This one is NOT about food

Good brand new morning Cage friends, 

When I was a kid I was quite an odd child. I was active, athletic but also a true nerd and geek. There were some areas that I explored that might make your head turn and cock an eyebrow at. 

In junior high I had a very busy schedule. Oftentimes I had band practice in the morning before class (yeah I'm talking orchestra playing trumpet type band class - not the cool I'm in a band type badass rocker) especially as the concerts we performed for spring and fall and winter/new year came around. I would go to volleyball practice (or badminton, or track and field or *insert seasonal sport here* practice) after school and during the lunch period is when I had my debate, diplomacy, chemistry club meetups. At one point I had a different club activity every lunch from Monday to Friday and practice and rehearsal before and after school. It was a bit hectic. But each event had its time and place and it kept me busy and out of trouble. 

Now if Y/you happen to read Mikayla's blog Y/you will often hear her talk about "learned truths". The general concept is experience will inform U/us with knowledge that shapes O/our future experience for better or worse. Most times learned truths aren't actually true but a circumstance that "proves" a point. Usually more often to the detriment of future experiences. 

Just recently I was spending time on My back deck ruminating on past experiences and I had a line of thinking I wanted to share about a personal experience that formed part of My youth. I realized that I had taught Myself a learned truth based on events that were destructive and harmful to My younger self and I struggled for a long time to overcome this obstacle. 

*Names have been changed to protect identities as I am unable to gain consent since I don't communicate with those from My junior high*

When I was in junior high I has joined the debate club and we practiced during lunch, learning rules and structure for debate. How to rebuttal and prepare for the pros and cons of each argument because you didnt know which position you might have to argue. Now I had an absolute favourite teacher that was one of the two in charge of debate, Mr. Wylie. He was phenomenal. He challenged us to think outside the box and gave us room to be silly and yet still helped guide us to be thoughtful and thorough. 

Eventually after learning the basics and getting to practice during lunches we grasped the concepts and got to put our skills to the test in a debate tournament that would host all of the kids in the club. The teams were formed with 2 kids each and I got partnered up with Mathew. The date was set and we prepared for the first round. We walked through the first round and crushed our opponents. As we battled our way through Matt and I continued to do well and wound up facing off in the final round. We won and claimed the title Master Debaters (yeah silly kids and their juvenile jokes but we all laughed really hard) and as tournament champions had the opportunity to face off against the two teachers who ran the debate club. 

So the topic was set: Superman vs Wonder Woman. Matt and I were selected to defend Wonder Woman and prove that she was superior to Superman. We were given time to prepare our defense and tried our best to come up with all the arguments that we needed in order to trounce the teachers and win the ultimate victory. 

Now the day finally rolled around and we had done what we could. We gathered in the library with parents, teachers, students and I mean it was junior high debate... The turnout wasn't huge but there was a crowd and we got into it. 

All things were going reasonably well until I was finishing off part of our teams argument. It was time for the teachers rebuttal and that was my undoing. Mr. Wylie looked over at me and hit me with a remark that I left me dumbfounded. He thought about the scenario and approached it from an angle that never occured to my underdeveloped brain. He took away the superpowers and looked at it from the human perspective of man vs woman. The clever little idea that I never considered. It was the idea that a woman's hair would take too long to dry after a shower, and that superman never encountered that problem. What could wonder woman do while waiting for her hair to dry? Now I don't remember the manner in which Mr. Wylie framed the remarks. His exact wording has been lost to time, but what I do remember is this. 

I absolutely froze. 

I was dumbstruck, dumbfounded and like a fish out of water. 

Have Y/you ever been in a public setting and had Y/your brain cease functioning? I literally did not have a single remark or come back. I had never considered this type of an attack against my argument and in that moment I was empty. 

The immense shame, embarrassment and frustration I felt of being duped and literally incapable of forming any coherent response burned inside my brain. The worst part was I was trapped there. The group of friends, relatives, and strangers in front of me were watching for my response and I had none. I could feel my face blazing as the heat of embarrassment rose to my cheeks. In that moment I was trapped in front of this crowd, I had to respond but I had no words and still my brain could not process what had happened. I felt like every wheel and cog was turning but nothing was coming out. In that moment I suffered complete defeat. I lost the debate for my team. I still had to stand there and form a response. I don't remember what I responded with but it didn't matter. In that moment there wasn't anything I could do and I completely shut down. 

Mr. Wylie had waited to the last moment. He knew it was devastating for my argument and it was his ace in the hole. His trump card. It worked seamlessly. I know he had not intended to embarrass me, I know he wasn't trying to hurt my self esteem and as we shook hands he acknowledged that he was sorry to do that to me. 

The thing was that experience "taught" me that when I was under pressure and attacked that I would freeze. That I was incapable of fighting back. My young brain internalized the learned truth that under pressure I would crack and fold. That when push came to shove I would crumple and fall down. This experience ingrained in me that "I was a failure", that "I could not handle pressure", that "I cant trust my brain to function" and it destroyed any confidence I had in myself.

Now I already struggled with failing to reach My own expectation of perfection. Even though I appeared confident I was a nervous wreck internally and I struggled with My self confidence and self esteem. This just played deeply into those doubts and fears. It compounded "what I knew to be the truth" about who I was as a person. 

If Y/you have read any of My much older blogs from years ago Y/you would know that I struggled with My internal voice that used to scream obscenities at Myself. This was one such experience in My young life that formed some of those patterns of self hatred and self depreciation. I already thought of Myself as lowly, cowardly, incapable, useless. This just proved what I knew about Myself. This just emphasized how much I was right to think so lowly of My skill because I had none. I would crack. I would cave. I would choke. 

