coming to terms with myself and my needs
I was born to what I can only describe as a rabid feminist who seriously believed all she needed from a man was his seed. And today she is alone and I think is comfortable with herself. So I was raised with this in mind but for me I enjoyed the feel of a man in me but I also found love in the arms of a woman. So I used men for that little pound of flesh until I met a man who simply said no not with force but as gently and as kindly as possible.
But here I was in love with a woman and falling in love with a man and wanting them both in my life forever. After taking it to debs and bit of discussion she finally said she understood completely what I was feeling because she was feeling much the same only not having a sexual urge to it she just wanted to be protected by him and loved she told me she would never leave me but she well understood my need of him and said to go for it. It was not so short a talk but you don't need to hear it all and it frankly is not something I want to share.
So there I was filled with a need that I had no name for and questioning was it a need or a want. This is were I was so lucky to have two well trained and experienced submissive ladies to talk to. They more then anyone else helped me separate my needs from my wants. They helped me figure out my needs and my wants, by the simple expedient of showing me why I even started having these feelings for sir I need having a roof over my head sir provided that food in my belly again sir provided that clothes sir and myself from salary expensive clothes provided by sir and everyday clothes provided by my salary again by the job provided by sir. These things started me on the road of wanting sir they explained to me that this was a normal reaction but not a necessary reaction. Lets move on to the lesser needs this may be only found in the female of the species respect and kindness these are the two things that can only be provided by someone else (I'm talking outside respect not self respect) these have been given to me by 4 people debs, Jane,jenny and sir in abundances.Notice nowhere have I mentioned sex that is because these are things provided by love not sex. Next was my submission was it something I wanted or needed for me? Both told me that they could not help me with that it was something I had to determine for my self.
After a long and bumpy internal fight I determined it was a need on my part to express it to live it and to enjoy it. And most important accept the rewards of it.
