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My Journey Through Life: Vanilla and Non-Vanilla

where I express my thoughts, stories, opinions and more on my journey as being a sub and little will be presented. Most things will be on what I’m experiencing/experienced and if not it will be mention within the post. Thank you for reading~ ❤
1 day ago. Mon 14 Oct 2019 06:06:21 PM IDT

I’m sorry I usually greet you guys but honestly 


What I don’t understand is when I’m talking to someone we seem to be having a good conversation then they go and say “describe yourself” or “what do you look like” then It sends red flags in my head and when I start I don’t feel comfortable telling my physical appearance then there's the “ have a good day” Oh I will because I’m not going to expose what I look like just because we had a solid good conversation obviously my mind told me not to because ending the conversation bluntly shows me what your intentions were. That they weren't to benefit both sides just you!


I’m sorry to those of you who are genuinely nice to me. You don’t deserve to hear how angered I am in this post. Like I just started to feel more positive today and it’s bringing brought down because I feel like most people. (most not all) care about appearances. 


I understand you would like to know I’m real or something but trust me if I wasn’t real I wouldn’t spend the time or thought into everything I say or do. 


Tae❤️

1 day ago. Mon 14 Oct 2019 05:12:21 PM IDT

Hallo


Good Morning, Good afternoon, Good evening. 


I would like to say that my college mentor doesn’t fail to bring out my emotions I try to keep in. I’m in a emotional state right now where I get triggered easily and the tears just start flowing. When she messaged me not to long ago, it was like she knew I needed some positive feedback. It’s exactly what she did. 

 

TELL YOURSELF:
Everything will work out 

Things will get better

You are Important 

You are worthy of great things

You are loveable

The time is now

This too, shall pass 

You can be who you really are 

The best is yet to come

You are Strong 

YOU CAN DO THIS 

 


I want you guys to know that it’s okay that you’ll get through your struggles and that you’re loved. You should also have self-love because no one can love you better than yourself.


Song of the post: Love Myself by BTS from the Love Yourself: Answer album 



Open your eyes in the dark

When your heart beats

Face to face, you in the mirror

There's an old, frightened question


Maybe it's better than loving someone

What's more difficult is that I love myself

Let's face it

The standards you've given me are more strict with you

A thick ring in your life

Because he is also part of you

Now I have to forgive myself

Our lives are long. Trust me in this maze

After winter, spring comes again


A cold stare

Hide me

It was a complete reversal


I fell down to get that many stars

I'm the one who targets those thousands of brilliant arrows


You've shown me I have reasons

I should love myself

Give me my breath


The me of yesterday, the me of today, the me of tomorrow

(I'm learning how to love myself)

Every last one of them is me


Maybe there's no answer

Maybe this isn't the answer either

You know, even if you love me

I needed someone's permission

I'm still looking for my own

But I don't want to die anymore

The sad me

The sick me

The more beautiful


Yeah, that beauty

I know

The way to my love

The most necessary thing

What you're doing right now

Actions for me

An attitude toward me

It's the happiness for me

I'll show you what I've got

I'm not afraid. It's my thing

Love myself


From the beginning

To the end

There's only one answer


Why don't you keep trying to hide it?

Every scar I made was my zodiac sign


You've shown me I have reasons

I should love myself

Give me my breath


Still in me

I'm clumsy, but...


You've shown me I have reasons

I should love myself

Give me my breath


The me of yesterday, the me of today, the me of tomorrow

(I'm learning how to love myself)

Every last one of them is me


Thank you for reading!!


Reminder: self-care and self-love comes first


(that was a reminder for you and me both because I need to be reminded)


Hugs and friendly Kisses 


Tae❤️

2 days ago. Mon 14 Oct 2019 03:30:15 AM IDT

Hallo world.


So I wanted to talk about something that just kinda happened not to long ago. So I sometimes check out the profiles on the site. To get a feel how people are. What type of person are they. So someone loved my profile and I was tempted to read. So I read this person’s profile and I’m honestly is kinda interested but I don’t wanna reach out because the right dom will come to me and sometimes it makes me want to take the (not lookin) off my name. But then again I could be rushing it because I want to fully start. I don’t know my mindset has been at a place that not making sense to me so I’m confused. At times when I’m like this I scare myself because I can become irrational and think this is what I want. But in the end it may just be what I think I want. I hope this makes sense. This is kinda how my mind works at times and feel like I’ll start to freak out. It also makes me realize from what I wrote earlier that I truly may not be ready because of how I am now. It can also just be how I am as a person.


