Highway to hell

From time to time I find a song I like so much that I listen to it on repeat for a long time. I recently found a song like that. 

I gotta say that while I do enjoy the original song, I don’t speak or understand any korean which makes the song a bit less enjoyable and I can’t truly sing along to it. So the English version of the song has become my favorite. 

Although I love the English version... the music video is korean and damn but I’m horny for the singer. His body is just so damn sexy. And the way he dances... he’s truly one of those people you want in your bed constantly 😝

I saw this the other day while looking at memes online and I thought it was stupid yet really hilarious.

My penis name is Purple Destroyed and I may have laughed my ass off for a good 20 minutes. I may have also snorted.

What’s everyone else’s Penis name??

I’ve recently realized I don’t have many people to play video games with and after reading a few profiles in here, I’ve realized there’s a lot of people here that like video games. So I’ve had the brilliant idea of looking for gaming buddies in here!
So here’s my gaming profile. I currently play genshin impact, sea of thieves, and path of exiles. I love playing survival games and mostly any game with good graphics. I only play PC and most of the games I play are through steam. While I’m fine with trying new games if they are too expensive(over $20) I have no interest in playing them 🤷‍♀️ I rather waste my money on food or reading than games recently. If anyone is interested in playing any of the current games I play or wants to know what other games I have access to and will play don’t hesitate to private message me with subject line “gaming buddies”. You can also message through here. I have a discord channel so I’d immediately add whoever is interested in playing video games to my discord. 

A few years ago I looked up the meaning of dreams and in a more scientific sense, they don’t mean much while in a spiritual sense, they mean a lot. My dreams have taught me that they mean something. I will even some times have this strong compulsion to do something or that I have been to a certain place. I once had a dream I was in Monaco, which I’ve never been to in my whole life but felt I did with such strong conviction. Other times I dream of possibilities that I try my hardest to replicate. I have felt my soulmate or twin flame in some dreams and while I know what he looks like in my dreams I can never remember once I wake up. It is said that you dream of people you have seen so according to that logic I’ve met my soulmate or twin flame and never realized it. A few years ago I dreamed I had to go to a specific place that I wasn’t able to go to. In the dream my twin flame was there and there dreams kept happening for a few years and the sense of urgency was always there but I have since misdeed that chance and don’t feel him in my dreams anymore, almost like the connection is lost. Other times my dreams remind me of things I forget like my current one which reminded me of how much I love music and how deeply I connect to partners that have an interest in music. Music calms and soothes my soul in a way nothing else can. I wanted to remain in the dream so bad, talking to this stranger about music and feeling the calm and peace he brought me, the feeling of knowing him my whole life despite only having met recently in that dream. And while I can remember the way he looked like a lot I don’t remember from where, he was a mix of faces and none of them seem to match the personality. 
Most are probably wondering why I place so much emphasis on dreams and it’s quite simple. I have for many years, since I was a child, felt things in a spiritual level and although I have ignored it for many years and never tried to open myself up to it, I still get those things as gut instinct or even dreams. It’s how I know at times I need to remain with someone so I learn a valuable life lesson. It’s how I know when someone has changed the way they think about me. At this point it’s almost an instinct I have, like a sixth sense. The dreams sometimes are a lesson or even a reminder. A reminder to not lose my way and focus on what I want and not what feels logical like my love for music and how much I appreciate a partner who’s soul also feeds on music. 

I would like to start the story off by saying that just because it’s written in first person doesn’t mean the person is me. I merely like writing in first person and from time to time a story appeared in my head. Some times it’s a full story and other times it’s just a scene. This following story is merely a scene. 

Arriving home I’m greeted by my slave on his knees “welcome home goddess”

Despite having him for 5 years, I never get bored of the sight of him on his knees waiting for me. Never get bored of knowing he’s mine and only mine. A word we both love hearing coming from my lips. 

I reach towards him and pull him to me for a kiss. My passion for this slave knows no bounds and he so easily fulfills my needs with his moans and sighs and the way he so easily melts against me. 
I break the kiss and drag him to the bedroom with me. 
“Take your clothes off” I demand of him. 
He does so while I feast my eyes on him. Through time and effort I’ve molded him into what I like. I built a full home gym for him to work on being built but not overly built. He also swims on the Olympic sized pool I built for him to keep in shape and not get overtly bulky. Not a single hair remains on his body after numerous laser hair removal sessions despite having come to me as hairy as a bear. Every day I feel he looks younger from all the products and food I give him to keep him young and fit. I’m quite pleased with my slave and the way I built him. I slowly sit down on the chair in front of the bed as I watch him undress. 
having finished undressing he looks at me for my next orders. 
“Get the lube and dildo” he’s quick to reach for them already knowing what I will ask of him. 
“Fuck yourself in the ass with the dildo” he starts work the lube into the dildo and slowly shoving it in his ass.
The sounds he makes as he fucks himself are so sweet. I’ll never get tired of hearing him moan and sigh in pleasure. 
“Can I please touch myself, goddess?” He asks as he turns around a bit to look at me.

