One of the most empowering things I read pointed out that how week view something can make an incredible difference in our feelings of agency. While I can’t locate the exact piece of writing now, it was shared widely on social media, it can be summed up like this:
They don’t make racist remarks because I’m a person of color they make racist remarks because they are bigots.
This reframing is something to work on internalizing. It’s made a big difference in my mental health, and I believe it will help others as well.
Language Matters
How we speak to others and most of all ourselves can make a huge difference in the outcomes of most situations. Studies have shown that people that wish to lose weight who say “I don’t eat that” instead of “I can’t eat that” are far more likely to succeed. A difference of only one word alters the rate of success! There are books and articles galore on how to say things effectively, you need only to search to find them.
Play The Reframe Game
The next time you hear someone throw shade on your fetish play the reframe game with it – if only to yourself. For example, if you hear someone say, “kinky people are gross” instead of thinking “they think I’m gross because I’m kinky” think “they think kinky people are gross because they are close minded and judgmental”.
Practice Makes Progress
The first few times you play the reframing game you’ll have to work hard to catch yourself in the act of turning something against you and then reframing it. However, with practice you’ll be reframing your way to a better life experience!
