My rants

My previous sexual bucket list (2015) 

*Sex in front of a mirror

*Double bound a sub

*Actual role-play

*Sex right by a fire place

*Sex in a pool

*Sex in a hot tub

*Sex outside

*Forest Sex

*washing machine sex

*All Day Sex

*Teasing show: strip tease, lap dances, sucking Popsicle

*Sex in rain

*I wanted loud sex, but I'm shy about it.

*Teaching someone sexually

*Having a younger male to wait on me hand and foot

*Sex all over the house

*Swinging with a really hot couple

My updated list

*Sex outside at a picnic
*Nude camping (in the tent)
*Kitchen sex and laundry room sex
*10 or 30 days of naughty (doesn't have to be intercourse, but at least one partner has to be released. Must be documented to count)
*My guy to reclaim my virginity (my first virginity was stolen from me, against my permission)
*Sex in every room of the house
*Spiritual sex (feel an orgasm in just an epic release within my aura.)
*I would like roleplays( in which my guy and I pretend to be strangers and meet each other at a restaurant or bar and go home. (I cannot go home with a stranger as I am demisexual.) I'll make a role play desire in another blog.
*Emotional sexual release
*Make love once we cuddle in each other's arms the rest of the world dissapears

Play With Me

My guy inspired this today….

You get home from work….you had a hard day dealing with sale items that haven't reached the store yet, rude customers, and there were so many idiots that no fucking idea what they were doing.

You were razzled: you just didn't want to talk, and most of all you l didn't want to think. 

You put the keys on the table as you see a note….

Baby, strip, shower, and get to the bedroom. Come and play with me. 

Love 

Mommy.

You strip as you rush upstairs, you take a quick shower,barely remembering to wash from head to toe. 

You get into the room as the bed was empty. 

"Mommy?" You bellowed ….almost worried. 

"Bend over the bed" I replied standing in the closet. 

You were not going to ask or argue; you just didn't want to deal with conflict. You released the towel and bent over the bed…. You exposed your sweet ass. I smacked each cheek playfully as I rub in between. I grabbed the lube as rub it between your cheeks, and then I lube two fingers as slide them in your fucking tight hot ass. I slid them in deep, but your ass is so tight that your cheek squeeze my fingers, finger fuck you. In and out, thrusting in deeper … just barely rubbing your prostate. 

"Oh fuck mommy ….fuck!!' you moan as you rock into my fingers. I let the lube guide my finger in deep as rub under your balls with my thumb.. You moan louder ….you rock into my hand as I finger fuck you, teasing and rubbing your prostate. I could feel your body getting a bit tense, but I rub and fuck you harder and faster….adding to the rhythm. 

I opened my fingers in your ass …..stretching you as you groaned. I reach under with my free hand and squeeze and stroke your cock..I could feel the thickness and feel your heartbeat as I stroke. 

Inch By inch, I slid out my hand. I cleaned my hands and lubed my cock ….

"Who is my bitch?" I growled in your ear as I could see your cock twitch. 

"I am." You were quiet. I smack both of your asscheeks, making both my hand and cheek burn a bit….

"What are you?" I growled each word. 

"I ..am .. your… bitch!' you groaned louder. 

"Good boi!" I pushed my cock in one motion as your body was so tense. It was so tight around my rubber cock as I pushed it all in. You could barely relax, as you squeezed around the cock hard..you felt so full and your prostate was instantly almost overstimulated.

The thick rubbing cock was engulf around your super fucking tight ass as I reached under and I stroked your throbbing thick cock. You felt so deeply full and your stimulated prostate was making you tremble. Your body was building desire and an intensity that you could not put to words. In fact, you could barely get out the words I told you as you have very little blood left in the brain. 

I turned on a vibrating egg between my pussy and the strap-on. I had put it straight to medium as I gasped thrust in you so fucking deep. I squeezed your cock as I stroked, and I groaned and whined in your ear. 

