Random Thoughts of The Lifestyle

Ever hear that saying, "oh the tangled webs we weave"...? I hear it a lot. A lot of times I sit back and watch the unfortunate things unfold and truth be told I can only think of one word for it, karma. Do unto others as they do to you. What comes around goes around. Etc. Etc. Karma. That's it in a nutshell. 

Everything happens for a reason. There's a cause and effect for actions done. Chain of events. Etc etc. You get the point. 

I'm saying this because no matter where you are right now in your life, think of the good things that are there. Whether its objects or people. They are good for you. They are good to you. They were put into your path for a reason. Accept it for what or who it is and keep going. Don't question it. You may not like the answer you get. 

I was at a work summit a few years ago. One of the speakers began his speech with "The key to communication is communication...". At the time, we all sat there and looked puzzled and wondered where he was going with that statement. After today, I think I get it.

I come across so many people in my line of work and each time i do, i always tell them, "please dont hesitate to let me know if there is anything you need". An open ended phrase that can be taken so many different ways. And I say it like that on purpose. 

In this lifestyle I've learned that communication is a key piece to trusting someone. Without it, it's not there and will not work. You HAVE TO be able to communicate your wants, needs and desires to one another to make it a pleasurable experience. If it's one sided,  its defeating the purpose. 

Today I learned no matter how hard I try to communicate, sometimes it's just not reciprocated in the manner in which you hope. I guess keeping me in the loop on things is just not as high a priority for you as it is for me. It's the sad truth but nonetheless it's still the truth.

All of us here know the once vanilla life we lived is still there. Once you get into the BDSM lifestyle you get that feeling of not wanting any other lifestyle. Well at least for me it happened that way. 

Tonight i met up with some friends for dinner and one them didnt know a few of the people that were sitting with us. I explained who they were except for one. I didnt know who he was. The friend sitting across the table overheard the conversation and said, "well he's why you're here". I immediately went from a smiling face to a confused look. I asked her what she meant. She said, "we wanted to introduce you to him". (Keep in mind out of the 7 of us sitting at the table only 1 besides myself knows that I prefer the bdsm lifestyle). See where this is going yet? Lol At that point he gets up and walks over to where I'm sitting and pulls up a chair and begins to introduce himself. 

I'm not going to lie, at this point I was a little irritated with my friends for not giving a heads up about this guy being at dinner. As we were talking I noticed that this guy has nothing in common with me...at...all. The friend to the right of me is the 1 that knows about the lifestyle. He gets up and excuses himself. She leans over and says "Yeah...I dont think hes into the lifestyle you prefer. I've been listening to the conversation. You would dominate him as a submissive". I could not help but laugh because I was thinking the same thing. 

Dont get me wrong, I love my friends and appreciate what they tried to do. I asked them why they felt the need to do the somewhat blind date set up and they said they were just trying to help. My rebuttal was simple...."if you want to help, please dont do this again". 

Even if I was wanting a vanilla lifestyle,  that man would still not be someone I would be interested in. Thanks but no thanks. 

Nothing I dislike more than when you think the conversation is going well and there may be a small spark and then they stop talking. The least you could do is tell me what I did wrong, if anything. Or if you're not interested just say so. I'm a grown woman and I think I can handle the truth or rejection pretty well. At least then I know what to work on for improvement. Remember . . . . you approached me. I did not approach you. 

As my profile stated, I am fairly new to this lifestyle. I met a Dom who introduced me to the lifestyle. He never pushed it on me. He simply stated, "this is what I am into. If you'd like to try it, do some research and reading on it and let me know your thoughts". I began reading and searching the internet for anything I could find on this newfound lifestyle. The more I read, the more intrigued I became. 

I started reflecting on past relationships and found that what i liked doing in the bedroom was more along the submissive role. Always making sure my partner was satisfied, always wanting to make sure I filled his desires, trying and exploring new things to keep the vanilla life bedroom scene interesting. 

I went to the Dom and expressed my interest in trying this lifestyle. We had several conversations and any questions I had, he was more than happy to answer. The first night we were together was amazing. I submitted and he accepted. 

We began more casually than what he was used too. He was starting from scratch and had told me on numerous occasions he was happy he did not have to "un-train" me. He began asking questions about my schedule for work and things going on at home so he could put together a training schedule. 

Things progressed but training never started. Or maybe it had and I just wasnt aware. I started doing things on my own. Small things but still things he wouldnt have to train me as hard on. Posture, kneeling, using my words, etc. When I told him I was doing these things, he was very pleased. 

Then one day he said training is going to have to wait because there are things going on in his life that he needed to concentrate on. I respected him enough to let go of it and agree to step away. 

That's when I found The Cage. I have spoken to Doms/Masters and Subs/Slaves to get more insight on the lifestyle. Now without a Dom, I'm finding myself craving this lifestyle and wanting to submit again. Or am I just missing him and the dynamic we shared? 

To be continued.  . . .