Dreams and Inspirations

People Pleasing without Codependence

After discovering the reciprocal nature of my kinkyness, I've been hesitant to post anything about being kinky because what is true for me this month may not be true next month.

That opening sentence is a bit of a head scratcher, even to me, so let me explain and expound.

I am a service top; I behave as a dominant, master, top, or sadist, as the situation requires. This isn’t something I put on or takeoff, it’s a part of me lurking inside, comparable to a predator. If I feeI a masochist, bottom, submissive, or bottom-leaning switch putting out vibes, my Spidey-sense goes on high alert. If they don't feel it in me, I don't feel it in them.

I am a demisexual; I have no sexual attraction to someone until after I feel a significant connection. In the vanilla world this requires a lot of time (typically weeks or months) in conversation. In the kinky world that Dom/sub Spidey-sense jumpstarts that connection.

I'm on Kink sites because I love being on the left hand off the slash. I love the deep connections in WIITWD.

For me, Dom/sub is a love connection. When I have a sub committed to me, or when I’m getting close to a submissive person, They share their kinks with me. I start fantasizing, feeling, desiring the kinks that they have shared with me. I start feeling those kinks as my own.

Inside a dynamic, these kinky feelings are truly mine. I dream, fantasize, plan, and truly desire these kinky activities. This is a full transformation within my sense of self and my emotional life. It is as essentially me as the colors of a chameleon when a chameleon changes colors. When the dynamic ends, these kinky desires slowly fade away.

Am I codependent? I don’t think so. Most descriptions of codependency talk about people who violate their own boundaries. People pleasing codependents don’t have strong boundaries and often don’t know what their boundaries are. I know what my boundaries are. I enforce them diligently. I value and protect my boundaries.Those boundaries, in turn, protect myself and others.

As a people pleaser with boundaries, I'm basically a nice guy. Whether this nice guy craves punishing you sadistically, or cuddles with your little is entirely up to You. What is true for me this month may not be true next month, but I hope it is because I want my love relationships to last.

P.s. Rope is an exception. Rope is my fetish, independent of anything else.

To be conscious that the end of the dream is approaching, and yet has not absolutely come, is one of the most wearisome as well as the most curious stages along the course between the beginning of a passion and its end.

Excerpt From
The Return of the Native
Thomas Hardy

Reciprokinkster ?

After much analysis, wine, thinking, and hard liquor, I have determined that I am not very kinky.

With the exception of rope, which is a fetish for me, I don’t need pain giving activities or even a Dom/sub relationship UNLESS my partner craves that. At which point, I become an enthusiastic, service top to their kinks (within my hard limits). I fantasize and desire the compatible kinks as if they are hardwired in my brain.

I am reciprocal in my kink attractions as a reciprosexual is reciprocal in their sexual attraction.

Is there a term for this?

Until I hear a better word, I am self describing as a demisexual reciprokinkster with a rope fetish

🤣

Back in my teens, the hubris and sense of destiny in my dreams was a factor that scared me into turning off my dreaming.

(Another factor was Flying/astral planing dreams and my best friends mother, formerly confined in Bergen Belsen concentration camp, stepping out of a second story window because she believed she could fly.) 

this recent dream demonstrates the hubris

- - -

Friday, January 31 dream High Priest & Priestess 

I have been conscious for about a week. In that time, I meet a fascinating woman, The High Priestess, who explains that I am one of a few beings who travel together through time together, die, reincarnate, and quickly find each other. We have, as a group, a special purpose. In my week of awareness, I Have more than half fallen in love with the High Priestess, whom I think of as Queen to my King

My purpose is to be the High Priest who leads a ceremony with the High Priestess by my side.

In the ceremony, one member of the gathering is selected and honored. That member shares something with the gathered beings and we leave the evening having learned. This is all I know as I attend the first ceremony.

All of of us gathered may have one or more of many abilities, including myself and my Queen. 

My Queen May also have objects. If she carries a razor, she becomes a candidate for sacrifice, but I don’t know that, I am freshly reincarnated

In the ceremony,  the person destined to be the executioner is selected, because my queen has the razor, when he stands beside us to speak of his ability and share with those gathered, the speaker accepts the razor from the queen and immediately cuts her wrists. She stands and bleeds out, sacrificed, and dies.  

