How To Be A Dom

Everyone who begins the consensual slavery path starts as a blank slate. At some point, you learn enough to want to do this. This is true whether you want to be an owner or a slave. Exactly how this happens for each person is not something that can be dealt with here. There are too many variables and differences among people. What this can do is help you progress from nothing to something.

​Most people find out about the real possibilities of consensual slavery through several sources. The most common ways are books, from the Gor Chronicles to Harlequin romances, movies, reading history, BDSM or other porn, internet searches, websites, or online sites such as SecondLife, someone you meet or know who is involved, or someone who wants to own you or to be owned by you. Any list that can be made can never include everything possible. Everyone has their own reasons for doing this and their own path to their starting point. Even that starting point will be different for different people.

​Now you are at the point where you want to begin. How do you do it? How do you learn what you need to learn to train a slave or learn to be a consensual slave? Many will say that the slave doesn't need to know anything; they only need to obey and learn what their trainer or owner wants to teach them. While it can work that way, it is better if the potential slave also knows what is happening at least to some extent, and more importantly, why it is happening. That way, she can work with and not against the enslavement.

​The owner or trainer, on the other hand, really does need to know as much as they can, and the more experience they have, the better. How does someone gain that experience when they are starting from scratch? Read, research, watch, and talk to others, find a mentor, find someone to work or practice with, and of course, the ever-popular, get a slave and then figure out what to do. Regretfully, the last is what most do. It also produces the worst results in most cases.

​You are obviously reading and researching, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. As I stated in the beginning, the information here is not sufficient by itself to train a slave, but it will give you a start and a better one than many have had. The best way to get experience is to have someone, or better, several people, who are experienced mentor you learning to teach you and own a slave. They can give you both practical and theoretical knowledge, and sometimes someone to work with as a slave. In some of the Leather traditions, a person spends time first as a slave before they are allowed to own another. In others, such as Gorean or Odalisque traditions, this rarely happens. In general, non-traditional BDSM consensual slavery, anything can happen as far as how to learn. Whether you should serve before you own or not, it is totally freeform and up to the people involved. This is also where much that is called slavery isn't really consensual slavery, but D/s with titles. These relationships tend to last less than many of the other ones that come from some tradition. I believe the reason for that is that everything is made up for each person, and there is nothing beyond the specific relationship to draw from. That is my opinion; I don't have any other than anecdotal evidence to support this.

​You can read and research. Several books are available on BDSM techniques, slavery, and how people do or have done it. There are even a few on specialty subjects within the consensual enslavement/slavery envelope. Many of them are available on Amazon. Others are available directly from the authors or other book and eBook outlets. You will find that many of them are books about how the author does things or had things done to them. What most seem to lack is why things are done and what the internal mechanisms are. I am trying to change that.

The more you read, the more you learn, and the more tools you have at your disposal. However, you will also read a lot of things that may not work for you or don't apply to you, and what you want to do. You will also find general tips on how others do things that are worth looking into in case you find a need or use for them later. One book I read has a large section on formal dining, place settings, and serving. If you don't do formal dinners, or have never done one, it is interesting reading, and you may find it useful someday, even though it is not something you will teach a slave or require them to learn.

​The more reading and research you do, the more you will find conflicting messages and techniques. You will also find very similar ones. Which ones are right? Which ones are wrong? The answer is, anything could be either for you. In the end, only the person doing the training can decide what they will use, either from sources or tools.

​What sources do you use? There are many possibilities. There are books about consensual enslavement. There are websites about it, from serious training sites to the much more common porn sites. The best of which is by kink.com. Of their sites, I can only recommend two for study. "The Training of O” and “The Upper Room” sites have some useful techniques, but you do have to remember that in the first and many in the second, everyone involved are paid performer and they reshoot scenes that don't work right the first time.

The only exceptions to the reshooting are the videos that are shot as one scene or obviously in one session. Remember that kink.com’s emphasis is training sex and pain slaves and uses many humiliation techniques in doing so. Portions of what they do, such as some of kink's training techniques for the Upper Room, do have usage in consensual enslavement when you leave out most of the pain and humiliation, and some of the sexual ones as well. The rest can be useful, and you will see some of them in other sources.

​There also exist websites that will sell you complete slave training manuals. I have never looked at what they offer because I did not assume they would be worth the money. Maybe someday I will spend the money on it, but I doubt it. There are also training seminars, both paid and at BDSM events, where you can learn about consensual enslavement, consensual slavery, and training. From the class information I have seen, most will teach you BDSM techniques, some consensual enslavement ones, and they will be talking about how someone else does it, not why something works.

​You do not gain direct experience by reading and researching. What you gain is the knowledge to make fewer mistakes, to learn faster, and to do better when you do this with someone else.

​Previously, I mentioned having someone mentor or teach you as a way to gain experience. This works very well if you can observe how they do things in practice or if they have someone you can work with in situations of more and more control. This shades into finding someone you can effectively practice with before you own. This is done quite often in BDSM classes where they are teaching techniques with their toys and various play activities.

