warning: bad language used.
His version of honor turned out to be the most fucking frustrating and honest to all of us there is.
This is my story and I chose to include this in it but all of us went through our version. When we came to him and told him we loved him, he would smile and say no you do not I fascinate and intrigue you but in order to really love me you must first know and understand me and before you can do that you must understand and know yourself to see if we can make it fit into a seamless dynamic. (I can see like me the w.t.f does that mean.) I asked him what he meant by that he said it is really simple you have only ever seen the good in me the kindness,generosity, the love i have for those I care for do you know I am very capable of killing without compassion digging the hole burying them and walking away and never think about it again. I have done it before and am very capable of doing it again. And my only nod to the fact is that I only wear black. This is as much a part of me as anything else. I have looked into that place that many refuse to see in themselves and worst of all I make my subs look into that place and come to terms with what they see before I will take them on. Stacy do you really want to look that deeply into yourself and see remember this is the same thing that caused your problems before but I will be there this time to lift you back out of there put you back on your feet. So that you will continue to be a serviceable human being and good mother but you will not belong to me is this a journey you want to take the good part is that you will be able to handle the worst that life can throw at you and be able to smile the down side is you will never be able to have me in the way you want I will just be the father figure you can look up to.
Did Jane go through this? Yes and as a result she now walks around as she is now she can't help but broadcast love and peace wherever she go's and to my fortune has become the soul I thought I lost can you become part of my soul handle the responsibility for a man's soul help keep him as he should be not as he is deep inside. Do I want to go back to that place that made me insane can he keep me sane can I trust him to do that to take the bad and return only the good in me take the anger and replace it with love make the unacceptable acceptable? Is he worth the risk? those were those questions going though my mind for the next several weeks. He did not rush me to make a chose or pressure me ether way he just continued being the strong shinning man that i fell for but did not receive the love I wanted and need from him.Kindness, compassion and care yes but not the love. sorry for know that's all I can write my fear is coming back.
