A Recovering Pick-me

I don't know why I am still part of the Cage. Maybe I feel kinship with some of you, I dunno. I know last time I lamented about my relationship issues, I did get a lot of support. I just wish I was more brave or better to leave my predicament. I wish I was more kinky or something so that I could use that as a distraction. But, I'm always thinking, thinking, thinking, and never quite taking the action that I need due to fear. I've been reading a lot (my go to thing) and I realized I might have Asberger's which is part of being on the Autistic spectrum. I used to be called Amelia Bedelia, now I know why. I had a counselor tell me that's probably why I over analyze things, especially difficult things like abuse. It's hard not too when that's all I used to do since I was a child. I feel like I don't know who I am sometimes. I know this rant is better suited for like a emotional support forum or reddit or something, but I'm posting it on here for some reason. Maybe I'm hoping that one person will pop out of the shadows and be like...here I am..here to love you and understand you, but I know life already. It never works that way. Anyways, I have a bad headache, so I'm going to end this here. Thanks for reading.