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Give & take.

63M single, multi-lingual, straight switch, New York City, New York, seeking a SWF switch, 40-63, for a lifetime partnership/LTR, anywhere in the USA!

Looking for a monogamous LTR and even marriage.
I'm looking for a soulmate/permanent relationship. I'm reasonably attractive, not overweight, intelligent, easy-going, personable, friendly, and have a sense of humor. I have many interests and abilities. If this also describes you, then I have an interest in you.

I want to have a vanilla relationship, but with a fetish twist. I'm seeking a mate who wants to explore the limits of their sexuality. Please message me about your interests and desires. I am both dominant and submissive. I would like to do both within a sexual relationship with my woman. I am not cruel and am interested in using BDSM to create and build a stronger marital bond with my woman. See the article by Jean.

Why I Married A Masochist Just Like Myself

I recently came across this remark in a comment to a post at a group, "I play with a couple and they tell me it makes their bond much stronger."

YES, that is 100% true in our case as well. People sometimes ask me why, if I'm a masochist, didn't I marry a sadistically oriented man instead of a masochistically oriented one just like myself. And, my answer is because, no matter how tender the after-care, and no matter how much he said he loved me, the fact that I would know that he gets genuine pleasure out of torturing and tormenting me would always leave a seed of doubt in my mind, and I'd always wonder if he really loved me or if he was just selfishly exploiting my masochism for his own personal benefit and gain. I don't have those doubts with my husband.

I mean, in the heat of sexual passion people will whisper things like, "Oh, God, Baby, I love you so much I'd die for you". But, it's just pillow talk. Remarks like that are just sweet nothings. A lot of husbands who say that to their wives in bed will run the other way, and leave their wives high and dry to fend for themselves, if real danger came their way. My husband, jon, isn't like that. I know that he'd deliberately put himself in harms way to protect me. I know that because I've watched him do it many times.

When the two of us are in an S&M situation, jon has actually sacrificed himself in order to spare me from further pain and suffering. We've been in situations where he's pleaded with the people torturing us not to stop his pain but to stop MINE. The two of us have been put in "predicament bondage" situations where he's had to keep his body is some VERY strenuous position because if he relaxed our bondage connection would inflict pain on me in some way. I've watched him strain and struggle to the point of screaming trying with everything he had to maintain his own anguish and misery rather then relax and be the cause of my pain. I've watched him do that to the point where it broke my heart, made me cry, and compelled me to literally beg him to get some relief and let me share the torture with him. He never does that until he reaches the point where he just can't physically keep it up anymore and just can't go on any longer. And, when he does relax, and it does start causing me pain, it breaks his heart to see what it's doing to me. He'll actually cry too and actually beg me to forgive him for not being stronger. He won't even let me endure it for very long. He'll start straining after as little rest as possible to try and regain the position he has to hold to prevent hurting me.

I ask you, how could you not love a man like that. And, because he does that for me, I tend to be just as selfless and self sacrificing on his behalf too. Yes, I watch people treat him like a dog. Yes, I watch people abuse him as if he were just a spineless wimp. But, I know he isn't. He has a status in my eyes that no Dom could ever have, and I know his love for me is genuinely true in a way that no Dom could ever really convince me. We share a bond that's probably stronger and more enduring then the vast majority of married couples. And, it's mainly because the two of us are masochists and because the two of us share situations where we have the chance to prove our mutual love in the most meaningful ways possible. So, I can certainly agree with that comment above.

After reading way I said above, I guess you can probably understand why my husband and I say that when we're tortured together by other people we're actually making love to each other. :-)


I would love you and would never ask you to do something that I wouldn't do myself. A totally equal relationship in all ways.
Your most likely a older woman but maybe its time to dust yourself off and get into a committed relationship to see your years out. I am a very good communicator so feel free to contact me and let's see if we have some common interests.
I have never married but I really am looking to do this before I get too old. I am feeling very young now and am active.