"Do you want to cum?" I growl and bite your neck …

"Yes…" you whimpered as I thrusted in you deeper….and then thrusted harder than the previous one, my body shaking hard as the thrusting and vibrations were creating an intensity build up in me as well..

I plowed in you deeply….my cock rubbed against your inner wall now with the vibration, as it drove your prostate to a pure animalistic tension….you growl as you more than just liked this plowing, but you needed the full pressure pulling you in all vibrating directions. I turn my vibrations on high as I shrieked……

"Beg for it…." I thrusted each word as my body convulsed as I fought over keeping the rhythm. However, even my body was in a pleasurable chaos..

"Oh…mommy….please….let…me cum." You gasped each of the words as you rocked into my stroking hands. Your ass rocked into my vibrating cock. 

In one more pure deep thrust, I gasped. I pushed in so deep, as I squeezed your cock. I held you tight as my culvusing built release as I gushed all over my strap-on and your ass. 

You gasped as inch by throbbing inch I stroked and I felt the load moving up and shooting out as you screamed.

"Oh fuck mommy!!" 

I leaned over you and kissed you back as I had you lay in your own cum. 

We both needed the release. 

I'm on a spiritual walkabout….internal journey. 

Something told in my gut ….in my soul I need to release..

September of 2023 (less than a year ago…) I had a partial hysterectomy. (I had a condition that was progressing faster than my doctor's had planned and was teetering on cancerous.) 

Growing up, I never pictured my wedding, or the white house with a picket fence or 2.5 (two kids and one in the oven) kids with a few cats and a dog. I always wanted to travel and have more of a rockstar or journalist lifestyle. (As long as I had a home to go back to. The other thing was if I had kids, I would have been like the way my mom and dad found out about me…I was "unplanned but not unloved." That is what my mom said. I thought if I had kids, they, too, would be unplanned, a blessing in a surprise.) 

My guy made me want to have someone to share my life with. (I dated before him, but there was always something missing, some kind of gittlerly drive. It's a light that I can put in my dark cave.) 

It hurts because his …our kids would have made the world a bit better. I'm sorry baby. 

I'll be honest when I pushed the surgery, I was focusing on my health first and foremost as many would. (I did try to go to therapy, but the pedemic really has polluted the therapy industry. I was trying to keep my head together. The thing was up to surgery, I was pretty level headed. Health wise I knew in the pit of my soul, I did the right thing, but in my dominant mind I cannot think straight just as yet…. It has messed with my confidence, my dominance, and my sexuality. )

Being so far away from my beloved, I haven't got to try my new body yet. However my head isn't right ….I feel like my brain fog cleared but now my entire head is under construction. 

The thing is I don't feel womanly right now. I don't feel attractive right now. I feel more like an empty cell. I didn't think this surgery would mess me up this bad. 

Just a few years ago, during the pandemic, was my 20th high school reunion. They had a group on Facebook, so I got to see pictures and stuff. 90% of most people I've known have kids or some kind of family. I didn't realize even looking at Facebook hits such an emotional trigger. (Including an ex of mine, if you want to call it that, he never saw this side of me. I saw that he has a beautiful wife and three totally cute and intelligent kids. He has one of cutest little girls I've ever seen. She is going to have her pick of partners.) 

I saw his profile today and it hit me hard. (Many of my old friends are so busy with their families that they had no idea I went through the surgery.) 

What they don't tell you with the surgery is just how much of an outsider, just how alien you feel. 

My writer's block has been worse even though I can think better. Some days are good, others are a battle. (I love my guy so much for dealing through my tangled ball of emotional stuff. He is way, way more patient than I am.) 

I'm trying to get through: piece by piece and each piece is a struggle. I hope to get back into my erotic writing soon, but right now I'm working on me.

I just didn't know just how much on TV commercials even game ads were towards moms, babies, and family. (Majority of us will have kids, get married, and if you're lucky you'll do both happily. I do wish the best circumstances for all of you out there. Be happy and blessed.) 

