Some years ago, I wore a horror cosplay to a playparty. I was one of the people running the party and the cosplay I chose did fit the party’s theme. Near the end of the party one of the elders in the community took me aside and said what amounted to (paraphrasing) – your cosplay is disgusting, you’re disgusting, and you shouldn’t show up like this.
Unfortunately, I bought into the This-Is-The-Way-It’s-Done mentality, set aside my agency, and took it to heart. I didn’t wear cosplay to a party for a long, long time. I was trying to be what everyone wanted. To make the parties the best they could be. Often, I was doing it at my own expense.
It took me a while, a lot of thought work, and some very supportive people in my life to learn that what that elder had said was an opinion. And, elder or no, I didn’t have to abide by it. It’s shaped me quite a bit and I actively encourage people to be themselves, live the lifestyle as it suits them. We’re not supposed to be kink shaming anyway.
Sometimes, now, when similar things happen, I strive to view the situation as if I were a scientist observing the behavior of an interesting subject. This gives me the distance I need to evaluate the information available and then I CHOOSE whether it’s something I want to incorporate in my life.
How do you handle these types of challenges? Let me know in the comments!
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