I take no action, the pieces that came together, her ability, the razor, and the selection of the executioner, these pieces that change the ceremony are explained to me as Igrieve. She comes back immediately after I grieve. And I find her. She comes back without the ability, or the razor blade, or knowledge of her role - while my only ability Is that I love her. My only understanding is what I have learned this lifetime. 

I don't know whether we meet once a month once a year once a lifetime (my waking brain tells me once a moon.)

I can enjoy my Queen and High Priestess because I love her. She doesn’t have her razor or her special ability, so I can woo and enjoy her, hopefully for many moons.

She reincarnates with no clue. I am still in my previous incarnation. I know what may happen. I know that the time may come when she has a special ability and the razor, that she will be sacrificed again. But she comes with a lesser ability, and in that lesser ability there is a blessing because I will not have to sacrifice her. 

She doesn't have the ability and yet I believe that at some point she may develop the ability but it will be after developing a series of other abilities. My only ability is that I love her, and I know this is a special ability of great significance. It is what I must have to make her sacrifice more than just another sacrifice. It is part of the sacrifice spell which fulfills our group destiny.

I'm not really sure of the future, but my queen and I could have a long life together until we reach the point in which it all comes together, our group destiny is fulfilled - and then the world will change.

- - - 

I’m still sitting with my dream interpretation, but the initial symbolism tells a simple tale of Jungian Integration. 

(I have been conscious for about a week.)

I am a  Newbie, RL dreaming for about a week) 

The High Priestess is my anima- my symbolic feminine side and the chief element of my unconscious that wants to integrate with my conscious psyche. 

I travel together with a collective, a tribe of shadow selves that represent my total unconscious mind. 

I am loving and bonding to my anima and shadow selves. I am beginning to love the unconscious me.

 (My purpose is to be the High Priest who leads a ceremony with the High Priestess by my side.)

My purpose is to lead my anima and  shadow selves to become an integrated tribe/ self

In teach dream, shadow knowledge is shared. 

Early in life I severed connection to my dream selves

 My dream selves are still here with me, still willing to share and integrate into a more aware psyche, as long as I don’t cut off connection again

Loving and embracing my anima is my destiny

Integration changes everything

- - 

Doing the research to understand the dream, one can read a lot of what I just typed on Wikipedia. I have been exposed to these ideas, but was not aware of them.

my unconscious told me this is their plan, and I agree with the plan. 

In cosmic synchronicity, my estranged wife suggested we change our plans and explore a conscious, mutual arrangement where share our lives again. her initial thoughts include outlets for me to be kinky and have sexual liaisons outside our relationship, but not be truly polyamorous - basically a limited license to sow my wild oats come back to her. 

We don’t know the long term goal, and plan to take several months to negotiate something. 

As one might expect, this has led me into evaluating what I want in sex and kink within the context of a primary relationship, and for awhile a long distance primary relationship, with my wife. 

I.e. What do I really want? 


Given these musings, I am no longer actively open to long-term relationships with other women. I’m not looking. 

This February seems to be a bad month for closure. Early this month, a real life person I had been seeing for 6 weeks, abruptly ghosted me. The afternoon before, in person, everything was fine.

In the last week, I spent hours texting  back and forth.  In what seemed like mid-conversation ... ocrickets. 2 days later I sent a text ... crickets, total ghost

In the last week, on TheCage, I opened a blog and found I was blocked. No issues or problems that I am aware of, so maybe that one is a setting, since I’m not a paid member, but I wasn’t blocked before. 

On the flip side, someone I didn’t expect suggested we rekindle a romance that was long over. We’re talking. 

Communication isn’t always easy, but it’s relatively simple.

One finds a good time to share and communicates. 

Ending communication is also simple. One sends words of closure.

 (Except for some bizarre psychopathic settings,) that’s what mature adults do. 

At the last play party, full nudity and unprotected sex allowed, they announced a vanilla person as one of the leaders. 

