This one is NOT about food

Greetings Cage friends,

It has been quite some time since I've written here. While I haven't remained an active member with open participation I have been slowly building away at creating My Household, and intermittently checking the writings and general goings on of the community. 

Life has radically shifted and shifted and shifted and shifted. 

Things have steadily been coming into place from all aspects of where I desire things to be. But that's not to say there havent been difficulties and circumstances. 

Life tends to life. There is an ebb and flow to all things. But I have been steadily on the rise handling the responsibility I have taken by choice (mine and others) and resolving the "obstacles" My Household has faced over the last 5 years. 

There has been a tremendous turn of growth and positivity in My professional life, reaching new heights with the role I currently hold (and the potential for that to again shift forward within weeks to months) I have seen new areas open with the hobbies I enjoy, and most significantly with My dynamic and overall situation. 

Recently Mikayla and I were fortunate to get through the "long haul" of the season. After the spectacular summers W/we get together there is always a period of time with the winter that stretches out before U/us. It is the cold, dark, and lonely (especially as I tend to hibernate during the winter going from work to home) that can be challenging to overcome. W/we have O/our ways of connecting and maintaining the proximity despite the distance but there is something about the winter vacation and getting valuable time to reconnect that sparks and breathes life into O/our world's and helps remind U/us why W/we are both working so hard. 

Now I have previously spoken about how I hermit away during the winters, My focus narrows and I put My time and energy into working when I can so that I could shape and change the landscape of My financial situation and also afford to make the trips to visit My slave girl. Now this serves its purpose and it helps move the needle on the goals I have, but it also removes Me from My immediate community (neighbours and small town living). 

Today I had the chance to support My community. A few weeks back (right before My trip to see Mikayla) I witnessed a fire truck and ambulance show up and take away My neighbour in the ambulance. My neighbour's are elderly and facing numerous health conditions, and upon My arrival home I had found out that the man who had disappeared in the ambulance would never again sit on his porch and watch the kids play or the animals bustle around. It was one of his favourite pastimes and he was a staple of the community. I used to call him the watch dog because he was always out with the sun and he saw everything that went on. 

He passed away on February 2nd, he went to sleep and never woke up. His family held the memorial service for him today. I'm fortunate that I wasn't working and so I made My way to attend his funeral. I did all I wanted, I said goodbye and gave him an answer to a question/comment he always asked of Me. The answer then had always been "W/we are working on it but its going to take time." Finally I had some traction in movement forward that I was able to share with him and I believe he heard every word. I was also able to connect with the Mayor (he and his wife are also My neighbours and friends - but haven't seen much of them as life has gotten busy for all of us) and a man I used to work with (although since retired for 3 years) and his wife who I had never met before. I was also able to speak with the family and express My condolences (and from those who weren't in attendance - Mikayla and My roommate) and reach out to offer whatever support may be needed. 

Part of why I'm even writing any of this today though was because of the sermon the preacher spoke on. He spoke about the "Faithful Worker" as a description of the man lost and of Jesus Christ. He spoke of the work done, what work needed to happen and had happened. The word kept ringing in My head and each time the preacher spoke "work" it reminded Me of Mikaylas most recent blog. 

So I wanted to take a moment and share from My perspective a little about O/our trip, how it hit Me and the fact that all of the ways she wrote on "the work" I had done didn't even register for Me. 

Part of why I want to bring this to the attention of anyone reading this is to create an understanding. The ways W/we perceive O/our effort is not always important or significant to others. The tiny small things that W/we don't notice can be monumental to someone struggling. The big things W/we think that are exactly perfect are missing the mark because those actions may be valuable but don't hold the same weight. 

Its about perspective.

What do Y/you see as valuable?

What do Y/you see as significant? 

D types may have one idea about "the work" they do, but to their s type may see it completely differently. 

On this trip I had goals and visions. Yes I got to do pretty much everything on My, O/our and her list. Except for a large portion of the "training work" I had intended. Part of that is because I fall into comfortable spaces that I enjoy existing in. Part of it is also a necessary component of reconnecting with My slave. But I did not press My own Dominance by testing My own waters as much as I could have. 

BDSM offers layers of a relationship. While W/we get to have O/our kinky fun if Y/you live the lifestyle it is much more than just sex and toys. 

If you read Mikaylas words, the biggest most impactful moments are the ones where I was simply beside her. 

To Me that wasn't work. It wasn't work because "showing up" is an authentic part of who I desire and need to be. I believe it should go without question to have patience and sit waiting outside for hours while Your girl has a private moment to sort through the tumultuous relationship and situation she had with her mother. She needed to have those conversations and it was not My place to be there, but I was never more than 5 steps past the door if she needed Me. While I was standing, kneeling, squatting, sitting I could listen if I focused and tried to catch the words between them. At moments I did and at others I let My mind wander to give them space and privacy because there are some things that were not meant for My ears. 

