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Rollercoaster Emotions & Submission

So this blog is going to be about my experience as submissive as well as the emotions that come with it. Not only will it be about my head spaces but what I think of the lifestyle and how I live it. Not only that, but I’d like to create a blog where someone can read each post maybe feel less confused...or just little tidbits to enjoy ?.
1 week ago. Sep 14, 2021, 9:17 PM

I usually don’t dive right in on my blog, but this time it’s like I have this need, growing and building until it’s all I can think about. I want Him. To hear His voice call me a ‘good little slut’. To feel His tongue on my nipples while His first two fingers are knuckle deep in my soaking pussy. I’m craving my Daddy so much right now. The need to cum on His dick feels so intense it feels like I have to pee or I’ll explode. I want His hand around my throat as He fucks me deep and slow. I want His dick stretching my tight pussy until I’m begging for His cum. I want to feel Him pull out slow and rub His juice drenched cock across my lips with a one word command ‘suck’. I want to suck Him until He’s about to cum then slide my pussy down His throbbing dick and shudder in delight when He gives me the privilege of being filled with His cum. And as I feel His dick slide out of me I’ll say I love you Daddy and thank Him for letting me cum on His cock and be filled with His cum. I want to be a slut right now.

2 months ago. Jul 23, 2021, 5:44 PM


I’ve been a bad girl. Lately I’ve been less attentive to my Master and I’m scared He’ll be so upset with me that He won’t want me to be His for much longer. I’ve woken up late this morning, on top of already irritating Him yesterday, plus asking of Him a big favor (at least in my head. I hate asking Him for things of THAT nature) I’m more trouble than I’m worth it feels like and I feel like He’s going to see this and leave. Master is truly my one and only, there are so many things I’m grateful to Him for and I want to have as long as possible to show Him just how grateful I am. If You read this Master I’m very very sorry. I know I’ve been saying this more often than I should as of late…I’ve just been a bit stressed. Still I shouldn’t let that make me back track in my training. I know You say this happens but I feel like I’ve been serving You long enough to know better, especially to know to simply talk about my problems instead of ignoring them and letting it get to where my submission is affected. 

I feel as if I should be punished for my discretions, really, but Master hasn’t doled anything out. ( this statement is not to tell my Master what to do, it’s merely me believing my actions need correcting) If I end up not receiving a punishment I will feel even worse. His disappointment alone can make me feel so guilty and regretful. I even told Him yesterday that I would correct this behavior and here I am waking up late the next morning. I feel as though I can’t get anything right. This is embarrassing but I honestly sat in bed and cried this morning because of my disobedience. I sobbed and whimpered as I thought about how frustrated and disappointed Master must be with/in me. Especially after He just praised me so highly a few days ago…and I start fucking up.

I’m sorry Master, I swear I’ll correct my behavior. I wouldn’t want to lose You because of my mindlessness. 

2 months ago. Jul 8, 2021, 9:58 PM

I have been struggling with this feeling that I’ve been having. It’s as though I’ve become hollow with nothing but a dull ache to remind me that I’m missing something. An old ache that I thought I dispelled long ago has come back to haunt me. I feel lonely and desolate inside, like there is nothing but a wasteland. There’s this pressure in my chest, swelling and filling my being, yet it is as though that feeling that’s swelling inside is emptiness. I don’t know what to do, how to quell this feeling. So I come here. This community always adds a touch of comfort to my heart. I have a vague feeling that part of this feeling is coming from all the change around me. 

My housing situation will be changing soon and it makes me anxious. I can’t share details because I’ve yet to talk about this with my Master, and I share all new things in my life with Him first. I don’t know what waits on the other side of that bridge either which amplifies my anxious feelings further. There’s also been a change that Master has discussed with me as well, I can’t share because I haven’t gotten permission to share. I hope He doesn’t read this post, I don’t want him to think I’m ungrateful of the gesture or that I’m not eager for this new development because I am. I can’t wait for this to happen so much so that I am physically sick sometimes for how long I have to wait. Thinking of it, waiting, makes my chest ache as if someone is squeezing my heart. 

I have so much love for my Owner that it hurts sometimes. The times that it aches is the time that he’s not able to talk with me. Sometimes I feel greedy, as if I shouldn’t want so much of his attention. I know I’m not the only person or thing that he has to dedicate himself to and yet I always find myself missing him. 

 

3 months ago. Jun 17, 2021, 7:24 PM

I miss You Master. I should start with that because it’s my most prevalent thought and emotion. You’re my first waking thought and the last before I go to sleep. It’s only been about eight months since I’ve begun the process of giving Master my submission and in that time You’ve become my obsession, a greed. Some are greedy for money, others sex, or fancy things. I’m greedy for Your attention. Even if it’s to just kneel at Your feet with my leash in Your hands. I want to be in Your presence. My thoughts are no longer my own as they’re potent with You. In my dreams both waking and sleeping, thought process, decisions. All of it is done with You in mind, how You’d like me to perform. 