Announced - there was no voting in this group. Self appointed leaders. 

Vanilla leader  

Vanilla at a play party

- - - What could go wrong with having a vanilla leader walking around a dungeon?  

One of the fundamentals of a dungeon is the "Vegas" rule - what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. 

This rule is naturally enforced by a balance of power.

Any one member reporting on the actions of another member could:

• destroy their reputation among their friends, causing loss of friends 
• destroy their reputation at work, causing loss of job and potential loss of house, cars, and fiancial ruin
• trigger criminal prosecution, leading to fines and jail time

The balance of power prevents this because any other member could report the one who reported the first one causing the same sort of damage

A vanilla leader, has nothing to balance their power, they can blackmail their way into tyranical control of everyone in the group. 

- - - 

I am done with my local kinky group

I am a relative outsider, having attended two official events, and KNOW of the four leaders I have met, at least two leaders have harvested fresh newbies as submissive sexual play partners in the last 6 months. One of those leaders was promoted to a leader after disrespecting negotiated pickup play boundaries with me and reportedly with others. Now another leader has been selected from the vanilla world. 

I can overlook them having different (much lower) safety standards for play equipment than my personal standards. I can only strive to be risk aware and inform those who ask of my personal risk assessments. 

I cannot overlook promoting people into positions of authority when they are the type of unsafe players that are ideally suspended from a group. 

I cannot overlook promoting people into positions of authority when they are in the class of people (vanilla) not even allowed to know where the play parties are held.

- - - 

This saddens me not to have access to a group of kinksters. 

I expect this to be my final post about the local group. 

Returning soon to my regularly scheduled dreams and inspirations 

In person in Boston, I found my place in the kinky groups. Being a dues paying member of New England Dungeon Society (money to pay for presenters insurance and the website.) 

On the large fet community board that replaced hundreds of individual websites and message boards, a fairly rough and tumble community these days, I have found my place years ago- and then again last year. 

I generally get along with people just fine.

I'm fed up with my local, small city, kinky group (not the city listed on my profile,that was mistake when signing up.) Recently, I was not able to present my intended educational event and had to "wing it' because the member hosting the event told my co-presenter to leave. It was an unofficial event advertised on the local group page, so the homeowner has the right to say who is on their property.

I had agreed to present, so I stayed. In retrospect, I should have left, but I did my best for the people who came to the event.

Thinking of the local group board members, I consider one of them an unsafe player, one is not in the lifestyle beyond being a spouse, and two of them recently described themselves as assholes. 

I'm not going back to that house or doing any presentations at unofficial local events. My place is not with people who put personal politics above group principles of safety and inclusivity. 

- - - 

I have tried to stay within the codes of conduct for this website in this post.

I'm not trying to out anyone or tell anyone else they don't belong in either of the local groups. 

I am venting. 

I'm finding it painful, that even though I consider myself at a sophmore level in the kink of the evening, and was asked (tricked) into joining a practice group where I would be the defacto presenter - even though it started out wrong, I prepared educational and entertaining content withing the level where I am comfortable explaining the risks and rewards - and even though my chosen assistant worked on the safety and practicality of the evenings presentation, worked so hard as to reach the level of being a co-presenter, they were denied access to a group advertised event. 

.This isn't high school. I will not play with immature kinksters. I'd rather have a dozen sincere newbies at an event than whoever these people are

p

. 

 In a recent dream, a woman ran away from an estate. She had been reported missing by the estate, so when she was found, the police returned her to the estate from where she had recently escaped. This incident was unnoticed by almost everyone. 

She was later found murdered. Then her escape and murder made the news and caught the public’s attention. 

This was followed by an image of walking in a swamp and coming across used bicycle tires mounted on poles in the four directions around a house. At the top of each tire was a keystone shape piece off cloth with a sigil (symbol) facing outward.  Dream me thought, “Cool protective sigils.”

- - -

We have a woman, unprotected from her enemies and protective symbols. 

it was at this point i realized I had had unprotected sex the night before. 