The only thing I know is that there is only one person I want to be with. I hope he is okay with us h

aving fur babies. 

 I'm trying not to vent two days in a row. (So waiting a few …lol)

However I will try to give some advice….

Background info:

I have always had a dominant nature …I like to be in control. If not I become over sensitive, moody, and in constant worry. I'm not one of the types to simply let things go. (I've been using my therapy and spirituality to learn to let things go. It's a long process.)

I feel more in control when I get to know my friends and/or my submissives. 

I cannot simply just be someone's dominant or someone's friend. (I even dropped other websites because too many people wanted me to instantly trust them. Or they push money somehow. I have sold a few of erotic stories, again I got to know my friend, I wrote for.) 

Trust needs to be earned, and to get my trust ….it takes a lot of time. There needs to start with a casual chat. Then daily chats, they don't have to be short stories (paragraph after paragraph,) but I do need more than one line or "I'm fine." I want to know what is in someone's head. 

(Note: the more both the sub and Dom know about each other, the better that type of relationship will work. It works for all friendships and relationships.) You need to know their strengths and weaknesses, and a good Dom will use them correctly. 

As I have said in another blog, I have been getting approached to be a dominant, but I have no idea what kind of sub they are. Or I get the person interested in trying submission, but they are not sure about it. Or I get the Dom who thinks they can overtake me.(I thought I had taken down all possible ads or posts saying that I was interested in seeking someone. I hadn't posted those ads in years, since before the pandemic.)

I'm frustrated as most will not read my profile. I even changed my name….liked Mistress Dark Pen, but once they saw the Mistress they thought the extra woman or dominant. (I'm Dark writer as I also enjoy writing about horror as well.) 

I'm in a good relationship with an amazing partner. He treats me well, so well that I'm not seeking others in dominance. I am only seeking friends with dirty minds. 

 I'm currently on a self discovery and recovery journey. I do not have time for it. I don't mind making friends who understand me, but I'm not sure when I'll get back into open/poly domination.

 I will talk about my experience and tell what I know. I do believe in having a contract if you're not in a romantic relationship. 

I also suggest having a safeword, and talk openly about what each side wants vs what each side can do.

I also have at least one dialogue each month on what's working and what's not working and tweak the contract as such.

Communication is a must. 

So I've been working on myself. Maybe I'll post a piece or two about myself (non-erotic) unless my readers just want erotica. Let me know…

I miss my computer right now. I let a friend borrow it and I'm still waiting....grrr. anyway, typing on a phone is meh. I could recite my blog, but I don't have privacy. I can't even video chat with my boyfriend without my mom trying to get into the conversation....grrr. 

I want to find those to chat with online for now ..  maybe local friends down the road. However I keep getting submissives who want an instant domination or those who think they can dominate me. 

I am a natural dominant, and I'm amazing at dominating and micromanaging. I've learned that dominance is a huge trust type of relationship and does NOT happen over night or even just after a week of chatting. (Even being friends with me, does not happen over night..I'm sorry, but if you cannot handle me at worst, then you do not deserve my best.) However the last seven (technically the last 15 years) plus years have messed up my head. I've been trying to put the pieces back together. It's a long process.

Sexually, the person who has turned me on in the last seven years is my boyfriend. (Even when we were on break:  my characters were inspired by him, and when I tried to date this other guy, I had to picture my current boyfriend to get off. I really do have a physical type....but the truth is I've never had a connection with anyone else like I've had with him. One of the things I love about my boyfriend, is that he is not just submissive, and he challenges me. However I am not a switch for anyone but him. Submission take alot of me, but it helps me truly understand domination.) 

I don't mind chatting about it, but I refuse to dominate anyone at this time. I cannot simply dominate. Someone should not simply dominate. I also cannot handle a mindless submissive. I'm demisexual which means I need the connection, and I'm sapiosexual which means I'm drawn to intelligence. They need to get to know each other for the best connection and best submission type of relationship. They need to have trust and understanding between both parties.  I enjoy the submissive who want to please and help make the dominant's life better. I'm not into the instant or mindless submission who want directions for everything. I'm a very complicated person submissive sexuality doesn't drive or please me. I feel like I'm going in circles..

