My knees quake as I shuffle forward. The traitorous joints threatening, with each step, to buckle underneath me, while fear and anxiety send my stomach rolling. The butterflies had long since flown the coop, leaving a volitile ocean of belly acid in their place.
"I can't do this," I whisper, throwing my hands over my eyes.
His soft chuckle stirs the heat that had earlier grown in me, before I'd made the foolish decision to follow him, "I know this is new to you," he said, "but I promise, I'm here for you. You're going to enjoy everything I do and if you don't, I'll stop immediately."
Before I chicken out and run, my hands fall in defiance, "What if you get too caught up in the moment?"
His grin fades, "I won't."
Frustration begins to grow replacing the anxiety in my once fearful tummy, "I don't know that."
Warm hands find either side of my cheeks, "I won't do anything you've said you're not comfortable with. I will never push you farther than your willing to go. As long as you're honest with yourself and me, this will be one of the most exciting and fulfilling parts of your life."
Whether I'm ready or not, It's finally crunch time. After weeks of talking, planning, and growing closer to one another, it's time to decide if I'm willing and ready to put my trust in him.
He'd spent hours pouring over our boundaries and limits. We've had more conversations than I could count, on what we both like and dislike, but would he actually act on it?
I'd grown to rely on his word, but this was the real deal.
"I'm not going to force you into anything. So, I'll be inside while you collect yourself. When you're ready, come in and give me your answer." With that he gives me a soft peck on the forehead and walks into the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.