You would think I would have more awareness, but I had kept myself fully clothed, there was no penis in vagina and we had agreed A week before that if we had sex she had condoms suitable for PIV penetration. 

As a person who has only practiced serial monogamy, normally in long-term loving relationship. As a man who had a vasectomy decades ago and talks with potential partners about STDs, I don’t give sexually transmitted diseases much thought. I’ve never had one. I rarely have sex, so I don’t think about it. 

What had happened was a woman friend who I had been kissing frequently and was half in love with let me eat her pussy for about 20 minutes. 

i was a little nervous, it had been about 7 years, and I’ve never really had the opportunity to dive in, be in a comfortable position, and take my time before. For some reason the first time she said “Oh my god!” I glanced at the clock. She repeated this phrase several times a minute for awhile until I stopped and noted the time as 17 minutes later. 

I’ve never kept score during sexual activity before, but there is a first time for everything. 

She offered unsolicited praise and mentioned multiple orgasms a couple of times that evening, so it seems I can please at least one woman one time. That is reassuring. 

We had consensual relations, I didn’t really think of it as sex, though obliviously it’s a form of sexual activity. I didn’t  think of health risks, so it was definitely not Risk Aware Consensual Vanilla (RACV doesn’t have the same acronym value as RACK, does it?)

- back to the dream. 

we have danger (risk)

we have danger associated with a woman

we have an unprotected woman

we have a stick and a round opening (potential sexual connotations) 

we have bicycle tires in an Ouroboros shape (the snake eating its own tail) with the whole sexual transformative energy connotations of the tail of the snake entering the mouth of the snake

we have sigils for protection

we have a keystone shape, the element that adds stability and safety to an arch

we have “key” in the word keystone - a probable pun 

we have swamp directly related to something this woman said the night before The dream

- - - bottom line - - -

It’s time to get serious about protection.

My conscious mind knows this is wise, but doesn’t do it. 

Risk Aware requires awareness

10 days after this dream, this local woman ghosted me. I gave her a few days, but she’s getting out in the world, and didn’t want to see me in it, and has offered no explanation to me while hinting to others.

We are done, so maybe she is also the dead woman in the news

(post updated to stay within the codes of content of this forum)

I am not outing her in any way, we were never publicly seen together. 

- - - 

After all this focus on sexual protection, my biggest need for protection was Emotional.

I fell hard for her, before this sexual play. She offered me friends with benefits which I reluctantly accepted as the best I could have with her. She withdrew that offer when she ghosted me. 

This is the 6th woman in my life that I have fallen hard for - the feeling sucks. Given the way she ended it, I’m getting over this one pretty quickly. .  

Reading  a post Incubus Challenge on Morley’s My Submissive Journey Blog,  https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?postid=29682&blog_id=31880 

I was reminded how much of Fetish erotica is vanilla in my eyes. - sure they call it primal, but in my brain it’s animalistic sex with play party level bottoming/obedience. Her post was exceptional, in that it exceeded that limitation - deliciously messy, kinky stuff. 

If I want to write about Animalistic Sex, I often just write animal sex

I submit for your enjoyment Chapter 1 of 

The Beltane Bride
by (Me)

Spirit Guides Adventure Series: Book 1

109,809 words

Chapter 1 - A Doe and a Stag

Lily locked the pub doors behind her and walked up Salem Street towards home. Except for a small clutch of tourists, Boston’s North End was deserted. The cool night air smelled of the sea. As pleasant as the night might be, Lily was more interested in enjoying her shower and bed than the charms of old Boston. 

Turning up a dead end alley and then right past the dumpster, she wondered again about the history of this odd little house with its small, brick porch above another brick porch. The solid wood door with massive iron straps and hinges could have come off a medieval chapel or a pirate ship. The interior resembled a landlocked sailing ship with its ribbed walls and rough-hewn wood beams. She was grateful for the heavy materials. After a night managing Conlin's Pub, it was nice to know her quick, hot shower wouldn't disturb her landlord sleeping above. 

