Several discussions the past couple of days have brought up the idea of damage. Damage is something most sort of push or pack away into the dark recesses of their mind and do their best to forget about. Unfortunately, it just lingers and grows if not dealt with appropriately.
Damage can be something a small, a ill placed scar with a particularly gnarly story. A scale showing a few too many pounds. It can something in your head, an emotional landmine just waiting for some unsuspecting soul to come along and trigger. Sometimes, we know they are there, we can maneuver and manipulate it. Other times we can't.
The mind is a very tricky and resilient organ. It can warp our worldview, and make us susceptible to hidden dangers. When I was younger, I dated this girl who couldn't sit still. She had to keep moving, keep herself occupied. When she did slow down, this sort of morose sadness overtook her. She said it was like she was drowning.
I'm a fixer. I've always tried to fix things. So naturally, I tried to fix her. She had pretty rough childhood. We started there. I sort of bumbled my way through the process at the time. I had her trust, so I was able to open her up, and sort of dredge out all these deep seated insecurities. Our relationship strengthened because of it. Me knowing her damage, accepting it, helped her trust and open up more to me. It was the first time I felt like I had a relationship were we could say whatever. No secrets between us.
When I was in the Air Force, the one thing they tried to do was break us down and expose us mentally. They did this by pushing our minds and bodies to the point they they just gave out. All the while they tried to trip us up and trick us.
What I took from this approach was that we all have to be deconstructed and then rebuilt. We have to unpack our damage, process it and then manage it. This is in a sense what a lot of counselors do. They open people up, expose their fears and then talk them through dealing with them. Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to, to just feel like we're being heard. That's where the power of communication comes in.
As a Mental Dom I thrive when it comes to the matters of the mind. It's been a process for me. It takes patience and understanding. It takes a lot of listening. When I was younger, I thought I could fix the damage myself. I was young and misguided. Fixing damage can't be done from the outside, although it can be acted upon by external forces and provoke thought and change. I can nudge and prod with questions and words, but the hard work is done within. It's a healing process as well as an understanding of oneself.
As it relates to BDSM, particularly D/s dynamics. I think there are some s-types that seek this level of understanding. They desire to be seen completely and laid bare so to speak. There's a strength that comes from knowing you're not alone. There's a security that comes from knowing you're not going to be judged for who you are. To be really seen in spite of all their insecurities and damage, and know they are good enough. That's where the damage can hold some back. It's makes them less sure of themselves and their dynamic. It can cause negative feelings of mistrust and doubt. It hinders the ability to be completely open.
Yet, there's a certain power than can come from being accepted. For me, that's where a dynamic needs to start. Complete exposure. It's shedding the past like a cicada sheds it's shell. A sort of rebirth, only with a kinky twist.
