My rants

Random thoughts on my head, my main blog is connected to my profile.
1 day ago. Thu 22 Feb 2018 04:57:17 AM IST

If I plan a date, and you cannot make it, please communicate with me!

I gave him an out this morning, but he said no, he was going to be there. I was really into him. I was excited for the date. 

I waited over 6 hours and only text I got "sad because I'm not with you."

That did not answer any of my questions.

When are you going to be here? 

Are you coming? 

If not, why? 

If you had something then why are you leaving me hanging?

Don't you care?

Do you know how upset I am? 

Why did you do this? 

3 days ago. Tue 20 Feb 2018 07:17:06 AM IST

I feel I keep attracting 90% of the wrong men and other 10% want either more or less than I want. 

  • Bearded guy, you know kind where the beard is part of their personality. I'm just not into beards. I want my submissive boyfriend clean shaved. (My father is bearded and we have a bad past.)
  • The scat or water sports guy, I'm not into human toilets or ash trays, its on my limit list. I want my submissive boyfriend to go to the bathroom in the room of the house, and clean it and spray after. 
  • The guys who say they are submissive but really only say it to get sex. I want a submissive boyfriend who is submissive and into me. 
  • The extreme guys, like guy who do not want to be human anymore. I want my submissive boyfriend to be human and to have enough control to know he wants me and loves me for me, not just because I am a mistress. 

I do not feel its not too much to ask for a guy to be who and what I want, naturally. There are 7.6 billion people out there. 


1 week ago. Mon 12 Feb 2018 04:32:13 AM IST

I three big things on my mind. 

1. If you are on my deal breaker list, then talking and begging me is not going to make me change my mind. 

Just because I have one interest with you does not mean you are going to be my instant submissive boyfriend. However it does mean I would be interested in talking aboutthat one subject. 
"I'm not interested." Or "no thank you." Does not mean please try to talk to me again the next day. I have mood swings, not multi-personalities. If I said "no" one day, I'm probably meaning it day two and three and so on. 
I have a deal breakers because I know what I want and what I don't want. If you have the deal breakers, please move on. 

2. I do not like to masturbate. 

I have endometrious and my orgasms can cause extremely painful cramps that can compare to labor pains. I have daily pelvic pain. 
I know guys can stroke a few times and get off, but I am it is not easy. There is not enough stimuli for me to get off. I need sound and touch. 
For me, it way too much work for little result. 

3. If you are not into me, then be straightforward with me. 

letting me hang on because I'm nice and make you feel good, is wrong. 
I was holding back on other people because I thought we had a chance. 
I have feelings and I'm sick of waiting on the wrong guys. 

3 weeks ago. Sun 28 Jan 2018 06:37:36 AM IST

Things than improve my mood, I haven't really been happy in a long time. Orgasms used to be on that list, but endometrosis has killed that dream. 

1. Listening to music

2. Comfortably writing for hours

3. Soda pop

4. Shopping without an extreme budget

5. Walking

6. Dinning out

7. Talking to friends

8. Cats

9. Watching funny TV

10. Going to the movies


Ultimate dream is me sitting in my office in my comfy robe and my submissive boyfriend knocks and comes in. Then he offers to massage my legs and feet while I write while they beg and plead to get out if their cock cage. 

3 weeks ago. Sun 28 Jan 2018 05:59:56 AM IST

I'm so sick of men thinking with their dicks.  I know its how most of them work as sexual release makes them happy or momentarily content. 

I want to find a submissive man, with ages 25 to 39, who wants to serve and is just as happy serving me as sexually releasing. (Its a needle in the haystack. If he has blue eyes, blond hair and sxy abs that makes him my unicorn.)

I'm getting side track, since my endometrosis causes pain in my sexual release, I need to find other things to make happy and content. A good submissive man is a start. . . 

3 weeks ago. Sat 27 Jan 2018 08:38:46 AM IST

Internet is all about moment and click its gone. 


