Let's Get You Started: BDSM Glossary

Below are approximately 100 kinky terms along with brief definitions for your reference. Please note that this list is not exhaustive but intended to be a helpful resource.

You'll also find these terms in our BDSM Checklist, which we recommend you complete. The BDSM Checklist serves as a valuable tool for sharing information about yourself with others or for negotiating activities and boundaries with a partner. You may also choose to keep it for personal exploration, using the Checklist as a self-discovery tool.

Your BDSM Checklist is conveniently located in the drop-down menu (or the drop-down menu under your name on your desktop). You can also find other users' BDSM Checklists in their profiles.

Ageplay

Identification and behavior of an age that you are not currently - commonly as a little, middle, teen, or caregiver, or elderly person.

Anal Sex

Intercourse achieved by sliding the penis (whether biological or strapped on!) specifically into the anus. Make sure to do some anal stretching ahead of time!

Anal Toys

Use of anal toys (like butt plugs, anal beads, anal hooks, anal vibrators, prostate massagers, or dildos) to pleasure the external and internal parts of the butt. Toys are generally hand held.

BDSM Furniture

Using BDSM furniture designed especially for bondage. Can be difficult to easily escape, so ensure deep trust.

Bastinado

Caning and torture of the feet. Requires skill, is extremely intense, and will definitely leave marks.

Bedroom Only

Power exchange only happens within sex and kink. Outside of sex, both parties intentionally relate to each other equally.

Biting

Biting of the skin - generally with enough force to cause pain. Often leaves marks. Common in primal play.

Blindfolds

Use of eye coverings to reduce the ability to see.

Body Worship

Treating specific parts of a body with particular reverence. May include massages, lotions, and intentional touch on that part of the body. May be reinforced with language from the body owner.

Boot worship

Wearing or watching others wear boots. Boot worship activities include licking, trampling, touching, or being underneath or near the pair of boots while they're worn.

Bootblacking

Arousal or pride achieved while taking care of the material of someone's leather garments. May go hand-in-hand with a leather fetish.

Breath Play

Intentional restriction of breath - usually through choking. Approach with extreme caution; it's extremely risky even when done correctly.

Cages

Using cages (usually made of metal or wood) to prohibit the bound person from escaping. Ensure deep trust before playing with this.

Caning

Using a cane for a caning somewhere on the body - usually the butt. Extremely intense and will likely leave marks.

Chastity Play

Use of chastity cages and chastity belts to physically prohibit access to the genitals. A key is often given to another person to prohibit self-access from the area.

Clamps

Use of clamps, often on nipples or other sensitive areas. Ensure these are used in moderation to prevent nerve or circulation issues.

Collars

A "necklace" that wraps around the neck. May be used for signifying ownership or an additional point during bondage.

Consensual Non-Consent

Roleplaying between two people that makes it seem like any activity or scene is entirely unwanted and being "forced" upon one party. Approach with extreme caution.

Costumes

Wearing or watching others wear costumes such as military, medical, or others for arousal or roleplay purposes.

Cuckolding

Intentionally seeking or having sex with someone outside of a committed relationship with the consent of all involved for practical or arousal reasons. Commonly interacts with humiliation and chastity kinks but does not need to.

Cuffs

Using cuffs for bondage somewhere on the body - usually the wrists or ankles.

Cum Eating

Arousal from the specific ingestion of ejaculate/cum. Commonly found with spiritual practices, power exchange, cock worship, or humiliation.

Diet Control

Control over a diet - including what foods are allowed, what foods aren't allowed, and in what quantity. May include specific food schedules as well.

Domestic service

Service that revolves around domestic chores like dishwashing, laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, and more. May be a consistent part of the relationship or provided as part of a scene.

Edging

Intentionally bringing a person to the bring of orgasm - then letting their body calm down away from orgasm - before doing it all over again. Can be a way to extend the physical sensations of sex or provide a tease.

Electrosex

Use of intended-for-sex toys that provide electrical currents during sex. Approach with caution and ensure both partners are low-risk for electrical play.

Emotional Sadism

Intentionally inflicting emotional pain and torment with the consent of all parties. Approach with extreme caution.

Enemas

Enjoyment of the sensation of water (or other, body-safe liquids) squirted into the butt to create a feeling of urgency and fullness. Arousal may also be obtained through the expulsion or embarrassment of receiving the enema.

Exhibitionism

Arousal from being watched. Common examples include strip teases or being watched at sex/kink parties.

Eye Contact Restrictions

Verbal command that requires one person to avert their eyes - usually towards the floor. Eye contact with the party is power is not allowed.

Feathers

Use of a feather dragged along the skin. May be used as a unique sensation - or intentionally used to elicit tickling.