​For the sake of a clear example, I will use one of the more common BDSM toys, a flogger, and then show how practice with it relates to consensual slavery practice. Many people buy a flogger, then immediately want to use it on someone.

It does help if someone shows you how to use it first, how hard to hit, and how to control the strike and the force of the blows. Many people have recommended hitting pillows or chair backs for a while to practice throwing the blow and controlling the force before you ever use it on another person. Speaking as someone who spent decades in a sword based martial art thawing very similar blows, practicing before you hit someone is a very good thing.

The other option is if you have someone who will let you use their toys and practice on their sub to learn how to use the flogger. That is how I was first introduced to using one. It is not the best way to use a flogger, but it is an example of ways you would learn how to manage a slave and eventually train one by being even a small part of a slave's training.

​So, how do you become a part of another slave's training so you can learn to train your own slave?

Restraints are used to limit something, usually something physical, such as movement or range of movement. There is also a psychological effect to such a limitation. It can also be a command limiting something without the physical component. For this tool, Bondage and restraints are not the same thing.

Restraints only limit, while bondage is rope work, which is tying fancy knots and designs on someone, as well as tying someone up just for the pleasure of the one doing the tying, or for the enjoyment of the one being tied up. I consider it to be bondage in this context. An example being Shibari. Valid arguments can be made that restraints are a type of bondage and that bondage is a type of restraint. I can make both of those. For this tool, it just means limiting something of someone either physically or psychologically. Although Bondage can also be a tool in certain situations.

​One of the primary things a slave gives up is Control. This means control of their body and their actions and activities. Restraints are a tangible example and reminder of those limits. That can mean immobilizing or just limiting. It can be for a limited time or a long duration. Slaves can be kept in restraints for hours, days, or even longer. Whether it can or should be done depends on too many factors to discuss here.

That is a judgment call of the slave's Master or Owner. The restraints can be just wrists or ankles or both, or it can be a tether limiting the distance from a specific place that the slave can move. It can also include leashes or anything physical that puts a limit on the slave's movements.

​Restraints can also be psychological and tie into other tools. Limitations on clothing or Nudity are psychological restraints. So are commands to stay in a specific place or location. They are also tools in and of themselves. Most tools interact with or have more than one effect or usage.

​Why should we use restraints? The obvious reasons are the psychological ones of the slave knowing that they are controlled by someone else. Their limits are tangible, and it is an ongoing reminder of that control. They work as a tool of Enslavement and Reinforcement. Also, restraints can increase feelings of mastery and control in the slave's Master. Some also find it arousing or sexy.

​What are the reasons not to use restraints? They share similar concerns that bondage play and Shibari have built into them. There can be physical dangers, such as restricted breathing, lack of circulation, and the inability to remove the restraints quickly in an emergency. Depending on the type, location, or tightness of the restraints, I believe the dangers are not as severe with restraints as with bondage.

For example, if you handcuff someone's hands in front of them, the risk to their breathing is, for almost everyone, almost nonexistent. While something could happen, it is not probable. However, cutting off circulation is a serious concern with restraints. The tightness of the restraints can be a problem. Depending on what is used and how tight it is. Using the handcuff example, if the cuffs are not as tight as possible, or leather or other types of cuffs are used, the circulation is less restricted, and the problem can be mitigated even though it is not entirely removed. In those cases, there does not need to be constant supervision as with some types of bondage, but it is still a good idea to check the restraints and the person in the restraints repeatedly.

Lastly, how difficult is it for the slave to evacuate wherever they are if they are restrained? It is not a great difficulty to escape to safety in case of an emergency like fire while wearing handcuffs, but if someone is tethered to a specific location or locked in a cage, it would be. If there is a way for the person to get free, once again, the danger is somewhat mitigated but not removed.

​My personal method of mitigating many of these concerns is to use Sport Cuffs for longer-term restraints. They are Neoprene cuffs held on by Velcro. It is up to the slave to obey the command not to remove them except in an emergency, and they can be literally worn for hours or even a few days without constriction or danger. Also, the slave can remove them in a few seconds, thus escape is immediately available in case of an emergency. True lockable restraints are much more psychologically effective as a tool, but the risk/benefit analysis must be done to decide when it is best to use them, in what situations, and for how long. That decision has to be made by each Master or Owner, as no one else can make it for them.

​Using the restraints tool is an excellent beginning to the enslavement process. This is especially true of keeping someone in them over longer periods of time when practical. They can be used later as reinforcement of enslavement or as punishment, depending on how they are used in the beginning and how the slave responds to being restrained. Different forms of restraints can be used for different purposes, and tools can always be repurposed if you do so with intent and knowledge.

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There's no single “right way” to have a Dom-Sub relationship. Just like any relationship, it takes on many forms, each tailored to the unique desires and personalities of those involved. Here are a few common dynamics:

The Master and Slave: In this relationship, the Dom takes complete control over the Sub's daily life, often beyond just the bedroom. It's one of the more intense forms of power exchange.