”Yes, but you are not allowed to cum until I say so” as soon as I finish talking he grabs his dick and starts stroking. His moans get louder as he works on his ass and dick. I can tell he’s getting closer to release. He looks desperate for it... but not yet. I want to hear him more. Need to hear him more. Hear him moan just for me. 
I get on the bed next to him and grab him by his hair so he looks at me “you are mine and only mine” I growl at him. 
“Yes, only yours goddess” he affirms. 
“Only I can see you like this. Fucking yourself in the ass. Only I can hear you moan.”

”Yes” he whimpers. 
“Now cum for me. Let me hear you scream” I whisper in his ear as I spank his ass once, twice. 
He cums on a scream and lays on the bed panting. 
“Go clean up” I tell him as I stand up and proceed to sit on the chair again. 
He cleans up in record speed and comes back to me, kneeling at my feet. 
“Pleasure me” I tell him as I open my legs and pull my dress up and slide my panties off. Throughout the years we have been together he’s gotten much better at figuring out what I like or don’t like. What turns me crazy and what doesn’t. And every day he tries my control in keeping quiet while he pleasures me. And every day he fails. I have better control than that, I think as I smile. It isn’t easy to keep quiet as he licks me and soon enough I feel myself cumming. 
I dig my nails into the chair to stop myself from making a sound and let myself be swept off by the pleasure my slave gives me. He keeps licking me as I shudder. I pull him to me and kiss him hard, biting his lips as I do so and I’m rewarded by a few whimpers. 
“Go cook dinner as I nap” I tell him as I make my way to the bed, fully undressing along the way. Before reaching the bed I look back to watch him stare at me, mesmerized. Like me, he too, can’t get over simply staring at me, I think to myself smirking. And that’s the final thought I have as I sink into sleep. 

I sometimes like to go back and read messages I’ve sent to people. Some are fine and some... I want to stab myself. Recently I’ve been thinking of not even posting things on social media because let me tell you.... my emo stage was cringe as all hell and heaven. Bunch of really emotional pictures talking about how fleeting life is. Truly embarrassing. But what is worse is reading things from two damn years ago. Oh god shoot me please. I was reading messages I sent to my crush and Jesus Christ did I sound dumb as fuck. Crushing and chasing after someone who kept bailing on me. Every time we’d talk he was attentive and nice and so damn interested. There was so much flirting involved. But every time we would make plans to meet he’d bail on the excuse he was shy and that I was too pretty. Seeing the messages... I still can’t quite understand what went wrong but that is life. It is what it is and it’s in the past. After my failed attempt at a relationship and life with him I stopped dating and worked on myself. I got myself the psychologist I asked for many many years for my parents to take me to. I feel I’ve come a long way since my younger and rash self yet there’s things that don’t change and that is my desire to chase. That’s something that has never changed even when the other person starts giving me the cold shoulder because I can’t help but concentrate on the moments when he’s flirting and everything is ok. I get tunnel vision very easily and a strong desire to succeed in obtaining the person I want which can be problematic. Being determined and confident can be good but more often than not will scare the other person away. The only good thing is that unlike my younger years I don’t cry myself to sleep for days, weeks and even months after the chase is over and it failed. I truly don’t miss those days of uncertainty and crying and wondering what went wrong and blaming myself for it. Yes, I blame myself for some of the things but not everything. A relationship is made of two people or more(if you are poly) and if only one side is making the effort then there’s no point. I do blame myself for my single minded focus of shouldering the relationship instead of walking away for something only I am making an effort on. That is a lesson I have been trying to learn for many many years. How to walk away when only I am trying. Instead what I’ve learned is how not to cry and lose sleep over it. I’ve learned to show no emotions or suppress them deep inside and slowly killing my true personality. Because why would I go back to being that girl that had a big heart and allowed everyone in and then get hurt? Never again. Now I only read messages I’ve sent in the past and I shake my head over who I used to be and pray that each day I grow better and stronger. Every day I pray for more of my foolish side to disappear and every day I pray to me more selfish than the last because if I’m not selfish towards myself who will help me? Now I’m just going to go to my Facebook and scroll down to the day I made it and shake my head about the stupidity of youth...

I was recently called a toxic person and I admit at times I can be toxic just like anyone else. But it got me thinking and analyzing because that’s just how my brain works. This person said a relationship with me would have been very toxic and it probably would have been and not just from my part. You see, when I analyzed the situation I realized that while I have had toxic relationships in the past I’ve also had very nice and relaxing relationships in which I’m still friends with my exes and some even want to get back with me despite it being years since we broke up. I came across one conclusion from all this, some relationships will be toxic because both people will show their toxic side. So while this person was right that I was toxic, I found him just as toxic as me. We kept feeding each other’s toxic nature without really realizing it and we kept arguing all the time. 
The point is, if someone calls you toxic or a relationship with you being toxic, it’s not just your fault! Some people are just not meant to be together as both are very toxic. Some people just feed each other’s negative side and toxicity. If you ever see yourself arguing too much with your partner or crush, you should walk away! There’s a reason for it and a hint that the relationship won’t work. Don’t be stubborn or feel obligated to keep the relationship going. Break all ties with that person if you have to or try and see if a friendship would be better. Sometimes a friendship will work instead of a romantic relationship. Another point I’d like to make as it fits this lifestyle is, dominants if you see the person can’t submit to you at all and fights back every time you show more dominance then walk away, submissives if you feel you can’t submit to that dominant walk away. Don’t feed a relationship neither side can really keep up. You will just end up creating such a toxic energy that little by little all the positive emotions will turn negative and both of you toxic natures will come forth and destroy everything and end in a lot of hatred and sarcasm. But most of all DO NOT let someone say you are toxic when they too are toxic. They ARE NOT better than you are. 

