Am I expecting too much?

A few short words, some advice if you wish to take it.

Read your audience...... I'll say it again,

Read - your - audience!

If a Dominant messages a Submissive - who has taken the time and effort giving you all the information she wants to give you, to see if you have some or any of the qualities that appeal to you! Or, and this is shocking....... YOU have the qualities she is looking for, take the time to read it!!!! 

It's a scary, wannabee Dominant who will not read his audience but message you from solely your photos? No, no, no!!!

How can any Submissive have faith, trust, even from that initial message, when you haven't taken the time to read what she wants and doesn't?

Here's an example...... 

"I need someone who stimulates my brain, who can hold down a conversation, who listens - who I too will listen also, before anything else......."

Just a bog standard example, watered down from my bio.... 

If you are going  to message that Submissive, without doing your homework, without taking the very FIRST step of doing your research and taking an interest in the Bio she's written.....

She's never going to hand over more than a soggy tissue to you, nevermind her Submission.

Little boys need to stop thinking they are a restrained, experienced Dominants because they can slap your ass and pull your hair 

There most likely is someone for YOU but I'll l say it again, if you can't do your homework and take the time to even consider who a Submissive is - you're getting nothing more than a eye roll buddy. 

One last thing if someone says "No" it means "No" 

Having said that - to all of you out there who are taking the time to read one another's info, I hope you find who you're  looking for. 

Have a fab weekend 😉

The feeling of being so vulnerable & having no control is addicting. It's more than the utter pleasure someone can give you when you are tied, bound or shackled that is a high all by itself. The most addicting part for me is the way in which a Man can completely consume my mind. Nothing else is quite as powerful as having your thoughts freed completely. Your mind becomes so invested in listening & feeling & the bliss of  anticipation that you cannot think or multi~task like you can during Vanilla sex I guess,

"What should I cook for dinner?"

"Damn I've run out of clean panties, I need to put a White Wash on"

" Does my car need Petrol"

I apologise for every encounter I've had with a Man in a Vanilla kind of way. Don't feel bad, I've had some fantastic sex in my life, some

Meh

Ok

Good 

Faked it ( I'm sorry but if you think you haven't had sex with a Woman who faked an Orgasm you're delusional, no matter how much she said it was great & earth shattering)

Great 

Enjoyable  

So good 

Excellent 

And........ This man knows his way around a Woman's body 

All of the above have applied. 

The difference between BDSM & Vanilla are world's apart though. I've written mental shopping lists during Vanilla sex. I'm sorry to any egos I'm hurting right now but ladies am I wrong? 

This brings me to the topic of this blog, Addiction. If you are a Submissive or Slave who is in a relationship with a Dominant or Master you'll get it. If you just have sessions once in a while, play dates (I'll never think of those words quite the same now, thank goodness my kids are teenagers who arrange their own social lives😳) or a few days here & there casually with like minded people, this will make sense. I've done the online version, that was shocking to me & I'm not talking about the idiot who I wrote my first blog about, who would have thought an Online relationship could work? Certainly not me. The person I am referring to blew my mind. He has a knack of knowing how to fine tune my body in a way in which I didn't know existed. He is methodical, he thinks 10 steps before me, he pays so much attention to the little details, that I could easily feel as if we were in the same room. He got into my head very quickly & we're not talking about an older man with years & years of experience. He's a regular guy, a little older than me, who does have experience but not 30 + years. He has a  Family, a Career, almost bordering on 2 Careers, he has a life is what I'm trying to say. He doesn't sit on his ass all day & research the topic or copy & paste comments to me. This Man is in my head. He didn't need permission, he didn't even ask (how rude 😆) he got me on a level that shook me to my core. We are so compatible it's scary. Also, for the record, don't judge, yes he's married but so are 60% of people on here. He has a good & happy life. He loves his Wife, adores his Family, is very focused on his Work, there is just a side to him that isn't sated. Not many Husbands & Wives do this together. If anything, this keeps his Personal life stronger for being able to enjoy & explore this side of himself with someone who is far enough away than is easily accessible. It's Our safety net. The 2 things are very seperate. Very.Its addicting though, he's addicting. The online relationship works wonders & I didn't know that was even possible. How can a man 1000's of miles away turn you on in a Vanilla sense, never mind in BDSM? Dick pics? Uh nooo. It's his imagination, his logical planning, his need to be sated so he knows what he needs, he knows what he needs from me & the act of Submission is very, very natural. He has had me in tears, he has had me in an unconscious state. No~one I've ever met has been able to turn me on over the Internet, so in a dynamic like this, it's rare, so, so rare. Out of all the 7 Billion people in the World what's the chances of meeting someone that compatible?

