Ramblings of a submissive leaning switch

Today , my Daddy bought me a beautiful boquet of pink roses for valentines day , and when he handed them to me I didn't actually know how to react because for almost 11 years I was never given any type of gift , or token of gratitude or even words of affirmation.  I spent so long not getting even the most basic of human needs, that I am now unsure of how to accept praise , gifts , kind words , Compliments , etc . My ex was more Tyrant and less Dom . But my Daddy , he is my partner , he treats me like I am the most precious, fragile thing in his possession. He praises me , he takes care of me , he adores me  , and I take care of his needs and wants and cater to his whims gladly , because he is worthy of the title Daddy . I think this relationship is the definitely the most wonderful , healthy and stable one I have ever been in , in my entire life and for that I am eternally grateful to him for giving that to me . He is the calm to my wild , the peace to my noise , and honestly the best thing that could ever have happened to me .

 I am currently ( like right this second ) having an anxiety attack , why do I tell you ? It isn't for sympathy or pity but simply because I feel this is a turning point in my mental health . I got told recently my anxiety is linked to severe trauma and stress , and that I had been living in survival mode for so long it made my body forget what "normal" is . Having been controlled and manipulated for so long I have come to find comfort in chaos . It usually starts with chest pain , then a headache , then the hyperventilating begins , and then the crying ......... I am a mess 

It's been a couple months since I wrote the above and I have been doing fairly well . I was prescribed a new medication for anxiety and it seems to be helping , I feel some what normal and only sometimes need my rescue medication.  I wrote it during an extremely stressful time in my life .  I can actually see my desperation in those words and the fact that it has sat in my drafts for months because I was afraid to post it for fear of being judged .

So I am being honest with others but most of all I am going to be honest with myself , I am not okay sometimes and that's perfectly okay . 

Thank you , for reading this if you got this far 

Signed

A mentally ill submissive/switch