The thing is I also learned to fear being embarrassed. I hated that helpless feeling. But I didn't take to heart learning how to navigate being embarrassed. O/our emotions can get the best of U/us but they don't make U/us who W/we are. Emotions don't define U/us. Yes they exist within and can shape part of O/our responses to situations but they don't control or make U/us. I can't stop Myself from feeling embarrassed when I make a fool of Myself publicly, but I am now capable of recognizing that My embarrassment is just the response to the situation. It is part of My expression. Learning how to accept the embarrassment and not tie it to My worth as a human or My value as an individual means I can exist freely and without fear. Now I acknowledge I have shifted My perspectives and moved the needle in positive ways for My existence but that doesn't mean I wont still stumble when I encounter My next embarrassing moment. I may yet still struggle in navigating this raw emotion that holds a lot of weight in My life. It isn't a fix, but its just the beginning of learning how to be a better version of Myself. I'm going to stumble. I'm going to fall. I'm going to navigate successfully and spectacularly fumble while moving in spaces of handling My emotions. But I don't hold the weight of making mistakes, making a fool, being dumbfounded so long as I learn from what I have done and take those lessons and work at improving. 

I am human. I am a mess. I am imperfect. 

But I also strive for excellence in every area of My life. If I can take a lesson and grow and improve from it and become a better man for My own well being and those around Me then that lesson was worth the emotions tied to it. I can let go of the embarrassment and allow it to simply teach and hone what I am capable of. 

I am not a failure. I am a work in progress. I am not My emotions, and I will be better today for My future and the future of My household. I will not let fear control or slow My improvement and My ability to grow and develop into the best version of who I was made to be. I am stronger than I believe and more capable than I know. I will have faith in who I am and courage to continue moving forward. 

To those who read My words today I thank Y/you. I hope that Y/you may take something from My experience that assists Y/you on the journey Y/you walk, that Y/you find strength, courage and healing today. 

Mstr J

Good early morning Cage friends, 

It is a tremendous day. I wanted to share a few updates (speaking of updates I need to revisit My profile and do some manhandling) about life and where I'm at, as well as extrapolate on the concept of My most recent blog. 

Today in just a few hours I begin My weekend/vacation. It will be less than 3 hours by the time I'm done writing this and actually manage to post My blog. I am going home to spend some well deserved time with My slave and work on taking care of a few things around My home. I still can't acknowledge My slave left at the beginning of September and as such I have struggled with washing My dishes. But as time turns and now I am approaching the halfway point to when Mikayla returns home (end of January for 13 days) I need to get My head out of My ass and start caring well for My property on My own. 

I also intend to have a very small fire now that the snow has melted for a short time, in which I will be burning the figurative chains of debt that I have managed to pay off. My parents created a chain link out of paper with each link representing 100 dollars and as I pay off My debt to them I dismantle the chain making it shorter and shorter. I will then make a fire and perform a ritual of releasing the debt from ever burdening Me again in My life. I am quite excited to achieve the financial freedom I once had in My youth and truly begin to prepare My household and life I choose to live with travel, golf and other fun ways I will be able to spend My money. 

Cap off the night with some Thursday night football (and watch My fantasy team get CRUSHED for another week.... Currently 11/12 with a record of 3-6) and perhaps a small sip of My new favourite rum that Mikayla and I found. 

Friday I have plans with some friends to go golfing and the evening could open up with a couple of different opportunities. The taboo sex show is coming to town which can be quite fun and informative although I won't know what I will actually do Friday night until it's here. Chances are I may just squirrel away back home although that would be a waste of fuel as Saturday I am taking a road trip with My mom to visit My sister. So I would need to come right back into town. 

After the weekend visiting with My sister I get to be productive inside My home by setting up some cabinets with My dad in the garage. Right now I have to squeeze past My vehicle/cabinets everytime I come home, so organizing and sorting the garage space will be very useful. It will become much more usable which is nice and I won't have to pretend to be an acrobat just to walk in the door after work. 

Then sometime during that week I have My interview at work for the relief foreman position that I applied for. Not sure what day that is happening but I am excited for the opportunity. There is a lot going on and it will be a busy few days but well worth the effort and I am excited for each moment. 

Also, here are some valuable numbers without context: 

9740. 02/04. 771. 12. 192. 

Now I wanted to take a moment to speak a little about the concept of seasons change. I would ask that Y/you listen to the intention of My words and not the exact written word. I acknowledge that I may not explain everything as adequately as I want. 

Mikayla and I have finally been able to purchase her ticket home at the end of January (the best part of that was W/we were able to pay cash for her flight home - I will give her the opportunity to speak on this in more depth if she wishes to but suffice to say God has opened the doors when there was no other way and all things conspired to make life "out" for her more difficult) and W/we will get 13 days together. Another serendipitous moment is that her coming home will result in U/us being able to celebrate O/our 3rd year anniversary together at the beginning of February. 

The insane part is that W/we have been talking for almost 4 years and are coming up on O/our 3rd anniversary of being in a committed dynamic together. 

As time moves the season's and stages of O/our dynamic has shifted alongside it. Where W/we started is radically different from where W/we are right now. You can see the evidence of this in the ways that W/we have each individually healed and worked out struggles and past trauma from previous relationships. One example of this is the fact Mikayla can sleep. In previous dynamics she was "always on call" and time was an essential need for her. So when her Doms would come calling if she didn't respond then she missed the essential time together. But when you add a time difference of *end of day* is the middle of her night that meant she needed to remain half awake so that her phone buzzing would wake her up. 

