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My Random Thoughts, Rants, and Vents

Sometimes my head gets to full and I need to get it down and sort it out. Writing it down can help me get perspective on whatever situation (good or bad) is occupying my mind. Basically just a peek inside of what makes me tick.
2 years ago. September 25, 2022 at 5:18 PM

Realizing this week. That the grief over the end of my last relationship is affecting me more than I realized. I thought I could just move on and find someone else that the ending wouldn't really cause me any grief or disturbance.

This week I realized how deeply the ending of my dynamic/relationship had hurt me. Having trouble keeping the grief to myself, behind the walls of being a good employee, a good mother, a good daughter. Harder to pretend I'm not about to break down in a pile of tears and pain. 

Just working on keeping one foot in front of the other. Decided to take a step back and deal with my grief. To heal before trying to move on. Looking back I am realizing how many of my behaviors recently were driven by trying not to feel that grief, trying to hyperfocus on other things so I didn't have to think about it, trying to bandaid it by talking to others and pretending it didn't matter.

Simply trying to move on to quickly and not deal with what I was feeling was not smart. I can only hope that I didn't do any damage in my determination to avoid my grief. 

 

Writing this in an effort to heal to try to start dealing with that grief and pain in a more healthy way.


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