The feeling of drowning
Feeling the pressure around you
To be better
A better daughter
A better mother
A better believer
And a better person
Only to have yourself, inevitably given into the worst side of you
so it hurts even more
knowing that you drowned for nothing
The feeling of sinking
After you've already drowned
so you're going to hit rock bottom
and that's okay
you've been here before
it's familiar, almost like a second home
to the doubts that became truths
and what could you do
when there was nothing left to do
The feeling of defeat
Truly overwhelming, I must say
Even worse than drowning
There is no floating to the top
No swimming to the surface
There's no air
Except for in the bubbles escaping you
The last bit you can give
The last fight you can put up
And then there's the feeling of relief
when you close your eyes
and accept
that life was headed nowhere but here
so why fight it now
you cave into your worst self
you accept her with an embrace
and you start to see the surface
but you're going too fast and that's okay
The feeling of spiraling
You're a hurricane
Raging through the water onto
land
Throwing, Tossing, Running, Flying
And no force in this world can stop you nor would it dare
for you are vengeful and angry
and suddenly you're not
You look around at the dismay
At all the pain
And once again you get the feeling that you are drowning
but instead you land
Your feet on the ground
You begin to rebuild
To pick up the pieces left
The broken bits
You come to the realization, finally
That you should have never let yourself sink
Or spiral
You should have swam not swarmed
For this is not who you are or ever were
But you decided to give into
The feeling of drowning