At this time in my life, I need friends. I need someone to chat with and someone who likes similar interests, but they need to understand I'm open-minded (meaning I'm not afraid to talk about everything any anything... I am dirty and kinky minded.) However I have mental issues .... PTSD (one of the reasons I'm dominant is that I was raped.), I'm in a bad living situation which causes issues in my depression and social anxiety. I'm getting help on it, I'm piecing myself together, but it's taking time. 

My hobbies: writing, blogging, reading, cooking, baking, walking, cats, shopping, and coloring. I'm looking for someone to chat with....not just a submissive.

I do plan to post more stories once my writer's block goes away.

It's been a very chaotic weekend. . . I was dealing with lots of people grocery shopping. . . it was so crowded that you would think, there would be another closing. . . no coffee creamer, no mac N cheese, no hamburger buns, no butter. It's was really crazy, I ran into people shopping.

I have been social cautious since I was raped, and my PTSD gets bad. However with this virus chaos, my social anxiety has gotten much worst. There are some days I work well with others and someday I don't work as much.

I use this site and my Fetlife for my writings. . . to talk to online friends with similar interests and get readers for my erotica. (my boyfriend is even writing the erotica with me, and I hope we publish it someday, but those projects are no where close to being finished.)

I am NOT looking up for meet up or Friends with physical benefits. Any physical sex is going to my boyfriend only. . . at least for now. He knows I talk to others, and so does he, but we first and priority in each other's lives.

I have female issues that can make orgasming hard and sometimes very painful. Pain is NOT a turn on for me. I rather do it with someone who cares for me, not just trying to get kicks. I am not ready yet for to watch someone fuck my guy. That will be down the road when I hope to spice things after I fix my health issues. They will have to have a genuine connection to both of us.

Anyway, I do not mind an e-mail or a nice compliment or flirt, but I really do NOT want several messages, I mean message after message when I have not replied to the first one. I cannot handle super-sexed and over overly hypered people. Then when I tell you to slow down, only for me to be chewed out. (They never asked what was going on. . . for me to be that overwhelmed.)

I have social anxiety, depression (worst in the winter), PTSD, and a female issues (several mood swings). . . my own family calls me the bear. I also have very limited privacy, so writing is my only way to express myself. I have some good days, when things are good and I can communicate easily, but I have some days when it is hard to communicate at all.

The last few months, I have had some very serious female issues in which you add anemia to the depression. . . I feel sad, scared, and I cannot focus at all. It's hard to dominate when you are like that. However I all I keep getting chewed out because I am a tease.. . . but I do not see people asking if I am okay? I mean really okay. (they just want the command, hand pump and release. No connection, just dump. . . no friendly banter just sex. It's really sad and cold. I cannot have it like that.)

I put others before myself, and if people stopped longer enough to get to know me and build that connection, they would have seen that.

I may be my own worst enemy, but at least I always have someone to fight. It's sad for those who are shallow out there.

I have to get a major surgery that will change my life, and I am going through a lot mentally and the media makes me feel less of person, because I will not be able to do what I am supposed to do as my gender of sex. Message me if you are really concerned or can send suggestions. Please send prayers or good vibes.

I have been dealing with a lot so this site got passed over. 

I've been with my very patient boyfriend for over a year now. He is physically poly. I'm mentally poly. I cannot constantly enjoy physical sex due to health issues. ... I have been working on those. I am a dominant, but Please do not approach me as sub. I'm just seeking friends and readers at the moment. 

I've been fighting a few issues with my writing, but I hope to get some posted and published this year. 

