Musings of a submissive

I love the tradition of the centuries-old Rose Ceremony; a bonding ritual full of symbolism that binds the Dom and Sub who have committed to remaining together for the rest of their lives.  

In this private ceremony, the sub dresses simply and carries a single long-stemmed white rose that hasn't fully bloomed while the dominant wears black and holds a single long-stemmed red rose that is almost in full bloom, both stems still having their thorns.

The white rose symbolizes her submission and the purity of her gift, while the still slightly closed petals show that her submission has not come into full bloom. It never will. Submission is ever-deepening, ever-growing and the submissive will never reach a place where she cannot open a bit more for her Dom. The red rose signifies his dominance, his passion, and his desire to possess and protect her at all costs, even if it requires him to spill his blood. The rose is almost in full bloom to symbolize that he is ready and mature enough to accept the responsibilities required of him.

The couple stands facing each other.  First, with a thorn on the stem of his red rose, he pricks her middle finger and lets two drops of blood fall on the white petals of her rose.  Then, she offers the thorns of her rose to him and he pricks his own finger,  letting two drops fall on her rose, one alone and one on top of a drop of her blood. Next, the two press their fingers together so that they are joined by blood.

Mixing the petals signifies the mixing and blending of their lives. Couples often keep them in a decorative jar, once the petals have dried completely. Upon death, a portion of those petals is placed with the body to show a bond that will extend beyond the grave. Legends are told of roses that have sprung up on the graves of couples who have loved so strongly during their lifetime that even in death they sent back evidence of their everlasting love in the form of roses that bloom again on the graves.

Pricking the finger and the drops of blood on the white rose is symbolic of the loss of her virginity and the blood she has shed to give herself completely to him. In pricking his own finger, the dominant shows his willingness to shed his blood to protect and defend her by virtue of his ownership. The drops on her rose show that vividly; the drop that falls on her blood covers it and blends with it, thus indicating their union.

Pressing their wounds from the thorns together and allowing their blood to mix joins them as strongly as their own family bloodlines while exchanging the roses signifies that they have given themselves to one another.

The official performing the ceremony takes a light chain of 6 feet or so, and passes it quickly through the flame of a candle, and wraps it around the couple before asking the Dominant if it is his wish to take the submissive as his own.  Then, the submissive is asked if she is willing to obey her dom and do as he commands.  Next, the chain is then removed and wrapped in a cloth and the roses are brought together, letting their blood merge before being given to the other.

The chain represents all the events that have led them to each other, and passing it through the flame symbolizes the purification of everything from their past, present, and into the future; all bad things are burned away, and only the good remains.

For the final step of this ceremony, the dom removes the old collar.  He takes the new collar, quickly passing it through the flame of the candle before placing it around her neck, showing that she is his and his alone for life.

In ancient times, the collar would have been made of metal and heated to a glow, and plunged into cold water to temper it after it was rid of all impurities. This action symbolized that all outside influences were burned away in the heat of his desire to protect and defend his submissive. The tempering of the metal that took place when plunged into cold water showed the strengthening of their commitment by submersion into the waters of life. 

Wrapping the chain around them gives a visual image of the binding together of two souls into one. This chain is never used for anything again, other than in a similar ceremony by the person who receives this chain as a gift.

I love the symbolism and subtle pageantry that goes into this ceremony, and as I look forward to the upcoming renewal of my contract and commitment to my dom, I am excited to discover what symbolisms of his own my dom has added.

I Breathe You In

I’m not afraid

to admit when I’m not okay.

When you wrap me in your arms, 

I breathe you in and just let go

You surround me with your love, 

I breathe you in; my walls come down

You heal my heart; I breathe you in-

in sweet surrender.

In just a few short weeks, Sir and I will have reached our one-year anniversary and will be taking the next step and moving from LDR to IRL. 

I must admit that I didn't think the day would get here.  At times it seemed as if we would never get here. Our visits were never long enough; Skyping was nice, but sometimes I just need my Dom's hand on my neck and tug on my hair.

Date nights that no longer span 700 miles...calling his name and hearing him answer from across the room...walking out hand in hand.  I look forward to the little things...the everyday things...and all the things that make him mine.

Our Story (Her)

Two decades.  That’s how long I had been single.  When my youngest son was born, I decided that I was going to focus on my children and my career, and for the most part, I was satisfied with that choice.  I was used to being alone at ball games and school functions.  I was used to sharing my bed with the pets and sometimes even one of the kids.  As they got older, the times we spent together changed, but their presence was still evident.  Then, in a blink of an eye, they were gone.  New cities; new lives.

I was lonely and decided to get my feet wet, and because of my job, it was just easier to check out dating sites.  I met some nice men and some not-so-nice men.  I went through an interesting cat-fish experience; I met a man who asked me to be his concubine...

