this submissive's point of view..

I've always had this fantasy of being submerged, naked, In a rain barrel full of very very warm chocolate pudding. mmmmmmm

... and a hopeful beginning to a new decade...

     Kneeling in submission, an awkward and uncomfortable position. Naked kneeling up, my butt not allowed to touch my heels, back straight, face forward, eyes averted toward the floor, arms behind my back clasping hands. This one is turned toward where two wall come together, the corner.

     What kind of infraction to Master's rules could have landed me in this position? I know He's sitting in His chair behind me, watching me. I wanted to ask Him what I did, but dare not ask. I was not allowed to talk during punishment.

     I began to reflect backward ten minutes at a time, then an hour at a time. What have I done to deserve punishment? My knees and hips hurt. I wobbled a little to try and readjust my weight. Master cleared His throat and I resumed my perfect, painful posture. The front of my upper thighs and my butt burned from the contracted muscles.

     These thoughts of reflection ended, and became thoughts about Master Himself, the man that He is, so kind, so loving. Thoughts of Him made my face relax into a smile. The pain in my body eased and disappeared, maintaining perfect posture. Several minutes passed, heart felt smile as I thought of my Master, and the wonderful, blissful way He makes me feel.

     I felt His hand on the center of my back and moved to correct my position. His hands came to rest on my shoulders. His fingers curled around the front of them and His thumbs pressed firmly behind them, as He moved me backward. He slowly unfolded my legs and laid me back onto a pile of soft pillows, that weren't there when we started. Laying next to me He began softly stroking my face, my hair, my eyes closed in such comfort. He kissed me. His lips pressed lightly against mine, exchanging breaths. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the morning.

     After bringing Him His coffee I took my place beside Him with my own cup. Blowing across the steaming cup, then taking a sip of the hot, strong liquid, I found my voice.

"Master"

" yes baby"

"Why did You punish me last night"?

"My sweet", he said smiling, "that wasn't a punishment".

"bu..." I began, and He put a finger to my lips.

"you are Mine", He said, still smiling. "Last night reaffirmed your willing submission to Me. Thank you for choosing to be Mine", He said with a broadening smile. "Besides", He began and took another sip of His coffee, "you are Mine and I can do with you as I wish". His smile changed to a grin, and He winked.

     A smile spread to my face as I averted my eyes and blushed. "Yes Master". I sipped my coffee till it was gone, and went about my day with a smile on my face.

     "Master"?

     "Yes my sweet"?

     "May this one show You something"?

     "Of course you may. What is it"?

     Taking His hands I walk backward, leading Him out onto the back porch. I let His hands drop by His sides and step forward till I'm pressed against Him. Smiling up at Him, I unbutton and slide His shirt down over and off. I grab a rope I had off to the side and begin to tie His hands in front of Him. He stops me and looks questioningly. "Master trust me". He loosened His grip on my wrists as I finished the knots. Stepping back, I throw the other end of the rope over the exposed beam. Stepping back into Him, my fingernails making their way down His back as I kiss His chest. "Mmmm", He muttered. Stepping behind Him, my hands run down His chest and stomach as I kiss His back. "Mmmm", He mutters again. I step back, pulling the rope till His hands are over His head and tie it off. I walk back around to face Him. Leaning back against the railing to the porch, my smile sharpens to a grin. His eyes and facial expressions both suprized and questioning.

     "I trust you", He said, "but".

     "Master please", I interupted. "this one must show You something".

     He relaxed as much as He could, but maintained His gaze. I pulled my shirt off over my head. The sunset casting a golden hue which bathes my full breasts, light breezes help accentuate my nipples. His eyes are affixed to mine. I let my skirt fall to the floor, revealing blue panties and garters holding up thigh high stockings. His bulging jeans with a small wet spot let me know He's enjoying my advances.

