Written by Abyss
In medical triage the standard of care is doing the most good for the most people, patients are color coded and tagged. Black tags are for those who are past any hope of survival with the allotted resources and are allowed to die, red tag for those who with immediate care have a chance of pulling though, yellow for those who can wait to be treated for a few hours, and is green for those with minor injuries otherwise known as the walking wounded. In life most of us haven’t lived without at least becoming the emotional walking wounded, but sometimes people fall into the critical color codes.
Having to do emotional triage on friends is heart breaking and some of the outcomes to my decisions still haunt me. A friend is a person who you invest your time, support, and love into. Friendship is all about the natural ebb and flow of good and bad, the celebrations with the sorrows, and the give and take of interpersonal relationships. When a friend enters into a critical time in their lives, be it from outside forces or a crisis within themselves. Those who care about them rally support and in medical terms start doing compressions, trying to keep that life blood flowing. Even with all that love and support they receive it is ultimately up to the patient if they are going to survive. The people who have the drive and the will to fight are the ones who normally have the most favorable outcomes. Those who give up or choose to live in a world of denial despite the diagnosis are the ones who code, dragging their rescuers down with them. If that friend is one who is unwilling to take the needed steps in order to overcome that crisis they have broken the arms of those who are trying to help lift them up. It then becomes the responsibility of the rescuer to triage that person; a red tag may have to be downgraded to a black tag, you can’t do compressions forever.
The first rule in an emergency situation is to ensure your safety before trying to help others; you’re no good to anyone if your dead, this apply to emotional triage as well. As a friend It takes every fiber of your being to resist that overwhelming urge to help them as they struggle but one must make sure that that their own life line is in place before reaching out. When that friendship becomes unbalanced and loses altitude it is time to take a look around and see if your assistance is going to put yourself in danger and if so is the risk worth it or are you just turning that unresponsive patient’s sternum into mush. If the friend is still fighting to stay alive, do another set but if they have given up, it may be time to call the T.O.D.
Letting these friends go can be one of the hardest decisions a person can make but if the person they are trying to support is unwilling to do what is needed to survive that relationship becomes toxic and the love shared becomes bitter. As with any relationship both parties must take a personal inventory of the situation, if the efforts of either person are proving to be detrimental it may be time to step back and distance themselves from the friendship. It is hard but for your own safety and wellbeing you sometimes have to just let them go. Secure your own mask before assisting others…