To Me, (especially because of the distance and because physical touch is one of My love languages) holding onto you, hugging you is My privilege. But that never feels like work because it fills a need that I have. It is meant to be in support, to show care, to create closeness and connect. That's not work because I believe that is a necessary part of a healthy relationship, and I need and crave that closeness just as you do. 

There are always traumas that exist based on past experiences, and I believe it is a D types responsibility to speak to those. Many times I can feel like I'm letting you down because "I don't do enough" but you help prove to Me that My existence and presence is a blessing and needed. That it doesn't need to be a big grand gesture that in critical moments not allowing you to walk alone is the greatest gift I can offer. But that doesn't feel like work, its just being beside you. I would give all the things to be beside you everyday, and W/we will have O/our forever. It is a matter of time. 

To Me, it is a Masters duty and responsibility to care well for what is His. You have given Me the greatest gift, and I cherish all that it is. That means taking responsibility and holding Myself accountable and being there. It means I get to look after, support and guide you. 

It is My honour and privilege to do what I can to remove the obstacles in your life. I am grateful that I am capable of bringing healing and new life to you. I am grateful that I make a difference and have brought you peace, and helped you walk into the new landscape of your life. I am grateful that I get to be there, to hold your hand. I am grateful to listen, to protect you from around the corner, right behind you or in front of you. 

Each circumstance may have required a little bit of different support but it was never a question of "doing work". It was be patient. Stand. Support. Give space. Take space. Hold your hand. Walk beside, behind, in front. I just wanted for you to have peace and to open the future for U/us. These steps needed to happen so that I could build and establish My Household. It was exactly the right time for all obstacles to be removed but it's also taken 4 years to get to that point. 

W/we have steadily been building together, putting the pieces together. W/we have been slowly creating a beautiful, powerful thing. But it's also taken a long time to assemble the pieces. It has not been easy or quick, but the most worthwhile endeavours are those that require time and patience. Each step has taken U/us closer to the end goal of life, forever. One day at a time, for as long as the love shall last.

I can't wait for the moment when I fully establish My Household, but I am grateful to have you helping aid, shape and grow the man I am. The man I was meant to be. 

I look forward to the moments when I can continue to "do the work" and bring about the greatest life either one of U/us has ever known. 

I'm looking forward to April and the new experiences W/we have yet to discover together. 

Mstr J

Good day Cage friends, 

I cant even begin to describe the last 2 weeks, the last 2 months, the last 4 years. 

I have not been particularly active here inside the community. I have been busy with work and life and having Mikayla at home finally. It has been insane. Yet each moment I delay writing a blog I just have so much more to add that it becomes daunting. 

Inside the last few hours, W/we have been cultivating the land and preparing to plant new flowers that W/we just bought yesterday. There is a theme and style to the colours selected, and now was the day that W/we chose to prepare the flower bed behind My home such that the flowers that I invested in would be well received and be given every opportunity to flourish. It has been hard work. W/we have been digging down, rummaging through breaking up clumps, removing every weed and root possible, cleaning every aspect and preparing the ground. Then digging a place, putting down ash, compost and then the new flower. Finally topping with more compost and the top soil. The excess soil that W/we had removed, cleaned and broken down was also being replaced in spots alongside My home to protect the exposed foundation and to also prepare for overseeding the lawn to improve every aspect of the front and back yards. 

While W/we were working I finally got an acknowledgement from the CRA that My tax return has been processed. Their expected turn around time was 90 days, and when I had last called I had found out My file had been open 103 days (a record that the CRA representative had never seen that number before) and that was pretty much 2 weeks ago. Today while working to improve My household alongside My slave, I finally received notification that My tax return has been processed and that I am in fact going to receive the needed funds to finish paying off My debt to My ex-wife and to My previous relationship. Now this doesn't mean I am completely finished. I still owe 4 spousal support payments, but I am reaching the end of an era. 

This is a massive milestone reached. This has been a longstanding goal and one I have been working towards for the past 4 years. W/we have kept praying that this money would arrive at the exact right moment in God's timing, and it is not lost on Me that it was during the process of working to improve My home that I received this blessing. 

Just a week ago, I had been struggling with having patience over "not getting what I was owed". I was struggling with desiring and "needing" the money now now now! I was losing My patience about the situation and Mikayla was able to help Me adjust My perspective and My outlook. This is why I appreciate and adore Mikayla, because she keeps Me grounded and helps support Me in just the right ways. She helps give Me reality checks and turn My eyes away from negative spaces and helps create positive ones in their place. I stopped worrying over when it would happen, and embraced "joyful patience" and in the most fulfilling ways I received what I needed when I needed it, while I was working hard to improve My home. 

