This comes from a conversation my cousin and I had yesterday.
Growing up when my parents would get into arguments my dad would always say this and it stuck..... because he would always say it. “Pussy doesn’t have a face” now when I was six that made no sense when I was 13 still confused even when I was 17 I would be in my room thinking... what does that even mean?
Then I learned at face value sex is sex doesn’t really matter who you do it with as long as the end result is achieved. There’s no justification for cheating you did it simply because you wanted to have sex and it’s sometimes why one night stands happens cause who cares you get off I get off it’s a win win.
This ties in to what my grandfather would tell us growing up every Sunday we would go to our grandparents house. The conversation always came up because he disliked my brothers gf and he was petty at times. He would always say before you get into a relationship “know your worth” now this didn’t mean know you are the baddest, know you are of high value lol nope not my grandfather. It meant if you were ugly know that embrace it, if you were mediocre know that, if you were at 10/10 know that be self aware. He would also say “know your lane, and stay out of others” and compared it to cars he loved cars. He’d say if you are a 1997 Toyota don’t try to talk to a 2007 BMW that’s not your lane, that lane isn’t for you, mind your business.
So... the conversation my cousin and I had was those two things completely contradict each other yes they were said by two different men but both were influences in our life. If “pussy” doesn’t have a face then why does self worth matter? If all you are is a hole then who cares what lane you are in?
Both “lessons” stuck with me and growing up I was always self conscious. It was a driving force behind my ED I wanted to be a 2007 BMW. I refused to eat in front of people I still won’t do it, if I can I avoid it. I worked out like crazy and I fasted all the time. But because I’m highly introverted people still seem to not notice me which made it even worse. In one breathe I didn’t want to be seen in another it suck welcome to the maze that is my mind.
In my 20s I learned neither of those statements are concrete they exist for some but not all because people are simply people and they are all different in there wants, desires and mindsets. There is no “picture perfect” person and the goal to achieve being that is unrealistic and a little toxic
Thinking out loud.....
