Life

Bunnie - Having been active both off-line in my local community and on-line here and a few other sites, has given me the opportunity to observe a lot.
Something I have come to understand is that those who come from a background of being involved in their local off-line community do tend to struggle with the concept of how D/s can work on-line.
I believe it can... but in a way it’s a “bastardised” version... that’s how it can work. Trying to “do” D/s online as one would off-line really doesn’t work... because everything that makes D/s what it is in that context can only occur in close proximity. Trying to explain that to someone who hasn’t experienced it is impossible.
So what we see on-line is mostly based around fantasy... combined with some input from those who try to give it some kind of guidance towards what the basic element is.
I don’t say this to put a negative spin on on-line... the thing I absolutely love about it is the opportunity it allows to build emotional connection... which for me personally is a very important aspect. I actually have come to prefer beginning on-line and working to create that foundation of vulnerability and trust without the distraction of physical. However for me, it does need to lead somewhere from there.

Another aspect that perhaps makes my views a little different is that I actually tend to see aftercare as the responsibility of the submissive. It is our responsibility to know for ourselves what we need, to help feel whatever we need in that moment (comfort, safe, warm, hydrated etc etc)... and to ask for what we need from others if anything (cuddles, talking, quiet). Some of us don’t need much aftercare.
I understand everyone has very different views on this and I understand the importance of getting it right... I have seen lack of aftercare go very wrong for those who haven’t yet figured out for themselves what they personally need. It differs for everyone, so I’m not a fan of “generic aftercare” methods.
So, oddly, I don’t particularly see aftercare on-line as an issue if the person has taken the time to get to know themselves and understand what they need... and have learned how to either give it to themselves, or communicate it to others. T-shirts that smell like their Dom or a teddy from their Dom or whatever, can be a simple factor that makes all the difference for those that need that “reassurance.“

MidlifeMan​(dom male) - Bunnie, I am intrigued by what you mean by "fantasy", but agree online first is a much safer option in some ways (as long as the people have others to talk to). I like the t-shirt/teddy idea if needed. Thank you for your comment.

Bunnie - I guess what I mean by fantasy is much along the lines of missing the “mediocre” things that make life, life. Kind of like in movies how we never see the boring parts... like people going to the toilet, or changing a toilet roll or dusting or cleaning their house (or whatever). On-line is really just all the fluffy parts, which, as much as there may be a desire to make it “real,” without all of the parts, it simply isn’t. Which by default means it exists in the realm of fantasy. Again, nothing wrong with that... I just see no point in trying to pretend something is what it isn’t.

I don’t believe on-line first is a “safer” option, and I actually believe that is quite a misconception that leads newbies into a false sense of security. Someone can experience a lot of damage on-line. People need to be wary either way... on all walks of the bdsm spectrum.
I simply prefer developing an emotional connection without the distraction of wanting to fuck.

Bunnie - And you’re welcome :D lol sorry to sound so intense.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} - I would like to see this on the forum and not as a blog I think it is that important.

MidlifeMan​(dom male) - I did ponder on where to put it, but decided to test the water here first. That and the fact a forum post will tax my skills on this site and which forum area to put it in, I will see if I can do that later on, thanks the comment.

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} - We started off online with the intent that it would move to IRL full time eventually. I think it works pretty well if that is your intent. It gives you time to know the other person. Aftercare is tricky for sure. While I enjoy aftercare I can say I didn't miss it too much because he was on the phone the whole time. I could at least hear his soothing voice talking me down. If I needed to wrap up in a blanket I did.

It is totally different in person. For us the sessions took on a whole different feeling IRL. Being able to touch and look the other person in the eyes is a feeling like none other. And as an example, I can spank myself when we did online but to me it just kind of lost its attraction until he moved here.

We did online for 2.5 months, then he came for a visit to see if it could work IRL never left. That was 3 months ago.

MidlifeMan​(dom male) - I am glad it worked for you, yes I believe online has its advantages and disadvantages as does IRL. Thank you for your comment