My OCD is messing with me big time today! I have been good since I was doing the purging of my closets last week. I was able to throw things away without a second thought.
I've been trying to fill my days with keeping busy because my King is away. I didn't have any problems with my OCD since he left.
My little human has been sick. Came home early yesterday with a stomach issue. The Principal said the stomach flu started last week and sent 10 kids home since.
So I set her up in her room because she wanted to lay down and rest. Now we all know what a stomach flu is like. She kept getting up to use the bathroom. Every time she came out I sprayed the areas she could reach with a bleach cleaner. That was the start of my OCD flaring up big time.
This morning when I woke, as I normally do before anything else, I fixed my bed. It doesn't usually bother me to have one side of the blanket overlapping more than the other, or that my pillows aren't laying properly...well this morning I fought with the blanket and pillows until they were perfect for me.
We got ready to go to the doctor because my little human was becoming dehydrated and I was concerned, AND my King told me to as well...I must obey my King. She was prescribed pedialyte and gravol. My King told me to put her in the tub when we got home to help with the dehydration. Which I did.
Then I started my chores.
Loading the dishwasher is normally an easy quick task. But, as I was placing the utensils in the basket I kept repositioning them so they weren't touching or they won't get as clean as I need them to be.
I started the laundry, came back upstairs and decided to look through my clothes to see if there was anything I could donate. I picked out 8 pieces, folded them, and put 2 of the pieces in a bag. Looked at the 3rd piece and put it back in the keep pile. The 4th went into the bag. The 5th and 6th went into the keep pile. The 7th reluctantly went into the bag and the 8th went quickly into the keep pile. These are parts of my office wardrobe but are now too big. My thought was...what if I gain weight again and don't have anything to wear. So I'm wondering if the bag of donations will be donated after all.
Went down stairs and switched out the laundry.
I went to use the bathroom and noticed my little human had put toothpaste prints on the mirror which was kind of hard to see, but I could. Got the windex and started wiping, and wiping, spraying again, and wiping, wiping and wiped until there wasn't a streak to be seen.
I sat at the table to start my usual list of things that I need to buy from the grocery store. I don't have an eidetic memory but there are times that I think I do. I began the list...finished...put it aside and was going to get up but something made me look at it again. It looked a mess. So I grabbed another paper and I alphabetized the freakin' grocery list. Looked at it and felt satisfied.
I always try to have a good healthy meal for my little human. Defrosted a small chuck roast for an oven stew. Cut the meat in cubes but...I cut slow and had to cut them in the perfect sizes. Same with the potatoes, carrots, and onions. I set the veggies on the side. Braised the beef. Put them all together in my roaster. Measured out the perfect amounts of spices, and perfect amount of beef broth...I rolled my eyes at my own silliness.
I could feel the stress starting to build in my shoulders. That always happens when my OCD is in high gear.
I heard the dryer buzz just as I was going to sit with the little human and chill for a bit.
I knew if I let it buzz again I would get stressed so I got the clothes and sat on my bed to start folding and hanging clothes.
I had to have the shirts hung with the front of each shirt facing the same way. Hanging them exactly the same distance from each other.
Sat and watched a show with my little human until the other load bussed that it was dry.
Laying my leggings and jeans out perfectly so there isn't any possibility of them being wrinkled, folding them perfectly. Then as I piled them to put them in my drawer they weren't piling like I wanted them to. They weren't piling level. So I had to re-fold a couple pair just so they would pile level.
There are times that I like having OCD because there are things that need to be done perfectly. But then there are days like this when everything that I did didn't need to be done perfectly.
My mind is going to be exhausted by the end of the night.
I haven't been psychologically diagnosed, or general physician diagnosed, but many people in my life and myself have diagnosed me with several symptoms that can become an issue at times. I'm not at the point where it disrupts my life in extreme ways but it can become stressful.
When some people hear OCD they think, perfection, extreme cleanliness, repetition, fears of diseases, arranging, hoarding...etc.
I am a perfectionist at times but not always, I'm a very clean person but not to the point of constantly cleaning or that every inch of my home is free of dust, I do double check certain things and maybe even check more than twice, I have issues with germs or diseases but not to where I won't go out in public...but I rarely use public washrooms, I do arrange things in a certain way but I have a little human so I've learned not to get upset when she makes a mess of my arrangements, and my children will say I am a little bit of a hoarder but if I do hoard it is in an arranged and unnoticeable way...in other words what I hoard is hidden in boxes and closets.
I wish at times that the Dom or Master who has been or is in my life could order, demand, or command me to stop the flare ups of this disorder. But, I would go bonkers I think if one did try.