So real life, real time, my experience on this side of things is utterly consuming in a different way. There is no way you are with a good Dominant, Male or Female, that doesn't clear your mind from every single thought apart from the situation you are in. It's just not possible. It's my new addiction. I am addicted to the feeling of not having to think for myself. My mind forgets everything, even my own name I'd probably struggle to say. Where is the next strike coming from? What is being used on me? How quickly will that pain turn into bliss? Why can't i hear anything? Damn where did that come from? What is causing that overwhelming sensation? That's the addiction for me. I love my body being used in such a way that I cannot think of a single thing apart from what is happening between me & Mr X. The room doesn't exist, my life doesn't exist outside of that room, my body is on such a high nothing in the World exists but my thoughts & feelings being inflicted on me. 

There's then the addiction I am learning of loss of control outside of the physical. 

" You're not having sugar in your coffee anymore" 

If someone spoke to me like that in every day life I would put double in. I know what you're all thinking if you've got this far 

"The poor Dom who gets her has his hands full" 

Yes he does. I however have stuck to that & will not have sugar again in my coffee, I don't need it. A little like being told (several times) 

"No you don't need to cum" 

When I want to scream "Yes I f*****g do" 

It's the addiction of doing as you are told & a sense of accomplishment you feel when you carry it out. Nothing pleasurable comes out of "pretending" when you aren't with the Person who gave you that command. You follow it through, you change whatever the action because your chemical reaction to that instruction wouldn't  exist if you cheated & put that sugar in all the coffees you have when you're not with that person. 

Lastly the addiction of feeling the burn, the pain of your time together. It's a reminder of what was the best hour or two where so much serotonin (aka the happy chemical) was flooding your body that in that time you would have said & done anything you were told to do. Anything. It's the Power another person can have over you which in the right, capable hands is tremendous & mind boggling to me. 

So I now have a very real, genuine need for BDSM, it's my new addiction, I doubt they'll ever be another that tops it. 

I am not an easy person to get close to. If you meet me I'm sociable, personable & can talk your ear off as well as listen. I'm definitely not a shy person, I have an opinion on everything, I will Spar with you verbally if I think you're wrong, in a fun way, not confrontational, I love an intelligent mind & being proved wrong but I will also listen & learn from you if I'm out of my depth in a conversation I know nothing about. My mind brain is like a sponge & I truly love to learn. I'm fiesty, at times fiery but in a positive way. I am not rude, disrespectful unless your a total idiot who thinks I'm dumb enough to fall for your stupid lying ass. I HATE lies, from white ones to big black dark ones. The truth is the truth & I will never spare someone's feelings for the sake of a lie. I will tell you my truth if asked, I am not a push over but as you may havd read in my first blog

"Emotional Abuse at the Hands of a Dominant" 

I met the "Perfect Dom" ( I know, I know, no such thing as perfect) he seemed perfect for me. I'd decided to look into this desire of BDSM & he was my first experience. I'm not going over it all again he really doesn't deserve any air time, but if you read it, you'll know what I'm talking about. I think in hindsight, as much as I was "green & naive", it hurt me so much because i was angry at MYSELF more, for letting him get close to me. He was the first (& I will not apologise for saying this, trial run into this lifestyle) He was numero uno, nothing more, nada, zilch, just a Guinea Pig 🐽 . I didn't see it like that at the time. I was hurt, ashamed, embarrassed, felt ridiculed that he'd shared my private thoughts, feelings  & desires with someone else & goaded me blah, blah, blah........ 

So I left the last blog where I was deactivating my account, seconds away from cancelling my subscription & a message popped up, which I didn't intend to open, I hadn't opened the others sitting in my inbox, but as I was deactivating my account why not humour the poor guy who was sending me a message, see? Cold heart. It changed everything for me. It changed & put into perspective the whole World of BDSM. Wow, how it would change my desire, opinion & thoughts on this "little interest I had".  

I have these huge walls made out of steel built around me. I've perfected the construction of said walls, been the Foreman, the Builder & the Architect, just to be extra careful they were solid & unable to be invaded. So back to the Message I opened. It was the usual mundane "hello", I have no idea why I replied, it was late, I had no interest in a casual conversation or any conversation. I sent a few replies & logged out thinking I'd give it a day or two. 