I don't care where you live. The important thing is to find the right person. I'm willing and able to relocate anywhere in the USA. I currently live in New York City, and being there is okay, but i am not limited to living there.

Private message me if interested, or post a response below. I will respond to all inquiries. Thank you.

2 years ago. Oct 17, 2018, 1:01 AM

I was on a discussion online on another site but switching came up so I posted something.

Thought I would share some of this with you.

First topic was topping from the bottom but then it led to other topics involving switching. These are some of my ideas about this

subject. Hope you find it interesting.


First off I think that topping from the bottom is a submissive, masochist, switch, slave ect.. that wants to control the action being done to him/her. They are almost like a coach who is giving orders to the dominant during the scene.
A submissive that wants something should have a discussion before the scene starts and get this out in the open and then when the scene starts the dominant is totally in control and the submissive takes a back seat completely.
About switching is one for me of being a dominant or submissive but it's best to do one or the other because of the sex afterwards and the bondage that is still likely to be part of that session/scene. I want to have sex with whomever I am dominating and I want them to be in bondage when I want that sex which is likely after the action. When I submit I want it the same way where I am dominated and I want to stay bound when the dominant wants to give me pleasure. After the sex it is time to relax and enjoy what was done that night/evening/day ect..
BDSM without sex is a total no go for me. They are attached and the erotic nature of BDSM makes sex that much more interesting and pleasurable.
Now when a person says they can never switch because of this or that I simply have this answer. Go and hang around with other masters/mistresses and over time you get a clue about their attitude and can often see their action/activities/sessions/scenes. You can ask to be invited to observe them with someone they are dominating. You could also ask them to come with you when you have a chance to dominate your partner. They could quickly get you up to speed in dominating or even subbing if your willing to hang out with submissive people. Some however are not at all switches. Many doms/subs cannot identify with the role of the other. I however think that there is something for both if you can get over your mental state and give it a try. I also think and know that the best dominants are the ones who were submissive, masochist, switch, slaves and had been dominated. They know what this action does instead of guessing. In much the same way you learn as well what this feels like and what that feels like or what this situation entails and what it doesn't. You can accurately compare.
Switching with the same person seems to be the best for this because you have a person you can share your experiences and discuss it with your partner from both perspectives. At first it may be awkward but in a short period of time that should wear off and then you have the knowledge of both and can totally understand your partner.
Both can be good fun and since I tend to want to have fun and am not a very, very serious dominant it can be playful and even humorous at times. The main thing for me is that the BDSM gets me and especially a female partner prepared for some pleasure and some orgasms.
I do personally gear it so that the dominant gives the pain and then the pleasure. The submissive receives the pain but then gets rewarded with the pleasure. Of course both get pleasure because the dominant get some pleasure too but also the pleasure of providing a most pleasurable experience to the submissive regardless of the pain.

Get out there and give a little bit of this a taste. Don't box yourself out of something that could be the best you ever had. Be open and sex is for life so don't think like today is the end all. It's always a good time to learn and experience those most interesting things.

Give it all an open mind.


2 years ago. Oct 17, 2018, 12:40 AM

I really like music and I gave this song a thought the other day.

Let me share it with you.

There is something that can be said for fate and destiny.


More later




2 years ago. Oct 13, 2018, 9:10 PM

SWM 63, both dominant and submissive seeks same in SWF 40 - 63. I am looking for a LTR and even marriage. I am in good shape and not overweight. I am active and intelligent, knowledgeable and orderly. I offer a vanilla relationship with BDSM as part of our sex life. If this is what you are and am looking for this then contact me.

I have a sense of humor and am fun to be with. I won't break you down but instead will build you up. Let me know your interests and desires and lets see what we have together. I would not ask you to do something that I would not do myself.

I am living in NYC but I have lived much in the midwest. I have traveled much in my life and am willing to relocate for the right woman. I am really thinking about getting married because I have not done so and I think that I would be a great mate for someone. Some lucky woman.

  I am not at all a moody person and am a great communicator. Let me know what you have on your mind and let's see what we can make of the rest of our lives.