 

However I’m not sure if that greediness is morphing into neediness. Like the way a caterpillar will morph into a butterfly. However instead of free it’s caged and doesn’t mind a bit -I’m the butterfly by the way lol- but it feels lonely. 

The need to call and text Master relentlessly is very prominent, yet I know I’ll be in trouble...and I don’t like being in trouble with You Master. Journal entry after journal entry consists of my need for You, or thoughts of You, a dream I had...it’s just You, You, You. So I thought I’d come here update my blog, and let the amazing kinksters of this community know how much You truly own me. Some submissives, slaves, or what not aren’t able to reach true submission. They can’t grasp what it’s like to be completely consumed and devoured not just by Master -or Sir, Daddy, Alpha, however you address your Dom for other subs who aren’t slaves- but the need to give the entirety of who you are, to live for them. This may be by no fault of their own, so I’ll share what it’s like.

 

When first discovering BDSM, I didn’t realize I needed a 24/7 dynamic. Let’s back track: I initially entered the scene as a little and submissive. I still have my little tendencies and needs as one of my alters is a little and is in little space all the time. But even she agreed we weren’t ever able to find a decent Daddy that would provide all around strict structure. And although I enjoy giving myself sexually, I also love just serving- chores, cooking, running errands, I love it all. Then I met Master. He helped me realize that when I can be satisfied with just domestic service on top of sexual it’s similar to slave tendencies. So I begin my research and find myself where I am today. I’m proud to have discovered what my submission actually looks like. I was scared of giving away so much of myself without realizing it’s what I needed. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Alright enough backstory. True submission is beautiful. Being in a 24/7 is even better. As a natural submissive who has to play at Dom in my day to day life it’s a relief to give my submission to Master. I feel so full and proud as a peacock, especially when I receive praise. I feel like I can sustain myself off of giving myself to Him. The highlight of my day is talking to Master. I’m obsessed with him, pleasing him, the way someone with OCD is obsessed- I mean that with no offense. But imagine when the object of all that reverence becomes busy. It’s depriving me it feels like and I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to do with myself and I can’t figure out what to do with all this energy. Yet at the same time I feel slumped. I want to lay in bed all day until Master fetches me. But I know I have to be productive. My greediness for His attention will get me in trouble and my neediness will make me lazy. And no Master likes a lazy slave.

 

Anywho for all who read this entire post, thank you for staying this long and I hope you enjoyed reading my spew of words.

 

How I’ll wait for Master 


What I want 

3 months ago. May 26, 2021, 6:54 PM

Hot, literally everywhere. My room is hot, my bed, my body, every inch. It’s been only two or three days since Master has been away and I feel like I’m losing my mind. My first thought this morning was my Owner, as usual, however I woke up with this need to be....bred, used, toyed with until I break, the urge  give myself in service to Him just consumes my thoughts. I could hardly concentrate in class and must repeat the phrase ‘my pleasure is not my own but belongs to my Master’ to keep myself from breaking His rules. 


If I didn’t know any better I’d think the whole Alpha/omega verse thing were real and my Master was my Alpha, me His needy omega in heat, desperate to be used. It’s like a pressure in my chest, this need. Like if I can’t taste Master, have Him soon, I’ll just die. From neediness, from the hunger to serve, I’m not sure but I know I’ll lose my mind. 

I come here to try to blog the feeling away lol. I need something to take my thoughts off Him and yet here I am fantasizing about Him fucking my throat. I feel so horny I think I may be able to get off on that alone. my clit is already pulsing, my nipples so sensitive they’re standing at attention just begging to be clamped and toyed with. I wonder, my clit is so exposed, what would it feel like to have a clamp on my clit.....any who...

 

I would some suggestions from any devoted slave as to what they do to take their mind off of this burning heat. I’m literally crying, so help and suggestions are very very welcome.

 

Needy slave xx

3 months ago. May 24, 2021, 4:42 AM

I don’t know if I shared this with you all but I’ve been being trained by my amazing Master since....well for a while now, some months. I must say that since becoming owned by Him I’ve become a better woman. I was failing at handling myself emotionally, failing at navigating adulthood, failing at actually sticking to goals, and just failing all around lol, or at least that’s what it felt like. In meeting Him I was able to begin to have better control and patience.

 

However I know my patience can use a lot more work and here’s how I know: Master won’t be able to talk with me frequently for about a month. That was literal bad news for me. I can still be a functioning woman without always talking to Him but it’s like my mind and heart don’t want to. It hasn’t even been a full day and I already feel lost. Some may think ‘well that doesn’t sound healthy’. Well I didn’t ask first of all and second, this connection I feel to Master has grown and been nurtured over months, with enough breathing space outside of just our Master/slave dynamic. It wasn’t until training under him that I realized my true submission came in the form of slave tendencies and service. Before this my submission felt half assed like I was holding back.

