, but decided that they could manage that responsibility and understand the privilege but also depth of what that means. 

Thank You for creating such a strong bond with "Big Girl". Thank You for being the most amazing Man I've ever known. Thank You for helping me parent her and show her what honest and healthy communication looks like. Thank You for helping me ease that fear I did not know was there. 

I love that she apparently thinks she loves You even more than I do. <3 I'll accept that. 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iKMBhWNijDY

PS... this would be Him ^_^ He's 100% do this. 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DkAb1fQpuMM

~His slaveMikayla

I'm from a relatively developed country where life is pretty stable and easy. 

I live in a very different situation in a country where life is not stable, and nothing is easy. 

Every summer I get to rejoin life in a "stable" country with Him...

It's bizarre moving back and forth between the two. Apparently I'm pretty mailable as far as what I can handle goes, which is bizarre because I would have said that change is hard for me. 

One of the things I LOVE is the ability to come and "make a Home" here. This morning as I was going about my cleaning I had the following thought: 

Give me an old ratty t-shirt and some water and I'll have the house spic and span inside of 24 hours. THANK YOU 3rd world cleaning skills! 

... but give me 1st world cleaning products and I swear to God I'll happily spend 10 hours a day cleaning house and still manage to find things to do in a week! ^__^

Things I'm immensely grateful for at the moment: 

windows that close and keep out the dust

SWIFFER! fuck Iove you Swiffer!

Easy Off oven spray <3

"Steel wool" that doesnt cut my hands to shreds

self checkout lines

the little white rags that I can wash... and a washing machine that is reliable! omfg I love the washing machine. 

dish soap that is kind to my hands and still gets the job done. 

Shower doors that keep the water *inside*

GRASS (and even the lawnmower to cut it!)

the crockpot. I could write a poem to a crockpot I swear to God. 

Rice cookers are freaking magic. 

Costco... I can not words how much I love Costco

Central heating and air... you do not appreciate your life if you have not understood what life is without them and most importantly THE AIR FILERS RELATED. 

Windows that let light in....

Reliable power without rolling power outages.

Sidewalks. 

Paved streets. 

Bikes outside. 

vegetable gardens with actual dirt... brown/black dirt. 

Insect sound and birdsong. 

Gophers. I'm sorry I adore them. I get that they are considered a nuisance, but I adore them.

The rain. 

Clouds. 

The mountains... and rivers and the sound of moving water. 

My breadmaker which I have YET to make anything even remotely good in... but I will manage! 

CARPETS! 

Family. 

I am sitting here writing that list with tears of gratitude. 

I love my life. I love my work. I love my kiddo. I would give anything for this to be our life *always*... for her to get to understand that this life exists too. For now I have to look at the kids' wet socks hanging on the fence of the community playground... the bikes resting in the grass, and watch the kiddos who would be her friends and thank God for giving me a Master who is patient enough to wait for this to be forever. Who loves her and us both enough to find the patience. Thank You for having the patience to wait for forever.... You are the greatest gift in my life. I swear I will never ever take all of this for granted. 

~His slaveMikayla

Sooooo as promised this is before and after at the 48 hour mark. There is still swelling to go down, but I have to say that is a hell of a difference! 

His slaveMikayla

https://ibb.co/rc3WxcR  <<< before

https://ibb.co/cgkVsJy  <<< after

^ had to be done. No apologies. 

Ok, so I know I went quiet about two weeks ago, that was right about the time that the school year was wrapping up (read busy to the extreme) and also right when He and I agreed that I'd take the step I took yesterday. 

So a bit of background for those who may not be familiar with MstrJ and my dynamic... W/we are a long distance TPE M/s couple. W/we have been together for over 4 years now. One of the most common questions W/we get revolves around the concept of how can we be TPE or even M/s while living literally halfway around the globe. Yes, O/our dynamic is a bit more complicated and takes some finessing differently than it would if W/we lived in the same space 24/7. W/we both wish W/we did, and W/we look forward to when W/we will... but it is a sacrifice that W/we both make for very necessary reasons. 

Yesterday was the first *serious* step in a line of steps that W/we have been discussing and working towards for years now. For myself, I'm a slave, what makes me so is that my absolute driving desire is to be of use and of pleasure in every way possible. There is no part of who I am or what I do that is outside the realm of His control *if and when and how He desires.* That's an important distinction, because if W/we defined it such that He micromanages every single action every single minute of the day, then nope, THAT is not possible halfway around the world. 