There has been so much more to fill Y/you all in on, from My first Munch with the local community, setting a new personal best at My local golf club (breaking 80), getting a chance to play a private golf course with a friend on this coming Monday, My birthday being in a few days, adventures and time and errands, cooking amazing food, just celebrating and enjoying O/our time together. There is just so much going on/ having gone on/will go on that its hard to keep up with. 

But I know that Mikayla and I are looking forward to each moment and will definitely be celebrating in big ways this weekend. 

I hope E/everyone is well and thriving and finding exactly what T/they need in this moment. 

MstrJ

Good day Cage friends,

It has been a very long while since I have felt led to write something in the blogosphere. If you haven't already caught the blog written by My slave Mikayla I would suggest checking it out. 

She does an exceptional job of giving scope and background and explaining where W/we are at. There are transitions and stages to life. I am sure W/we all have witnessed them for O/our own journeys. Y/you can tell when something is coming to an end, perhaps it was a friendship or relationship. Maybe it happens to be the end of a way of thinking. That too can change the stage of Y/your life. 

Just recently inside all of life, Mikayla and I have been enjoying the process of being inside a dynamic. W/we have done the thrilling and exciting and nerve wracking stages of getting to know and trust one another. Putting the initial effort and trying to see is this P/person really worth the time and effort. W/we have been very blessed that W/we found one another, mesh so well and communicate in the manner W/we do. 

There has been so much growth and improvement and healing inside both of U/us. But as W/we have moved through the years things have stabilized into a routine and O/our way of life. Making time for one another when O/our schedules align and trying to make the most of each moment that W/we get to share together. 

Much of this life isn't necessary note worthy (at least to other people. There are moments to share and express where I am at, but a lot of what I desire to do alongside Mikayla is for her and not really for others) This is partly why I have disappeared and been "absent". I am still reading blogs and I am around but not as actively engaged with the community as I had been when I first found this site. 

The thing about new stages of life and progression through adversity means that the challenges and tasks in front of Y/you tend to scale in relation to the new stage. At least this has been My experience. Just a small snapshot of what that means and how I have experienced that. 

As I have moved the needle on My financial situation I have been met with challenges that require more investment to properly address those concerns. It seems like the more stable and secure financially I become the bigger the problems tend to scale to account for the levels of success I have reached. Take for instance the repairs I've needed to make on My vehicle. When I was stuck inside of debt and frustration, most of My vehicle costs were about maintenance. Now that I have moved that needle the issues with My vehicle have jumped into the "repair" category and have been scaled up. At the same time I have not had anything that was outside of My ability to handle and I am still meeting My goals within My vision and pursuit of where I desire to be financially. 

As W/we navigate into these new spheres of existence with one another there was a realization that hit both of U/us hard, but in different ways. The thing is Mikayla lands home just 2 days before her 40th birthday. It will be absolutely magnificent and wonderful to celebrate with her such a milestone, and My family and I are intending a bit of a party to do this. 

The thing is, there was a bit of a "hit the wall, stop and realize" kind of moment. The age gap between U/us is not massive. Its just 7 years but there is about to be a moment when My age begins with a 3 and Mikaylas age will begin with a 4. My birthday is just over 2 weeks behind her birthday and so even as W/we get to celebrate her birthday W/we will celebrate mine shortly after. This year I turn 33. There was just something that hit me differently as I realized that My slave will in fact be 40. 

I recognize that health concerns become more prominent as Y/you age and the thing is I was never concerned over the difference in O/our age. But now sitting here, there is a moment that I have to breathe and take time to process "this difference." I mean there isnt anything different about her. She is exactly who she is. Nothing has changed inside of the distance between O/our ages and yet I had to pause as the realization settled over Me. Yes W/we are in fact going to be in different age brackets. When I was 29 I held no concern over the difference in O/our age. But as life changes, LIFE CHANGES. 

So, I get the glorious opportunity to recognize and acknowledge the differences between U/us. Not only O/our age but who W/we are as people. Now none of this is a deterrent. I am still very invested in living life alongside Mikayla, and I am overjoyed to have her as My partner in life. But I did have to acknowledge to her (and I wanted to acknowledge to those here in the community) that even inside of a well established dynamic that it takes continued effort to navigate the changes and new stages Y/you will walk through. 