It became very clear over the next few days this guy was nice, just nice, I liked talking to him but had no interest in anything more than that, in a very short space of time, hours maybe, the whole dynamic changed. It was just like that,  it changed very quickly & I had a little spark of wanting to know more. Now THIS became my first real, authentic experience with BDSM. 

I learnt quickly that it wasn't about the Physical so much as the Mental connection that made it an electric dynamic for me , so that's how it started. I was Mentally stimulated, flirting was fun, it wasn't about canes, flogs or edging like the shallow trial run was, he soon became a very "little boy" in my story, nothing more than that. Yes Physically the narcissistic trial run was good, that, if you read my first blog about him, was also a huge change of what I originally thought. I'd put this dumb ass on a huge pedal stool. Schmuck!!!.

I found a person who took the time to listen, to be an online friend. This was the Man who gave me much, much more than an experience. He blew my expectations out of the water & some. That's a huge understatement, colossal but words truly fail me. I joined the cage not knowing if this was just a desire I had had for years or did I really want it to be part of my life. Was the thought better than the deed? Yes, yes, damn yes!!! I never, ever knew that the Physical part of anything could feel so........ It was just like opening up a huge crate of Fireworks & adding a match. I had NO idea, none that anything could be so electric. I've had plenty of fantastic sex in my days before having a family etc, I've travelled extensively seeing & experiencing things which will stay with me forever, I have definitely lived & felt & enjoyed life. This though, I sound so pathetic not being able to use my Vocabulary to express how I want this feeling to come across, there isn't the words though, truly, I might actually invent one, I will save that for the next blog. 

So with that being said I have a few questions. I have nothing to compare this to. To  anyone reading this who can relate to any of the above After a life changing, World rocking orgasm or 200 (no lie) especially after being edged at the same time, am I alone in crying? I mean bawling. I don't mean in a "ouch" way or a "wow that was unexpected". I "cry, cry" & did I mention cry? I do it after every intense orgasm, I sob.

I need to just take time to recollect my thoughts & process what I am "feeling". It's not in a sad way, it's not because I am hurt in any way physically or mentally. It happens each & every time I have had an earth shattering orgasm (s).

Also in terms of a punishment, I feel like I'm vibrating. The vibrations aren't like the every day shudders & shakes that run through my body in such an intense pattern, like electricity, exiting at my shoulders. Completely different to any kind of adrenaline release, it's something which  can last 30 minutes or even  longer periods of time.

 I know I can't be alone in my quirks? Doubtful I'm sure but I'd like to know if anyone else has these powerful reactions or similar reactions. Sub Space is also a very real thing, feel free to share your own thoughts or experiences because I'm learning so much about myself, daily, hourly. I know no 2 people in BDSM are the same, as are no 2 people in life generally. I have had some absoloutely powerful, earth shattering reactions that have left me on the floor or in the dark. It's such a huge gift for another person to be able to get into your psyche in that way, switch it round, it's also a gift that someone is able to open both their mind & body so freely to give you the initial platform if you like, where you have that overwhelming power & control to be able to take someone to a place that is so very different to any scenario you can compare it to in real life. It leaves me with so many "????????". I've not experienced this with anyone before, it's too difficult to describe in every day words. BDSM has its very own language. It truly does & I have never found anything in life to compare it to. Nothing, nothing comes close, not even chocolate (😉🙋🤷😆). It goes past the Physical, it goes past the Mental, it's a deep rooted connection of 2 souls. I'm not talking about a casual "hook up". We can all get that any day of the week. When that connection happens, you cannot just say or think "next". It's something to keep inside you, process it, dissect it, ask questions or just bask in the utter satisfaction of being so, so satisfied. 

It comes with its downsides to though right? 

After this kind of intensity, I need either space to collect my thoughts or time to process what I have just experienced, then I need to talk about what I experienced etc.

It's incredible to me the very differing sides of how the Human Body reacts, esp in BDSM. For someone to have that power over your mind & body is an absolute gift. Obviously not every dynamic has this intensity but when you do, WOW WOW WOW. 

Thoughts or any other reactions would be well received as this is all so new & fantastically life changing for me. This lifestyle is definitely what I want , no doubts in my mind, I just want to know how others go forward and feel when this or if you're lucky enough to find this? This is where my lack of experience fails me.

As a Submissive who was truly fed up of meeting Men who claimed to be a Dominant, but had no clue what the word even meant, I had 2 choices (please let me be clear, I wasn't trawling bars & clubs) 

1 ~ Feel empty & unsatisfied for all time to come.

2 ~ Do something about it.

