Musings of a submissive

Our Story (Her)

Two decades.  That’s how long I had been single.  When my youngest son was born, I decided that I was going to focus on my children and my career, and for the most part, I was satisfied with that choice.  I was used to being alone at ball games and school functions.  I was used to sharing my bed with the pets and sometimes even one of the kids.  As they got older, the times we spent together changed, but their presence was still evident.  Then, in a blink of an eye, they were gone.  New cities; new lives.

I was lonely and decided to get my feet wet, and because of my job, it was just easier to check out dating sites.  I met some nice men and some not-so-nice men.  I went through an interesting cat-fish experience; I met a man who asked me to be his concubine...

Through the concubine experience, I started looking into the BDSM lifestyle ( I had always been a little kinky; I had once asked my high school boyfriend to tie me up and spank me), and I found a site that seemed geared for my new obsession.  There were blogs and podcasts, and most of all, it offered me a chance to explore all the different areas of the lifestyle.  Like all newbies, I experienced the psychological sub-space that had nothing to do with a potential dom, and everything to do with letting myself feel again.  

After a few months, I took a step back and began to focus on myself.  What did I want?  What did I need?  It was during this time that I received a message from Azz.  I had read some of his blogs and enjoyed his writing, but he was twenty-five.  Who was I kidding?  So, I politely responded that I was looking for someone with more life experience.  Over the next few months, I kept reading his blogs.  I loved the way he wrote.  I had been talking with someone but it wasn’t going to go anywhere, and as we talked about what we wanted for the future, he asked me if the only reason I hadn’t wanted to take a chance on the kid from Virginia was the age difference.  That made me stop and think.  I had talked to a lot of men, and for whatever reason, it just never worked out.

 I don’t believe in soul mates or love at first sight, but I do believe that there are those that we connect with and that when the timing is right, we can choose to hold on to that connection or let it pass us by.  This is where ‘Our Story’ really begins.

It took me a week or so to work up the courage to reach out to Azz.  I wasn’t really sure how he would react, after all, I had turned him down.  All I knew was that I had to try.  Something about him resonated with me.  Have you ever had a feeling so strong, that you knew it wasn’t just a ‘want’ but was a ‘need’?

From that point on, everything seemed to move quickly.  We met in person a week later and have been together ever since.  It hasn’t been easy; we are polar opposites in some areas, but I am a better person for it.  He has made me stronger.  I think that is something that is difficult to grasp for some people; I eagerly and lovingly submitted to my dom, but that didn’t mean that I was weak.  I didn't lose myself in my submission; In my submission, I finally felt free to be me.  He was and is my safe space.  He saw the real me and loved me in spite of all my flaws. 

Our love story has just begun.

The first thing I think about when I wake up;

The last thing I think about before I fall asleep.

You consume me.

Eyes closed, I trace my collarbone with one hand-

grasping the collar you placed around my neck with the other.

My breath quickens as I remember the feel of your strong hands

holding me in place and the gentle pressure of your fingers on my throat

A soft sigh breaks the silence; my breathing quickens

as the tingles of desire begin to radiate from deep within

All too soon I am adrift in that special place. Sub-space

The dimension between reality and dream;

Where time stands still and yet the time there ends too soon.

I need my dom every day, but some days I need my DOM  I need him to take over, make the decisions, tell me what he needs me to do. 

There are days when I am content to just be in his presence; to sit and watch him work while I work on my own things, together, but separate. 

Then there are days like today when I have half a lunch break and I am feeling frustrated and tired and the only thing I can think is ‘I want my Dom’. 

The little girl in me needed to be able to turn everything over to him and let him take care of me. 

Today he called as I was finishing my lunch, and suddenly my world was turned right side up again. 

Spending a few minutes with me and my motley math crew made all the difference.

Has something changed between us?

Does the fire still burn as bright?

Does the thought of me still fill you with desire?

When you wake up am I still the first thing you think about

Or has time quieted the flame?

The need to see my face and hear my voice no longer drowns out everything else

Hours go by with no thought of me crossing your mind.

Is this just the next stage? So comfortable and secure-

no longer driven by the frenzy deep within

trying to do everything, be everything to another

In the grip of an obsession

powerless to resist

overwhelming, all-consuming

Ever to be in the height of bliss

or the depths of despair but seldom in-between

History is full of cautionary tales

Heloise and Abelard

Cleopatra and Mark Anthony

Infante and Ines

I am not available.  I am not sure where the disconnect is when his name is clearly attached to mine.

Maybe you have never talked to me before.  Maybe we talked briefly months ago before I was collared and wanted to reconnect.