     Three steps forward, my breasts pressed into His midsection, licking, kissing, nibbling His nipples. "Mmmmmm", He moans again, my tongue trails it's way down his torso. Lowering myself to my knees as I slide His jeans down to around His ankles. Pre cum drips on the floor between my knees. His knees buckle as He tries to push His hips toward me. My nails scrape gently down over His hips and down His thighs as I lap, up the length of His very hard erection, stopping at it's tip to lick the precum from the head of His penis.

     "Mmmmm, put your mouth around it", He said.

     "But Master, this one needs to show You what You taught me", I responded as I stood and moved behind Him. The fingernails of both my hands trace their way firmly from His shoulders to His spine. My fingernails continue down over His ass, down the back of His legs to His calves as I kneel behind Him. His butt cheeks tighten together and then release. Sliding my hand between His thighs, cupping His balls in my hand, massaging them slightly as I lick then kiss His ass cheeks, nipping each one as I do.

     "Stop and release My hands. Let me take what is Mine", He commanded, squirming against the rope.

     "Master I will release You, but not the ropes", I reply as I crawl on hands and knees back to the front of Him. Looking up into His eyes, His face contorted with anguish. I wrap my breasts around His cock of hot rock hardness. He presses His hips forward and back as much as He is able. I move my body forward and back to match His attempted thrusts. "Mmmmmm, oh God", He says as I hold my breasts tighter around His cock and wrap my mouth around it's head. Fucking my breasts and my mouth, He becomes even harder and bigger. "Let Me cum on your tits sweet. Let Mee". I move my head and body back as His cock explodes with a force that actually makes a sound as it hits my chest.

     His manhood stayed hard as His body relaxed. I released His hands from above His head. We both collapsed to the floor. He reached to the side and grabbed a towel, wiping His thick now cooled cum from my chest.

     "Sweet?", He asked, "and what was it you needed to show Me?"

     "Master, this one wanted to show You".... "patience". I grinned and He leaned forward kissing me.

     "Of course you will be punished", He said and began to grin back.

     Master was a peaceful, calm, loving safe space for me, as I was His, from the hellish lives we had with those we lived with. It's not my place to tell His story, but I will tell mine.

     I was married to a mean, angry, alcoholic. He would constantly terrorize and demean myself and my children, even when he was sober. In 1988, he fell through a hole in a roof he had been working on,(after a "beer" lunch break). He ended up a parapalegic, in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He changed, in that he became meaner, and drunker, and angrier. His eyes became darker and almost hollow with evil. Many times I would be crushed to nothing mentally and emotionally. I would find myself in a safe corner rocking and hugging myself, repeating over and over, "I am somebody.. I am worth something.. I am a human being".

     My son 18, my daughter 11, we all endured the best we could, banding together to deal with the events of his tyrades, and the aftermath. He gave my son a graduation gift of a one way ticket to Florida. (Well that got my son out of the way).

     In 1998 I met my Master. (Thank God my husband let me come and go freely, as long as I had a good "story"). Times with Master were a welcomed respite from the everyday hell. Being held, carressed, kissed, loved, safe. I cherished every moment, knowing it wouldn't last and I would be back in hell once W/we parted.

     Master gave me the strength to "stand up". He gave me the encouragement to trully believe that I was a worth while human being, and so loved for who I was.

     I won't continue with the "nightmare", it's really not good for me to relive it. I will however say that, I sent the so and so in the wheelchair into jail where he belonged. (Actually he sent himself there with his antics). My final words to the judge were, "If this man had legs, he would have been behind bars years ago".

     After the devil was locked up, my daughter, then sixteen, and I suffered severe anxiety whenever around people who drank alcohol, regardless if they were totally drunk or not. We had extreme anxiety whenever we would see a wheelchair, especially one coming around an isle in a store, even though we knew he was locked up.

     My daughter leapt unheeded into a new life, school and work, buying her own car, many many friends, my social butterfly.

(This I believe, no I "know", is the reason I can't handle hard pain or humiliation).