I have worked damn hard to give her time. It is a need for both of U/us and it is essential when developing a dynamic together. Getting time, making time and following through on My promise to "see her everyday" meant that over time I began to heal the deep wounds on her soul. At the beginning of time together I would need to give her permission to sleep. I created a ritual phrase for putting her to bed which released her from "being on call". I gave her space to let her know I would watch over her on a video call but I was handling My own life and I would give her a clear time of *wake up at this time*. I gave her structure and form. Then I showed up every single day consistently. After a while she was able to let go of being on duty and no longer needed the ritual phrase to be put to sleep. It took a lot of patience and understanding but it just naturally occured that her heart learned to trust in Me and she found her ability to sleep knowing if I needed her time I would give her explicit guidelines and structure for what that looked like. 

Now fast forward a few years. I want to share Mikayla's latest return back to My satellite campus in September. She left home and as she made her way back to *life* she had plenty of tasks to get ready for work and school. O/our daughter also was starting grade 3 this year which has meant a lot more homework and has required more time for Mom to oversee helping with said homework. 

I was also reveling in the final moments of green grass and the dwindling time I had left to continue golfing. As Mikayla left O/our home I began to take My time on the weekends to get out and enjoy My time on different courses around My home. I was playing golf 4 or 5 times a week, getting out as much as I could with the few remaining weeks left. 

All of this stacked up to the point where W/we did not have much time together. Plenty of days W/we would pop into a video call and wave at each other and then have to scamper off to accomplish the tasks W/we needed and wanted to do. The thing was though just because O/our time was filled with managing life, handling work responsibility, handling parenting, handling house and time with friends on both sides of the world W/we had never had less time together. But there was no negativity inside of being apart. W/we were both focused on the right priorities. 

W/we have established a stable and strong foundation for O/our dynamic. Now as time moves forward W/we are able to recognize the strength of O/our bond. There is a subtle shifting in the essence of O/our dynamic and it is turning from the honeymoon stage into life long committed dynamic. Now I want to share a definition that both Mikayla and I strongly believe. "Excitement" is the anticipation of change. When something is new and shiny there is a lot of thrilling exploration, there is fervor and lust. During the honeymoon phase of a relationship emotions can run high, and there is so much to learn and so much to explore. It is exciting. As Y/you shift from one stage to another though the excitement turns into contentment.

Now this is where I want Y/you to hear the intention behind My words. 

Just because the excitement of something new fades over time does not mean it has depreciated or become any less. It shifts and becomes something else. It is a different feeling and a different experience. This doesnt mean that W/we lose passion, that O/our conversations become dry and "old". I'm still exploring and learning Mikayla. I'm still growing and developing My Dominance and Mastery. It just is taking on a new form and a new shape. It is an evolution of the dynamic and this change is what will propel U/us further and deeper into O/our future dynamic. The trust that W/we have built now becomes the foundation W/we stand on and continue to grow from. It is a beautiful thing. To recognize the contentment and joy of what W/we have found and just how special the bond W/we share is. 

With this newfound trust built I can step into more of My authentic self and explore My deeper and darker fantasies. I can explore Mikayla and take U/us deeper into the lifestyle W/we both need. But it takes time. It takes effort. It takes diligence and patience. I also get to look forward to the future and plan where I want to take U/us. 

Seasons change, but I implore Y/you to embrace change and learn to appreciate where Y/you are. Learn the hard lessons that trials and tribulations teach Y/you, take a moment to breathe in the joy of where Y/you are and learn how to grow the future Y/you need from where Y/you are currently. All people start somewhere, it just depends how hard Y/you are willing to work to overcome the situation and build the life Y/you desire for Y/yourself. 

I want to thank all of those that take the time to read My words this morning, and I pray they will be the encouragement Y/you need to move forward and experience some healing on Y/your journey. 

Mstr J

Good early morning Cage friends, 

It has been quite some time since I have poked My head out of hibernation. I haven't been gone as I have been checking in and reading the thoughts and experiences of the community but I hadn't felt led to share this stage of My development and O/our journey. So I have been silent behind My screen, reading, enjoying life and working at building the future I desire. 

Today I wanted to share some thoughts about how times change, and seasons shift. 

It was actually something that I was really struggling with, as snow began to fall I lost the ability to go out and spend My time pursuing one of My favourite passions: golf. There was a span of time where the Friday I went out to play with friends and within 24 hours more than a few inches of snow hit the ground and there was an immediate swing from "you can golf" to "screw you try it now". I was struggling with the emotional fallout of handling the loss of something loved. Yes I know its a silly thing to get bent out of shape over but it began to put in the forefront of My mind the concept of seasons changing. 

Now you can take it literally and think about the weather, but change in itself can be a hard thing to navigate. As much as I was dealing with the loss of being able to golf I began to think more deeply about how the season's of My life will change. And the words "There Will Come A Time...." popped right into My head. 

I realized the value of what is, and learning to find acceptance and understanding that the nature of life is to move and shift. Things will improve or get worse. They will get better indefinitely or in some cases utter destruction will unfold in a single moment forever altering the rest of Y/your existence. That's a really tough pill to swallow. Who wants suffering? Who wants pain? (Okay masochists not included.) But part of finding peace and acceptance in what is means taking responsibility for O/our choices that lead U/us on that path. 

Now not being able to golf for the next 6 months sucks for Me. It isnt the world ending and in the grand scale of life those are small potatoes, but it still stings because of the love I have for golf and spending My time golfing. Yet there will come a time in My life when I create the opportunity to golf year round, but that time is not now. 

I had to find a way to accept the snow on the ground and shift My perspective on what stage is My life at right now, and recognize it will not always be that way. There will come a time when My slave lives with Me, but now isnt that time. There will come a time when I am free from My financial burden, but now isnt that time. There will come a time when.... Those words rang loud in My ears and I stood back and took a moment to sit in My loss and grief and then I began to refocus My gaze. 