It doesn't matter.  I have no problem talking to you, as long as you are respectful.

But for some reason that has not been the case recently.

No, my pussy is just fine and does not need you.  He satisfies me in a way no one ever has or ever will

No, I am not craving to submit to your Domly Dominance.  He is the only one who deserves and has earned my complete submission.

So, from now on, I think it best if you go through MY DOM to talk to me.  

I look forward to a respectful conversation if you have anything relevant to say.  With his permission.

Sincerely,

PPG

I've been thinking about his hands all day. 

When a spare minute comes around, I close my eyes

and remember the last time they were on my body.

I lean my head back and can almost feel his hand on my throat. 

How I love that feeling...The feel of his hands in my hair, running over my body.  

A working man's hands, rough and strong.  I adore the feel of his fingers

running over my bottom lip, teasing the most sensitive parts of my body.  

Gentle or rough, my body craves his touch.

Every inch tingling with anticipation and desire.

I've been thinking about his hands all day.

I love reading.

I had stopped reading for a long time. I was waiting for a good book.

Then, I found a great book, and I read it frequently.

Now, my book is not readily available, but I still want to read it. I long to draw a hot bath and soak while reading this magnificent book; I ache to read this book; no other book will do.

He pushes me down on the bed; one hand on my throat, the other tugging my hair.

Biting my ear he says, "tell me how you are thankful for your dom."

"I am thankful my Dom wishes me a good morning and good-night every day", I reply breathlessly.

He runs his tongue along my chin and bites my lower lip.

"Again", he demands.

"I am thankful my dom gave me words of affirmation to say every day", by this time a fire has started at the apex of my thighs.

"Again," he growls as he traces my clavicle with his lips, biting my neck.  This continues, and with each statement of thankfulness, he moves lower and lower.  First, teasing one nipple and then the other.  His hot breath on my stomach while his beard creates friction that only increases my desire.

My toes start to curl; my hips raise, but he growls, and I know I have gone too far.

"I didn't tell you to stop."  His voice is low but firm.

"I am thankful for the checklist my dom has made for me", I swear, by this time I could cum on command.

Finally, I feel his full lips meet my desire.  His tongue pushes through and his teeth graze my clit; then pulls back to bite my inner thigh.

"I am thankful for you, my dom,"  by this time it comes out as a moan.

I reach my hands down and grab his hair; he doesn't stop me.

"What does my sub want," he asks, looking up at me from between my legs.

"Fuck me with your tongue," I beg. "Please, Sir." 

With that, he gives a primal growl and buries his head in my damp pussy.  His tongue lapping and teasing, making figure-eights that have me throwing my head back and closing my eyes.  His teeth nip and bite, taking me to the precipice. And then, with one hand pressing down on my pelvic bone, two fingers of the other begin to stroke, slowly at first, and then deeper.  My hips raise, and this time my dom utters a moan as I climax.  My legs begin to shake as I cum, over and over.

When the waves cease, I drop back to the bed, fully sated, I feel like he pulled every bone out of my body.  He lifts his head and I smile inside with a sense of power that only a sub can feel at times like this.  My juices running down his beard, a look of satisfaction in his eyes matching that of my own.

He moves up and takes my mouth with his own.  Forcing his tongue into my mouth, I can taste myself.  I feel the moisture on my neck as he buries his face into the crook of my neck and whispers...

"I am thankful for you."

Discussion vs Discussion; Listening to Understand vs Listening to Talk

Not everyone recognizes the difference between discussion and dialogue, and it is important to understand them when it comes to any relationship, be it personal or business.  I know that for the longest time, I didn’t.  Discussion is talking to make a decision while dialogue is talking to understand.  I think we do a lot of the former before we ever think about the latter.  We want to make a decision without trying to understand all the points of view.  This leads us to "listening".

There is so much static out there in the world.  We are not really listening to what others are saying, trying to understand where they are coming from or what they are thinking, not unless it aligns with our point of view, and I find that very sad.

The thing is, there are two sides to every story and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.  People's experiences mold them and we can’t ever truly understand another person until we either go through the same things ourselves or take the time to get to know them and really listen to what they are saying.

What good does it do anyone to shut our minds and our hearts to those around us? First, if we are open, we may find that we are more alike than different.  Second, we can make a more positive impact when we are open, even if we continue to be polar opposites.  You know the whole “you attract more bees with honey…”  Third, isn’t there enough BS in the world?  Whether you are in the right or not, the angry rhetoric just adds to the darkness, and who needs more of that?

Anyway, just something I've had on my mind for quite a while now.  Take it for what it's worth...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-balance/201610/are-you-really-listening-or-just-waiting-talk