The Owner and Pet: A more playful dynamic where the Sub takes on the role of a 'pet' cared for by the Dom. This relationship can emphasize affection and fun as much as control.

Daddy and Little (DDLG): The Dom, known as the 'Daddy,' provides a nurturing and protective role, while the 'Little' Sub expresses a more childlike or youthful persona. This dynamic focuses on care and emotional support.
These types of relationships vary widely, and the labels aren't what's important—what matters is the mutual agreement and understanding of roles. Each couple defines its own rules and boundaries, making sure both parties feel comfortable with the dynamic they create together.

The Dom – Traits and Roles

In a Dom-Sub relationship, the Dom holds a position of authority, but that doesn't mean they're controlling negatively. A healthy Dom is someone who guides and protects their Sub, ensuring their emotional and physical well-being at all times. Leadership, empathy, and responsibility define a great Dom, rather than sheer dominance for the sake of power.

One of the Dom's primary roles is to create structure. This involves setting clear boundaries, rules, and expectations, which both parties agree upon. However, this dynamic requires constant awareness. The Dom needs to ensure their Sub's needs are being met and that the power exchange remains consensual at every step. The moment consent is violated, the relationship shifts from healthy to harmful.

Author and psychologist Esther Perel, in her book “Mating in Captivity,” suggests that "true power doesn't come from dominance, but from the willingness to understand another's vulnerabilities and care for them." This couldn't be truer in Dom-Sub relationships. A Dom has to be incredibly attuned to their Sub's emotional state, making their role far more complex than simply 'being in charge.'

The Sub – Traits and Roles

The Sub in a Dom-Sub relationship may take on a submissive role, but it's important to remember that they hold just as much power in the dynamic. Submissives are often misunderstood, with people assuming they are weak or lack independence. In reality, subs are choosing to relinquish control, and that decision requires an immense amount of trust and strength.

A sub's primary trait is their willingness to surrender control within the framework of boundaries they've set with their Dom. This doesn't mean they are without autonomy. On the contrary, the Sub exercises their power by establishing clear limits and communicating them to the Dom.

In this relationship, vulnerability is often a key part of the Sub's role. They may expose parts of themselves emotionally or physically that they wouldn't in other settings. This vulnerability, however, is a form of courage, and it plays a big part in deepening the connection between partners. Mutual respect and safety create an environment where the Sub can thrive, exploring desires while still feeling protected.

Common Misconceptions of Dom-Sub Relationships

When it comes to Dom-Sub relationships, there are plenty of misconceptions, often fueled by misunderstanding or cultural stigma. One of the biggest myths is that Dom-Sub relationships are inherently unhealthy. People often assume that these dynamics encourage abuse or exploitation, but that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, healthy Dom-Sub relationships are based on mutual consent, clear communication, and deep trust. The power exchange happens only when both partners agree on the rules, making it a respectful partnership, not a harmful one.

Another common belief is that Dom-Sub relationships are misogynistic, especially when the Dom is male and the Sub is female. This perspective ignores the reality that many women choose to be in the dominant role, and many men prefer being submissive. Gender doesn't define the roles, and it's essential to understand that anyone can be a Dom or a Sub, regardless of societal gender norms. Additionally, the idea that Dom-Sub relationships are dangerous often arises from a lack of understanding of the strict boundaries and safety practices that are in place.

These relationships are also often confused with abusive relationships, but a key distinction is the emphasis on safety, consent, and mutual care. Boundaries are drawn clearly from the outset, and both partners can halt any situation if they feel uncomfortable. A “safe word” is commonly used in these dynamics to immediately stop any activity, ensuring that both partners feel in control and are able to communicate their needs.

Benefits of Dom-Sub Relationships

Contrary to popular belief, Dom-Sub relationships can actually bring a host of benefits for the individuals involved. First and foremost, they improve intimacy. By engaging in a dynamic that involves trust, communication, and vulnerability, couples often feel more connected than ever. When both partners fully understand each other's boundaries, needs, and desires, a unique bond is formed. This deep connection enables couples to explore emotional depths they may not have accessed in traditional relationships.

Additionally, Dom-Sub dynamics promote better communication. In any healthy Dom-Sub relationship, clear conversations about expectations, rules, and boundaries are not optional—they're the foundation. Partners in these relationships tend to be highly attuned to each other's needs because the communication is frequent, open, and often ongoing. Learning how to talk about desires, limits, and emotional needs in this setting can improve communication skills in all areas of life.

Another surprising benefit is the reduction of stress. Many individuals find that the structured nature of a Dom-Sub relationship provides them with a sense of security and relief from everyday anxieties. In a world full of chaos, having set rules and roles can be comforting, helping both partners unwind within the framework they've built together.