Ughh sometimes I don’t understand and wish someone could just tell me this and that and just intune it into my head for it to make sense but It doesn’t work that way. I need to figure it out myself to fully understand who I am. 


Thank you for reading


Hugs and friendly kisses~


Tae❤️

2 days ago. Sun 13 Oct 2019 11:19:11 PM IDT

How did you know you were ready to go out into the kinky world. That you learned what you needed to know. Where you stand, the dynamics your into, how to be safe. Why you’re here, what had got you curious, what could be your limits, etc.


I’m asking because It feels like I’m ready but I still want to take others advice to slow down and get used to everything. I don’t know what exactly I’m saying. It may even be that I don’t really interact with others but I want to. 


I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this other then what should be my next step. Is there even a next step. 


Something is going on with me and I don’t know what it is… It’s like I’m a bit lost. 


Thanks for reading


Hugs and friendly kisses~


Tae❤️

2 days ago. Sun 13 Oct 2019 05:46:36 PM IDT

Hallo Kinky World!!!

 

Let me just say one thing before I get into the actual reason for this post. I LOVE MY HAIR!! Yeah, It may seem like almost all girls like their hair and caring for it. But let me just tell you I’m not that girl. I recently had box braids in for almost 2 months and for me thats unusually. It is because I hate doing things to my hair. I even hate putting a blow-dryer to my head like ughh is me just thinking about it. I just rather rock the natural.


Anyways after having box braids in for a while. I started to hate it. It was too long. It also had curls so it would mess with my ear piercing. So I had to keep it in a bun. But then it was too fucking heavy. Neck pain and headaches people that’s all I can say for that. Last night with the help of my mother and brother. I took out my braids. Omg the hair growth is amazing!! I wish there was a before and after I could show you but yeah I was so happy!!. I couldn’t stop playing with my hair or taking pictures. So something about me… I’m an afro natural type girl. I love the afro look back then and I love the look on meeee. I started this look all because I hated doing my hair. I truly do. Sitting there for hours on end. Then maintaining it. *dramatic eye roll* It wasn’t for me. The past couple of years I cut off my hair all most all of it and start growing it naturally. No hair treatments. Nothing like that. 


Like me just say the afro look became a part of me. What people know and see me as. Even though I love it. It takes me a while to care for it. Like ugh combing it out all the time. Also having to wash it so often. Since I don’t add heat to it. My hair is wet for hours and it causes a lot of shrinkage. I’m like I don’t have to do much let’s go. I know there’s people who is gonna make me care more for my hair its a given fact because the care I have for it is not where it should be. But I have a lot and its thick and I get tired. I do love it at it’s natural healthy state. So I’m willing to do it sometimes just *speaking to future dom* If you want me to keep my hair looking good all the time and you gonna have tasks and rules to make me do it. Just know I’ll be a bit whiny. I hate taking the time to do it but I LOVE HOW IT LOOKS LIKE I’M REALLY DISCO ERA RIGHT NOW. 


Anyways that’s the time I’m spending talking about my hair. Before I actually just turn this into a hair blog. 

 

The next thing I wanted to talk about is based off the title FANTASIES AND STORIES. So you may not know this but I’M A READER. I love doing it I always had. I currently in the middle of a read. I would like to talk about it plus another one. 


In this current read. (I actually read it already I’m rereading it) Its a X reader so you can imagine it as yourself. Let me just tell you I’m (within the story) a 28 year old innocent sex-deprived girl. With a lesbian married couple as best friends. Anyway they attacked me with when was the last time I’ve been laid? In the story I said a year ago and they came at my neck for being a old hag and not getting down and freaky when I could. So behind my back they sign me up for this hook-up website and one of the features is that you can rate someone after the hook up. Obviously ‘The perfect ten’ is the best of the best rated by others. Surprise surprise one of the perfect ten messaged me setting up a date. Let me just tell you it was amazing. Like I felt like he was doing these things to me in real life. Making me not wear panties to the dinner. Touching my body in the elevator. Then taking me hard in sheets. Its more detailed then what I said but I gotta fast forward a bit. 


Okay so next get to the next part. So the next day he rated me 10 stars. After he did that guess who came blowing up my messages. His supposed enemy on the site and the enemy’s best friend. So my best friends also encouraged me to get laid again by these guys. Let me just say WHY DO THEY MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY IN REAL LIFE. The best friend even had a daddy kink. 