If you haven't noticed I've had a bit of delay getting stories posted.  I'm sorry.
I've had writers block, depression, and computer issues that have kept me from being productive in my written world.
My cabin fever with this virus has not made things better.
I have to say this. For those who read my entire profile and blog . . . Thank you. I hope to post more stories and blogs soon.
However if you are not into reading my profile, than I don't see you truly respecting or understanding who I am.
I am a natural dominant. I am just the type who naturally takes control fixes the problems and overcomes the obstacles. It's who I am, I will NOT change or go back to vanilla. I know I can't. There is something about the control and power dynamic that makes me wet and tingly.
I have health issues and trust issues (especially with this virus), so I am NOT seeking a physical relationship. (There is currently only one man I would let pentatrate me and he knows who he is.)
I am more seeking a dominance of the mind (I will not take tributes for nothing, but I will write stories for sub's as long as they are not my limits.)
I do have fantasies.
My fantasy is NOT to own anyone I'm more into serving subs than slaves.
I like the freedom that they subs have still choose me to dominate them because they know I will be responsible enough to do things in their best interests as they try to please me, to make me content as I work on my true bliss . . .writing.

The reasons for this update and rant is that I've been told I'm NOT a true dominant because I do not want a physical relationship or to meet. Or that I do not want to own a slave.
*I'm turned on by the mind. I like to mentally stimulated.
*Between the virus and being female, meeting others after like two line messages can be very dangerous. (I've been raped once, I will NOT do that again.)
*I seek submissive, not slaves. The term slave has a bad denotation to me. I like knowing that my submissive choose me. Not because they have to be with me.

*I am here to promote my erotica and get readers
https://darkmistress1213.blogspot.com/
*My blog on my idea of dominance
*And to make friends with dirty minds.

Mistress Dark Pen Busy Day. 

https://darkmistress1213.blogspot.com/2020/06/mistress-dark-pen-busy-day.html?m=1&zx=3274d5afcab56b8e

It has sissies, she-male and furries. 

Please bare with me, my computer is down and I'm dealing with a small phone to write on.

So I have noticed that most of my previous rants and personal blogs on here are very outdated.

It’s been interesting . . . I had a deja vue, “duh” moment . . . about several  months ago.
I have realized that I am bi, poly and into some sissifying. I also am into humiliation to a point. It was a few of my erotic stories on here that opened my eyes. (Especially how wet I was after I wrote them.) I thought humiliation was all about being mean and completely belittling, but sometimes it’s fun to laugh at a wiggling struggling cock as it pushes against the cage. I’m really into chastity and the idea of pain with pleasure and the struggle of getting to orgasm, not sure if it will be released or ruined, can be very exciting. . . I am starting to seek more darker and painful things. (I like to give pain, not receive).
I have learned that in order to personally see my darker side you have to have connection with me and earn my trust. I have to know that I have your trust as well. 

I have learned that it’s not about only the kink for me, but the person or people I am with.
So I am evolving. I am still picky.
I have more than one sub currently, and I do NOT believe there is just one person that will satisfy me anymore. Each sub meets some kind of need, desire, or fantasy of mine. I care for each of them. They do know about each other. That is how feel poly should be . . . completely open and honest communication (feelings, hopes, desires fantasies all out on the table), or it will not work.
I rather have several keys on necklace, bracelet, or anklet, than a single diamond ring on my finger. (For those who are married, I’m glad you found your partner. Please note: I will chat, but I will NOT meet a married person to fulfill something their partner will not do. I respect the vow of marriage, but I realize that it is not necessarily for me.)

(Note: Please remember D/s for me does NOT happen overnight. I will not just “play” with any stranger on the street. I am still very demi-sexual, and I have to have open and honest communication. It takes time to earn trust on both sides: there needs to be conversation, messaging, and pictures and videos (real ones) . . . I will NOT meet someone if there are no pics, and chatting with someone at least a week. I understand life is short, but I am NOT meeting people just for “drink and session.” I do NOT play like that. I have been burned, ghosted, and stood up . . . I’m sick of those games. If you are seeking to catfish me, I do have my ways to check the pictures, and I am NOT that native anymore. )