Findom

Kink relationships that intentionally use a currency of mainstream value as a physical embodiment of power or powerlessness. Distinctly different from pay-for-play dynamics which use currency in exchange for being provided a service.

Flogging

Using a flogger to flog somewhere on the body. (Butt and upper back are common)

Foot Worship

Treating the feet with reverence. May include foot massages, pedicures, toenail painting, foot lotion, footjobs, trampling, and more. Generally goes hand-in-hand with a foot fetish.

Furry

Identification as a furry. More detail about the fursona should be gleaned during discussion as fursonas are as wide and varied as people's personalities are.

Gags

Use of mouth-safe gags that prohibit a person from easily speaking. Approach with extreme caution if someone can not freely breathe through their nose.

Genital Torture/CBT

Any activity that intentionally inflicts pain on the genitals. Common examples include ball stretching, trampling, caning, piercing, clamping, and adding weight.

Guided Orgasms

Verbal instruction by another person intended to control someone's pace, tempo, depth, and tightness of masturbation. Also known as Jerk Off Instructions for many.

Headphones

Use of headphones to reduce the wearer's ability to listen. Intentional selection of music through the headphones may also be included to influence the listener's mood.

High Protocol

Extremely rigid power exchange styles designed for short-term use - like an event or a specific evening. High Protocol is intentionally designed to require lots of thought and attention to each action. High Protocol scenarios may be pages upon pages of requirements.

Hoods

Use of full-face hoods to reduce the majority of the senses. This can be overwhelming for some and should be approached with extreme caution.

Human Furniture

Requiring someone to assume the position of furniture - then intentionally treating them as nothing more important than a piece of furniture. Human tables or coat racks are common.

Human Sex Toy

Intentionally treating someone like nothing more than a sex doll designed for pleasure.

Hypnosis

Use of hypnotic tactics to deepen kink dynamics or encourage sexual arousal. Should be approached with extreme caution.

Imprisonment

Agreed-upon "ownership" of someone within a dynamic. The terms to leave may be difficult - if there at all. Approach with extreme caution. [I'm not sure I understand where y'all were going with this one as a mental thing, so let me know if I misunderstood]

Involving Others

Involving other people within your sexual activities or relationship when you're a twosome. May include threesomes, orgies, swinger's parties, or even attending kink parties. The exact level of involvement will need to be negotiated by all involved.

Kissing

Touching lips with another person. Can vary from a quick peck on the lips all the way from hours-long french kissing make-out sessions.

Knife Play

Use of knives and other sharp objects within a scene - usually to elicit fear mixed with arousal. Approach with extreme caution.

Leather

Wearing or watching others wear clothing made of leather. This may include arousal for touching, interacting, smelling, or feeling the leather as well.

Live Cam

Exchanging of information to move to a platform that allows simultaneous live camera viewing. Each person can see one another. May be used for sexual and kink purposes.

Locks

Use of locks and locking items to make bondage inescapable. Ensure deep trust before playing with this.

Massage (non-sexual)

A non-sexual massage. Provided for the enjoyment of the receiver and not intended to be a gateway into further play. May be considered an act of service or a gift.

Master/Slave

Identification as a Master or as a Slave for the D-type and S-type.

Medical Fetish

Use of medical lingo, equipment, and tropes to simulate medical scenarios - usually for arousal. May include contact with bodily fluids.

Mind Games

Little minor lies designed to intentionally deceive the s-type's perception of the scene - usually towards making the s-type believe they are in more danger than they are to intensify the experience.

Mummification

Use of any method of bondage to provide shoulder-to-toe immobilization. Commonly done with saran wrap, leather sleepsacks, belts, or other creative methods.

Name Calling

Use of lewd, rude, or embarrassing names to intentionally humiliate someone.

Needle/Piercing Play

Use of sterilized needles to intentionally pierce the skin. May be used for decorative fun - or for the sensations each needle provides. Approach with extreme caution - this provides direct access to bloodborne pathogens.

Oral Sex

Use of the mouths, lips, and tongue to pleasure the genitals of another person. May also include oral stimulation of the anus.

Orgasm Control

Control over the orgasms that someone is allowed. May be only during a scene - or may include masturbation prohibition outside of specific playtimes.

Paddling

Using a paddle to hit somewhere on the butt - usually the butt. Can range from gentle to intense, depending on the paddle.

Panties

Wearing or watching others wear panties. Some desire the panties in specific, soiled states. This may include masturbating with the fabric of the panty.

Penitrative sex

Intercourse achieved by sliding the penis (whether biological or strapped on!) into the vagina or anus of another person.

Pet Play

Interest in pet play - up to and including a selected pet personality. Common identifications include dog, cat, bunny, wolf, fox, and more.

