Communication

I constantly read on blogs, and the occasional profile, of subs complaining that there are no real Dominates here. Or, I read something along the lines that the sub constantly "tests" their Dominant with acts of disobedience. Why?? Every Dominate has a history of training that varies from other Dominates. We all had a start somewhere and no two are alike.
If there is open communication to begin with, the sub would not be discouraged, or the Dominate frustrated by a subs bizarre actions. Communication is paramount in this lifestyle!!
I'm - in real life - a very mild mannered Dom. I don't go around swinging my cock and strutting. For one, I learned long ago to hide the wide sadistic streak that is ingrained in me, and also, I've nothing to prove.
My style of communication with those on here might be soft spoken, but I show respect to all who "talk" to me. As I've said, I've nothing to prove. If considered " soft", or as one likes to call me "marshmallow fluffy" ? That is fine. Like I've said, we've all different styles.
Below is a plagiarized excerpt I found interesting;


Submissive behaviour perplexes both submissives seeking ways to express their devotion to their dominants and dominants who are on the receiving end of bizarre behaviour. As usual, the solution is to communicate with each other. Submission, as well as the behaviours associated with it, have different meanings to different people. If you want to know what behaviours he wants to see in you, ask him. Dominants shouldn't hesitate to voice their needs either. Neither party is psychic. Let her know what actions and words (or lack thereof) you find pleasing and she'll likely oblige. If her behaviours trouble you, ask why she does them. Chances are once she explains you'll find the sentiment pleasing, and the two of you can come up with a mutually-satisfying way of expressing those feelings.
The ways submissives express themselves varies with every individual, but there are some common behaviours. Some manifest themselves verbally. She may call you Sir, Lord, Master, Daddy, etc. because she was taught it was polite or because she particularly respects and values you, considering you qualified to make decisions on her behalf. In opposition, she call herself something diminutive or degrading or ask that her dominant do so (for example, Girl, Slave, Pet, Kitty, Slut, etc.). All of these are intended to show how she feels about you and that she's happy to be dependent on you. Avoiding the pronoun "I" or using her name is common with submissives who identify themselves as slaves. It indicates a lack of selfhood apart from the master. Some submissives just don't speak unless spoken to, perhaps because they believe it to be polite. Subspace can just be subverbal for many people. She may not mean to be irritating or rude. Silence is definitely an indication that a dominant should check up on his submissive and ask if she's okay. If she often has difficulty speaking, the two of them can come up with simple, clear hand signals that mean "all's well", "tread carefully", and "stop". Some might even find they prefer these more nuanced signals than using a safe word to completely stop a scene. Care must be taken, of course, to keep an eye on the hands.
Certain physical behaviours can also impede communication. Some dominants punish undesirable behaviour by forbidding eye contact. Others only allow it when a submissive has explicit permission. In these cases a submissive may keep her head bowed or her eyes lowered as a default. Other submissives may not feel comfortable with maintaining eye contact as they feel it's disrespectful or perhaps feel guilty or unworthy. Kneeling is one of the most obvious submissive behaviours. Some dominants require it on a regular basis while others use it more sparingly as a form of discipline. Some submissives find it very emotionally and/or sexually satisfying state to be in. Once again, knowing your submissives needs and feelings will allow you to make the best decisions regarding her behaviour.
When it comes to human sexuality in general and D/S in particular, no two people are alike. There are some common themes, but the only way to figure your partner out is to be patient and talk with them. Between the two of you, you can work out just what is acceptable in order to get the most out of your D/S relationship.
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All I'm trying to convey is communication. Strong communication will ensure strong sessions and stronger bonds.