Thats what I had to say so far about that story. These stories I be reading and finding gets crazy. I even read one where my best friend is super smart and he made me a sex doll. Like an actual sex robot. He learns how to pleasure me from Porn like the amount of things you can find on like pornhub is crazy so the things he could do was crazier. I did end up falling for me in the story and he was able to become human. Then the whole self- discovery of him liking guys and becoming bisexual. Its a whole mess. Not like this other story. 


This story hear is a poly relationship well it becomes one anyway and it’s between 8 PEOPLE. 7 guys 1 girl. So theres a lot going on and once again it’s a x-reader. Let me just tell you. In the story I’m a switch so I’m a mommy at times for 2 in the relationship. I’m a little to another 2. A sub for 1-2. They all have their own kinks and things they like. One is into pet play and likes being called pup. One loves having sex outside. So there was a scene where we fucked on the front lawn underneath the moonlight against the cool grass. I can’t really describes the others but this one I have to describe. So since there’s 7 of them. At night my littlespace comes out because she now cant sleep alone so she waits until someone is going to bed to sleep with them. One night while in bed with one of the guys. He tells her a secret kink of his.  He’s into somno. He likes to fuck someone while their sleeping. She give him permission to do just that and couple of days later he’s fingering her in her sleep then fucking her. She woke up moaning and in a orgasm like omg you guys don’t know what that did to me being on the other side of the screen reading it all do down. 


It’s just for some reason the more and more I read about kinky things and smut the more they become a hidden fantasy that I will one day want to try out. Well thats a bit of things I read and about my hair. Like I said the more I read the more things I wanna try out and fantasize. 


Thank you for reading!!


Song of the post: Cat & Dog by TxT



(I’ve tried posting the lyrics but it just wasn’t working out so if you wanna understand the song just click subtitles) 


Hugs and friendly kisses~


Tae❤️

3 days ago. Sat 12 Oct 2019 05:03:15 PM IDT

Halloooo Everyone!!!


I’m Princess Tae and this is my BLOG! 


As some of you may know I’ve been watching these BDSM videos on YouTube. I’ll be talking about my submissive style and What I understand about myself but before that. I would like to give you a bit of an update.


Some of you may know that I have a mentor well soon to be had as in past tense. This person even know gave me some good advice. I don’t want to be mentored by them because occasionally while talking to them I have been given these red flags. To myself I didn’t know if these red flags were actually red flags as when I’m in a certain situations I tend to overthink what’s going on and become nervous or fearful. 


So I’ve been given these red flags as It made me want to speak out and give input from someone else to understand what is going on for me. From more than one person the mentor I had is actually not a good mentor and some of the things they asked me weren’t supposed to be asked which is why the flag had raised in the first place. Also that some advice like a certain on based on DDLG. They had given bad advice as DDLG isn’t Ageplay but something that deals with the state of mind that brings inner self peace and joy. So at the moment I’m mentorless but I do talk to someone who has never asked me weird questions but was always there to just answer my questions on understanding or just curiosity. 


So that’s my little mini update on what’s going on with me in the BDSM world and now I will talk about my submissive side. 


So I do like to say that what sparked my curiosity about BDSM was indeed reading about DDLG and then it went into further levels and dynamics still all being read through books. Also in a previous post I mention that porn had played a part in me knowing about BDSM so for that it would be spanking and being tied up. I totally watched some harder kinky videos but that was to see and find out what kind of porn I myself was into and I can say it plays a part in what I want to experience and is willing to try in BDSM. 


Oof do you know how I say that I’m mentorless well I haven’t mentioned it yet to the supposed mentor and I will trust me because if I don’t this post definitely did. I don’t want to seem rude or anything. I did a last thing to ask them what they had planned on mentoring me on and stuff like that but after is when I realized from someone else they were already giving me clear red flags. 


Back to the topic at hand, Submissive style.


I realized while watching the video I’ll already been exposed and figured the most of my submissive style. As I mentioned before in a previous post that I'm interested in quite a bit of things. Which I won’t mention only because I would like to talk to it with a potential daddydom. If you understand. 


So I’m interested in things just haven’t tried them out to see if it’s true or not but I at least had given it some thought process and when I do get a daddydom they can help out with the real life process. 


I have a question to ask subs ( what was your beginning experience or journey to being submissive like?) or doms when with their first sub (what was your first experience or journey like dealing with a submissive for the first time?) 


If you would like to tell me you can comment or message me. (Doms please make sure to tell me what the intentions were of messaging me within the subject part of the message because I’m doing this thing where I may not even open or not to be rude but just… yeah you know.