There is value in pausing when Y/you encounter a shift in reality. I mean I have always known Mikayla is 7 years older than I am. That hasn't and wont change. I acknowledged and "knew" it before, but as W/we grow older together sometimes that information hits home in a different way. Now I get to do the Master man thing and prove to My slave that no matter what may come up from either side of the slash during life that she is worth My investment of time, energy, love and effort. This is one of those moments where how I respond and share with her where I am at, and how I am navigating these spaces for O/our collective benefit will go a long way in creating more trust and devotion. 

The ways W/we act can build or destroy what W/we have. There must be care and consideration as well as grace as Y/you navigate changing circumstances. 

Mstr J

Good Evening, Cage friends. 

There are many times and seasons in life. Today I get to acknowledge a transition in My professional life. 

Ive just completed (today was the final class) of My 8 weeks of training for the relief foreman position I obtained just a little while ago. 

I am celebrating Myself tonight. 

I get to honour My growth and improvement. 

I am also chuckling slightly about how I immediately move into the role and get thrown into the deep end to learn as I move into the position for the next 3 weeks. 

The thing about being a relief foreman is that its not consistent. They will need Me as they need Me. Really I step in when people are sick, on vacation or don't show up for whatever reason. Because of the situation, I get the chance to walk into the role immediately for a few weeks. Then from there who knows really when they will call upon My services. 

Luckily I am feeling a bit better, getting over this sickness that has been lingering for a while now. So I'm going to enjoy the depth of the darkness of My home and create some noise to celebrate who I am and where I'm going. 

Its been a long time coming but I am arriving exactly where I need to be, at the moment I need to get there. 

This is the Year of Accomplishment/Achievement. Just one of the many ways I get to grow and reach new heights of responsibility, new levels of success and new stages to perform on. 

Mstr J

Good day Cage friends, 

I'm not one to jump on challenges often but I wanted to put my hat into the ring today so to speak. 

As Mikayla and I exist long distance W/we often try to find ways to connect the distance between U/us. There is a magic and comfort in having something worn that reminds you of the arms of your person around you, the smell of them and the closeness it can bring. When it comes to My slave I choose 1 of My favourite hoodies and wear it everyday, exercise in it and exist in it as much as possible to infuse as much of Me as possible. Then when its time for her to return to the satellite campus I give it to her as a gift so that she has My arms wrapped around her, My comfort and My snuggles and warmth when she is trying to sleep. 

This is the new hoodie that I have chosen for her gift when she has to leave O/our home the next time. (Plus My face) 

https://imgur.com/KSRiQoa

So I have been working for a very long time on building some strength and one of the ways that I do that is through calisthenics. I have had a goal for 4 years now to try and accomplish mastery of My physical self and I have made definite progress. I'm not yet at the level that I desire to be but I am walking towards those goals I've set for myself.

https://imgur.com/smzCLCl

As Mikayla has made tremendous progress in her journey of improvement and health it is one that I choose to walk beside her. I find it very difficult as a D type to walk in, bark orders and tell her fix herself. 

https://imgur.com/rp9q0Dq

I am the type of man that if I set a task for her to reach then I should have My own goals associated in the same realm that I can walk towards in support of her efforts. (For Myself, it's extremely difficult to sit on the couch eating nachos while ordering My slave to exercise. In My mind it sends the wrong message and could disable her motivation and effort when I am not matching her dedication) 

https://imgur.com/jlbZSvX

So this is a small snapshot of My journey and some of the daily effort that I put towards developing Myself and where I wish to walk inside of My health. 

I'm not perfect and plenty of times I eat way too much, too often, and with all the wrong and unhealthy items. 

https://i.imgur.com/mM316lX.jpeg

So I am making an effort to improve My strength, My mobility, My flexibility. 

Part of why I am working so hard in this area is not only as a support for Mikayla. To model to her good habits and routines (Plus she found the most amazing stretching routine that W/we enjoy participating next to each other as best W/we can each day, it allows U/us to be healthy and work towards similar goals within O/our own skill sets and spend time together in meaningful ways) It also allows Me the chance to build the strength I desire for My other hobby: golfing. 

https://imgur.com/a5LB0gg

This has been a passion of Mine since I was an adolescent kid. Although I never had much opportunity to pursue these dreams and goals inside this hobby. Its only been within the last 2 years that I have been able to seriously dedicate My effort and energy to improving inside of My golf game. 

https://imgur.com/on2zL2k

I have improved much over the last 2 to 4 years. I have seen much growth and radical transformation. I actually had a ton of fun working with Mikayla to be able to bring this blog to E/everyone here in the community and I am grateful to Iambsone for this challenge. **Note: I may have made a mistake, apparently the first person to start this challenge was SweetSirRendering. I do apologize for not being clear but I am grateful to participate. Thank you for the challenge. 

Mstr J

Good evening Cage friends, 

I had intended to write this yesterday but unfortunately I was too busy with work which meant it was delayed by 1 day. 