Slipping off her shoes at the door, Lily stepped out of her plain gray skirt, leaned against the wall to unsnap and peel off her nylons, and dropped the nylons into her laundry basket, the only item in her living room. After the white, button collar blouse followed the nylons, she stood clad in just a garter belt. It needed rinsing, so Lily left it on as she stepped into the shower. 

Growing up in sticky Atlanta, Lily had shed the habit of wearing underwear during college. Two winters ago, when her Uncle Dann asked her to help manage his pub while he 'looked for a buyer', she had jumped at the chance. Never having travelled much or lived away from home, the chance to live in a seaport sharing an ocean with Europe and Africa fed her dreams for travel and adventure. Snow and cold was just part of the adventure. A fox coat from eBay kept her toasty warm. The little gusts of wind that might have been blocked by panties were as much a cooling relief as a titillating touch and reminder of her new life. 

Soaping her breasts, Lily thought once again of getting implants. Maybe when they started to sag. *Not that it matters with this dry spell. No use putting on a fancy dress when I end up dining alone.* Celibate for over a year, she thought of the opportunities and offers she had ignored. Once she realized Uncle Dann was dying, casual sex while living in his house hadn't seemed right. Lily shook off the thought of her newly buried uncle, hung the wet garter on a hook, and towelled dry. Five steps later, she was in bed.

Lily might not have any other furniture, but her bedroom was a Gypsy delight. Jewel toned fabric prints from around the world wrapped around every mirror, covered the single window, draped dressers and lamps, and lavishly wound around and across her four-poster bed. Secure in her cosy nest, Lily lay spread-eagle atop her bed, tucked a fresh towel under her hips and reached for her vibrator. Even without a man in her bed, the hour before sleep was a very special part of Lily's daily routine. 

- - -

She was a doe grazing at the edge of a meadow. The spring breeze stroked her white chest and belly, teased her brown thighs. Alert for the sounds of danger, she paused in mid-chew. Disturbed as much by her spring desire, the itch to be ridden by a male deer, as by any sound. Glancing up, she found herself transfixed by round, brown eyes. A young buck, proud and majestic in his raw male power stared at her. As she stood trapped in his gaze, a drip tickled her hind leg. The flash of her tail wafted the scent of her readiness into the air. She flared her nostrils and sucked in deeply, hoping to catch the scent of the buck. 

Watching, waiting, she saw his nostrils flare as his snort stirred the grasses at his feet. Looking towards his haunches, she saw the tip of his penis emerge from his white fur shaft. He grunted and she felt herself give an answering moan. As he strode towards her, her legs locked. She stared, trembling as he broke into a run. His handsome rack raised, she stared up at his chest with lowered head ... until suddenly, she startled and ran. 

Under forest cover she ran quickly through the familiar paths, ducking and dodging. The white heat of his desire finding an answering warmth in her crotch. Flashing her tail for balance, she relished the chance to run, to stretch and exert herself, to nimbly show her worth as a mating partner. Running faster, she found herself in unfamiliar paths, beyond the comfortable meadows and trees of her life so far. Bursting into a meadow she put on full speed, yet he easily pulled alongside her, overmatching her strides. Mashing his side against her shoulder, he forced her to turn, and turn again, slowing her, herding her, until she found herself exhausted and stumbling towards a dense thicket. The Buck mercilessly pressed her into the brush, forcing her deeper. Vines wrapped themselves around her legs, holding her firmly, binding her in place, calming her in their strong embrace. 

Lowering her head, the doe lifted her tail and exposed her swollen vulva. His hot breath beat upon her neck as he plunged deep inside her. His long cock straining, his black nostrils flaring, the buck took her. Throbbing and pumping, he was eager to possess her. As the buck released inside her and she cried out in orgasm, Lily sensed a shift. 

No longer a deer, she was a woman in a man's embrace. Pinned underneath his powerful body, his elbows squeezed her shoulders, a forearm forced her face into his chest as he thrust his thick cock deep inside. Her pussy wet from orgasm, she felt more stretch than friction as he forced himself inside her. The moan of pleasure as his cock pressed down her cervix was interrupted by a gasp as he ground her inflamed clit. She felt his inhale against her scalp as he drew his shaft back. The head of his cock spread her pussy lips from the inside as she clenched to hold him in her. Laughing, he pumped her from lips to cervix, slowly gaining speed, taking what he felt was rightly his. With speed, his thrusts were not as crushing. Still, she felt a burning intensity. 