What it looks like on an everyday basis is W/we talk through the day and all foreseeable things in advance. I know what it is He expects of me at home, at work, and with regard to O/our daughter. If things go sideways I understand in which circumstances I'm to make my best judgment call and when I'm supposed to pause and contact Him for decision making/directive. If I get it wrong in the moment, that is okay... it's a learning opportunity for next time. You better believe I don't get it wrong a second time though! 

That brings us to long term goals and plans... those are all His jurisdiction. He gives me the map or sometimes just one step in advance and I do my utmost to follow it. One of the maps W/we are following brings us into another area of O/our preferred dynamic. I also enjoy the concept that He is helping make me into His physical ideal. I mean I'd be hard pressed to find a slave who, when asked, would not want to be her Master's absolute ideal in every way. It just seems logical to me. So for years now W/we have been working on my physical health. I've lost over 70lbs (and gained a bit back), I've become much more physically fit (but I'm not anywhere near "done"). I've gotten braces on my lower teeth. I keep my nails to the length and shape He prefers. I do not cut my hair because He far prefers it long (long enough to use as a leash if desired). At one point I lost too much weight and it affected my behind in a way He did not prefer, so some was gained back to round that back out. The point of this is to say W/we are now moving into the more "serious" /tangible aspects of that map. It's exciting... it's terrifying... it's fucking painful... and it's so incredibly worth it. 

Last year there was a day I went to school dressed in a new floor length gown and a student of mine stood looking at me in absolute awe. Her chin on the ground and she exclaimed Miss Mikayla, you look like a PRINCESS! Now... what I realized in that moment is that THAT is the exact look I hope to be on His face someday. It's a ways away. 

On the map is likely: I am going to need some surgery to fix loose skin from weight loss. I definitely need and want to get my boobs fixed. I was at one time a 38 HHH. Now I'm a 32 DDD. That amount of weight and the weight loss have not done fantastic things, add to it that I'm a mom of two and definitely nursed both of my kids for years... so yep that needs to be handled. 

Some Men would look at all of that and walk away looking for their ready made insert label here. MstrJ however, has decided that who I am as a person, as a slave, as a mother, as a teacher, as a human, and as His property is far FAR more impossible to find, teach, or replicate... and the other things can and will be altered so that He ends up with the "whole package". I could not be more grateful. Yes, I am generally pleased with how I look, but for me it is most rewarding to "do hard thing for the sake of my Person, my Master." Yesterday was incredibly difficult. I'm terrified of needles, so the two weeks after W/we decided this would be done was nerve wracking! I was certainly a bundle of nerves and I was researching all the time. Yesterday pretty much all I could do was pace. 

He had to work, sadly, which meant He gave me a pep talk on the way out the door and kept tabs on me throughout the day. I wore a shirt He bought me, the bra He bought me, the pants He provided... the shoes He sent me back with last time... and His cologne. I also took my bear in my bag. Sitting there I had the book I've been reading which is His family's autobiographical novel about immigrating to the US. I sat in the waiting room reading the novel His mom edited for His great grandmother about HER mother and father. No, it was not pleasant. Yes, it hurt like a bitch. Yes, I cried. Yes, I nearly tapped out when the doc hit two very deep spaces that were NOT numbed. Yes, last night was terrible and this morning was no better... but it's getting better now. However hearing Him tell me how grateful He is and how proud of me He is that I'm willing to walk through these spaces to please Him in this way... <3 THAT is where my slave heart finds joy. I HOPE that the end result is what He envisioned. W/we won't know for a bit yet. I go back to the doc next Thursday and Master will decide if W/we get the other half of the syringe or not... Yes, part of me prays to everything holy that the half W/we did is enough. I fucking do not want to do that again! I hate needles... but if He decides that W/we need to finish it then that is what W/we will do. I definitely think that this cemented for me that I'd personally prefer to do the surgeries where He is... or at the very least have Him here to help me in the beginning... but that is a decision He will make when the time comes. 

Until then I'm holding on to two mental pictures: #1 hoping that He looks at me the way my student did when all is said and done... 

#2 hoping that in 12 days He really enjoy the look of my new and improved lips being very busy ... *cough* *wink* 

~His slaveMikayla

https://youtube.com/shorts/UqiLGiJnTOo?si=g38-UcAdeCcYaxKY

So this is going to be unusually brief, but I'm about to walk out the door. Today is a big step for me, might be relatively minor for a lot of people, but for me, it's huge. 

