Was it the end of the full moon? Was it the happenings in my last family? Was it acknowledging out loud how I am feeling and how unfair it is?
I wish I could answer those questions because then I would be prepared for the next time. I thought I was doing surprisingly well considering how broken my heart is but man did it all come crashing down tonight.
I just need to remind myself that I cannot control other people's choices or decisions and as much as a Dominant can instruct, demand, whatever that certain things happen, can he really make people behave a certain way? A Dominant can impact a lot but he cannot dictate feelings and behaviors as much as he might try. Every person has to make their own decisions and unfortunately in a poly dynamic sometimes those decisions intimately impact other people and strongly influence their decisions.
So now I have two noted lessons from this break up:
- Lesson 1: Find your grounding first in yourself. (I said only in yourself originally but I think first is better) My Dominant can help me be grounded but he cannot be my grounding.
- Lesson 2: As the Serenity Prayer says, Accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I can change me and me alone. I can influence others but I cannot change them. So right now I am focusing on the courage to change me. Make me a better, healthier submissive and human being.
If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. And this will not kill me but it sure will make me stronger.
Meli