Research has also shown that these relationships can lead to mental wellness improvements. By having clearly defined roles and knowing that their partner fully supports them, people in Dom-Sub relationships often report feeling more secure and less anxious. The structure helps them feel in control of certain aspects of their emotional and mental health, leading to better overall well-being.

Improves Intimacy and Emotional Connection

At the heart of Dom-Sub relationships lies a unique form of intimacy that can go deeper than in many other relationship types. The power exchange dynamic fosters a heightened emotional connection because it requires both partners to be completely honest about their desires, boundaries, and emotional needs. By laying everything out in the open, partners develop an intense level of trust that can deepen their bond.

When both individuals know they are safe to express their vulnerabilities, it leads to a feeling of security that strengthens the relationship. For many couples, this vulnerability is the key to unlocking a new level of emotional intimacy. As the Dom takes on the role of protector, and the Sub willingly surrenders control, this partnership creates a space where both partners can feel cared for in very specific and personal ways.

The rituals and routines that are part of many Dom-Sub dynamics also contribute to this increased intimacy. Whether it's through daily check-ins or moments of shared physical intimacy, the constant communication and validation strengthen the emotional connection. This dynamic can break down walls, allowing partners to access deeper parts of themselves in ways they might not otherwise experience.

Rules to Remember in Dom-Sub Relationships

1. Just like any relationship, a Dom-Sub dynamic thrives when both partners follow certain guidelines to ensure it remains healthy and fulfilling. First and foremost, communication is the foundation of everything. Discussing desires, limits, and expectations is not just encouraged; it's essential. Without open communication, the relationship can easily fall into misunderstandings or emotional harm. Both partners must be completely transparent about what they want and what they don't want.

2. Trust is another cornerstone. The Sub needs to trust that the Dom has their well-being in mind, while the Dom needs to trust that the Sub will communicate honestly about their needs. This mutual trust ensures that the power exchange remains respectful and consensual. Breaking this trust can be detrimental to the relationship.

3. Another important rule is having a clear understanding of boundaries. Before anything begins, both the Dom and Sub should establish rules that outline what is and isn't acceptable. This creates a safe space for both individuals and prevents any activities that might cause discomfort or harm. A safe word is one of the most commonly used tools to immediately stop any action if one partner feels uncomfortable.

4. Lastly, it's vital to practice empathy and care for each other's emotional states. Dom-Sub relationships can be intense, and emotional highs and lows are part of the experience. Both partners should consistently check in on each other's well-being and be attuned to any signs of emotional strain.

Remember, while rules provide structure, flexibility is just as crucial. Every Dom-Sub relationship is unique, so partners should be willing to adjust the dynamic as they grow together, ensuring the relationship remains fulfilling and consensual at every stage.

How to Start a Dom-Sub Relationship

Starting a Dom-Sub relationship can feel like stepping into the unknown, especially if it's your first time exploring this dynamic. The key to success is taking it slow and focusing on the foundation: communication. Before you dive in, both partners must have an open and honest conversation about their desires, limits, and expectations. This is not just a “one and done” talk either—it's an ongoing dialogue that evolves as your relationship grows.

Establishing trust is the next critical step. In a Dom-Sub relationship, one partner is giving up a significant amount of control, so the other must show they are worthy of that trust. Without it, the dynamic can't function properly. Start with small gestures of trust and build from there, making sure that each partner feels secure in the relationship. Whether it's setting up a few basic rules or just checking in regularly, these small steps help create a sense of safety.

Finally, remember that every relationship is different, and it's important not to rush the process. Take time to educate yourselves—read books, listen to podcasts, or even consult experts in the field. Dom-Sub relationships thrive on understanding, so the more informed you are, the better your experience will be.

Steps for Couples to Shift to a Dom-Sub Dynamic

If you and your partner are curious about shifting your relationship into a Dom-Sub dynamic, there are several steps you can take to ensure a smooth transition. It's not something that happens overnight; instead, it's a journey that requires patience, communication, and, most importantly, mutual consent.

1. Communicate with each other first: This is the most critical step. Both partners should openly share their interests in exploring this dynamic, along with their fears or concerns. Discuss what aspects of the Dom-Sub relationship intrigue you and why it appeals to you.

2. Be playful: If you're unsure how to get started, don't be afraid to experiment in low-pressure situations. Light role-playing or small rituals can give you both a taste of the dynamic without feeling overwhelming. This is a good way to see if the relationship style fits your needs.

3. Set clear boundaries: Establish what is off-limits before any exploration. Make sure to use a safe word to protect both partners during more intense moments. Boundaries help create a sense of control, even in a relationship where one partner holds more power.

4. Stay educated: The more you know, the better your experience will be. Seek out resources—books, podcasts, or even experienced individuals—who can provide insights into the Dom-Sub lifestyle. The more prepared you are, the healthier your relationship will be.
Continue to check in regularly: Even after the initial conversations, it's essential to keep communication lines open. Check in with each other regularly to make sure both partners are comfortable and fulfilled within the dynamic.