Today is the first day of summer vacation WHOOHOO! Another year down in the books. It's been a fantastic year. Not the topic today though. 

Today marks 13 days till I'm on a plane.... and the first step towards making relatively real permanent physical changes with MstrJ in mind. 

So I turn 40 in two weeks, and I'd said for a long time that I fully intended to give myself a very specific birthday present in the form of fixing some physical issues that year. 

Nope, today is not the day I get my mom boobs fixed. That's still a ways down the line... but I AM having my first forray into any form of plastic anything. I'm excited. I'm terrified. I'm losing my mind. I HATE needles. I love Him with every fiber of my being. Soooooo last year I got braces and fixed my lower teeth (my uppers are already gorgeous.) I love my eyes, they are beautiful. I am lucky I really don't have that many wrinkles and certainly nothing I'd worry about fixing. I have an adorable nose and beautiful cheek bones. So long as I keep up with my bike my jaw line and neck are really pretty. ^__^ However, honestly I have itty bitty lips and a tiny mouth which do suit me, but as I get older my lips seem to get smaller and smaller. Sooooooo today I'm going to go get lip filler. I'm excited. I'm fucking terrified. 

I used to have a literal phobia of needles which I got over with pregnancy. I used to sit for bloodwork saying aloud "I love my son I love my son I love my son" to manage to have the needed tests. So today I'm going to sit there and mentally say "I love my Master I love my Master I love my Master" and pray the entire damn time that it comes out well. 

Wish me luck! See y'all on the other side! 

13 days and counting till home!!! 

(and looking forward to *cough* well... hopefully added bonuses 😉 )

His slaveMikayla

Update:

Got home an hour ago but it took this long to be able to be functional. Holy crap that hurt. It was an interesting sense of camaraderie in the place. Most places you go here people don't exactly *talk*... but in this office sitting there I had more "real" conversations with women than I've ever had here. It was really interesting. The procedure itself was really really painful, I'll be honest. I legit cried and almost tapped out at the end. The positive side is the clinic itself was very clean and I'm 100% sure that what was being used was real and safe (which could be iffy here, so that's worth it even if the doc himself may need some updating on his technique cause good lord. )

So I was only able to get half a syringe in this time because my lips are so tiny. I think I watched him evaluate the feasibility of mine *at all* in the beginning. So I go back in a week to get the rest done. 

Those words have been said to me soooo many times and with sooo many different connotations. My mother used to tell me often how beautiful I was when I cried... then several boyfriends... yes an ex D type or three... but the one person who has never said it is MstrJ; and fuck I love Him for it. 

36 days! 

MstrJ and I have been talking about tears for the last few days under the context of sincerity, emotion, and the types of Sadism. The specifics of the conversation will not be shared here, but I will share here that one of the most powerful moments in O/our relationship for HIM came early on when I came to Him crying out of sincere contrition over a wrong I had done Him. I had not overstepped intentionally, and He completely understands now where my heart and mind were at; but apparently it was one of the most powerful moments for Him. 

Tonight I cried very different tears, having nothing to do with Him, but only He could hold me and make it okay. Nothing can ever make it "right" but half a world away He cuddled the stuffed dog which has been in my family for over 100 years (it was my grandmother's). He went to His room, got it off His bed, and wrapped His arms around it as a surrogate for me. I buried my head into the pillow I have from His bed and sobbed and felt very very held. Thank You for all of the ways You hold space for me. Thank you for allowing me to see all of You. Thank You for trusting me. Thank You for giving a shit about things that hurt me, things that predate You. Thank You for never being annoyed with me when I have to bring those hurts to You. 

I can't wait to be home to be in Your arms. <3 

His slaveMikayla

https://centralwestnest.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/tear.jpg

38!!!

I am definitely a strange one.... one of my favorite surprises is the time MstrJ took me out to Drumheller to see the Royal Tyrell Museum which houses a whole slew of fossils! 

I don't know how many of you would volunteer to spend the day running around a museum or science center and actually stopping to read all of the signs... but for me, it's great fun! 

After W/we spent hours walking around the museum W/we went for a hike up into the nearby Coulis. 

https://explorenorthblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/drum-1494.jpg

One of the most interesting moments was coming down. Trusting Him to find the best path down, because I had NO idea how W/we would manage. 

I love all the ways You allow me to explore and enjoy a sense of wonder and excitement with learning. You know that is a surefire way to my heart <3 

Thank You for all the ways W/we spend time. 

His slaveMikayla

UNDER 40!!!