Its like chatting with someone. . . its all exciting and new. You can't wait for them to reply.  Then you need to see 

And they are not there the next day. 

Or they want to instantly meet. . . ah, no, I don't know you will enough. 

I talked to my ex for three months when we meet and then together eight years. .  .

can I have another submissive boyfriend for a flr?

Can someone talk to me more than a day with intention of eventually meeting?

Can I get my health figured out first? 

4 weeks ago. Fri 26 Jan 2018 12:51:04 AM IST

I hate my hormones mixing with my past. I'm emotionally haunting myself. I'm stuck on a twisting emotional rollercoaster.


I've tried different dating sites, and after I weed out the mindless hornballs and thoses who are not seeking more than dating, I may find one or two interesting guys. 

We chat for hours, maybe days, and then they delete me for my health issues or because I don't drive. . . 

Figure out your wants and deal breakers and filter it out instead of talking me for days at a time. Its so frustrating. 

4 weeks ago. Wed 24 Jan 2018 12:38:54 AM IST

I sit here as I’ve been thinking what and who I want. (I’ve read on some profiles stating that you don't know what you want until you’ve had it . . . well, I had it once.)

Ideally what/who I want is a submissive boyfriend who loves me for me … my spunk, perkiness, passion, bitchiness, and my determined heart. I’m a tough cookie and I’m a huge project, but I believe I am a rewarding one. I’m a work in process but if the work is fun and you love the work, is it work?

I do not want a robot or puppet saying what he think I want to hear. . . I want him to be ambitious and have hopes and dreams.

I want a guy who want to be my submissive boyfriend and to be female led relationship. He will need to work, any job of his choosing. He needs to know my ultimate personal dream is to be a professional author. They want me to control his chore (his chores: dishes, laundry, heavy lifting, driving me around, car care, vacuuming, dusting, my chores: furniture and carpet shampooing, pet care as I want cats, beds, errands, and both: making meals.)

They want me to help them stay in line and earn his free time. Whether is video games, watching sports on TV, playing sports, hanging with his friends, or other hobbies. I would have to have a few hobbies we can enjoy together: cooking, board games, card games, sports, traveling, reading etc

I want my submissive boyfriend to be happy knowing he doesn’t have to worry about money as I will do the budgeting. If he wants something, just ask and its within our budget and he has done his chores, then he will probably get. I like to keep him happy.

I would put my submissive boyfriend in chastity to prove his loyalty to me. I’ve gone up to two years without orgasming myself. I also want him to appreciate and truly want the release. At times, due to health, my orgasms maybe delayed at times as well. However if my submissive boyfriend does things, chores, dates, romantic gestures, well possibly get release.

For both of us: I want to have at least two days of soup and salad and protein at every dinner. I also want to exercise two to three times a week.


1 month ago. Mon 22 Jan 2018 12:14:43 AM IST

So last night I called the nurse to find out if I should go to the er or wait it out and call a doctor. . .

I gave her my info and she told my insurance is not Actived. So now I think I have to wait until February 1st for it to activate.

I feel meh. Going to bed.

1 month ago. Sat 20 Jan 2018 12:02:18 PM IST

I’m sitting here now in pain and lonely. (I’m trying to enjoy my time in a word pad but my pain is killing me. However I cannot sleep.)
I have pain my abs, pelvic area, up the lower back, down the thighs, and my head. Waist down I feel pressure as if everything is twisting and pulling down. I get pain on my left side of my an, sharp when I cough and laugh.
Its very hard to focus on anything. I cannot repeat thing if people speak to me, its frustrating.
My stomach hurts; between the nausea, craps, pain, and horrible indigestion, it is hard to fall asleep comfortably. I would get indigestion and nausea usually at night between 1am to 6am.
The bloating sucks. I swear my ass feels heavier and looks bigger.
My sleep schedule is off. I sleep for several hours, and I’m barely up an hour or two and I’m exhausted again.
I’m sad, frustrated, and scared. I believe this caused mostly by endometriosis.

I think I am going to the hospital.