Just as when I went through My divorce I had to put intentional effort to "not allow bitterness, resentment and anger to fill My heart" here and now upon the season's change in My life I had to find a reason to become joyful and excited about this change. I had to give Myself something to look forward to, because W/we don't live in the past. I can't get back what yesterday was, but if I put effort into making today a springboard to launch Me into My future then I can find peace, acceptance and joy knowing I am building the future I desire for My household. 

Now, I am excited about the prospect of turning My attention towards the steps I need to take in order to meet the goals I have set for Myself. 

I set a goal nearly 4 years ago to be able to accomplish a physical feat that I haven't met yet. I can dedicate this time towards building strength and improving My physical well being. I can take the fact that I won't be spending My resources on golf to refocus on paying off My debt. This coming year I intend to be debt free by April 1st. I'm not sure if I will be able to meet that goal, but I can make intentional choices over the next 5 months to live frugally to ensure I put Myself in the best position possible to achieve that goal. 

I sought out ways that I can make this "loss of golf" season one that is abundantly fruitful in helping Me achieve what is necessary to propel My life towards the ends I desire. Shifting My perspective and focus has been instrumental in turning around My emotional satisfaction. Instead of focusing on what I have lost, I am looking at what I can gain inside this new season and the ways that it can be productive for Me. It has made a night and day difference in My attitude to get up in the morning, to go to work, to spend My free time, to look for opportunity and ways to keep improving. 

I know there is great suffering and loss in the world right now. I know E/everyone is fighting their own personal battles and handling their own struggles. Some situations are so dire that no amount of effort from any 1 person can change the circumstance, but I pray that Y/you will find the resolve to not give in to despair. To remain steadfast and strong despite the overwhelming challenges. The world is a broken place filled with broken people just trying their best to simply exist. Humanity is showing the worst of itself in so many ways, in so many lives and it isn't a simple thing to overcome. I pray that hope will find its way into Y/your heart and that Y/you will be renewed. 

I am incapable of changing the world, but I hope I can shift and improve the immediate sphere of My influence. I hope My words will reach those who need it most, and that little by little positive change will begin to impact their lives. 

To those that read My words today, I thank you. I hope Y/you find encouragement for Y/your journey and perhaps for some a single step to begin the path into healing. 

Mstr J

Good day Cage friends, 

Today is a momentous occasion. 

1729.38

The final amount paid off for my line of credit. This is the first massive milestone for my goals and future opportunity. It is a small step in the overall goals because there are still hills (previously mountains) ahead of me. But this is a milestone 3 years in the making. 

There is joy, jubilation and my very own reward for achieving this mark. I intend to go and get fitted for golf clubs sometime within the next week and a half although the clubs will still take time to get. It's all a process and nothing is accomplished inside of a day. 

Yet one day can be a turning point in growth, healing and transform the trajectory of your existence. My future is forming. Bit by bit. 

I am excited and overjoyed at what will come next. 

I hope you keep working towards your goals and see progress in all that you attempt. Dont discount the failure and struggle, moving through those spaces can grant you strength and newfound confidence you never imagined possible. 

Mstr J

Good evening Cage friends, 

It has been a hot minute. 

Honestly there is so much that has changed since the last time I constructed a blog. Life is radically different and yet similar in so many ways. 

The thing is I am still very focused on getting my life sorted and moving forward. I have managed a lot of progress and each day grows just a tiny bit more. Here's a small tidbit about myself you may not know. 

As a young man I was often lost inside myself with my own fear and doubt. It led to my procrastination which would compound issues and put me exactly where I feared to be. At a deadline, without proper preparation and doomed to failure. Or at least that was how it felt. Sometimes I could manage to throw together a project the morning it was due or delay getting ready because I still had more time in the day. Each moment led into the next and each choice we make leads us down the road we are already travelling. 

My slave has just arrived back at the satellite campus after having 10 days together. She landed within 24 hours ago and now has to go through the process of "getting back to life". The thing is her fear and doubt and anxiety wasn't there when she was asked to run the task of going back to her satellite campus because it is already part of the process of taking each step to walk back home. She isn't leaving, but she is on an errand and will be home soon. She hasnt left, she is just gone grocery shopping. She is running to the pharmacy. She is showing up for work. She is being a mother, a boss, a person with responsibility that she is in charge of. She is also finding ways to impact change because of the opportunity that is being presented to her. 

Often when W/we have discussions I will call myself an opportunist and so does my slave. The thing is Mikayla is picking up my habits and forming them in her own way. My family is running in an event this summer that is geared towards raising money for cancer. Mikayla will be here in the summer when it's going on and has asked to participate along with my family. Not only has she offered but W/we are working on a way to get her school involved and hopefully create a way for meaningful growth and participation from her students. It is remarkable to see the way she has begun to adopt part of my mannerisms and methodologies. It is the small ways in which W/we mimic one another that brings U/us closer together inside O/our dynamic and individually. 

I have been working at healing not only within myself but those that hold value in my life. I am working at creating healing in a lot of different ways and each matter requires a slightly different approach. Healing is not an instantaneous process. While there may be moments and bursts of miraculous large workings that jump progress forward oftentimes it is the diligent, consistent time and energy that yields results. Its not just healing that takes this time but the manner in which you build your life. 

O/our existences are the summation of O/our history. From trauma to pain and suffering either by our O/own hands or someone else's all the way through positive and joyful experiences. 

Right now inside the last 1203 days I have had a radical shift inside and outside of my life. Where I was just over 3 years ago was a broken man trying to put his life back together. My finances were a disaster, my marriage had ended and I was lost in negativity, self doubt and anguish. It took rebuilding my basement, finding a roommate, pushing myself towards small and medium goals, developing a relationship with myself, developing a relationship with someone who was close to me and morphing that into a full dynamic. It was about consistency. It was about taking each day working towards something. It was about working at giving myself closure for the wrongs I had committed and the things that had been done to me. 

