What is it they say? The road to hell is paved with the best of intentions. I know there's one about the best laid plans of mice and men . . . and I am sure there are a thousand others.
I made a plan. I was confident I was going to stick to my plan. And now my plan has changed. Not because of pressure. Not because I was afraid to be alone. Not because of all the typical reasons I usually change my course of action.
Sometimes you meet someone and everything just clicks. They tell you things that you thought would make you run but you want to give it a chance. Everything just fell into place and unfortunately I am not very good at dipping my toes in the water. What is it that Nike says, Go big or go home?
I am one to jump on with both feet. My MO is all in or all out and I really think I am making the right decision by going all in. Although my children don't know about the lifestyle, I have talked to them about this person. Even they have encouraged me to follow what feels right (and they have always previously not done that).
So I am doing just that. The ever present chatter in my brain has quieted down, the elephant sitting on my chest has left the premises. I am happy and comfortable. There have been a few times I have asked myself am I moving to fast but in all reality it's been 4 months since the nails were pounded in to the coffin of my last relationship but it's been more than a year since I was truly happy. I was believing things were gonna change, they were gonna go back to how they used to be. But sometimes, how things used to be is just that a distant memory.
I know what I want and need in a dynamic, in a Dominant and I have share that with him. I may not be able to verbalize what I bring to the table beyond saying I have a submissive heart but this Dominant seems to see all the things I cannot say.
Do I think it's going to be easy? Of course not. Do I think we might have bumps in the road? Well, duh we are both human so that's probably a given.
But I see an exciting journey in front of us.
Right now I feel like a flower that had been thirsty for water and the rains came, not so heavy as to drown it but just enough to give it a drink and let it thrive.
I was saying I am terrified but that's really not the right word at all. I am excited to step into a new unknown with someone I can grow with, with someone who can be the yang to my yin.
A New Unknown
Never having been this comfortable
Every time feeling I needed to change
When there should be give and take
Utterly amazed by my comfort levels
New things to be learned and explored
Knowing he will take these steps with me
Not rushing me but exposing me
Only time will tell if
What I feel is real
Not nervous but exhilarated for the endless possibilities
11/11/23