Shifting to a Dom-Sub relationship takes time and effort, but when approached with care, it can deepen intimacy and bring you and your partner closer in ways you may not have anticipated.

Dom-Sub relationships are far more complex and rewarding than they're often given credit for. At their core, these relationships are about trust, communication, and mutual respect. They allow both partners to explore their vulnerabilities in a structured and safe environment, often leading to deeper emotional connections and enhanced intimacy.

Misconceptions may paint these dynamics as unhealthy or dangerous, but in reality, when approached with care, consent, and understanding, they can offer unique benefits that are hard to find in more conventional relationship models. The structure and rituals of a Dom-Sub relationship can help reduce stress, foster better communication, and improve overall mental wellness.

If you and your partner are considering this journey, remember that it's not about fitting into a mold. Your relationship is yours to define. Take the time to educate yourselves, communicate openly, and establish clear boundaries. A healthy Dom-Sub relationship thrives on mutual understanding and care, and with the right approach, it can be a deeply fulfilling experience for both partners.

For those female subs seeking a Dom, here I am, note I want a lifepartner, not a play partner. Be in it till the end of time.

Obedience Training is comprised of several parts. It is a goal, an Engine and a Tool all wrapped into one nice package.

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Obedience as a goal is obvious. Every Owner wants their slave to be obedient to their commands. This is an integral part of what enslavement is. As property, a slave is expected to obey their Owner and to do or not do whatever their Owner desires.

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Obedience as a tool is also somewhat obvious, at least to most, if not everyone, doing this. A slave who becomes habituated to obeying some commands is much more likely to obey other commands that are similar or perhaps very different from the commands they have been obeying.

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Obedience as an engine of enslavement seems to be similar to its use as a tool, but there is a difference, as it is also a general rather than a specific Enforcer and Reinforcer. This is because obedience can be more important than what is being obeyed.

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Obedience is not always automatic. This is especially true of new slaves. Even for simple orders, there is an internal questioning of "What exactly is being wanted?” "Why is this wanted? and "Should I obey?" Some questions are answered very simply and easily, as the answers are obvious. Some are not. If I command a slave to bring me a cup of coffee, there are some internal questions, but what I want is very obvious. I want a cup of coffee.

Exactly how I want my coffee is a reasonable internal question or external if the slave has never brought me a cup of coffee before. How hot, cream, sugar, sweetener, which type of coffee, etc. If the slave has brought me a hundred cups of coffee before, I expect that the last question has long since been answered, and she knows how I like it. With experience, she also knows how I want it served, whether it is just to be brought and set down or to be formally served. Perhaps I stated a preference in the command, and she then questions if she knows how to perform as required.

The harder question is, should she obey? Obviously, my slave should obey my command for a cup of coffee. She knows the answer to this question. But, is she doing something else that should not be interrupted, or that she does not want to interrupt, and so should she get it when she has time to get it, or when she feels like getting it? This is really the enslavement question. The rest are details. Obedience Training removes the "Should I obey" question.

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The following is an example of one training practice that uses all three forms of Obedience Training. Most, but not quite all Owners train their slaves in certain formal slave positions. The Gorean Slave Positions are one of the most common sources of these. I will use them for this example as they are both formal and practical positions for a slave to learn.

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The expectation when a slave is given a specific position name as a command is for them to go into that position as quickly and gracefully as they can and to hold it until told to release or change to a new position. The questions about what and why are answered when you tell the slave they are going to practice various positions and practice doing them correctly, but most importantly, they are going to practice obeying your commands for each position.

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The goal is for the slave learning, obeying and performing the slave positions properly when commanded to do so. The tool is the obedience to commands. The slave positions themselves act as physical reinforcers of her enslavement to the Master.

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When you practice, you repeat the same actions to learn something. This is an obvious procedure and doesn't take much thought to understand. It easily slides past the what is required and the “why should it be done” internal questions. If the slave wants to serve her Owner, then the practice has a low threshold of resistance to performing the task, just as getting a cup of coffee also has a low threshold because the what and why are easily understood.

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During the practice, the slave repeatedly obeys the commands and does not keep asking if she should obey, as that was answered at the beginning of the practice. The repetition of obedience is the engine that drives future obedience. During the practice, the expectation of obedience is there, and the questions are not repeated with each command. The more someone obeys simple commands, the more they will obey more complicated commands. Each time the resistance to obedience is overcome, there will be marginally less resistance to any new command.

Many simple acts of obedience without the internal questions will layer up to the slave obeying complicated ones. Starting with many small acts of obedience works better than beginning with the complicated ones that can be confusing or may require more trust that has not yet been earned from the slave. It is slower, but the Dwell Time for automatic obedience is much longer than the more complicated commands, which will likely result in internal questions that are asked every time the command is given.

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There is such a thing as reinforcing a reinforcer. Quick, positive reinforcement of the correctly done obedience is the best way to do this. Second to that, especially in something like the slave positions example, is correcting what is not or not quite correct and having it done over. In true practice, corrections and repetitions until correct work very well. Punishments or negative reinforcement do not work as well, unless you consider doing something again and again until it is done correctly as a form of punishment.