Now I have much work to accomplish but part of that process I set a goal for myself. It was an exercise in practicing self awareness and granting myself space to learn and become 0.01% better than I was yesterday. After 581 days of consistency I have managed to reach all sorts of personal goals. 

Right now the most joyful moment I am ready to celebrate is my accomplishment for my finances. I am about to finish paying off the first third of my debt. I owe myself and I owe my parents. I am on the cusp of paying myself off. I am about to turn a corner and focus my attention on the next phase of the necessary journey to preparing my life. In order to properly receive my slave and her daughter I need to have my space and my life ready to accomodate and support them. Each small bit of progress can get lost when you look at the last day or week or month when you feel lost and angry. It can be overwhelming when all you see is the failure and despair of what has been lost. 

If you start to look back at the process of healing, if you realize that it takes time and you give yourself the grace to start the process you will be surprised with how far you can come in such a short time. 

It takes dedication and sacrifice to build the life you want. It takes patience and perseverance. Its not easy and many times you may feel like giving up but sometimes all it takes is one day to shift all of your perspective. Suddenly the weight you felt isnt there anymore and you didn't even realize when it happened. You start to look back and recognize that you are different than you were a month or two or six ago. 

Sometimes it takes a firm hand to guide you to that place. Sometimes it takes a gentle nudge to course correct along the right path. Sometimes it takes a complete stop, turn 180 degrees and begin walking again. Each one of U/us is unique and requires O/our own way that W/we best receive. Acknowledging when you are effective, when you use the best approach for the way that speaks growth and movement forward for the responsibility that you have accepted.

We don't always see the landmines, and sometimes they will blow up in our face. Sometimes We cause harm especially if We have been negligent in Our duties. Part of taking responsibility though is to also give Ourselves the chance to grow from Our experience. It takes walking into the fire and learning how to navigate that space well and what to do when We miss the mark. When We get burned and burn those that come to rely on Our strength. Because Our actions can have longstanding impacts on Our s types that choose to serve Us. It takes time and grace to learn. We need to be patient with Our slaves and understanding that life is a process. You take it one day at a time. You navigate what is in front of You while planning the path ahead. The choice You make right now will build the future. Make sure You take the time to ensure You have an idea of where Y/you are heading. 

I am learning to process of not rushing. I am learning patience. I am building something excellent and beyond wonderful and I am brave enough to trust inside the strength of my slave and inside of Myself. I am teaching my slave to work at trusting inside of My strength. W/we have found a lot of growth inside O/our dynamic over the last 10 days, and W/we are moving in the right direction. It may take another 2 and a half years or maybe 10, but the life W/we want is slowly taking shape. Patience and persistence. 

I hope those that read my words today take heart and walk T/their journey with grace and wisdom. 

Mstr J

Good afternoon Cage friends, 

Its been a hot minute since I've felt led to write but last night I watched a video making fun of something I enjoy in a satirical way and I felt there was a relevance to life and the lifestyle, so I wanted to share parts of my life and where this thought was born. 

Balance is the cornerstone of progress. 

So in the video I was watching the creator was poking fun about how "if body weight exercises worked then you wouldn't need to do anything since you move your body all the time". 

Now this isn't incorrect, but I don't know if he is ignorant or simply trying to make a joke. In calisthenics you use balancing your body to create the weight and resistance you lift. So if you intentionally set a balance point at an easier progression you can actually build strength and mobility at that level. Eventually through consistency you will build what is required to be capable of the next extension. By increasing the lever your body creates you increase the amount of weight you move. This makes all things more challenging, which means once you reach new skills and ability you can do more. 

I also had an interesting conversation. As I was driving to the calisthenics park today I got a phone call. So I pulled over and answered. During the conversation I voiced some thoughts that had been swirling inside of me. I have allowed negativity to build inside of me, it has slowly been taking more control inch by inch. But the words voiced were this: "I am flawed and broken, but I can and will build myself and improve everyday". I want to grow and improve. I want to achieve excellence in the areas I choose that hold interest to me. I will change and I will bring change. I will bring prosperity and healing. 

I have so many goals that are forming. There is more to balance than just navigating your physical self. You have to balance and manage your time. When you set and move forward in one area others will fall behind. So its choosing how and where you use your time. Its the most valuable resource we have and it can be easily squandered. How do you know if the way you spend your time is the "right" way? If the way you spend your time matters to you at the core of who you are. 

My slave and I had some discussions the other day and everytime I speak with her I just gain new understanding as she helps me open my eyes and see new perspectives that I had never considered before. The thing is W/we have a number of things going on at the moment. There are things that change in life. Learning how to navigate what happens and creating a known plan to tackle each thing in the order most appropriate. Finishing the last thing thats almost done, then take care of the physical health and well being. Build your resources to afford the next stage of change, create knowledge and understanding of short term, medium and long term goals. Give a path that allows them to see and walk. Its about setting the priority for each moment, and readjusting when the next unknown hazard and obstacle makes its way in front of you. The thing is you don't always know the best way to help and make positive change. Sometimes you need support and advice. Thats why you allow the opportunity to see a professional that is hopefully knowledgeable and talented within their field. Thats where you can lean on gathering information to make an informed decision by getting input from your property. Its also that moment when you understand new information that will alter the priority for different circumstances. 

So a brief example from life: Mikayla had damaged her foot, and initially it seemed obvious where the damage originated from. The thing is there was a second area that was hurt hidden behind the first one, and now she needs to go see her doctor on Monday. It happens to be the weekend and she already has a previous appointment on Sunday for her teeth. There likely won't be time to get 2 appointments done on Sunday so the earliest she can see her doctor would be Monday. 