Exhausting himself in speed, his thrusts slowed, deepened and she groaned as he strained to contain his orgasm. Crushing her in his arms, he sunk deep inside her, holding time suspended, electrified, tingling, shattering, wet and aching until she cried out. She felt him spasm, hot and wet - deep inside her. Lily released herself to the fullness of her orgasm. Satisfied, elated, and feeling alive, she lay there panting on top of her covers, her pussy juices smeared on thighs and belly.

With a happy smile, Lily allowed herself to fall into a good night's sleep. 

- - -

Myles settled into bed in the room above Lily. At first he had been restless, living in the little house off Salem St. After years sleeping in a sailboat anchored off Woods Hole, sleeping on dry land, in a city, had been quite an adjustment. He wanted to settle down, to balance his roving spirit with a some traditional stability, but the transition was difficult. 

Recently, things had changed for the better. He had started waking up in bed, exotic fantasies rousing him in his sleep. After arousal and release, he awoke well rested and prepared for 'work'. Not that work took up much time. Five years ago, he realized his Masters Degree in Marine Biology wasn't enough for a career in research and began saving to go back to school. After saving and saving, he only had enough for 6 months of school. Faced with a choice between selling his beloved boat 'Gudrun' and his dreams of a doctorate, Myles had dog paddled. Fortunately for him, procrastination had worked out; Aunt Charlotte had named Myles in her will. 

The trust for the house was a little unusual. As long as a direct descendant of Charlotte's grandfather lived in the house, and no major remodelling was done, the trust would pay the taxes, maintenance costs, and a livable salary to the occupant. A relative named by the beneficiary could take over as the new beneficiary and the house could be passed from generation to generation. If no relative could be found, the house and the trust that made it possible passed to the Boston Historical Society.

Myles had to admit, it was a very sweet setup for him. As long as he was willing to call the house home, Aunt Charlotte's house would take care of him. It made his dream of a doctorate possible, and he had gone back to school. Spring semester ended last week, 'work' was a few hours volunteering at the aquarium. Contented with his life, Myles drifted off towards sleep.

- - -

Rather than sleep, Myles imagined himself as a 3-point buck in a deep forest. His horns itched as he rubbed off the last of the velvet on a nearby tree. Stepping into a meadow, he spotted a doe across the grass. Feeling the stirring of desire, he stared at the doe. She bowed her neck before him, as if the distance between them were only inches, and looked up at him with deference and submission, silently acknowledging him as her master. A flick of her tail sent him a fragrant message of her availability. His body responded; his chest swelled, his cock grew long and hard. As he drew the scent of her deep into his chest, he heard his hooves stomp, and he launched himself at the sweet doe waiting for him. Intent on mounting her, he kept his eyes locked on hers, willing her to stay quiet and ready - keeping her in his mental grip as he thundered across the grass.

Almost upon her, a circling hawk caught his eye. In that brief second, his hold on the doe wavered. She darted away in a flash, twisting and leaping. He followed her - frustrated by her escape, yet excited by the chase. His nose tracked her vulva as she darted between trees, squeezing through gaps before he knew they existed. He tracked close behind, nose to tail, his tongue straining to catch her taste. He could feel her tiring and he slowed a step to stretch out the moment - basking in his power over her, sure of the outcome, enjoying the chase. 

As she stumbled into a meadow, he couldn't resist pulling slightly ahead, so the doe was running at his shoulder. She ran doggedly but her breath came raggedly. He forced her to slow, bumping her off balance, herding her in a circle. Her pace gradually slowed until he spied a dense patch of shrubs. As he forced her into the bushes, his power over her brought his excitement to a head. He held the back of her neck in his teeth until she stood still, trembling beneath him. Only when she stood totally still, subject to his desire, did he mount and enter her. The grasp of her vulva around his penis released all the animal energy and Myles felt the buck bunch his muscles before orgasm. 