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Remember that not everything will have only one purpose or use when it is part of consensual enslavement. In this case, a session practicing the slave positions has many useful items all layered together, along with the expenditure of energy on the part of the slave, which can have other uses as well. A good Owner, Master, or Trainer will have several goals for most of the tools he uses when working with and training a slave, including reinforcing her enslavement.

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Kegel Exercises consist of repeatedly contracting and releasing the pelvic floor muscles in both men and women, and in women, also the vaginal muscles. It has benefits for both men and women, but they are mostly done by women.

​As a tool, they are used as a form of exercise as well as Control. Having someone else control the exercise by gauging the strength of contraction by finger insertion, as well as controlling the number and duration of contractions, adds another Layer of control.

It can add a Sexualization component as well as forcing some level of submission via the control. It combines with Humbling or even Humiliation until the slave becomes accustomed to the exercise and someone else controlling it. Kegels can be measured via the anus as well as the vagina or both simultaneously.

I have seen advertised a vaginally insertable device which will measure the strength and duration of the contraction and transmit it to a cellphone app to show and record it.

I find that women who can control their coochie muscles give the best sex, the way they can milk you. I teach my sub how to please me hands-free. If you think you're good now, learn this technique, and you can thank me later. Learn and have fun. lol

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The primary usage of this tool is the Owner’s Control over what the slave is allowed to wear, plus when and where they may wear something. Consensual slavery is primarily about one person surrendering control of themselves, their body, their time, and their activities to another. This is a simple yet powerful example of this form of control.

​Second is the immediate visual distinction between the slave and the free person. In some groups, this can be important enough to write clothing restrictions or requirements into their rules for slaves at their meetings and events. The knowledge of this custom is also a factor in the Enforcement and Reinforcement of Control. A slave Collar works similarly.

​The third use is the exposure of the parts of the slave’s body that most societies keep covered. This is the use of Control, Humbling, and/or Humiliation, depending on the slave and the circumstances. It can also be stimulating and arousing for the slave at the same time. Being nude around others will have a Sexualization component in some people, and that component can be created or modified by a slave being nude.

​Fourth, clothing is a symbol of Status. If the Owner or other people are clothed and the slave is not, it marks their status as different and lower. Also, the clothing someone wears often denotes status, wealth, or something about the wearer. Without any clothing, all that status is lost. This lowers the slaves’ status to themselves and everyone else, causing a difference in behavior and attitude. Some groups hold dinners, and maybe dances, where the Free are fully clothed, sometimes formally clothed, and the slaves are all nude, with exceptions sometimes for masks and/or shoes.

​The fifth use of the tool is barrier removal. Clothing can be a barrier between people. From the type of clothing to its status, it is still something that the slave hides behind and within. When the clothing barrier is removed, the slave will open up more to their Owner, as one of the main barriers or protections has been removed, and psychologically, other barriers and defenses are lowered as well.

​Sixth and last is that it ensures the slave’s body is completely accessible to their Owner. When physical accessibility is no longer under the slave’s control, it deepens and reinforces the lack of personal control and the control of someone over them, including the parts that they would be the only one to control access to. This is especially true when the owner takes frequent advantage of that accessibility.

​I have found that slaves who are kept continuously nude for several days lose much of their body modesty by the second or third day and, in that setting, effectively all of it by the end of the first week. It gets to the point where it seems strange to them when they are allowed or required to wear clothing again. This body modesty will reappear to some extent depending on the setting, but in all cases, the longer they are nude, even in one setting such as the home, the easier it will be for them to be nude or partially nude in other settings and situations.

​Nudity can also be used as part of Rituals or a Transition point between the world and the home, where the slave must act and be free in many ways outside the home and returns to being a slave full-time once more when at home. Effectively, they shed the outside world with their clothing as part of a Ritual after coming home to reaffirm their status as slaves. Many people have found this to be an effective reinforcement.

​Some people require nudity of their slaves all the time or some of the time. However, some do not because some are very much into leather or Fetish clothing. Since clothing is a fetish for some, they use certain types of clothing as a requirement for their slaves, and that is okay. While nudity is a very popular tool, it is not necessary in training or reinforcing enslavement. An Owner chooses the best tools that fit their lifestyle, fetishes, and desires. Judgment should not be used when noting how someone else trains their slave using this tool. There should be the understanding that “to each their own” is a valid philosophy in consensual enslavement.

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I am grouping these because they are variations on a theme. Each one is used by some group or groups, but not all groups. Remember that these are enslavement-type relationships, not general or BDSM types.

PE – Power Exchange/PT – Power Transfer:

This is the generic term that includes all power exchange/transfer or Dom/sub, Master/slave, and Owner/property relationships.

