My rants

Random thoughts on my head, my main blog is connected to my profile.
1 day ago. Tue 19 Jun 2018 10:44:41 AM IDT

If I say "no."

It does not mean push harder.

If I say "no."

It does not mean I will change my mind. 

If I tell you, "we are not right for each other,"

Then move on and seek someone else. 

It does not mean tell me what you think I want. 

If I say "no."

You say "I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Or

"Good luck"

You do not say "You are lying."

Or 

"You know you want to humiliate and beat me."

If you read my profile,

Then you'll know I'm not like that. 

You'll see that I want a serving, loving, kind submissive into me. 

Not a perverted, horny, guilty submissive who just wants the painful bitter sex but not the connection who does not understand the word . . . NO!

 

2 days ago. Mon 18 Jun 2018 06:26:26 AM IDT

This weekend has been frustrating. . .

I feel guys my age are repelled by me. . . Im not sure why. I feel like if I'm not saying that I want sex 24/7, then I might as well fall into a hole. 

I feel guys my father's age keep hitting on me, what the hell? It's so gross. I have a very complicated, and tricky relationship with my father and do not need another old, complicated man in my life. I'm also not attracted to the older type. 

 

Currently, with my family situation (taking care of mom), I'm just looking for chat and to get to know a decent human being, but I'm beginning to see that it's almost impossible to find that. 

I'm sick to death when a guy says he wants to talk, but then when it's not sex, he disappears. This even happens on nonsexual sites. 

If you are taken ( unhappily married or with a vannila bitchy girlfriend), please instantly pass me by. I'm only talking to single guys, I get attached easily. 

 

 


I know I am looking for a needle in a haystack. I get it. Note for sub: If you want a huge sex party then move on. I'm into chastity and do believe in release, but its not going to be a constant huge tied down sex fest with me. Im more into a relationship and I'm even considering giving up the FLR dream just to find a guy who loves me and wants to be with me. 

I feel so lonely, but guys just a set a hole or sub just sees a dream of a firm voice with rules. . . I'm way more than that. 

 

4 days ago. Sat 16 Jun 2018 06:55:12 AM IDT

I used to love sex. If I can't stop the cramping, when I orgasm, then I would love it again. 

However in year 2013, I started to get horrible cramps during and after orgasm . . . Sometime they lasted up to three days, no meds helped. Sometimes a hot bath did help until I got out. 

So, I stopped having orgasms, why should the guy I'm with enjoy orgasms if I could not? So I pushed no sex, which made my sex-feen ex . . .who felt he "needed" sex like oxygen, very cranky and we fought a lot. This fueled my depression. 

About a year down the road, I felt bad, told him he could fuck thinking he was still going to love, cuddle, kiss and spoil me. . . I gave him rules, but he didn't listen to me or follow them. 

The only thing that would turn me on is when he begged for something. . . 

He cheated on me for my ex high school best friend, but that exploded in my face. 

Then he fell for a money greedy psycho bitch, and wouldn't even hold my hand at the doctor. 

 

However I've gone over a year without cumming. Even now it's been since February since I last came.

 

I understand the male human body needs release. . . My sub will release once a once automatically, unless they break my rules and maybe I'll ruin their orgasm. 

There are ways to earn more . . . 

I do enjoy a good begging session and sucking up can help too. 

 

So chastity to me in a way of showing respect and devotion.

6 days ago. Wed 13 Jun 2018 11:47:48 PM IDT

I'm sorry for being more snippy or moody for those who have written to me in the last week.

My mom is in the hospital, her hernias (Yes more than one,) are giving her problems. The doctors are leaving us more frustrated than helping. . . Grrrr. 

Then with her other health issues, the doctors want her on a diet in which she volunteered me to have. . . Not happy. I enjoy food, don't take it away from me. 

I am also fighting my dark, depressed thoughts. I just hope I'm strong enough to get through this. . .

My sleep issues and health issues have been bubbling to the surface and I am trying my best to focus on my mom to get her well. (I can't get sick at the same time as my brother with heart and leg issues can't take care of us both.) 

Please notice that I am close to my family, and yes they know I am a controlling dominant. They even have me control the household. 

 

Right now, I need a supportive submissive, not guys asking which cage they should use, my favorite sexual position, or if they can cum. . . 

As I keep saying, I'm more into the female led relationship, more into controlling and management aspect of the relationship, than just the sex. (If you are horny or just seeking sex, please seek another dominant woman.)

A submissive boyfriend would ask about me, please feel free to ask questions

1 week ago. Sat 09 Jun 2018 11:22:46 PM IDT

Cluster of rants

1. There is a difference in slaves and submissive

Slave has no rights or very limited rights. . . They are to do what they are told to do by their master. Very few questions asked. 

Submissive still has a mind of their own but wants to please their dominant. They still have hopes and dreams, but they are trying to support my happiness and dreams first. 

I do not feel these words are interchangeable.

 

I'm not just seeking bedroom submissive. You will not make me happy with an orgasm. This is why I want a submissive boyfriend for a long term female led relationships possible marriage in chastity. If you are good and please me then you have chances for release. 