I came across The Cage completely by accident. I don't remember what I typed into my Private Search Engine. This was at the top of the list though. I thought about the best way to write my profile, what did I really want? I had zero expectations. I wrote what I felt, what was missing in my life. It has since been tweaked here & there with each experience good & bad I have come across, the core of it has not changed however. I spent a few hours finding my way around, I was surprised at some of the messages I got almost immediately. The very first message I received was a friendly welcome message from someone who took the time to tell me about this site. I really must message him as I owe him alot, he's always been there as a sounding board but due to my first "real" experience, I had to take my Profile down. Mr.E, I popped into the chat by acciddnt & your messaged me & titled it "Come back" Now, remember I am new & green & not sure what to expect. I had a few messages, no~one grabbed my attention from the start. It was a few days in & I received a message from an Older Man, experienced, who from the first message was more Dominant in attitude that I'd ever known any Man to be. I was like putty in his hands. A blank canvas to mould & shape how he saw fit. This wasn't what I got. The things I experienced with him were so very much on the opposite ends of the Spectrum. He was a true Dom, he learnt quickly how to get the best from me, how to draw out my desires & how to best execute them which blew my mind. He intrigued me, he satisfied me in both intelligence & long conversations to my Submissive ways & needs. I remember thinking

"How lucky am I to have found this great man so early in the process"

Things are never that easy though are they? No~one (or very few) has success right away in any area of life. This Man kept me on my toes. He could play my like a fiddle. I fell hard & fast for him (or so I thought, remember green & naive) He was everything I wasn't looking for. I would love to put up some messages on here which we exchanged, but I am not one for blowing someone's cover or naming & shaming. Unlike him who told me in one message he would ruin me on this Site & humiliate me. Why wouldn't I believe him? He's Dominant with over 30 + years of experience, has been a member for over 2 years, I took him at his word.

Where did it start going so wrong? Well, he would mock me, put me down, be very cross if I reactivated my profile to talk with people who were just contacts I liked, who gave me good advice, who were friendly. So I took my profile down. Then he would block all communication with me, just like that, a click of the fingers. I would then think well, move on he obviously wasn't for me. Then, you guessed it, he would see my Profile, chastise me, make me feel worthless & have my body come alive again all in the same day. It was confusing but this pattern went on for a while. It was emotionally abusive, I see that now, not then, it made me feel like scum, no correction, HE made me feel like scum. He was so good at it too. I'd feel flat as a pancake then he'd swoop in spend an hour talking with me about all the common interests that we had, always finished by a Sexual Explosion that would have me back on cloud nine. So do you see the dilemma? Hot, cold, on & off, up & down but he knew how to get the best reaction out of my body, it was explosive, more pleasure than I ever felt possible of having. I needed him, my body was addicted to him, but all he did was emotionally abuse me in the worst possible way & I'm not ashamed to say that I felt like a 15 year old going through her first real break up. He took my deepest fantasies & swapped them with another Submissive, a Submissive who he constantly critisized to me, a previous experience. He told her my thoughts, my feelings that I had NEVER told anyone but him. The shame was horrendous, the goading messages telling me how she had cum explosively to stories he told her about me. I felt dirty, I felt worthless, I felt it was all on me because this man was older, experienced & told me regularly I was nothing, no~one else would ever want me. I believed him, he had me wrapped around his little finger & I'm ashamed to say I believed every single word. One comment he made over & over again was the following

"You make a rubbish Submissive an even worse slave & until you shut your mouth no~one will ever want you, but you're trainable, beg me Slave"

I'm all in for being degraded during a sexual dynamic but NOT in every day life. I have each & every abusive message in my head & screen shot. On top of that shame, I didn't want anyone else, it had to be him or no~one. I know you're reading this thinking

"How could you be so stupid?"

Why wouldn't I be? It was my very first, real, authentic experience with a Dominant who I had craved for 20 + years. I cried, I felt worthless, I'd failed him. Right? Yes, that was the feeling I had, I FAILED HIM. Every word he called me stuck, every put down on my looks stuck, everytime he blocked communication stuck, everytime he swooped back in & put me on cloud nine & all the other things fell away, stuck.

So there was only one thing left to do, deactivate my account, I'd found thd best I was ever going to have in my life hadn't I? So the search was over. I logged in late one night & no way at all am I exaggerating here, I didn't look at my messages or notifications, I was just seconds, literally seconds away from deleting my account when the most unexpected thing happened, I got a message from someone who was about to turn my life upside down, in & out. I don't know why I replied but I did & how things changed, how very different did I now see the World of BDSM & a heart full of everything I didn't know I needed or wanted................ To be continued