Today it hits differently. 

I just walked back into My home and I am without My slave here. Mikayla is currently on her flight back to the satellite campus with 6 hours until she lands on the first leg of her journey back. 

Walking into My empty home with the remnants of O/our time together can be challenging. There are dishes left over (as per My request), the placemats and utensils left on the table. There is still the scent of the delicious food W/we cooked permeating the space. I can feel her here and yet it's also very empty. 

I know she will return home for the summer but that feels like a long way off at *this* second. 

While I can compartmentalize there is still a "numbness" going throughout My entire body. Even parts of My attitude are feeling low and it was a struggle to go to work and try to be present. Although Mikayla did encourage Me to show up as best I could and that the folks inside My training course didn't deserve less than what I could bring. 

There was an excellent opportunity during class where I had the chance to talk about anything, and the people in My group had to actively listen without word responses. I talked about Mikayla going home and because the people weren't allowed to use words to respond I got 2 minutes to express about O/our trip. Of course with where I was at emotionally I was focused on "the leaving" of My slave. When I reached the last 10 seconds of My 2 minute dialogue I was able to voice out loud the difficulty of her leaving, and I had to close My eyes and just felt her removal. It brought tears to My eyes and I just gave Myself permission to feel the weight of that moment and feel the loss of her. 

It can be very powerful when you voice the words and express emotion. There is a different level when you realize something and then express it. It made her leaving "real" to Me. I had kept My composure through most of the final moments of saying goodbye but when I spoke out loud that she had gone it hit Me differently. 

Now this is all very relevant because it's what I am experiencing today but since I had intended to write this blog yesterday none of what has been said was apart of the original concept for My writing today. 

What I had wanted to do was pose a question. 

Have Y/you ever experienced a moment where the words said were meant for a specific moment and thus lost to time after they had been spoken? 

On the second last night Mikayla and I had a remarkably powerful moment together. W/we have determined to call it "Lemuring". I knew she was struggling with her imminent departure and I had wanted to speak peace to her soul. 

The idea sparked from the thought process "What is the most valuable use of My time *right now*?"

I decided to wrap Myself around her while W/we cuddled on the couch. I put some soft music on and began to whisper into her ear. 

The insane part is that as soon as I was finished speaking I couldn't recall anything that I had said. I knew I had spoken truth and words of deep importance but I could not remember them for the life of Me. They have been lost to time and yet they weren't meant for any other moment than that one. 

But I was perplexed and asked Mikayla about what she remembered. This is what she told Me immediately after O/our "Lemuring". 

"I spoke peace to My slaves soul. I acknowledged committment and connection. I expressed intention. I gave direction and purpose."

W/we continued to discuss back and forth about the merits of words, and how I couldn't find those words. W/we talked about knowing someone in their totality. How when W/we found each other and walked towards each other while there may be difficulty there is nothing but ease in traversing the obstacles and tribulations. 

There have been many profound moments on this trip. This was one of them. 

The next blog will go over some of the activities W/we got up to on O/our trip together. Also an insight into why W/we called it "Lemuring". There is still plenty to share about O/our latest journey together, but for now I am going to withdraw and exist inside My space with movement and music. 

To those that read My words today I thank you. Have a blessed night. 

Mstr J

Good day Cage friends, 

If you have had a chance to look through and read My slave Mikayla's most recent blog she wrote about words I have expressed which brought peace to her soul. She was speaking about the words of affirmation she recorded in order to hear well the external validation she received. 

Over time I have done work to heal this need in her life. The funny part is that I didn't do "anything special." In fact Mikayla and I recently had a conversation which spoke about this phenomenon. But I will touch on this just a little later in this post. 

For now I wanted My focus to be on her statement #2. 

In her last blog she wrote about her anxiety over her feeling inadequate, that I was out of her league and that she held fear over My choosing her. Really the common idea that many of U/us feel about not being "enough". Something that I have struggled with My entire life. 

When W/we had spoken she had asked Me "What if someone asks you why you are with me?" 

I never spoke directly to her the words I had chosen but I wish to share them now. 

My answer to the question "why her?" is this:

"If all you do is look at the surface of who she is and make a judgement based upon that, then you are missing everything. The depth of who she is cannot be measured by her outward appearance alone."

The thing about Mikayla is that her spirit and energy is some of the most loving, caring, supportive and to Me she is perfection. W/we were just discussing about O/our long distance dynamic and how to explain how to "do long distance dynamics". 

The issue that W/we both run into is that for U/us it's not anything W/we do. It just is. Like breathing. If you attempt to try and explain how to breathe its really quite challenging. Its just apart of who W/we are. The ways I show up just speak to Mikayla. The ways she operates and exists speak to My soul. There isn't anything that needs to be *done* because it just matches. 