Based on the contents and title of this post it’s only logical to post this song 

I truly do hate to admit that my sub is right. I have an issue with wanting to fix others. Every time my friends have an issue I want to be the first one to help fix it for them. But you can’t always fix people. Sometimes they don’t even want help. And I have to learn that. I have to remind myself to mind my own damn business and stop trying to fix everyone around me. It’s not my responsibility to fix them but their own. But despite this I can’t help it. It’s part of who I am as a person.. wanting to fix others and help them become the best version of themselves. This desire is normally very selfless but there’s times when it’s very selfish as I can get something out of it. So now I have to tell myself to butt out and let this person deal with their own problem. After all, I have my own issues as well that I normally push aside in order to help others... so I might need a hobby or maybe meditate so I can stop wanting to butt in.. because I very much want to! I have dealt with this person’s issues before and I really want to help but they don’t need my help or want it and it’s driving me insane since I really really want to butt in. 
So calm thoughts, calm thoughts. It is NOT my responsibility to fix others and I should NOT help them unless they ask for help. 
For any else having this same problem of helping others remember to repeat the mantra I just made “It’s NOT my responsibility to fix others”

I’ve found in recent years that I have people set in different boxes. The boxes are friends, family, friends with benefits, flirting friends, my partner/s, bestie and the people I’m pursuing. The most messy box is probably the people I’m pursuing as there isn’t a true label for them. They can either go on to become a partner, a friend with benefit or just a friend. It’s not always clear what they will become which can make me anxious at times specially if I want to put them in one of the other boxes and they still can’t decide. Which is what has happened recently. I met someone through here as a possible sub, we have been talking for quite a while and while I wanted him as my sub he still felt he needed more time to get to know me yet even after spending some time talking and spending time together the still wouldn’t go in a box. The vibes I got from him were very hot and cold. One moment he’d be all over me saying how interested he was in me and that I was his crush while also not spending too much time talking to me or giving back the attention I was putting on him. I know he’s been going through certain personal stuff in his life and the reason as to why he was distant. I knew he wasn’t really ready for anything with me but he still kept trying so I remained quiet and he was going through the motions. I waited to see if he would tell me how he really felt yet he never did. So I decided to stop taking a passive approach and force him to express himself. He told me what I already knew. He isn’t ready for a relationship. He needs time to learn who he is and work on his own problem. A problem that had costed him all his relationships. The inability to open up and talk about his problems and emotions. Personally I believe the best way to figure that out and work through it is by being in a relationship with someone that will push you to talk about it as that was the way I learned. While I could teach him how to get over this issue by pressuring him, I will not do it out of the goodness of my own heart. I’d do it because he’s mine and I would want him to talk to me. As my sub I could push him to express himself better and be there for him as he gets his life together. I’ve found I can be quite good at guiding people as to what they should do as I think of it in a logical aspect. But he’s refused to go into the partner box and truly I got tired of hunting someone so hot and cold. I also don’t believe in showing my full domme side to someone that hasn’t agreed to be my sub. So I’m now finally putting him in one box: friend. And while I don’t want him in that box, he won’t fit in any of the others and I want the piece of mind I wasn’t previously getting. Now my mind is finally at ease. No more messy boxes floating through my mind ☺️ 
Do any of you have labels or boxes in your mind? Do you try and put everyone in your life in one of these boxes? Which would you say is the messiest box?

I was recently asked if I’m in a relationship with someone which I am. But I was asked this by someone vanilla. How can you even explain being poly and in a bdsm relationship with two men? So I had to make something up. I chose to speak about the sub I know the most about and labeled him as my boyfriend. This person proceeded to ask where I met him... another awkward silence while I try to quickly make up another story. “Through a video game” I vaguely said. This person was still determined to ask more so I had to make my story more intricate. I immediately went through the games this person plays and which one we play together and it’s the one i gave. The issue with this lie is remembering it just like any other lie so I’ve now started programming my mind to thinking I met him in a video game instead of through the cage. Because how could you explain to someone vanilla that you have 2 submissives that you met through a bdsm website? They wouldn’t understand and considering I work with this person that asked, I didn’t want the gossip that would follow. 

Do the rest of you make up stories like this? What are some stories you have had to make up to explain your bdsm relationship/s?