I'm not into humiliation or sissies or CD or pain. 

I'm into controlling my submissive boyfriend with chastity and micromanagement. 

 

 

 

2. I need local and physical

I cannot do a long distance online relationship, I tried with a guy for a year and I was left bitter and blocked.

I cannot travel due health: I do not drive and I cannot host. I do not live alone.

I am not alone ever with my live in situation, so no naughty videos, no naughty pics unless I ask. 

 

3. I'm sick of seeking dick pictures.

If you want to talk to me, I rather see your face and chest. 

It's like 3 date to sex. 

3 pictures to naughtiness. 

Face. 

Chest. 

Naughty. 

 

1 week ago. Thu 07 Jun 2018 06:50:05 AM IDT

 

Confession: I think I'll never enjoy sex again. 


However it got worst once I found out sex hurt. . . .I get extreme cramps during and after my orgasms, I think I have endometriosis. I am getting tests for it.

 

Confession: I'm not sure if I'm over my dead ex. 

 

I was female led relationship for 8 years. My submissive boyfriend had no idea how to handle my crying spells, and he hated how I couldn't have much more sex.
My ex found others for attention and sex. He fell away from me and more into someone else, which I was sick, depressed, and heartbroken.
However a year after we broke up, he got a liver transplant.
My ex's mother asked me to help him, and I was getting ignored with my father's side of the family. So I helped him with meds and meals. I helped him for six weeks, and he died of an agressuve cancer they during surgery.

 

Confession: I think my depression killed my sexual appetite.


Once he died, I lost all the friends I thought I had. I've been to two therapists, meds but nothing helps.

Now my depression and pain push my sex drive away and its hard for me to find someone new.


Any suggestions for me? 

2 weeks ago. Sun 03 Jun 2018 09:31:44 PM IDT

I was in a flr for 8 years. I feel I need to make this clear . , .

I need a physical relationship with submissive boyfriend (No slaves, no betas). I want someone I can control, who makes me laugh and I can cuddle with. I love massages. 

I miss the dating and physical connection and micromanagement more than the demanding sex.

 

I am dominant, monogamous, demisexual, saphiosexual, and grey sexual. I need a single, smart, submissive guy between ages 25 to 39, who is mine and mine only. (No culkolds.)

I'm into chastity, control, cuddling, and micromanagement. 

 

I will not budge on this stuff. I need local or someone who drive and find a place. I cannot drive and cannot host. 

2 weeks ago. Fri 01 Jun 2018 04:03:40 AM IDT

I'm flustered. I keep getting offers from men over and under my age limit. 

If you are under 25 over 45 please seeking someone else.  I will not change my mind, and i will not train you for someone else. Every dom is different and will train in their own way.  

Where are the submissive men my age?

 

3 weeks ago. Sun 27 May 2018 02:56:07 AM IDT

This is about me

I am a big, beautiful, honest, friendly, hopeful, dominant, sensual, fun, generous woman. . . And if you do not like simply close your useless opinionated and hot air filled mouth and move on. 

 

Over the past few days, I have dealt with demon of men, not gentlemen. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me. I just know I will not settle and even more I will not submit

 

For men from forgien countries. . .

  • I will not train you.
  • I will NOT make you my sub.
  • If I say no, please move on. 
  • I am not interested. Please move on. 

I will block you.

For those in Europe, Australia, or Japan, I will talk online, but no cam to cam. I can't . . . I do not live alone.  

 

I do have some medical issues. I am seeing clueless doctors, but I am trying to do my part to get well. However this does not make me weak, with all I have gone through, I am stronger today. 

If you simply cannot handle me, please just move on. Do not tell me I cannot seek a submissive boyfriend  because I'm dealing with health issues

 

If you are a dom, and you simply want to talk because you have question or issues you want to discuss, then fine.

However, NEVER say I cannot dominate or I have to submit because I'm a bigger woman or I am nice. . . Then this is what you need to lock up your junk, mouth included, and throw away the key. (This was the nice version.)

I have my way to dominate and control, and other dominants have their own. 

 

These are the type of guys I've had to deal with just this weekend, and its not over. Sigh. 

 

4 weeks ago. Tue 22 May 2018 02:29:42 PM IDT

I've been getting a lot of message from subs, especially those under 30, who want me to train and guide them. 

I'm not here to train and/or guide random subs. What do I get out training a sub for someone else? Not a damn thing.  I get nothing out if it.

  • I'm not here for sexual sessions.
  • I'm not here to put you in your place.
  • I'm not here to mommy you.
  • Im not there to humiliate  you. 
  • I'm not here to give you a fashion statement or a full schedule. (Especially if you are on online. . .)


I am seeking a very specific thing. I have it posted on my profile and throughout my blogs. 
If you, a sub, is truly interested in me being your dominant girlfriend/mistress, then I want you to read and reread my profile, to make sure I fit you. (Do not change your kinks, in order to fit me, I will check your profile too.) Then read my blog and if my then you think we will work, then message me explaining why.