i write this today even though "today" as it is or is not, does not exist. i write this in the present moment. And although i am weary from a long day, and not certain if this will come out just right, i still write to You because all of which I hold within it too much to bear. i feel it is healthy to let these things out, lest i become a slave to my own private notions (no pun intended). i have spent 16 years preparing myself for You mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. i will always strive to evolve and ascend in this life. i had little idea 16 years ago that i would be this physically fit, emotionally healthy, mentally sharp, and spiritually adept. i suppose that even if i could not find You in this life, i would still be the best i could be despite the lack of Your presence. But, still, how much greater i could be if i could serve You...how much greater i could be because of the way You would train me. i can only do so much to grow, but with Your instruction and guidance i could blossom even further. This type of expansion is something i can not even understand at this point in time, but i know this is so.
As a woman in her late 30's, i now know exactly what i need. i will not settle for someone who is not You. i would rather be alone for the rest of my days than be with someone just to settle. i can still be at peace alone. i am comfortable in my independence, yet i still need You. i would worship You with every part of my being(s). i sense that You are awakened and very adept. You are a true Master, which seems few and far between in this time. i sense that i have been stripped of all of my limiting beliefs and unhealthy conditioning in order to be ready for You...to be clean for You. i came from mud and flourished independently, despite, the traps that were set up for me early on in life. i sense that this life of purification through fire, has been necessary for me to become Yours. i sense that You have little patience for disobedience and can be critical in nature. i sense that You are quiet and private. i sense that You are disconnected from this superficial reality and have the power to balance energies as a true alchemist. i have been working on my ability to harness my power and use it when necessary. i have become attuned to my inner knowledge and spirituality which has helped me understand my purpose.
Although, I have been through many trials and tribulations, i've still managed to somehow keep my innocence inside. i have advanced much in this life, yet i know that i still have much to work on. is it fair to say i feel like an old woman from going through so much, however, i still feel like a child that does not know enough? i sense we are going to connect soon in this life. There is a sense of urgency and movement around me. i can feel butterflies and excitement. My mind does want to believe, but deep down my intuition tells me to keep myself ready for You.
Our love is sacred, our relationship, my sanctuary. i am at peace in Your energy. i know my place in You.