Now, Mikayla will be able to share this new information and we will gather the next options for care. Then I need to select which path forward into healing she will walk. I am certain she will be fine and that this will just take time to get her back to her usual self, at which point I will progress into the next stage of creation. This has been a long time coming but the effort will pay off. We will reach goals and then move the goalposts. Acquire new abilities and then set our sights higher. Grow individually mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and grow together. 

She gets here on January 25th at 22:08. There are only 2 months until she is here. I have lots to work on and prepare for her arrival. I'm excited for what the future will bring. 

To those that have read my words today I hope you find something helpful to your journey. I hope you find progress and forward momentum into your goals. 

Mstr J

Good morning Cage friends, 

It has been a bit of a minute. 

I haven't written anything in a long time as I have been working hard to obtain certain goals that hold meaning to me. But much has changed in the last few weeks. Time has slipped by and as I walk forward I realize that I am in a season of prosperity. 

But while the Season of the Crow is still ongoing there may be more yet to discuss as time moves. Because life changes every minute. Things can improve just as quickly as they fall apart. There is an ebb and flow to life. We enter many different seasons. 

For myself I have been attempting to learn some lessons and grow. It was interesting to realize a situation at work the other day. Now to put this all into perspective there needs to be some background about the situation. 

I was attending my family's Thanksgiving weekend last Sunday and during the time shared there my father spoke to me about anger and wrath. He told me "be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to wrath." So of course in any fashion where a lesson is being taught there was a different experience where I walked straight into my own anger. 

I had been working a long day after the holiday. Typically when there is a day of rest many people think we close our operation at work but we work non-stop. There is no day that we close our doors and we work 365 days a year. I mean I do have a rotation that I work alongside of different individuals but I'm part of a team that each of us operate on the given day. It is just decided who gets to lead. So how jobs get handled is at their discretion and the other guy gets us there safely. 

Each has their own role and responsibility. So this day after a holiday when some people think we close for the celebration it ends up they call the next day which happens to get inundated with work. As I had the lead for how jobs got handled I gave my best customer service I could. I tried to be helpful and get through everything that was on the list for the day. I wanted to try and leave an easier shift for the night crew coming in after me. 

The thing was I did a really decent job. There was only 1 job that I didn't do a satisfactory job on at the very end of the day but part of being on a team is realizing I make decisions but I still need to reach a consensus when it comes to personal time. My work partner did not want to work late and chose to get through the least significant of the last jobs that would be on the way back to the office so we didn't cut into what he had planned for the evening. 

As a result this one job was dealt with, but not in the manner I'd hoped. It still was resolved to a degree but it didn't have as much as I could have done to properly finish that job. There were still some actions left for me to accomplish there that may have helped with the next steps. 

But after this long day I was on my way home and while I was stopping to get some food and some groceries I had a moment. I was trying to turn left and for whatever reason in the near black middle of the night I could not make this left hand turn because of traffic. There was a gas station that people were frantic to fuel their vehicles and there were many people who were just trying to get home after filling their tanks. 

At one point in the lineup of vehicles someone turned into the space I needed to go, and the one very last vehicle left decided to slow down and stop. This person had to slow down because the person in front of him turned right. They decided to continue slowing to a stop to let me through because they must have felt bad, or felt compassion, or just wanted to do a nice thing. 

The crazy part is that being given permission to turn left drove me up the wall insane with anger. I was so completely frustrated that they didnt just keep driving because the space behind their vehicle was quickly dwindling as more cars were turning out of the gas station. My window to get through the intersection was rapidly diminishing. Yet when this random stranger gave me exactly what I wanted I responded in outrage and anger. 

I was so dumbfounded when I finally turned left. As soon as I made it into the parking lot I couldn't understand why it was that I couldn't just accept the compassion offered by this person. Whatever their reasons they stopped for me. Part of it may have been convenience since they were already slowing down, or maybe they really wanted to help make my day better. I have no idea. But I know I was confused by their actions, which led to disbelief and the fear of losing my opportunity. The one that I had worked to try and achieve on my own. But as it stood being given the chance to reach my goal immediately removed all the figuring I had to do. Sometimes the answer just falls in your lap. But I get to choose how I react to it. 

Do I yell and get angry?

Or do I accept the offer with grace and gratitude? 

In all moments I get to choose my actions. I get to decide the path forward but the question is what qualifies me to lead? While all Dominants consider themselves leaders, alphas, lone wolves, the question is what drives them? What speaks deeply to your soul and how do you wish to choose to live your life? 

For myself I am led. 

I follow my own internal understanding. I look at what I know. What I have been taught. I look at the way I view the world and I begin to operate based upon my thoughts and understandings. I ask for growth, clarity, understanding, Wisdom and so many different things. Each day is a little different because I change. Some days I'm much stronger in one area of my life. 

Consider this. 

Recently I have been improving in my golf game and as I develop and work I actually managed to break under 100. I shot a 99 at my home course and a 97 on a course that "I was gonna have revenge" (for a previous bad round of 122). Each day I go out and learn my golf game some days I have great shots with my driver, solid long irons and my short game is just atrocious. Other days I struggle to drive the ball but make up for it with solid short game that kind of helps improve my score. Or really bad days where all things are missing and I struggle non stop. 

We are flawed as humans. We struggle and deal with defeat. We have to work at moving through difficult situations that hold and tether us down. The first thing that defeats us is the mind. It shackles our body more than any binding. Working to accept and move through, to evolve and find the next version of who you are meant to be. 

For myself I am reaching new heights and achieving new areas of life. Tonight I have a friend over and actually had my roommate seemingly enjoying the company of the friend I brought. There was laughter and stories and photos and food. It was amazing to have different areas of my life come together and begin to really truly fit. 

