You always remember your firsts. First kiss, first love, first time you had sex. But let’s also talk about those other firsts. The first time you get punished for being sassy to your Dom, the first time you break up with someone.
....the first time you fight....
Now I’m going to stop right here. This is the one I want to talk about.
The first fight.
Now, I’m new to this lifestyle, I’m new to the give and take aspect of this type of relationship. I’m new to the feelings that this type of relationship provokes. I’m in communication with a prospective Dom and we have been talking and getting to know one another and have decided to enter into a training type of relationship. A couple of day later it happens. Emotions get high and something triggers and we get into an argument.
Now, I’m a crier, always have been. Doesn’t matter if I’m happy, sad, mad, frustrated I cry. And boy did I cry after I let my mouth get away from me. Heart wrenching sobs of frustration and anger and (and this is what threw me) humiliation and remorse and failure. The last three feelings caught me so off guard and were so surprising that it made me feel even worse. My instinct was not only to apologize but to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness.
After emotions calmed we did have a normal conversation but those 3 pesky feelings never went away. They have made me doubt myself. They have made me also take a step back and figure out what I can do to prevent myself from every feeing that way again.
So those new to this lifestyle take my experience and learn from it. Prepare yourselves for those heighten feelings. Be prepared to have some new ones knock you on your ass. Don’t be ashamed of feeling that way, talk to your Dom/partner. And most of all learn from the experience and make changes so you never have to feel that way again.