SweetheartSadie: THE CAGE Kinky Proust Questionnaire

Sadie is an Independent Journalist, Educator, Performance Artist, and Event Organizer. While she loves impact play, she has developed an unexpected love for the Violet Wand. Sadie takes an integrated approach to play as she does with all things in life. She believes the ecstasy of the impact is just as important as the connection and energy exchange that's happening at the same time. Influenced by Eastern Medicine, Tantra, and Energy Work, Sadie strives to be her authentic self and engage fully with everyone she meets.

What is your greatest fear within a D/s dynamic?

My greatest fear is that I'll miss a subtle cue that my playmate is out of synch/not enjoying/unable to communicate and things will spiral out of control ending with them getting hurt. I'm 100% prepared to deal with that situation should it arise, but I never want it to arise.

In what way has your interest in BDSM shaped your personality?

BDSM gave me the permission to be sovereign of my own body. I've learned to respect the consent of others so deeply and I've realized it applies to me too. If I don't want a hug, I now turn it down politely. I used to do it to be polite. Now I respect my own consent.

What trait do you most deplore in other kinky people?

Selfishness. I'm not a life-support system for someone's fantasies. I'd love to see people be giving and authentic.

From whom did you learn the most about BDSM?

My mentor JG. He was a submissive man many years my senior. He taught me well and was a complete gentleman. I miss him.

What has been your biggest kinky extravagance to date?

I bought a Bonds of Steel suspension rig. Worth every penny.

What is your current state of mind in regard to BDSM?

I'm fearlessly exploring kinks that I'm interested in and have avoided because they are so often shamed. If someone is shaming a kink, it's on them, not me.

What do you consider to be the most overrated virtue in kinky people?

This attitude of righteous one-true-way-ness. Take consent. Consent needs to be clear, definitive and intentional. It does not, however need to be hyper enthusiastic. Not everyone is wired to jump up and down screaming "I want it! YES! YES!" Sometimes it's simply a calm "yes please". Yet so many insist that consent MUST be enthusiastic. There is no other way. I disagree with that one-true-way notion.

On what occasion would you lie to a D/s partner?

In a CNC scene. Or if I was arraigning a surprise that I knew 100% they wanted.

What technical BDSM skill have you mastered that you are most proud of?

Flogging and caning. Impact play with a wide variety of items. I played percussion in school. What can I say? I'm a master at hitting things.

What is your favourite quality in a submissive?

Honesty.

What is your favourite quality in a dominant?

Honesty

What words or phrases do you most overuse in regard to BDSM?

Safe or safety. lol. 50% of negotiating a scene is me talking about safety. My new goal is to learn to make discussions about safety sexy.

Who or what has been the greatest love of your life in kink?

My pet now. They've given me the wings to explore niche kinks fearlessly. The ones I kept secret for so long.

In which BDSM dynamic have you been the most fulfilled?

I am dominant. There is no other way. An adored dominant is best.

What BDSM related skill would you most like to learn?

I'd say I'm at intermediate in electrical play. I'd love to move to mastery.

If you could change one thing about your interest in BDSM, what would it be?

I would have a little more interest in stereotypical fetish wear. It's just not my thing.

What do you consider your greatest achievement in your exploration of BDSM?

Helping others to explore their desires. When someone says, "you helped me" it makes it all worthwhile.

If you could die and comeback to have a kinky experience as a different person or object, what would it be?

A man. lol. Just to see what it's like. A male Dom to be clear.

Where would you consider to be the perfect place to live a kinky lifestyle?

Everywhere! But in my own Castle on an island.

What is your most treasured possession from your exploration of kink?

My red patent leather flogger. It is my first flogger, given to me by my Mentor. It's retired now, but I still carry it everywhere with me.

As a kinky person, what do you regard as the lowest depths of misery?

Watching people in my community kink shame each other.

How would you guess others would describe you as a BDSM practitioner?

Probably a little too serious. Safety and Education focused.

What quality do you most value in your kinky friends?

Honesty.

What word or phrase do you believe to be most overused when it comes to BDSM?

Predator. I've seen way too many people using this word for people they simply don't like. It's created confusion and makes it difficult to tell if someone is hunting vulnerable people or if someone didn't give max the spanking they were hoping for.

What is your favourite kinky book?

I like the Beauty Series by Anne Rice

What is your favourite BDSM tool?

A patent leather flogger.

Which fictional character would you most like to have a D/s experience with?

Loki from MCU.

As a kinky person, with which fictional character do you most identify?

The vampire Armand from Anne Rice's Interview with A Vampire series.

Do you have a literary quote or piece of poetry that inspires your kinky life?

No, not really.

What song describes your attitude towards BDSM?

Carmina Burana. That push and pull of the cycle of the year is like yanking between pain and pleasure.

What is your favourite sensory experience in a scene?

I love abrasion play. I love to be scratched. It's like a massage with finger nails. I also love the way it feels when a patent leather flogger connects with a bottom's bottom.

What is your greatest regret in regard to your exploration of BDSM?

That I felt like a fraud for so long because I didn't fit the stereotypical image of a Domme. The rules were ridged, people shamed you for not being the stereotypical Domme. Now I Domme my own way. And that's ok. People need to do what is right for them. It took me too long to realize this.

If you could die in the throes of a kinky scene, how would you like to go?

Riding my pet after I've tortured him to the point of tears.

What is your motto?

To thine own self be true. It used to be: Never a Dull Moment.