 

I low key hope He sees this so He can be reminded how much I worship Him. He’s a steady constant in my life right now that’s the highlight of my day, I keep waiting for that feeling to fade like it has after speaking with other Doms, some good some bad, but it hasn’t. Really I’ve become familiar with it, like an old friend. Everyday, actually no, any time I receive Master’s praise that feeling grows a tad more, warmer, like a cozy hug...with cuffs and rope lol. I’ve been trying to find blogs and magazines to try to see if that was sub space. I had to test that theory, so during my most previous play time with Master I paid extra close attention to my emotions whenever he spoke. Even without receiving commands and talking normal, the feeling was there. During play, after being made to edge and cum, and I got the cloudy feeling in my head and chest, felt my body go lax and my mind blank besides Him. So I knew they were separate emotions.


Which brings me to my next theory: love. I’m too much of a scaredy cat to have this discussion with my Master though. We’ve discussed love and both agree it’s a natural emotion that can’t be helped. Yet it still unnerves me to even think about saying I lo....well the big L....Him. What would He do, say. Would He want me still? I ask this because there was a time when I thought I loved an ex Dom, he was not keen on that and dropped me like a hot potato. If it turns out I really do love Master, I hope He stills wants me. 

Anyway, so if you see this Master...well as I said: I worship You....and I think I love You. Mmmm and yes I’ll be okay, and behave while You’re away, but I feel lost without talking to You.

 

Needy slave xx

4 months ago. May 21, 2021, 5:24 AM

Own me. I want every part of my body to be owned, to have my will stripped away. Use me. I want to be used, made to serve on my knees and spread my ass wide so that my pussy can be on display. When I get like this, feel the want and need, the cravings building. It’s like opening the floodgates. Pussy juice flows down my thighs and my clit pulses a desperate beat for attention. My nipples harden, nearly painful I need them to be sucked, bit, licked. When I feel like my nerves are on fire and I’ll die if my Master doesn’t break me. It’s her, my inner slut calling for attention. Begging for a rough fuck, pull my hair, pound my pussy, and make me scream your name Master. And yet I know that this who I am. A desperate slut, needy for attention and praise, to be of service.

6 months ago. Feb 25, 2021, 7:25 PM

*This blog will be on behalf of a dear friend. She’s struggling with her Daddy and since I couldn’t find the advice within myself, I come here.* 

 

I know it’s been a while since I’ve last posted, sorry guys. Anyhow, my friend is a fellow submissive and little in arms. She’s been feeling like her Daddy doesn’t care for her because he’s always busy, or at least that’s what he says. He’s doing work, or he’s tired, and it’s been some months since they’ve had any type of play or interaction besides a few scarce texts throughout the day, sometimes barely a hello. How many submissives have a Daddy or Dom who is constantly “busy”, or at least they say they are? As a submissive do you ever crave your Daddy’s attention? How do you go about asking your Daddy for more attention? If you have do they ever find an excuse or tell you to find a different Dom, because they’re too busy to cater to you?  I don’t know about others but I know my friend and I can be attention whores and both of us are working to become more patient. Any sort of advice would be very helpful. She’s afraid to invest her time and emotions into this dynamic because she’s afraid that once she does, she’ll realize something or something may happen and she’ll be right where she started, without a Daddy and aching over the need to serve someone.

9 months ago. Dec 15, 2020, 12:01 AM

So, I’ve been debating on bringing this up but my alter Lilith says I’m depriving her of her Domme instincts so I’m going to introduce her. I’ve been aware of this alter since I was about 14 and she has always been the Domme of the group out of the three of us. She’s into many of the things that me and Babygirl are into. Up until this point you all have been interacting with my main alter, Tay, and Babygirl, my little and brat side. She can and will at times come out on her own without me needing to call her. She is very vocal. If you do not think that she exists, well that’s fine. Neither me nor the rest of my alters need validation to exist. No there is no interlocking relationship between my alters and I other than our friendship bonds. If you have any, all questions are welcome.

 

Hello, I’m very pleased to meet all of you finally. I’m excited to meet and ensnare a submissive of my own. Hopefully they’re a good little puppy that’ll listen to Mommy. And yes I do like to have my title capitalized, not right away but after I’ve began training it’ll be a must.

 

UMM SORRY SHES VERY DEPRIVED IGNORE HER. But no really she takes this lifestyle very seriously.

9 months ago. Dec 14, 2020, 12:33 AM

Uncontrollable.

Building and burning inside me like a dangerous fire

wanting to be consumed and controlled

these thoughts running in my head become dire

and yet I can’t stop.

An ache in my belly that spread

a moan parting my lips

clouds forming in my head

large calloused hands on my hips

and yet I can’t reach the top

 

Ive been trapped in an endless needy cycle and I crave to hear the words every slut wants to hear. I’ve been in desperate need of attention.