39!!!

https://i.pinimg.com/550x/72/3d/5b/723d5bd5f50e3dd1b5e9896e0bcf5fe8.jpg

Most of the results of Covid were terrible, no one can argue that. HOWEVER, one unexpected benefit of Covid was the ability to engage in a very specific type of discrete public play that would, otherwise, not have happened. 

A longstanding fantasy of mine had revolved around MstrJ meeting me at the airport with a bag. What was in the bag did not matter to me at all, just a bag of whatever He desired. My job when I got to the airport was to go to the washroom and change into whatever was *in* the bag. Having no forewarding to time to mentally prepare. Now, I'm neurodivergent. Handling "surprises" is NOT something I typically enjoy. Part of this was a trust exercise. Part of it was to get me out of my logical headspace and into an altered one. 

Last winter (2022) when I went to visit Him, He definitely liked that idea and agreed that that would be a ton of fun. So when He met me at the airport in the evening (that detail is important) He did indeed have a bag. Most of the items in the bag were actually things I'd picked out with Him and had sent before my arrival for winter. I have soft longjohns, snow pants, a very warm jacket, a sweater, a hat, scarf, and mittens set, warm socks and snowboots... but what was in the bag I did NOT know about were some interesting toys! I did not look at anything in the bag until I was sent to the washroom with my bag. 

When I arrived in the bathroom I found 3 toys waiting at the bottom. #1 a plug (ok that's doable) 

#2 made me sqwee with happy... (it has now become my favorite toy of all time), it was a remote control vibrator 

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71mrhVNF5RL._AC_SX679_.jpg

Side note: HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!! This version has a phone app that does this???? *Looks at Him pleadingly* 0____0 

ok where were we... oh yes! and then the star of today's blog... 

#3. Now... when I SAW #3 I had some feelings. They went something like this OMGWTF,SD CKQNCQCMNQKNFK1FKLJBBFJF1JKBFEJBWHATHTEFUCKAM IGOINGTODOWITH THAT???? (My brain kinda melted and malfunctioned a bit. Then I focused on getting all the way dressed with the rest and then looked at #3 took a deep breath and put it where it belonged. Promptly put my hat and scarf on... took a look in the mirror to be sure that nothing was obvious and proceeded out of the washroom. 

What WAS #3 I hear you asking..

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61lqad+Lt5L._AC_SX679_.jpg

Two things became readily apparent #1 my glasses had to come off, they were fogging up so badly I could not see. 

Secondly, drool was going to be a PROBLEM. I was very grateful for the scarf I was wearing or it would have been VERY clear to anyone around. 

MstrJ checked in repeatedly as I got to Him, as W/we walked out to the van, as He helped me handle my seatbelt, as W/we drove... "are you ok?" "still green?" *nods nods*

On the way home He decided to stop U/us at Costco to grab a few things. As W/we walked in I grabbed the cart. W/we were halfway across the crosswalk when H/he hit the remote in His pocket. I am 100% sure that I screamed/moaned/jumped whatever. I sure as hell reacted. I gripped the cart and kept walking. He put His arm around my waist and grinned down at me. I think the mask was a blessing at that point or my face would have given the game away. He showed His membership card and W/we walked in. I was grateful to be out of the cold as I'd by now discovered problem #3 the cold + droool = fffffuuuuuucccckkkkkk that's cold! 

He was having a time playing with the remote and I was grateful that He was actually steering me, because I was absolutely incapable of any rational thought or decision making. At one point I was simply hanging onto the cart for dear life as I lost all composure. He had steered us to the side wall of the store and luckily no one was around when I literally had to stand still and lean against Him hands gripping the cart for dear life begging absolutely incoherently due to the gag to be allowed to cum. 

So now, looking back, this specific series of events is my #2 favorite "scene" of all time. I believe that the gag was instrumental in achieving that for me, and that would not have been possible without Covid. ^__^ look for the bright side, or at least make the most of interesting situations, eh?

my Everything, I miss You more than words can say. Thank You for all of the ways that You drive me crazy in the best ways. Thank You for listening to my own desires every bit as much as Yours.  adore Your creativity. I adore Your mentality. I can not wait to get home to You to see what this summer brings! 

His slaveMikayla

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FUnw6AYaUAIhIcF?format=jpg&name=4096x4096

I'm sorry... this just happened.... 

When you use google to translate some apparently creative menu items... 

https://i.imgur.com/1sQ03e0.png

I'm a WHAT now??? Pretty sure we can serve that here ROFL

~His slave Mikayla~