Phone Conversations

Exchanging of digits or usernames that will unlock voice-to-voice communication. May be used for phone sex or other online roleplay.

Pictures

Exchanging of photos. Implies a regular exchanging of photos beyond the typical first "get to know me" photo.

Pony Play

Interest in pony play - up to and including structured training, pony shows, and more.

Public Bondage

Any type of bondage that is intended to be discreetly worn outside of the privacy of a home. Ensure you have the consent of any person who may view the bondage.

Public Embarrassment

Any type of humiliation that is designed to be enacted outside of the home. This may be in front of other, unsuspecting people and should be approached with extreme caution.

Punishments

Use of denial, removal of enjoyable things, or provide physical pain to encourage someone to follow instructions.

Remote-Controlled Sex Toys

Exchanging of information that allows one person to control the vibrations, suction, and functionality of another person's sex toy. Generally, sex toy apps require that these permissions must be granted upon each attempt.

Rewards

Use of sexual and non-sexual rewards to encourage someone to follow instructions.

Roleplay

Suspension of real-life roles to pretend to be other people or take on other identities. May be as simple or elaborate as desired.

Romance

Intentionally including romance within the power exchange dynamic. Many people are only looking to explore power exchange with a romantic partner while others intentionally keep romance away from power exchange partners.

Rope

Using skin-safe rope to bind the body in different ways. Further negotiation what areas are/aren't on the table.

Rope Suspensions

Use of body-safe bondage rope to fully support a person's weight - usually from the ceiling. The pressure of the ropes can be easily misplaced and cause damage. Approach with extreme caution.

Rough Sex

Sexual activities (possibly including intercourse) done with sudden movement, scratching, and hard thrusting. May or may not include other kink activities.

Rubber/Latex

Wearing or watching others wear clothing made of rubber and/or latex. This may include arousal for touching, interacting, and feeling the rubber and latex as well.

Ruined Orgasms

Ceasing all stimulation (that was previously orgasmic) right at the split second that someone is unable to stop themselves from orgasming. For most, this makes the orgasm feel extremely unfulfilling.

Scratching

Scratching of the skin - generally with enough force to leave marks afterwards.

Sexting

Text-based methods of communication. May include texting, chatrooms, and live messaging platforms. Typically is focused on text - while the occasional picture sharing may be negotiated ahead of time.

Sissification

Use of over-the-top feminization and stereotypical tropes as a basis for humiliation for a desire to be feminine.

Slapping

Using an open palm to slap anywhere on the body - usually with enough force to leave stinging pain. Approach face slapping with extreme caution.

Slave Training

Intentional, laid-out programs designed for the improvement of the s-type of the relationship. Usually approached with reverence, dedication, and arousal.

Sounding

Sliding of body-safe items into the urethra including catheters or clean sounding equipment. Approach with caution.

Spanking

Using your hand to intentionally hit the body - usually on the butt. Can be done for intentional pain or intentional pleasure.

Speech Restrictions

Verbal command that limits one person's ability to speak. This may include complete silence or allow a short list of allowed phrases.

Spirituality

Including spiritual facets into kink play including worship dynamics, tantra, sex magick, and more. May also include simply believing in the deeper connection with nature that BDSM can provide.

Spitting

Arousal from spit - usually fresh from the source. May involve spitting on another person or sharing large amounts of saliva with intention.

Squirting

AKA "female ejaculation". Expulsion of female ejaculate from the urethra after copious amounts of g-spot pleasure.

Stockings

Wearing or watching others wear stockings, pantyhose, or fishnets. This may include arousal for touching, ripping, or interacting with these clothing items.

Strap On Play

Using a harness to strap a sex toy onto the body for the purpose of sliding it into the butt. Strap-on harness and dildos are typically worn by those with vulvas, but they can be worn by those with penises as well - especially for lower risk of STI transmission.

Temperature Play

Use of warm and cool sensations to affect a person. Can be achieved with ice, warmed clothing, water, and more.

Trampling

Applying one person's body weight to an area of a second person. Approach with extreme caution to ensure the safety of the receiving person.

Videos

Exchanging of videos. These videos may depict sexual or kink acts - or be specifically required to depict requested acts.

Voyeurism

Arousal from watching others. Arousal may hinge on whether the other people are aware of the person watching them.

Watersports

Arousal from urine - usually fresh from the source. Generally involves the feeling of urine on the skin but may also include ingestion or urinating during intercourse.

Wax Play

Use of body-safe candles to drip wax onto the naked flesh. Can be done for decorative reasons or for the sensation.

Whipping

Using a whip for a whipping somewhere on the body - usually the upper back. Extremely intense and will likely leave marks.

24/7

Power exchange that continues regardless of sex - where all people are intentionally within some form of their roles at all times. Regularly includes lifestyle restrictions or service.