Aloha,
WHEW, that was a heck of a rollercoaster in the very best of ways!
I've just gotten back from my 12 days with my Master and the much needed reconnection. This trip was, yes, vacation, but very much a working vacation. This trip is the first time W/we have been back to my home state since O/our first meeting face to face 4 years ago. It was a really interesting opportunity to measure how much W/we have grown since then. That first trip was very much a moment to determine if expectations met reality, and if what W/we HOPED for would work out in practicality (clearly, the answer was YES). Wwe have met 2-3 times a year since that first meeting so clearly a lot has changed in that time. Every time has a different focus and purpose, this time was the most *important* thusfar. Going into this visit He had various plans... and I had various plans. All things were communicated clearly... but still, there was a moment about a week in when He turned to me and said something to the tune of "Gosh, I really haven't even gotten to doing my "job" this time!" ... to which I stopped, full body turned and faced Him and said much more directly and seriously than I normally would "Excuse me?... Try that again!" Now before everyone flips a gasket... sometimes that kind of communication which flies in the face of expected and typical protocol can be warranted and EFFECTIVE. This is one such case. Hear me out.
Going into this trip the purpose on one hand was to give me a space to try and come to terms with my aging and ill mother. We have a hell of a long and complicated history and things have been incredibly tense. She was slipping into unstable places mentally and has been touch and go physically. To put it bluntly, He took me home to make peace and say goodbye.
The second major purpose of the trip was to help me solve some very real legal obstacles in my life. I am by no means a damsel in distress, and I'm quite capable of solving my problems... most days. That is except where it comes to LEGAL things. I have huge trauma and fear surrounding anything to do with legal paperwork. I have had a few huge obstacles which have held me back and I've been unable to solve. I needed to go to two separate government offices to #1 get an official copy of a specific order and then take that along with other paperwork to a major government office and submit them to resolve another issue.
Then He had other "work" planned. W/we have been working on our Ds dynamic in relation to training in specific skills. He does the work to determine areas of my life or His life which could be improved and then does the work to implement a plan to help me improve my skill (or whatever applicable verb) in that area. W/we exercise together, W/we meditate together, W/we cook together etc etc etc.
So at the moment that He communicated He had yet to begin "the work" he was expressing that He had been "enjoying" our time together (cooking, good food and drinks, playing at the waterpark, going to golf with me as caddie, watching shows, massage, relationship physical bonding etc) and had not really had the chance to implement the "training" He has envisioned. True, THAT had not happened... but here is why I stopped Him physically got in front of Him eye level and unequivocally challenged this statement...
"I have not even begun the WORK." ......... THAT is not the WORK. Yes, it is important... but it is NOT THE WORK....
So my follow up I will share here for anyone else who might need this reality check.
The WORK of the Master is not the training, the correction, the redirection. Yes, that is part of it... but it is NOT "The work".
The work, my Beloved Master is helping me face the things I can not face alone. The Work is taking your personal hard earned vacation time to dedicate to walking beside me into these very difficult emotional spaces and not leaving me to handle it alone. The WORK was deciding to do that without ever being asked. The WORK was holding my hand and being patient with me while I mentally prepared myself for coming to say goodbye to my mother. The WORK was driving me to the hospital and physically holding my hand and helping me breathe and center myself before walking in that door to whatever awaited. The WORK was waiting patiently outside, but within earshot where I KNEW I was not alone, but her privacy was respected. The WORK was wrapping Your arms around me when I got outside and telling me until I could hear it that I had done a good job. The WORK was being the witness to my life so that later on when I question myself I have You to remind me. The WORK was helping me remain emotionally stable to then, immediately, pivot to handling the other obstacles.
The WORK was being my emotional rock to walk into a space where you saw, for the first time, Your very strong girl on the verge of an anxiety meltdown. You knew it happens, but you have NEVER seen me physically tremble simply at the sight of a building. The WORK was the fact that in that moment, I could physically rest myself into You and begin to breathe and know that I was NOT ALONE. I had a moment of quiet tears rolling down my face at the immenseness of that. For the first time I was NOT ALONE. Everyone before you deserted me in that moment. Every freaking one. Not You. You came. You flew to me, literally. You took your VACATION to OPT to use your time and money just to come and hold my hand. THAT IS THE WORK. Because You did this Work for the first time I could STOP shaking. I could face this issue. I got the paper and walked out of that office and never ever have to walk in there again. (and You pointed out with a smile... until W//we come to apply for a very different license... soon.)
But that's not all the Work You did... oh no... then You walked me into an even SCARIER space where You would never have recognized me or believed it if someone told you. If someone told You that I could be rendered completely speechless and cowed by a unifrom and a snapped word You would never have believed it... but You saw it. Then, You stepped in. You immediately moved to solve the issue and stood behind me literally, directly behind my back so that I could not would not move... You physically supported me until I found the needed words to walk into the building past that very imposing obstacle.... you held my hand the whole time until I stopped shaking and within an hour Wwe stood outside and acknowledged that every single obstacle which has stood in front of me is now gone.
Had You not done all of this WORK... it would not have happened. Let's be real... I had not solved these 3 legal issues in 17 years. These same 3 issues have existed for damn near half of my life. I was NEVER going to face them. I couldn't. I had no way. I could not logistically solve them, and the emotional content of them combined with the logistical issues made them TOO BIG. If not for You, they would never have honestly been solved. Because of You there are no more obstacles, only time.
None of that was easy on You, but that's THE WORK. That's what I, s a submissive, get out of this. I get to admit when something is truly "too big, too scary" for me to handle and then I get to ask for help. Yes, You get to decide if You will or will not, and prioritize things... and that is the Work You did. You decided that these things needed to be resolved NOW. That they had held power over my wellbeing and future for far too long. You decided to take Your time and money as well as your physical and emotional energy and you did the work of helping me change my literal life. Thank You for doing THE WORK.
Many times over the years He has said to me and on here that I have changed His life, that He would not be the Man He is without my help... but in the moment standing outside that second office I explained "W/we're even. I accept that that is true. I've done good and well by and for You... but as of right now W/we are even. You have changed my life. You have helped remove every roadblock in my way and it would never ever have happened. That's a fact." Thank You is not enough. I don't have the words...
The trip ended with a very important moment in my mother's long term care room.... a question He asked her... and a response she gave Him....
No, the Work is never done, but I'm looking forward to both of U/us continuing to do "The Work" here on out. Forever, one day at a time, for as long as the love shall last.
~To all of the D types who do the REAL Work... Thank you, from all of us who need that support, care, and guidance.
His grateful and loyal slave,
Mikayla; Faith