Song of the post: Do It For Her"

(from "Steven Universe Soundtrack: Volume 1" soundtrack)



[Pearl:]

Remember, you do it for him

And you would do it again

You do it for her

That is to say

You'll do it for him


Keep your stance wide

Keep your body lowered

As you're moving forward

Balance is the key

Right foot, left foot

Now go even faster

And as you're moving backwards

Keep your eyes on me

[Connie:] Keep my stance wide

[Pearl:] Good

[Connie] Keep my body lowered

[Pearl] Right!

[Connie:] As I'm moving forward

[Pearl:] Concentrate!

Don't you want him to live?!

[Connie:] Right foot, left foot

[Pearl:] Yes!

But put your whole body into it!


Everything you have

Everything you are

You've got to give

On the battlefield

When everything is chaos

And you have nothing but the way you feel

Your strategy, and a sword

You just think about the life you'll have

Together after the war

And then you do it for her

That's how you know you can win

You do it for her

That is to say

You'll do it for him


Deep down, you know

You weren't built for fighting

But that doesn't mean you're not

Prepared to try

What they don't know

Is your real advantage

When you live for someone

You're prepared to die

[Connie:] Deep down, I know

That I'm just a human

[Pearl:] True

[Connie + Pearl:] But I know that (I/you) can

Draw my sword and fight


[Connie:] With my short existence

[Pearl:] Good

[Connie:] I can make a difference

[Pearl:] Yes, excellent!

[Connie:] I can be there for him

I can be his knight

I can do it for him

[Connie + Pearl:] You do it for her

[Pearl:] Okay, now do that again

[Connie:] Yes, m'am!

[Pearl:] You do it for her

And now you say

[Connie:] I'll do it for him


Thank you for reading!! 


Hugs and Friendly Kisses~ 


Tae❤️

 

P.s. mini mini update I told them and not in a rude way. I said things along the lines of I don't need them as a mentor that I started to feel uncomfortable and that I hope they understand but I also said thank you to the advice that was a bit helpful. 

3 days ago. Sat 12 Oct 2019 03:37:41 PM IDT

 

Hallo world,


Goodmorning, Goodnight, GoodAfternoon to all.


       Anyways I haven't long woke up and I just wanted to say I had a weird dream. I can’t really tell you how it started cause for some reason when I do remember my dreams. (I don’t always rarely actually) I tend to forget the beginning and the ending as if it never happened. 

        

       So my dream was basically me being broke the entire time and I was at the mall. Like I don’t understand why would I do to the mall of I’m broke. People usually go to the mall and they become broke not when they already are.


       Anyways I’m at the mall broke and for some reason I’m searching for coins like I’m Mario. I don’t know why. I’m just glad I didn’t do a squidward episode.


       “SPARE CHANGEEEE SPARE CHANGEEE” looking like a hobo. 


       Anyways lol I’m searching for coins and all the sudden I’m pushed into a chest and is being hugged. 


        The person who hugged me was like “Tae I like you let me be your…”for some reason I’m thinking of two ways they talked to me so one way they said “daddy” and the other one they said boyfriend. 


        Anyways after they person said that I looked up confused and was like OMGGG your ‘blank’ this person who made fun of me in elementary school and then argue with about these two countries. I was like the hell is he confessing why isn’t it his best friend who I had a crush on in elementary school and middle school. Who knows the brain is a weirdo. 


      We ended up in a store doing god knows what I can’t remember. I do know that he was flirting with me and was wearing my aunts husband winter Coat. That’s like all I remember and it doesn’t make SENSEEE 


      Like why this of all the things.


Thank you for reading about one of my unusual dreams. Maybe I’ll make it a thing to tell you about the dreams I do end up remembering


Song of the post: Why By Sabrina Carpenter


                                                                 

.be


"Why"


You like New York City in the daytime

I like New York City in the nighttime

You say you like sleeping with the air off

I don't, I need it on

You like the light coming through the windows

I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed

You ignore the music on the radio

I don't, I sing-a-long


I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no

And you don't ask for me to change


Tell me how we're not alike

But we work so well and we don't even know why

Funny how the stars crossed right

'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why

You can call it fire and ice

But we work so well and we don't even know why

We don't even know why, no no

We don't even know why, no no no


No no no no

We like it in the daytime

We like it in the end of time

No no no no

We like it in the daytime

We like it in the end of time


Cold outside and you're just in a T-shirt

I have cold blood even in a sweater

You start your night sippin' by the Kilo

I don't, I know you know


I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no

And you don't ask for me to change


Tell me how we're not alike

But we work so well and we don't even know why

Funny how the stars crossed right

'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why

You can call it fire and ice

But we work so well and we don't even know why

We don't even know why, no no (no no no)