Master and I would often meet at a park in Worcester. It had large grassy areas, some trails, a small pond with a golf course on the other side of it.

One day we tucked behind some small trees and bushes, hidden from the park, but in full view of the golf course. I knelt with my backside facing the golfers. Master pulled up my skirt revealing my pantiless bottom and began to play spank me. Within thirty seconds we heard a piercing siren sound go off at intervals. We thought for sure we were in trouble.

We collected ourselves and joined other people in the grass looking for what was making that annoying loud sound. It turned out to be a huge male peacock that had gotten to the roof of it's enclosure calling for who knows what... lol Oh the memories.

     Hold an imaginary orange in your hand. It's a nice thick skinned eating orange. Hold it in both hands. Feel it's weight. Run your fingers over the skin. Observe visually in your mind the color and texture. Is it cool to the touch or warm? Begin now to peel it, your thumb working under the skin, and slowly pulling back. Can you hear the quiet tearing noise of skin from fruit? Can you see the tiny fine sprays of oil from the orange skin? These oils release a vibrant and awakening scent of orange. Pull a segment from the orange fruit. Take time to observe it and the pulp being held together by a thin membrane. Now, pop it into your mouth and bite down on it. Feel and taste the cool, sweet, tangy, acidic juice as it coats your mouth and bathes your tongue and throat as you swallow.

Was that good for you? It was good for me.

Wishing Y/you A/all a Merry Christmas … angelaa

     I am not an expert in the bdsm lifestyle. I can only share what my experiences with Master have been. O/ours is unique unto itself, as each relationship is unique under this vast bdsm umbrella. O/ours, Master and myself is not about physical pain or even the sex.

     Over the years of corresponding with Dom/mes and submissives, I have learned the different aspects of other's relationships that I have not experienced. I have learned enough to understand and accept their activities, even if personally I would not wish to participate in such.

     Power exchange, as well as "respect" and "trust" are "the umbrella", under which all aspects of bdsm play out.

     Please, please be careful and be safe.

     In the latter part of 1997 into the beginning of 1998 I discovered just how powerful the written word was. When I read the words in chat rooms, "bound, blindfold, spank, dripping hot candle wax, four pointed"(yesss), my body would react with dry mouth, shaking hands, hard nipples, heat rising up my back and my chest, my breathing was shallow almost stopping, the scent of my own sex making it's way into my nostrils. I had to know why.

     My biggest mistake was going to Google and typing in "bdsm". I had to weed through a lot of paid video and porn sites to find maybe a few that talked about the lifestyle, but a lot of what I came across was pain, pain, and more pain. I don't like pain in reality, so I gave up the search. I returned to the chat rooms and continued to be turned on and tormented by those words.

     In July of 1998 I literaly stumbled upon a bdsm role play chat site. They had beautiful, room related, backgrounds and beautiful fonts. They had lots of informative links, (real information about the lifestyle). The rules were all written in 'goth speak', which added a gothic theme to the site. I was so excited my hands shook as I took my first steps into the "Palace".

     I entered the "Tavern". There sat a lone man, the only one in the room. He sat with his chair cocked back and his feet up on the table. He had no idea I was there, because it didn't announce arrivals. All of a sudden he typed,"when pigs fly". Well I just had to reply out of nowhere with, "I once saw a pig fly". Little did I know that that would be the beginning, my first step into a very psychological lifestyle.

     For the next three days we were online together as much as was possible. Two strangers playing their role. He introduced me to the people of the Palace, both Dom and sub alike. He announced He was my protector, since we were not a collared couple. They taught me through their role playing how to serve properly and how to show respect. They taught me postures and gave me suggested reading materials, all the while, He, was sitting back watching. Then He would take me into His private room, where I showed Him what I had learned. It went on like that for three intense days of role play.