Pulling himself back from the brink of release, Myles seized control of the fantasy. No longer a buck, he was a man, fully engorged, driving his cock into a red hot pussy. He pinned the woman's shoulders between his elbows, wrapped his arm behind her neck and forced her hips deep into the mattress. As the head of his cock touched bottom, Myles's balls ached and his heart pounded. Fighting back his climax, he pulled slowly back with his hips. Further and further back as her hips rose up to keep his cock inside her. Exulting in the evidence of her desire, the desire for him and his cock, he laughed and began a long, slow tease. Her pleasure was his to command and he took his deliciously slow time rubbing the length of his shaft down into her pussy. 

Her slippery flesh offered no resistance, her lips swollen and numb around him, so Myles increased his pace and made sure to press against her clit, thighs and the inside of her pussy. For his own pleasure, he planted himself hard at the bottom of each thrust. Grinding her face into his chest at each stroke, he wondered if she would try to bite him, but he felt only the gasp of her hot breath and the scrape of her hair on his neck. 

Stroking as fast as possible now, Myles knew he couldn't hold his release much longer. At full depth, he held her roughly, possessing her. He ground down on her hips, chest and the full length of her body. He tried to hold time suspended, teetering on the peak of release. Her pussy quivered and vibrated and she let out moan after moan until the heat of her desire drove him over the edge. Releasing his fluid deep inside the quivering woman, Myles moaned and found himself flushed and gasping in his own bed. 

Unable to think, barely able to move, his mind curled up into a happy ball and fell asleep. 

So waking up to a much anticipated dream, my first dream remembered in 40+ years, I got a "Spectacular Spectacular"

- - -

In my dream, a woman and I are at a large party in a large mansion.

We had an Indiana Jones/ jewel thief type adventure where we stole something at a party together.

Our goal is to locate and steal a ...

We discovered a container of golden sand. Pouring the sand out on a table we see a pewter rectangle  with a cartouche with an iridescent, foggy, glowing bright spot almost as large as the rectangle - a glowing picture. 

etc. 

- - - 

Being a fan of Carl Jung, I reread his contribution to "man and his symbols" 

I find a website by a Jungian analyst at  http://aristocratsofthesoul.com/an-easy-guide-to-jungian-dream-interpretation/

Summarized

1. Find personal associations of dream symbols

3. Connect  images to your self image

5. interpretation the dream

6. Affirm the new knowledge with a ritual.

Oh sure! take away all the romance doctor, I've a full grown fantasy to play with, all these lovely shiny symbols and you want me to ignore the poetic excess of the language of my subconscious. 

Okay.  Harumpfh

Dream symbols and my associations 

Partner - joy, excitement, partnership, fresh new

hunting together - exciting

golden sand - success, valuable, shiny

pouring the sand - anticipation reigns

glowing picture - fascinated by shiny

grab - desperate, save

we split up - literal

I Hide treasure - hold on it

wardrobe - clothing

bedroom #20 - score?

safety-  back together 

recover 

treasure

golden sand - success, valuable, shiny California

pouring the sand - anticipation returns

After mundane interpretations:

2. My youth is stolen and gone

Fact:  Pre-divorce I had a lifetime goal of retiring with a self financed pension of $100,000/year - At 42, I had 2 years  more to work. 

Fact: I am now 61 and have no savings

3. I am emotionally resistant to embracing this truth

 Duh -  i wanted plan A. It was better. 

4. Ritual / Give up an old shirt or ten

- - - 

But dreams have so much more than expected. 

At the time of the dream I had a kinky friend with benefits (for a few weeks) - our kinks didn't align well but we had fun, exciting, new relationship energy. We were partnering on a couple of projects. The sexual force between us was strong like only one other in my life

Right after the dream, she ghosted me - We split up.

A lot of those words I just used were in my dream symbols and associations

- - - 

So I did my full moon ritual of burning T shirts from those old successful days near the confluence of the Sinnissippi and Mississippi rivers without her.

And my life is better because in the 2 weeks since, As Kelsea Ballerina Sings:

I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more

I miss me more ==>

.