The ramblings that I wrote

Yesterday I did take a day off of the blog to do some exploring and wandering around the woods.

It's nice to reconnect with nature and just disconnect for a little while. I ended up feeding trout (wish it was fishing) taking a hike and just relaxing by the fire there's a lot of growth and development that can be made going back to your roots for a little bit.

If it's been a while since you e just gone outside and looked at the stars this is your sign break your rotation do something new bring some wonder back into your life don't just wait for it to show up or you'll grow old and bitter.

It's interesting I was dreading this entire trip from fear but now ya a lot went wrong but now what right when everything goes wrong sometimes you have the best memories and lessons.

I'm short take a risk change up your routine and find a part of yourself you've put up on the shelf for a while.

As I begin writing this I tell you all that today I'm going to be standing by some of what I preach.

This morning I woke up knowing that I was not ready for what I was about to do my parents want to go camping for three days and I haven't went on a trip of any kind since the separation and divorce.

I feel small and scared and as someone who's natural persona is boisterous and charismatic it's jarring and it makes me spiral through those old times where all I knew was these feelings.

When I was abused I felt so small I couldn't do anything and it became my norm. All do to a error of judgement on my part where I held hope of a memory. Now any time I plan on going out doing anything I worry I get scared do to the traumatic experiences in grown with over a decade.

I almost didn't go....

But here we are on the road.

So in short you need to break the ties to constraints and bindings put onto you by others that hold you back. You are more than your conditioning and you can be what you were with or without someone so pray with me let's be birds and fly far from this place of familiarity and torment into a world of bright blinding options.

You are not alone truly nobodys alone.

(Also a little "fire birdy" told me some people may have issues with the voice clips in the future any voice clips will be audio of a reading to the current blog posting to help with any person's of different ability needs)

Where to begin well it's simple.

There's a cheaper way of saying this but I won't be the one to deny you the manners a old soul like I have been raised to do as such.

Not everything is going to be as you try to make it life will and is actively seeking to throw a wrench into your plans when the opportunity gives it a chance. Don't be the one to let it, Don't stay for comfort and convenience. But one for the love of yourself don't stay because you are afraid to be alone... Some lessons we learn the long way not the wrong way because all lesson's are not right and wrong even the hard painful moments have good lesson don't say you learn anything a wrong way it's all trail and error.

Now about errors.... Those are things we do make like myself I made a massive error after my ex six years into the relationship was asking me to sleep with other men and justified the idea do to the fact I had slept with one person before being with her and she had not been with anyone else. 

This was disheartening and soul shattering to hear but I'm justification I gritted my teeth worked through it and no it didn't happen but what did was years or tormented that could have been avoided if I listened to my gut and wasn't afraid of being alone. Ah see what I did there brought back the intro into the mix.

What I'm trying to say is stand up be strong communicate with eachother for Christ sake don't like something don't attack them say "hey I'm feeling a little bit upset with something that's been going on can we talk about it" all it takes be adults and know yourself and needs so you can grow together as a pair not a rivalry between House's your not God damn Romeo and Juliet your frank or Tony or Bill and Jean or Tena or whoever.

Team up work your shit out and if you can't don't fold in to there demands and lose yourself in the process like I did.

I have nothing I lost everything but hot damn do I got stories traumatic experiences and knowledge to deal with it also training and therapy to be who I am today so ya stick around don't I don't mind it's the words that are read by those who need them most that are important love, life and lose three big L's..... 

Nobody needs to do any of them alone.