Laying on the couch eyes closed and emotionally and physically nude with my head in his lap trying to tell him all the things that I felt where wrong with me and I wanted to change remembering how hard it was to start. Then saying I want to stop being a slut and him saying to me why very calmly but with just the right amount of curiosity and no judgement in his voice my eyes flew open and I said with shock because it's wrong, and he said who told you that. Well everyone. And is everyone you. I mean do you find in side while you indulge in that do you find you want to stop or it feels wrong at the time. No at the time I enjoy it and each of them but after, I can see the hurt I caused in them so you want to stop for them to make them happy. As commendable as that sounds why do you wish to make yourself do something that does not feel good for you. Is it right that you give and they take what do you get in return for this sacrifice? Acceptance from them so will they stop saying you are a slut they wont you know do you think you will be more attractive or more loving and kind or even make you seem more intelligent than you are No Mari it wont but if others think you less intelligent that gives you an advantage over them. And that is good for the direction I hope you take later.
Mari my dear one I will let you in on a secret. By the time we are done I hope you will understand that I and Jane have accepted you as you are it is really all about you accepting who you are by accepting who you are you will have a great advantage in finding the type of man or Dom you want in your future it will also help you pick a life partner the hard part for you may be finding someone you can accept not the other way around. You see once you find the courage to accept yourself you will have to find the courage to accept someone else and that is harder.
