Realizing this week. That the grief over the end of my last relationship is affecting me more than I realized. I thought I could just move on and find someone else that the ending wouldn't really cause me any grief or disturbance.
This week I realized how deeply the ending of my dynamic/relationship had hurt me. Having trouble keeping the grief to myself, behind the walls of being a good employee, a good mother, a good daughter. Harder to pretend I'm not about to break down in a pile of tears and pain.
Just working on keeping one foot in front of the other. Decided to take a step back and deal with my grief. To heal before trying to move on. Looking back I am realizing how many of my behaviors recently were driven by trying not to feel that grief, trying to hyperfocus on other things so I didn't have to think about it, trying to bandaid it by talking to others and pretending it didn't matter.
Simply trying to move on to quickly and not deal with what I was feeling was not smart. I can only hope that I didn't do any damage in my determination to avoid my grief.
Writing this in an effort to heal to try to start dealing with that grief and pain in a more healthy way.