Sometimes, it's not good for me to dwell on what can be, knowing it may never happen. Daydreams can be just as harsh to a fragile reality than a death of a loved one. the loved one was at least real.
How do we find the ones we seek from the dream realms? How does that even work? Especially since we don't have their names to go by. Now I know I'm as stubborn as they come, but that desire draws me in faster and harder every time I see her. the one time we spent a night in ancient ruins of a society that had been gone for 1000s of years, but the large marble structures were still standing defying the tests of time. We've taken interstellar trips to different universes, met all kinds of different beings and creatures. We've even stolen spaceships and traversed the multiverse including dimensional travel. I know a lot of this makes me sound like I've lost my mind, but to me these adventures feel real. I know they're not and that's what bothers me.
even though we would never leave earth, at least not physically, I wouldn't care what I would have to go through to get to her. I would drop everything and leave it all behind to be by her side. it is comforting and safe there. she knows every little detail of me and my life. she knows how to calm the beast in a fit of rage like beauty and the beast. like how Belle soothes the beast when he is upset, she gets herself hurt in the process but doesn't give up. the only difference between me and the beast, I'm not a "pampered prince" turned cursed beast.
I don't even know how to describe her in words that can capture her inner and outer beauty. her luscious locks of hair she wears with pure confidence. The way she can just flash her eyes at me and pretty much get me to do whatever she wants. The way she smells with her perfume and how it mixes perfectly with her pheromones is absolutely intoxicating. One whiff and I'm sent like a cartoon character is pulled to the scent of a resting pie on a windowsill. Now, even though I speak so highly of her, she also places me on a pedestal above everyone else. I'm priority #1 to her, she treats me as her king, her dominate. she makes sure I am well taken care of, and I do the same in return for her. making sure she doesn't need anything and that she is more than happy, but 100% fulfilled in every aspect of her being. She doesn't make me feel like less of a man because I mess something up or forget something along the lines somewhere.
Her heart, it gives me the warmest feeling like I'm 15 again experiencing my first kiss. The way she speaks is very soft spoken but can cuss like a sailor if you piss her off. The way she shows her loving, nurturing motherly figure when she needs to show it is second to none. she would have made the best mother a son or daughter could ask for. This woman makes me actually feel alive when we see each other in the realms and can't get that here in reality. Shes the one I've been dying for. I don't know how else to put it honestly.
I find myself wanting to stay in that dream like state all day, every day. I don't want to wake up most days. and when I do wake up, I find myself trying to get back to her, but only seeing the abysmal depths of nothingness. Some days I wake up more and more depressed, knowing she is not going to be beside me when I wake up. but on the other hand, I find myself begging for her to come to me. Or let me find her. I would be more than happy to wait but it's been since I was 17 that I've been chasing her. she's gotta be out there, right? they wouldn't allow me to have these dreams and not let me get the life we deserve together. I could die happy knowing I spent a lifetime with her, seeing her happy, watching us grow together, through the hardest times and the greatest times. Shes gotta be out there, right?
Shes gotta be out there somewhere... Waiting... But where do we look?