The thing is my friend and I are actually going to play two different courses tomorrow(which is later today since it happens to be after midnight). We have a tee time for a golf course just 40 or 45 minutes away, first thing in the morning and then on the way back home we will stop and see if the home course I enjoy (and play the most at) is busy or not. Depending how we feel we may immediately go home but the intention is to play 36 holes of golf. 

There is lots to accomplish. Much to improve. Many opportunities right around the corner. I know my best moments are coming, I am working to improve all areas of my life and I will reach the goals I set. 

To those that read my words today I thank you for your time, I hope something I have written will resonate and help you cross a tumultuous season you may be facing right now. 

Good afternoon Cage friends, 

Its been a little while since I have written here. Life has been full and busy. There are so many wonderful moments and events that have opened my path within the last 48 hours. Progress is being made in leaps and bounds. 

It's been really interesting to look back on my walk and realize how far it is that I have come. How far I have reached in a relatively short time, but it takes reflection and a pause looking back to recognize that where I am now is radically different than 2 months ago, 6 months ago, a year, two years ago. 

It seems in this day and age people are looking for the easy path forward. The quickest way to earn money. The best life with no effort put forth. The easiest walk. While that can be renewing for a time there is something about pain and adversity that forges who you are. Walking the easy path can seem joyful yet there is no growth on that path. It is through adversity and continuing to take a tiny step each day that you walk out of that darkness and into strength and courage. Giving up is easy. Staying stuck is easy. Complaining and lamenting your position is easy. But walking, continuing to walk, showing resilience by not giving up is very difficult. 

I have been searching to understand pain and what it means to me and how I wish to use that within my dynamic. I have not yet reached a full conclusion but I know I want it to have meaning and intention with a purpose of reshaping and creating healing. Take for instance Mikayla's adventures in oral hygiene. She went to get braces and the first few days were a bit agonizing. It was pulling and reshaping her physical structure. But as time wore on she became adjusted and the pain lessened. She became used to it. Now within a week there will be a visit to take the next step, readjust her braces and tighten them so that she must begin her walk through pain in order to achieve my vision for her form and well being. It will push her into the next stage of alignment and that is where growth, healing and eventually relief will be found. 

I was having a conversation with a coworker earlier this morning and expressing how I no longer identify with the old version of who I am. In many areas of my walk I was faced with stress and burden. As I have walked through it I no longer comprehend the fear, anxiety and worry that I faced when looking down the barrel of my ordeals. I am free and working my way forward into new and exciting areas of my life. Planning a future in so many different ways, working at achieving excellence in the hobbies I enjoy, mastering my self and working at becoming a better version of who I am 1% each day. 

I really like the analogy of brushing my teeth. In 6 months I could choose 1 day to brush my teeth for 6 hours. But that wouldn't do me very much good. Or I could choose to brush my teeth just 2 minutes everyday for those 6 months and while I would eventually reach those 6 hours it would be much more complete and healthy to work at it little by little each day. We expect to just immediately easily have transformation that radically shifts life but that just isnt the case. It takes dedicated effort each day to take 1 step, 1 inch, 1 push forward. Choosing to say I will select my mental health and work at finding peace, finding harmony, finding serenity. Then do something that fills that space and creates that in your life. But you have to apply it to what your struggle and life experience is. 

For me it was waking up with enough time to have a shower, take care of some self grooming and watering my plants and herb garden before I left for work. But I ran out of time. I still have dishes and laundry and so much more I need to accomplish. But I managed just what I could in the time I had before work and I feel so good about the effort I managed because I took good care of my self and property to the best of my ability. 

If you don't take a step you will forever be stuck in the darkness. It takes movement, slow and steady to walk through that space. It doesn't happen all at once. Many times you may feel like you are failing, not doing enough, not finding answers. Like the world is crashing down around and on top of you, like you are suffocating. Just keep moving, keep walking, keep trying. Identify where your needs lie, and make 1 small effort to address that need. Then do it again and again and again and again. You get to choose what action you take, and how you want to live. You get to make your choices for your life. No one else understands the impact and effect of the struggle you are walking and while it can help to have support you alone hold the power to make change in your life. 

I am still searching and finding my own answers as to how I want to utilize pain within my dynamic but it can be an excellent teacher. It can create the most growth, and it can flourish into something wonderful and healing if approached in the right way. 

To those that read my words today I thank you for your time. I hope my words help those struggling on their walk and that you find growth and a renewed sense of purpose in walking through your pain. 

Mstr J

Good day Cage friends, 

Today I bring a piece of myself and part of my mentality within the D/s lifestyle. 

As humans we comprehend and understand on different levels. Some things are innate and simply apart of who we are. I feel though as an individual guiding a dynamic that it is important to understand how it is that your partner learns and grows. 

For myself I am a kinesthetic learner primarily and so feeling, getting hands on experience is very valuable to me. But I believe that complete learning is achieved through many mediums and part of the process is to identify which processes are most effective in conjunction together. Part of the process that I implemented with my slave when she came to visit me was a "sit and watch" mentality. I wanted her to observe me "in my natural habitat" to begin to understand what I do, how I act, my mannerisms and the way I like to do things. 

It was an active demonstration of the way I handle life and it gave her insight into the way I preferred to have dishes done, how laundry should and would be done, how to care for my property and a basic overview of how I manage my home and how I expect her to manage those aspects of life on my behalf. 

I feel that giving a showcase of how I operate gives her a great starting point to begin her tasks from while having the knowledge of how I work inside my home and for my home. Then during those moments as she began to take responsibility for those tasks I get to then take on the role of observing in turn, pushing her when she needs a correction, or redirection of how to finish a task. 

