Written by Talu
Mistress,
You asked me to write about the pain session over the past weekend. I’ve been trying to put words around what that session did to me… what it felt like, not just in my body, but in the quiet places You can’t see. The places only pain knows how to reach. I know You want to understand, and I want You to see me in it… so I’ll try to communicate it to You the best way I can.
It wasn’t… and isn’t… about enduring.
It’s about giving in.
The moment it started, I knew it was going to be brutal. And something in me wanted that… wants that… needs it. Not in a reckless way, but like a hunger that finally smells real food. I need to be taken beyond what I thought I could handle. I needed to stop choosing… stop clenching… stop pretending I had control. And that’s what this session did for me.
You both gave me that.
Every strike wasn’t just pain… it was permission. To drop deeper. To lose myself. To let the world narrow down to flesh, breath, impact, surrender.
I couldn’t tell where one hit ended and the next began. They layered… blurred. I cried out without shame. Moaned without thinking. I was undone… and it felt like the most honest version of myself I’ve ever met. When I go that deep with pain, it always does.
As it progressed to the cane, it stopped being about pain. It became clarity. Each mark felt like punctuation on a truth I’ve never struggled to say…
That I need this.
That I belong in this.
That suffering… when I choose it… when it’s witnessed… feels like love.
He hurt me, Mistress. Really hurt me. I know You struggled to witness that at times, but please know… it was beautiful. It made me quiet inside. Still. Soft.
I didn’t want to run from it.
I wanted to melt into it.
Every time I flinched, I begged to stay. Not with words, but with posture… breath… obedience. I wanted to give more of myself, even when there was nothing left to offer but moans and open skin.
I think that’s what I’m chasing. Not pain for its own sake… but that moment when pain becomes a doorway. A threshold. A place where I disappear and become only Yours… stripped of everything except devotion.
That’s what it is for me. That’s why I crave it. Because in that place… wrecked and raw and trembling… I am not afraid. I am Yours.
Your girl,
Talu