For instance. I had written a list of the ways I had failed in My previous marriage. As I went through the list, Mikayla told Me how much each of the ways I had "failed" previously were absolute needs and wants and desires FOR HER. It was like her soul was saying "pick me, pick me!" As she metaphorically raised her hand to each point of My failure. 

The point being is this: when you meet the right person things will just align. The right circumstances and the right opportunities just flow together seamlessly.

Part of that process started with Me though. I had so much to sort out and improve when My marriage ended. I wasn't ready to receive love because I didn't love Myself. I didn't appreciate Myself. I hadn't sorted My finances, My home, My life. I had so much work to do. Part of putting Myself together allowed Me to be in the right space at the right time to receive what Mikayla had to offer. 

I know it can feel daunting, and sometimes it's absolutely defeating when you meet new people and they aren't right for you. But the crazy part is that it only takes one person to be the right fit in your life and when you find it..... It can blow you away in the most astounding ways. 

I pray to those that are struggling that you don't lose faith, patience or the ability to continue on. You never know when the right person is a single moment away from changing your life forever. 

To those that read My words, I thank you. I hope part of My journey may inspire your determination to not relent and continue the search, that you may receive the exact right person that matches every need, want and desire for your values.

Mstr J

Good day Cage friends, 

Mikayla is in the air on her last leg of the journey. Her flight was delayed slightly but she is boarded and rounding the final bend before making it home. 

I am watching over her progress through FlightAware while sitting in the airport awaiting her arrival. 

Its an exciting moment, the anticipation of intimacy and internet hugs made real. W/we are both looking forward to the moments W/we get to reconnect and deepen O/our bond. 

It had been a hectic day at work and this week which meant I wasn't able to prepare as thoroughly as I would have liked to. But I did the best I could in the areas that held the highest priority to me. Plus my somewhat forgetful brain that left out a few of those necessary items I had wanted to stock up on prior to her arrival. It just means W/we get the chance to do some shopping and enjoy holding hands while wandering the isles of Costco. 

It won't be long now, these next 13 days are going to be wonderful. A much needed break from the distance and separation. Time to connect and fully enjoy each other's company.

After a quick trip to Costco, its off to meet with My parents for dinner! 

I hope E/everyone has a magnificent weekend. 

Mstr J

Good Evening Cage friends,

It has been quite some time since I have last written a blog. Today I wanted to share a portion of My life as well as an understanding that I reached recently while engaging in conversation with My slave Mikayla. 

Now first some small updates. 

At this time next week (less than 7 days) I will be driving Mikayla home from the airport. I know W/we are both anticipating these short 13 days together. There will need to be a blend of how W/we spend O/our time but I have orchestrated a few plans already. The first will be a tour and tasting of a distillery that caught O/our fancy alongside some friends. W/we have date night plans to go risk it big at the Casino (yeah, not quite that big) and to experience winter together. Its the much needed halfway point to surviving the year while managing a long distance dynamic. 

Next, would probably be the promotion I had interviewed for. I was found successful and have been in training for the last 2 weeks. I have just finished the second week and am beginning My weekend. It has been going exceptionally well and I have found a lot of growth inside the classroom and with the shadowing I'm doing. This change has altered My schedule so I work different days while finishing My 8 week training program. There have been really interesting modules on communication, writing for business, documentation and note taking, as well as a few other topics. The group of 9 other people in this training program are quite exceptional and Mikayla keeps telling Me "I have found My people".

I have enjoyed these weeks and have already impacted the work environment in positive ways with comments from different friends and co-workers. "You woke us up, and as soon as the supervisor began talking *he slumped down* back to sleep" "You did a great job" "You have a talent for presenting" along with some fist bumps, thumbs up, handshakes and the chance to meet new people. There are 2 days that I shadow and because My work has 2 sets of shifts (red and blue) they transition over from Wednesday to Thursday. The other Forman in training that is working with Me (but learning in a different department) had trouble with her vehicle and wasn't able to get into work. This week at work there was an Operational Meeting which states goals and areas to be aware and changes to practices and process for the entirety of our department. On Wednesday I asked My mentor if there was anything that needed to happen for the meeting. He told me "No". Turns out the foreman leads the safety discussion during these meetings. Needless to say as soon as blue shift got to the safety part of the meeting they tossed me in front of 25 to 30 people from all areas of our department. So on the spot I got to introduce myself and run through the 2 safety topics. Because the other person doing the foreman training was away I also got the chance to go over the safety topic today with red shift. So another 25 to 30 people that I was able to introduce myself to and lead a second discussion on the 2 safety topics. 

