A-Z poetry and thoughts

There's been screaming in my head

Yelling frantically

You aren't enough

And you never will be

So much disorder with my thoughts

So many sleepless nights

I question me "will this ever stop"
 

Then you came along

Into my life, so casually

In a funny sort of way

I met you and I thought to myself

"He feels so familiar"

And then I stopped myself

Always hesitating at a pleasant thought
 

There was a storm I had to fight

One I almost lost as well

So much trouble from my past

I couldn't bring myself to break the chains

That weighed so heavily on my heart

The regret that left me so little room

To leave those demons where they lay
 

Then you came along

And you made me laugh again

My storm is slowly coming to an end

And I look foward to the day

It'll be completely gone

Cause your presence brings me shelter

And you feel so much like home
 

There's still much left to mend

This residue left on my scars

Haunts me in my dreams

And I wake up in a sudden panic

But I feel it growing weaker

It's shadow stands over my bed

Less frequently at night
 

Because you came along

I feel my heart melting every day

I feel a fear I love and hate

Is it too soon for me to say

I love that you came into my life

Because I never knew before

A person can also be a peace of mind

Now entering my late 20s my lack of career achievements has hit me like a bus. I left a job supervising a kitchen I cared for because there was so little gratification. Even though I wanted to succeed it led to disappointment and now I'm in limbo without a clue as to where I'm headed or what path to take. Silly I know. Someone who has worked hard to grow no longer knows if she wants to continue her path towards growth. I am not sad just lost. There is just me, my thoughts, and this

Love is a scam

In it I've lost the sense of who I am

Or what to stand for

Or what I'm worth

Your self esteem is a punchline

And the whole damn thing is a joke

Love is a lie

In it I found so many cries

From pitiful souls

All begging for
mercy

And i found that self doubt is a monster

That crawls besides you unseen

Love can be cruel

It eats away what you thought true

Or the things you held dear

Or considered wholesome

And it tears you down bare

From one day to another you can be undone

Love is not magic

And though I know it sounds very tragic

It will teach you

And it will hurt like hell

Like you're constantly on fire

But you're the only one that can tell

Love is expensive

It can often even be neglected

It is not simple

And it is not free

You say "that's not what love is"

But that's exactly what love was for me.

I feel like I was born to question everything

To have a mind that never settles

And a restless heart

A world within my head

In which good just isn't good enough

I feel as though I'm never full

Constantly hungering for more

Like who what when where why

And how could I ever stop

With this never ending appetite

I feel increasingly,  and constantly, concerned

Where am I headed

And how do I get there

Will I ever be satisfied or am I destined to be torn
 

I feel as though boredom devours

Every aspect of my being

In need of less time for thought

And less time to run

And more time for healing

-AZ