We don't even know why, no no no


No no no no

We like it in the daytime (we don't even know)

We like it in the end of time (we don't even know)

No no no no

We like it in the daytime

(We don't even know, know, know, know, know)

We like it in the end of time


Somehow we end up on the same side

And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright

Even our eyes are different colors, but we see fine

Somehow we end up on the same side (up on the same side)

And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright

(Think that we'd be alright)

Even our eyes are different colors, but we see fine


(Oh) Tell me how we're not alike

But we work so well and we don't even know why

('Cause we work so well and we don't even know why, why)

Funny how the stars crossed right

'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why

(But we don't even know why)

You can call it fire and ice

But we work so well and we don't even know why

('Cause we work so well and we don't even know why, why)

We don't even know why, no no

We don't even know why, no no no


No no no no

We like it in the daytime (oh)

We like it in the end of time (We don't even know why)

No no no no

We like it in the daytime

We like it in the nighttime


Hugs and Friendly Kisses~ 


Tae❤️


P.s. I plan on doing an actual normal blog based on my journey and Something I figured out and learned. I plan on doing it on Submissive style let’s see how it turns out.

4 days ago. Fri 11 Oct 2019 11:07:04 PM IDT

 

Hallooo,


So I was watching Youtube videos and this girl talked about this place called a Play Dungeon. I kinda got the concept of it but I decided to do more research on it and I found this BDSM group in my area. They have a event coming up in 2 weeks. A 101 class then a play party. 


I’m not sure about the party. I may go I may not but I definitely want to go to the class. I’m a little sad/scared my best friend doesn’t want to come with me. She said she’ll feel uncomfortable and it brings up past things. So I understand but she said she’ll definitely keep in contact with me the entire day and even randomly call me through the event to make sure I’m safe and is careful. 


I think will be a great experience and hope to definitely learn from it. Since it’s in 2 weeks I’m sure I’ll be okay but it’s always good to be cautious. It’s also since I may go to the party. The guests could wear costumes so If I do go I would like to dress up in celebration for Halloween. 


Anyways thank you for reading!! I thought It’ll be good to share this event I’m going to with you all.


Song of the post: In my Blood by Shawn Mendes 


Hugs and friendly Kisses~


Tae❤️

4 days ago. Fri 11 Oct 2019 05:52:29 PM IDT

Hallo again, 


Real quick I’m on campus and my college mentor sent me positive saying today which made me feel nice inside. 


Love yourself when you’re tired 


Love yourself when you’re weak 


Love yourself when you’re confused 


Love yourself when you’re broken 


Love yourself until you’re restored

 

I hope everyone has a great morning and day 


Hugs and friendly kisses~ 


Tae❤️

4 days ago. Fri 11 Oct 2019 05:32:08 PM IDT

Halloooo,


       So right now it’s morning and I only have one class today. For some reason I kept waking up for my early early morning class but after I realized I had a later class I slept comfortably. 


      Anyways I’m on my way to class and my mind keeps wondering to how my life will be when I have a Daddy/Dom. Like I haven’t told you guys this yet but it happened this entire week. I would randomly think of the BDSM lifestyle and how my life will be. 


     Is it just me? Is it because I’m new and just wanna get started but yet I wanna wait and make sure I’m ready. 


     Also last night, after my talk with my mentor I found myself bored and lonely with no one to talk to. Yes I have a best friend who I tell almost everything. I say almost everything because I’m not obligated to tell her every little detail that goes on. 


    She does know I’ve joined this community and that I’m a little. She goes “Little Tae Tae” or “You’re everyone’s little Tae Tae” whenever we hang out and I honestly love it. 


     Sometimes to myself I’m like how can I be little I tall (5’7) and not petite. But then I remember. Size or looks doesn’t matter. That I’m anything I wanna be. 


      Yeah I get confused or lost in my own world. But I’m understanding where I belong and stand in the world. I just gotta be super duper cautious. Which I am sometimes too cautious. It’s hard to explain the type of person I am. But know that I’m like the in between for personality. 


      Like I'm an introvert and extrovert. I’m outgoing and energetic at times. Then I’m shy and quiet. There’s definitely more to say about me but I guess you’ll just have to stick around to…...OMGG I LEFT MY BLOW POPS AT HOME!!! Now I don’t have any candy or sugar. #sadgirl let’s hope I brought enough to get a sweet snack on campus. 


I’ll most likely post again today. Soon on campus so gotta go. 


Song of the day: Come Alive by The Greatest Showman soundtrack. 


Hugs and friendly kisses~ 


Tae❤️