It was interesting to find that the surprise of having to lead the safety discussion actually allowed Me to remain calm, as I slept from Wednesday into Thursday I thought/contemplated/dreamt and then sat in the meeting knowing I was going to lead the safety meeting and "What was I going to do? What would I say? How would I???..." I just did part of a breathing practice while sitting stretching and readying Myself to lead My part of the meeting. The second day I was nervous, so I spoke more quickly and it was a challenge to slow down and take pauses. Whereas on the first day I found a natural tempo and flow which I felt was superior. I may have to ask the few people in the room that saw both of My presentations to ask them their opinions on the differences between both days. I improved some of the supporting material for the second day relating to the topics, and did manage a solid presentation but I feel like I may have done better in the first presentation. Sometimes a little outside perspective can be illuminating. 

There was also the conversation with My slave Mikayla when I got home after the weird Tuesday I had. I had taken My vehicle in for an oil change and found out that My front brakes had metal slice out which meant I needed to repair the rotors and pads and I needed a new battery. Considering the cold and distance I need to travel I spend a lot of kilometers driving on winter highways and roadways, so having a reliable vehicle is essential. I needed to get all the little things taken care of which also meant I had to drop off My vehicle for the day. So I needed a lift into work and luckily My dad was able to pick me up and chauffeur Me back and forth to the mechanics. The bill was exactly what I had anticipated and it just means the progress I had intended to make towards My debt needed to shift to accomodate the charge for the repairs. 

As I navigated the roads home I was able to have My slave greet Me upon My arrival. W/we recounted the day and I was able to share all of the experiences from that Tuesday. I had a moment where I got to apologize to someone for a rude joke I had made, and later on a dialogue with another person that I respected for his actions. They wound up both having a conversation with Me later on that day and as I shared My thoughts they both gave Me some of the greatest external validation I had been searching for. As I shared My day and parts of the dialogue during this conversation, Mikayla with her brilliant mind was able to point out some areas of healing I need to work on. 

It began a conversation that reached the words "My failsafe is self sabotage". 

This is going to take some context. 

I have been wanting to write a blog based upon a topic shared by just a small group here a few weeks back. I don't know if it was ever an official challenge on the site and it didn't gain much traction in participation. It was about the concept of "this is the worst part of me". I had been ruminating on the topic for a long time, and had come to a few conclusions. 

(Part of the conversation with Mikayla after work was about re-examining My memories/childhood and finding where My need for external validation stems from.) 

In the previous weeks I had incidentally been considering My childhood. My relationship with My brother. How I had felt as a younger kid from 7 until I hit My middle/late teens. That was because I was a examining where I struggled and where I had the most room to grow. I wanted to understand the relationship I created with My brother and how to work at improving it now. This is a topic for another day but I just wanted to establish some context for the purpose of creating understanding with the conversation with Mikayla. 

At the start of the conversation W/we examined the feelings that had been brought up. Also the way that the interaction with My father had shifted the positivity of where I stood. It has been a longstanding issue and one that I need to take time to look over and evaluate. This is a part of where I need to examine, in order to get to the root of where My need for external validation comes from. As Mikayla was listening to Me, she pointed out "your need for greatness in the future is preventing you from being enough right now" I need to "learn to love your imperfect self right now". 

My desire is to build the future. I want to improve day by day and reach new heights of excellence. I don't desire to be perfect as I did as a kid, I desire to become excellent. I wont ever reach perfection but I will reach excellence. I have been so concerned over getting to My future. Being in the future. Getting to the point where I'm free of debt. To the point where I reach the conclusion of My responsibility to My ex-wife. To the point where My slave lives with Me. To when O/our daughter can experience a new life she has never seen before. To travel the world. To experience new foods. To expand My household. 

Part of looking towards the future, the potential and what could be was also restricting Myself from truly experiencing the now. Appreciating what I have now. Where I am at. Where My slave is at. There is such a thing as looking too far forward. 

Mikayla shared the insight "If you learn to become content (find contentment) in what you have, what comes after will be abundance". If you have all you need then anything that adds to that truly is more than you need. That is abundance. 

Now to bring it full circle. 

Part of the dialogue I had earlier with the co-workers in the training program was about building My self confidence. That was something I greatly lacked as a small child. I did not believe in My capability. Their comments were about "how they could see Me surpass the current level of foreman" and that "by this time next year it wouldn't surprise me if you were a supervisor". It was shocking. Later that night part of what I realized was that "My lack of faith in My ability (low self esteem) hampered all I tried to accomplish." 