I find giving a demonstration by giving her time to observe enriches her learning and gives her the right tools to start in the correct place and then make tiny little adjustments as W/we develop into more complicated day to day affairs. By giving her space to watch and listen she gains knowledge and then giving her the space to try her hand and gain the experience herself really bolsters and cements the learning into her brain, heart, body and soul. 

Everyone has their way of instructing, teaching and guiding their submissive but I find this to be an effective method for myself and my girl. I strongly believe that a period of observation from both sides of the slash can produce extremely beneficial results during training. 

Now I wish to speak to a different aspect of dynamics, specifically long distance based dynamics. 

The moment that you have to leave "home". When Mikayla was scheduled to return back to her space it was a complete loss on many levels because she was leaving home. There wasn't anything positive about the idea and it was a deep internal struggle to be okay "with leaving home." Not only was she leaving home but she was hit with drop that has been impacting her for weeks since her return. Many different levels were impacting her well being emotionally and mentally. 

Part of guiding my slave is creating mental concepts that she can lean on for structure and to give her strength and support especially during difficult times. So while speaking with my parents about her departure I had a "eureka" moment. It was a classification and understanding of space and property that would allow me to explain to vanilla individuals a part of O/our dynamic and use key words that speak deeply to both of U/us but without raising suspicion and to give her the support she needed to return to her space. 

It is the concept of "The Satellite Campus". 

Getting to use the dialogue "It is space owned by the University but exists *points* over there." When communicating with vanilla folks kind of gives me a small thrill since I get to use the word "own" in regards to my property and yet they dont necessarily catch the significance of what that means to U/us. The importance of this concept though really is for the benefit of my slave. 

It gives her the task and responsibility of caring and becoming the caretaker for what is mine, gives her purpose and direction and allows her to accept the idea of "returning to the satellite campus". Instead of leaving home she gets to return to being my servant, my emissary responsible for managing my property and to gain experience practicing her skills of managing my satellite campus with the same level of care and energy she would devote to home. 

I believe in connecting concepts in tangible ways that grows the connection between U/us and gives a chance to deepen trust, communication and the bond W/we share. This idea helps give her strength to return to a semblance of normalcy and give her the courage and support she requires to make the transition back into her space. Part of caring for her is doing all that I am capable of to improve and promote healing in her life. 

I'm proud of some of the ways I have done that for her. I am very grateful that I have found ways to impact significant change inside of her life and how I have helped her blossom for me. Piece by piece things are falling into place, with the hopes that soon the future will be here. For now I just focus my intent towards February when she will next visit me in O/our home again. 

To those that take the time to read my words today I thank you, I pray that you may find some useful insight for your own journey. 

Mstr J

Good evening Cage friends, 

Today has been interesting. There is a fair amount of external pressure that I am currently facing. In order to move forward I have to go through the pressure. There is fear and anxiety that lives there. 

Many times over I have very little idea of how to handle or solve a problem. The concept of "making shit up as I go" often rings through my brain. In so many ways you can never know what decisions will truly yield positive results. But if you don't try, you won't ever gain experience. 

Coming home tonight I felt empty and a bit numb. The thing is I knew driving home that I would be alone and there was a sadness over the loss. The emptiness that would be found inside my home. The sadness could smolder like an ember and either catch fire or blow out. But I have enjoyed playing with my slave and her energy has been left all over my home. 

In so many ways I am ready for the future, but it doesnt get here by teleportation. You cant magically jump into the future, but you do get to build it day by day. Part of training is taking a skill and building it by 1%, slowly improving until after months or years of discipline you will have vast improvement and mastery. Its the process of learning a new skill and developing what you are capable of, and what is possible. 

The most critical thing I wanted to speak on tonight was the idea of extending my reach. Part of where I allow my slave to exist inside of my space by appreciating and savouring the last places she touched. In so many ways the way she left my space is part of her. All of the things she made better, all of the effort that was put into my food, the dishes she handled, the decoration that I had for ages and just never put up. 

One night I had a lot of fun and allowed Mikayla to become my ears. She has remarkable skills and I would be a fool not to use her talents and abilities. She has immense strength in visualization. Words become very powerful when someone has a strong imagination. She has expressed how effective using my voice is, which means choosing when and where and how you use your voice can effectively increase a given circumstance. The example that I wish to share tonight though is an example of being able to extend my reach in a way that helps to make long distance relationships grow and flourish how it can. 

I created a moment where during a particular time, Mikayla was having very sensitive hearing. She could pick up sounds that were subtle and damn near impossible to hear. So I closed my eyes and began to listen alongside her, and using her to call out what sound she was listening to I was able to identify what the sound was. It was interesting to utilize her as a sonar system trying to ping out where different noises were coming from. But by using her inside of my space I created an imprint of her energy in that moment. A snapshot of who she was, is and will be inside of my house. You can use the imprints of those moments to create her inside of your home. Likewise by building a piece of yourself inside of her, she will always have a way of finding home. It becomes a way to combat distance because no matter where you are, you are living for each other. Building the future bit by bit. Looking toward the next moment when the essence of energy becomes physical again. 

This month has been a lot of learning with lots of different examples. I know though that within myself there is still a lot of work to be done. I have a lot to build but I have time. I just get to work on the important tasks of my life daily. I hope to be able to share even more of progress the next time my slave ventures home. But for now she will just be an extension of my reach. 

Tiny update, she is in the air and about to be landing in Germany in about 3 hours. There was a delay with her current flight which means she will be missing her connection. This gives her a layover of 12 hours and means the final flight doesn't arrive until 2 am. There is also a drive from the airport to get home which means it's going to be a while before she makes it to her final destination with the need for a hotel or to find somewhere to sleep for the night. 

But I just finished a long day and I need to rest since I am working again tomorrow. 

To those that read my words today I hope you find some inspiration. Lets foster creativity. 

Mstr J