​TPE – Total Power Exchange:

This is the original term to indicate that one party transfers the power in the relationship to another person with something in return for something. The exchange may be for love, support, the feelings that come from being in the control of someone else, or whatever the two people agree should be done in the relationship.

TPT – Total Power Transfer:

This is a version of TPE that indicates that the dominant party takes everything from the submissive party and does not guarantee anything in exchange. The transfer is strictly one-way. This is closer to legal slavery, but it is still within the bounds of consensual slavery.

O&P – Owner and Property:

Owner and Property is a new naming of a type of consensual enslavement relationship that Tanos of Internal Enslavement created to deal with the relationships that involve enslavement without the emphasis on romance between the Owner and their Property. This type of relationship is always on. There is no time off, no safewords, no exceptions where the slave is not a slave. It is very owner-focused. This was originally defined in the Owner and Property Manifesto by Tanos.

​EPT – Erotic Power Transfer:

This is a somewhat new term that I have not seen very much. It seems to be just another version of TPE or TPT. EPT also seems to be used to indicate that most of the control is sex based rather than general control or slavery only in the bedroom.

Consensual Enslavement:

Consensual Enslavement is the process by which someone is trained to be a slave in a Consensual Slavery relationship. It involves changing the slaves’ mindset and modes of thinking about themselves, others, and how they relate to the world around them, and reinforcing that mindset. The change is going from the mindset of a free person to that of owned property.

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Consensual Non-consent:

This is the concept that someone can give prior consent to be involved in things to do or be forced to do things they might not otherwise give their consent to do. It is also simply called prior consent. This form of prior consent is considered given by the Submissive to the Dominant at the time of formal enslavement. That point is usually some form of Collaring Ceremony.

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This concept is common in sports where participants give their prior consent to the physical or violent contact with other players. Things that could be assault or battery outside of a game are not illegal because of the consent to participate given when you participate in the sport. You understand the risks but assume them when you choose to be in the game.

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The same is true of Consensual Enslavement and Consensual Slavery. Only those who choose to participate and understand the risks and dangers should be involved. By their, or your, participation, you give consent to what may happen. Because prior consent is given before the slave knows what all will happen, the Last Free Choice of who their owner will be is so very important.

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Consensual Slavery:

Consensual Slavery is a relationship form in which the submissive partner gives up control; often complete control, of the relationship, their actions, bodies and sexual activities to the dominant partner. This can include the exercise of their legal rights. It also includes the right for the dominant partner to punish disobedience to the dominant’s commands. This can be very similar to domestic abuse and may appear to be so from the outside. It is not abuse because the slave voluntarily gives the control out of emotional attachment and/or a wish to serve rather than out of fear.

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Of course, it is dangerous. It is dangerous in the damage that could be caused, not just that others can see, hear, or know what it is we are doing. Consensual Enslavement is a form of brainwashing when it comes down to the base level. That is a dangerous thing to do to someone, even with their consent.

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Ethics is something I also want to talk about here. If you don't have and keep to what could be considered safe and proper behavior, this can quickly change to damage and abuse very quickly. The only thing that might be worse is deliberately doing stupid things with someone.

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Internal Enslavement:

Internal Enslavement is a term for a combination of methods and goals whereby, with the consent of the person enslaved, they are neurologically rewired into a state which puts service to another, with primary focus on the slave's owner, ahead of other pleasure-seeking activities, and who is cognitively conditioned to self-identify themselves as a slave or owned property of a specific person.

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Internal Enslavement as a concept was created by an Englishman known as Tanos to combine and codify his knowledge and means of internalizing consensual enslavement. 

 The early essays by Tanos and others were collected starting about the year 2000. Those essays and the theories have proved very useful in the understanding of consensual enslavement.

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Internal enslavement is a state where the slave has their slavery internalized as their new default state. Masochists are not necessarily slave material. They seek sensation, usually in the form of pain and sometimes other forms of suffering, for their own reasons. You do not need to make someone suffer to enslave them. The desire to serve and even suffer for someone if it makes them happy, on the other hand, is much more common among slaves than most groups, and they often get mistaken for masochists rather than the other-directed submissive, which they really are.
 

What do you call someone who is involved in consensual enslavement, BDSM, or similar relationships? When you limit it to consensual enslavement, you pretty much are down to two titles: Master/Mistress and slave. However, in practice, a lot of other titles get used as well, especially in the BDSM environment, where things can be very blurred at times. I am including a number of the BDSM titles as well. The list is partly by type, not strictly alphabetical. There is a theme to the presentation. I try to keep connected titles together, especially the ones usually separated by a slash in writing. Where there are male/female versions, I am usually including both.

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The titles are not absolutely gender dependent, and there is currently a trend to remove gender and use the nominally male form of the word regardless of gender. My default in writing here is male dominant and female submissive, but for the practical application of most things, gender is completely interchangeable with or without the grammatical changes.

​Free:

This is a person who is not a sub or a slave, but is usually only used as the opposite of a slave. It can be the controlling partner without a specific title or refer to anyone who is not a sub or slave and not in a consensual slavery relationship.