     On the fourth day we met. To anyone in their right mind it was too soon, but we were not in our right minds. We didn't tell anyone we were meeting. (It could have gone very wrong). For my thirty-five minute drive to the meeting place, my mind was swimming with fear and excitement. I pulled into the parking lot and into the spot He told me too, engine off, windows open. It seemed like forever, and almost was, as He was late. In the rear view mirror I saw a car drive by, but I didn't see it pass. He backed into the spot next to me so that our divers windows were even, my first face to face with this handsom man. The moment our eyes locked, mine automaticaly lowered, my first act of submission to Him.

     He told me to follow Him and I did, down the street a couple of miles, and into a cemetary. My heart was pounding as He got into my passenger seat. I was so nervous I could barely look at Him. I felt His hand stroke the side of my face and He said, "you are beautiful". He turned my face toward His and began kissing me. My head tilted back as my mouth submitted to His probing tongue. Feeling His hand around my throat, we kissed for many long minutes. I could feel a heat flush my face and chest. My right foot showed my excitement by shaking and wiggling at a very quick pace. He stopped kissing me and said, "my sweet we have to work on that". "Work on what Sir", I replied, breathless from the long kiss. He took my hand and placed it palm down on top of His knee. He told me to tap my index finger on His knee, instead of wiggling my foot. He went back to kissing me and I tapped that finger like crazy on His knee. After a little bit it worked, and my foot stopped wiggling. (To this day, it remains one of my self controls when I get excited or stressed).

     It wasn't difficult to fall in love with this stranger, the heat, the passion, the kisses, the unknown yet to happen. We got together in various places five times in those first two weeks.

     At the beginning of the third week, He sat me down and placed a document in front of me that He had typed up. It was a contract. The contract listed our commitment of Dom and sub, and each of our responsibilities. There was a space for me to write in a "safe word", a word I could use to stop what was happening that may be too much for me to handle. He told me to read it carefully before signing it. After signing it, He had me kneel before Him. He placed a collar, which He had made, around my neck. I was so overwhelmed by love, and happiness, and belonging, that hot tears trailed down the side of my face. We got together two to three times a week in various secluded and public places. Dining out was always fun, wearing my collar that let everyone know I was His. One time while we were waiting for our server, I leaned forward and mouthed the words, "but Master I'm not wearing panties". Well a man sittting at the table behind Him had also read my lips. His mouth dropped open, his eyes
twinkled, and he blushed as he smiled at me. (that so made my nipples hard).

     While I won't go into details of what happened during our times together, there is one time I want to share with you that we will both never forget. We were parked at the rear of a mall parking lot. We were in the back seat of my car. I was wearing a skirt without panties. The only thing I had on above the waist was my collar. We were totally oblivious to what was going on around us. I was face down over Master's lap, so He could spank and play with His fingers inside me. All of a sudden He stopped and had me sit up. By then it had gotten dark outside and there were no other cars in the lot except for a police cruiser and a mall security truck. (We had forgotten that it was a Sunday and the mall closes early). We sat watching as the cruiser drove over and parked in front of my car. He got out and walked around to the passenger side and opened the back door. There sat Master fully clothed and me in just my skirt and collar. The cop smiled and said, "well you look like consenting adults". Then he said, "you should find a better place to park", he gestured toward mall security saying, "These bozos don't have a sense of humor".

     It's twenty years later. We are still together, and still very much into public displayes of affection.

It has been suggested that I start a blog here. Writing is something I like to do, whether it's answering questions or giving my opinion from heart, soul, and experience. (I sometimes write erotica but not sure if it's allowed here).

There are a lot of bdsm activities that I have not experienced, except for in my mind. (My imagination is so vivid in vision, touch, emotion, scent. I can have an orgasm without touching myself). In reality however, I do not like pain and degradation. 

O/ours is a loving, devoted, and trusting relationship, even at 22 years together. W/we have survived the ups and downs, and turmoils of everyday life. It's taken a lot of work, but it's been well worth the effort.