Through the concubine experience, I started looking into the BDSM lifestyle ( I had always been a little kinky; I had once asked my high school boyfriend to tie me up and spank me), and I found a site that seemed geared for my new obsession.  There were blogs and podcasts, and most of all, it offered me a chance to explore all the different areas of the lifestyle.  Like all newbies, I experienced the psychological sub-space that had nothing to do with a potential dom, and everything to do with letting myself feel again.  

After a few months, I took a step back and began to focus on myself.  What did I want?  What did I need?  It was during this time that I received a message from Azz.  I had read some of his blogs and enjoyed his writing, but he was twenty-five.  Who was I kidding?  So, I politely responded that I was looking for someone with more life experience.  Over the next few months, I kept reading his blogs.  I loved the way he wrote.  I had been talking with someone but it wasn’t going to go anywhere, and as we talked about what we wanted for the future, he asked me if the only reason I hadn’t wanted to take a chance on the kid from Virginia was the age difference.  That made me stop and think.  I had talked to a lot of men, and for whatever reason, it just never worked out.

 I don’t believe in soul mates or love at first sight, but I do believe that there are those that we connect with and that when the timing is right, we can choose to hold on to that connection or let it pass us by.  This is where ‘Our Story’ really begins.

It took me a week or so to work up the courage to reach out to Azz.  I wasn’t really sure how he would react, after all, I had turned him down.  All I knew was that I had to try.  Something about him resonated with me.  Have you ever had a feeling so strong, that you knew it wasn’t just a ‘want’ but was a ‘need’?

From that point on, everything seemed to move quickly.  We met in person a week later and have been together ever since.  It hasn’t been easy; we are polar opposites in some areas, but I am a better person for it.  He has made me stronger.  I think that is something that is difficult to grasp for some people; I eagerly and lovingly submitted to my dom, but that didn’t mean that I was weak.  I didn't lose myself in my submission; In my submission, I finally felt free to be me.  He was and is my safe space.  He saw the real me and loved me in spite of all my flaws. 

Our love story has just begun.

The first thing I think about when I wake up;

The last thing I think about before I fall asleep.

You consume me.

Eyes closed, I trace my collarbone with one hand-

grasping the collar you placed around my neck with the other.

My breath quickens as I remember the feel of your strong hands

holding me in place and the gentle pressure of your fingers on my throat

A soft sigh breaks the silence; my breathing quickens

as the tingles of desire begin to radiate from deep within

All too soon I am adrift in that special place. Sub-space

The dimension between reality and dream;

Where time stands still and yet the time there ends too soon.

I need my dom every day, but some days I need my DOM  I need him to take over, make the decisions, tell me what he needs me to do. 

There are days when I am content to just be in his presence; to sit and watch him work while I work on my own things, together, but separate. 

Then there are days like today when I have half a lunch break and I am feeling frustrated and tired and the only thing I can think is ‘I want my Dom’. 

The little girl in me needed to be able to turn everything over to him and let him take care of me. 

Today he called as I was finishing my lunch, and suddenly my world was turned right side up again. 

Spending a few minutes with me and my motley math crew made all the difference.

Has something changed between us?

Does the fire still burn as bright?

Does the thought of me still fill you with desire?

When you wake up am I still the first thing you think about

Or has time quieted the flame?

The need to see my face and hear my voice no longer drowns out everything else

Hours go by with no thought of me crossing your mind.

Is this just the next stage? So comfortable and secure-

no longer driven by the frenzy deep within

trying to do everything, be everything to another

In the grip of an obsession

powerless to resist

overwhelming, all-consuming

Ever to be in the height of bliss

or the depths of despair but seldom in-between

History is full of cautionary tales

Heloise and Abelard

Cleopatra and Mark Anthony

Infante and Ines

I am not available.  I am not sure where the disconnect is when his name is clearly attached to mine.

Maybe you have never talked to me before.  Maybe we talked briefly months ago before I was collared and wanted to reconnect.

It doesn't matter.  I have no problem talking to you, as long as you are respectful.

But for some reason that has not been the case recently.

No, my pussy is just fine and does not need you.  He satisfies me in a way no one ever has or ever will

No, I am not craving to submit to your Domly Dominance.  He is the only one who deserves and has earned my complete submission.

So, from now on, I think it best if you go through MY DOM to talk to me.  

I look forward to a respectful conversation if you have anything relevant to say.  With his permission.

Sincerely,

PPG

I've been thinking about his hands all day. 

When a spare minute comes around, I close my eyes

and remember the last time they were on my body.

I lean my head back and can almost feel his hand on my throat. 

How I love that feeling...The feel of his hands in my hair, running over my body.  

A working man's hands, rough and strong.  I adore the feel of his fingers

running over my bottom lip, teasing the most sensitive parts of my body.  

Gentle or rough, my body craves his touch.

Every inch tingling with anticipation and desire.

I've been thinking about his hands all day.