​Top:

This person who does things in a BDSM scene or play to someone else. There is no male/female differentiation for the title.

​Bottom:

The person to whom things are done to in a BDSM scene or play. There is no male/female differentiation for the title.

​Dom/Domme:

Male/female forms, which are short for Dominant in the BDSM sense. This is the controlling partner in a Dom/sub relationship.

​Sub:

This is short for Submissive in the BDSM sense. This is the non-controlling partner in a Dom/sub relationship. There is no male/female differentiation for the title.

​Master/Mistress:

Male/female forms which indicate owners of slaves, usually in the BDSM sense. This is also what a slave will call any non-slave or free person in the Gorean community to show the slave’s status relationship to them. They will add “my” to this to indicate their own Master/Mistress. This is the controlling partner in a Master/slave relationship.

​Slave:

This is the non-controlling partner in a Master/slave relationship. There is no male/female differentiation for the title.

​Owner:

This is the controlling partner in an Owner/property relationship. There is no male/female differentiation for the title.

​Property:

This is the non-controlling partner in an Owner/property relationship. There is no male/female differentiation for the title. It is also sometimes used generically for anyone in a consensual slavery type relationship who is a slave.

​Kajira/Kajirus:

These are the female/male terms for a slave in a Gorean relationship. The words come from the fictional Gorean language in the Gor books. Gorean slaves use Master/Mistress to refer to any free man or woman. That usage does not indicate ownership, only the relation status of the slave to any free person.

​Boi:

A term for a female submissive who acts and presents as a male.

​Sissy:

A term for a male submissive who acts and presents as a female.

​Pet:

A term for a submissive who is kept as a pet as opposed to another type of submissive. It may or may not mean the pet is pretending to be an animal.

​Daddy/Mommy:

Male/female forms where the Dominant acts more like a parent controlling their child than an owner of property**,** plus sex. These are mostly male-dominant/female submissive relationships. The dominant males are sometimes called a Daddy Dom.

​Little/Baby:

This is the child portion of an adult/child dominant/submissive relationship. There is no male/female differentiation for the title.

This is another topic that is viewed better as a group or list than as an individual item. I am open to more types if you think other versions are not included here. It is not exhaustive, nor is it intended to be. The list places more emphasis on the main consensual enslavement types of service than on a unique type of enslavement, although it can be that. Consensual enslavement can include and usually does include more than one type below. There are very few that are pure types in practice.

​Domestic:

This includes household domestic services such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. It is often described as maid or 50’s housewife types of activities. These activities can be done in any style of slavery, but are most common in conjunction with service and free-form consensual slavery.

​Financial:

This is usually males giving money to professional Dommes as their kink or fetish to be forced to provide for someone**,** and mostly just getting abuse in return.

​Free Form:

This is probably the most common form of consensual slavery. The Master makes up things as he goes along, and the slave obeys. It is almost always a relationship rather than a service-based. The slave usually serves out of love for their owner.

​Love:

This is where the enslavement is based on the love of the slave for their owner. It is also called romantic slavery. This is the ideal concept of many women who read romance books where the handsome nobleman or sheikh takes a woman as a slave**,** and he falls madly in love with her. It is where the submission comes from, loving the owner and the Mastery from the owner loving the slave.

​Pain:

This type of slavery is mostly about how much pain the slave can take from their owner. They show their submission and enslavement by accepting more and more pain. Many D/s relationships are based on play**,** especially pain play. This is not as common in M/s relationships.

Pet:

This type of slavery is where the slave acts the part of a pet, either literally, as in pretending to be a dog, cat, pony**,** or other animal, or they are kept as a human pet, where they remain human but are treated more like a pet animal.

​Pig:

This type of slavery is marked by heavy Humiliation, and no limits to sexual usage, pain play, or abuse outside of those either agreed on or the owner’s limits.

​Relationship:

This is usually couples, often married or boyfriend/girlfriend, where one is in control of the other. The slave serves out of love and affection for their owner and to continue the relationship**,** and much of the enslavement is the slave agreeing to obey and serve, and doing so to fulfill their agreement and their relationship.

​Service:

This type of slavery is the most common among Leather and Gorean Traditions. The slave can do any type of service**,** but most of the time it includes domestic and can include, but does not need to include, sexual service. It may include working to provide an income for the household. In many ways, it is the same things a spouse does in a standard marriage.

​Sexual:

This type of slaves has the slave is kept mostly for sex. They may do a few other things, but the emphasis of the enslavement is sex.

​Trophy:

This type of slave keeps the slave for how they look and so that they can be shown to others to proclaim how beautiful a person the owner has enslaved**,** which presumably says something positive about the owner. This type may include other types of service, with sexual being the main one.

​Work:

The slave is kept to do work for the owner, usually without pay. This is closest to the classical forms of involuntary slavery. The value of the work goes to the owner.

Which one will you be for me?