I constantly created situations as a kid where I would lose on purpose. I believed that if I didn't try then I never truly lost. If I give up then how could you possibly known if you had won a game? I played against My brother on this Star Wars game on the xbox, and we would fight one on one. I beat him one time and then I "let him win" so that he never beat me while I played My best. Part of why that terrified Me was because "If I give all of My heart and soul into something (put the most effort I can muster) and I lose that is the worst defeat I could imagine" It would shatter My soul. 

So I decided to never try. There would always be a reason I "failed". It wasnt because I wasn't capable or good enough. It was because I gave up and never tried in the first place. 

I have played all sorts of sports through school from team sports to individual sports. When you exist as part of a team and you happen to be the reason the entire team fails because you weren't good enough to do your job it can be excruiating. Mentally and emotionally demoralizing. Getting pulled out a game because you are doing more harm than good feels terrible. Letting down your teammates, failing your coach. It weighs on you. It can become a burden that restricts how you move. 

Part of learning how to love your imperfect self is challenging. Desiring to be more than you are is reasonable, so long as you don't exist solely for the purpose of the future. It takes a balance of focusing right now while looking to the future, instead of focusing on the future while looking at the present. Life was meant to be enjoyed and experienced. Feel right now the good things that can be felt. Appreciate what you have. Move forward with confidence. 

This is the Year of Accomplishment and Achievement. 

To those that read My words today, I thank you. I hope you take something from My experience and are able to move along your own journey in the ways that are right for you. 

Mstr J

Good Evening Cage friends, 

You know there can be so much that goes on in a year. This season has been so very interesting and it is about to take a turn in 2024. 

Inside of the last 72 hours I have received such news from different sources of friends, family and strangers. It has been such a remarkable turn of events. 

This coming year is going to be filled with so much positivity. There are so many good things that are going to occur this coming year unlike I have ever received or known before. 

I applied for a foreman position and earlier today I received a phone call from my friend who I had put on my reference sheet. He was calling to let me know he had just finished speaking with the supervisor who had interviewed me and that all flows of conversation were massively positive. I could have done a better job of representing myself in the interview, there were plenty of times where I felt I had used a poor example and immediately thought of 4 better scenarios to illustrate my point instead. But all in all I was very happy with how I represented myself and the ways that I showed up inside of myself authentically and as the best version of me that day. 

Funnily enough on that day of work after my interview it was one of the toughest days I have worked in a while. But I managed to get through to the best of my ability and I sit here now on my weekend enjoying my time. 

I had also arranged a chance to play at an indoor golf simulator and went with some of my friends, it turned out to be the weirdest series of phone calls I had received. 

My father called to inform me that my sister's long term health concern had reared its head and that she needs to get scheduled for emergency surgery. 

I then got a random call from "Amazon" trying to inform me about my iPhone 13 purchase to which I immediately hung up. 

I got a random phone call from someone who was breaking up and I could not hear them at all. So I said "Im not interested in whatever you're selling, have a nice day" and hung up. Which sparked a brief dialogue among my friends about how politely I shut that salesperson down. 

Within another 5 to 10 minutes I got another phone call from someone asking if my house was still for rent and after a brief conversation and exchange of information I have a time set for when they are going to take a tour of the property to see if they are interested in staying here. But I also realized that the random "salesperson" hadn't actually been a random salesperson and I felt I had been a touch rude in my dismissal of them. 

The most interesting part of all these series of events is that each one is a testing ground to expand my situation, skill, ability, capability and develop the future. I have an abundant number of opportunities opening right in front of me and all I need to do is walk into the future. 

There is a shift here that is going to alter the course of my trajectory for the rest of my life. This year of 2024 is going to be such a place of Transformation in my life. There will be exponential growth in positive ways in all areas of my life.

It starts with one moment, one decision. The choice we have right now. 

I had stopped in at a friend's house on my way home. He asked me what my weekend entailed. I didn't tell him anything because I don't have transparent conversation with him I have honest conversation with him. I gave him the most watered down and flat answer, that was the most basic I could make it. 

I didn't share any of the meditation and spiritual ritual that I am developing for myself. I didn't share about my choice of exercise and meditation, my golf swing practice and how I would spend time with Mikayla. There is so much of who I am that I don't fully share with those around me. But I am learning to establish my own boundaries and work at creating what I need to thrive. The ways I communicate and the level I communicate I try to match the wavelengths of what someone offers. 

I have to learn to give just as much is offered so that I save my energy for those that give of themselves. I need to recognize my worth and I am beginning to, such that it is truly reserved for those that hold a special place in my life and household. The family and friends that have earned a place in my heart that I choose to hold close to me. 

 I just felt like sharing some of what has happened in my life in the last few days. I really am excited about what the future holds and I cant wait to see what is right around the corner. 

I hope part of my journey can be inspiring to those that take the time to read my words today. I thank you. 

Mstr J