Cash & Kink: Findom, Pro Domination, Money & BDSM

Financial domination? Professional domination? Aren't those the same thing?

Surprisingly, no! While both involve money, they're very different things.

Let's talk about what financial domination and professional domination are, how they're different, why you might hire a professional, and ways to avoid scammers if you want to explore.

What is Financial Domination?

Power exchange is one of the core ideas that attracts people to BDSM. It can be hot to take control and hot to surrender control, and a lot of people into kink like to play with these ideas within the bounds of consensual arrangements.

Money has that very same power. We all know that billionaires can get better anything because they have the money to make it happen.

Money represents power for most people.

The kink of financial domination uses those feelings and beliefs to turn money into, effectively, a sex toy to play with. Giving your money to someone else gives them power - and leaves you with "less".

This can be an especially hot dynamic for bottom partners who love to feel "less than". Not only does giving someone else money make them more "powerful", but it actively makes you even "less" powerful.

This is the core dynamic that financial domination plays with.

While you've probably heard discussions/bragging of financial domination in the hundreds and thousands of dollars, it's worth noting that most people do not play like that.

Just like you've heard about your friend's high-roller casino winning the one time it happened and never heard about all the times they won 49 cents, the biggest amounts tend to get pushed forward as the most noteworthy.

Most financial domination transactions are in the cents or dollars range. Since part of the eroticism is actively giving money to another person, most people play in low amounts - but done often - to indulge in the kink while still being able to comfortably pay their bills.

This regular giving is part of the kink. Each time the bottom "donates" money, the dominant teases back with information that reinforces the "I'm more powerful than you now" dynamic. This looks different in every dynamic. For some financial domination kinksters, it might be a focus on humiliation, but for others, it may be a focus on the usefulness of the submissive for the dominant's pleasure. It may include simply words, or the submissive may be sent photos or videos of the dominant utilizing their money to make the dominant's life better.

While national currency is often used for this kink, it certainly doesn't have to be. Someone can explore the fun of financial domination at home with fake money. You simply have to set a value for the money. If 20 "Buckaroos" can be redeemed for a video game night, then every 20 "Buckaroos" the bottom gives up have an active, power-exchanging feeling of giving up something for themselves for the betterment of their dominant.

In online play, most financial domination will be carried out with national currency via giftcards or online money exchanging platforms.

What is Professional Domination?

If you've been around the kink community, you may have seen this abbreviated as "prodommes".

A professional dominant is someone who offers their ability to perform kinks, as an experienced, practiced dominant, to others in exchange for money. Thorough negotiations are still involved, and most prodommes still have a list of activities they will (and won't) do.

This allows anyone - whether they're curious about kink, between relationships, busy, or want to experience something in a safe environment - to hire a professional who has the experience and expensive equipment to make fantasies come true. Especially for someone who has a very specific, very niche kink that requires expensive gear, this can be one of the first accessible ways to make that fantasy come to life.

Some prodommes are also available for hire for couples to teach how to make kinky activities safe and satisfying in a discreet, private, hands-on manner.

In many cases, any direct sexual contact may be off the table to align with local laws. For example, a professional dominant may offer facesitting while wearing thin leggings, but naked facesitting may be illegal in their area, so they may not offer it.

Of course, every prodomme, and their comfort level with activities, will be unique to every individual person. The best way to find out what any prospective prodomme will be comfortable with is to peruse their official website, and send a quick question if that doesn't answer it.

How Are Financial Domination and Professional Domination Different?

While both activities involve an exchange of money, professional domination is markedly different than financial domination

Think of it like the difference in enjoying medical kinks and being a nurse. While someone who enjoys a medical fetish may love roleplaying a nurse (just like someone who loves financial domination may enjoy the exchange of money), a registered nurse with a degree and experience will provide professional nursing services in exchange for a paycheck (just like a prodomme).

If you're promised a specific, negotiated service in exchange for providing money, it's professional domination.

If giving money is tied to your role in the relationship or added humiliation, it's financial domination. There is rarely any specific "$10 = 1 Submissive Pleasure Token" within financial domination; you give money specifically for the feeling it gives you in addition to the back-and-forth flirting with the dominant.

For example:

"If you tribute $50 to me, you receive a nude photo." is a service.

"$5 would help cover my coffee, and you want me to be able to treat myself, don't you?" would be financial domination.

Unfortunately, this line can get blurry. This is partially because people use the two terms interchangeably and partially because scammers have entered the sphere of femdom. Where there is a quick dollar to be made off someone's desperation, scammers will soon follow.

Not only do many scammers use the terms interchangeably, but scammers also don't follow up on their promises. Not only do many of them use stolen photos of popular BDSM starlets, but they promote themselves as “findoms” or “prodommes” who require tributes or payment before “providing” a service. Once that payment is made, however, the scammer may ghost you or block you entirely.

As you can imagine, this gives financial domination and professional dominants a bad name. As a genuine kink and a genuine profession that already exists within the edges of our society, this can be really rough on the people who engage authentically.

Why Would Someone Hire a Professional Dominant?

There are a lot of reasons why someone may hire a professional dominant. Those reasons are as unique and varied as the people who do it, but some common ones include:

• A busy schedule. Getting to know someone, find out if your needs match up, date them, and get comfortable with them can take a long time. People who travel often, are busy, or don't want to be distracted with a strong desire for their kinks while dating may hire a professional to help meet that urge for awhile. 

• A very-niche, expensive kink. If your kink or fantasy is very specific and requires expensive gear, expecting a random one-night-stand to make it happen is virtually impossible.

• A very specific fantasy. If your fantasy comes with a 3-page outline, you might just terrify (or overwhelm) a romantic partner. Hiring someone with experience to play out your exact fantasy can ensure the entire focus is on fulfilling the fantasy you've always wanted without worrying about frightening off a romantic partner.

• Additional safety. Some activities in the world of kink can be dangerous. They're even more dangerous when they're done by someone who doesn't know what they're doing - even with the best of intentions. Doing kink with someone who is paid to regularly do these activities - and ensure they have the skillset to make it happen - can lead to better safety outcomes. 

• Learning something new. While a lot of people who hire a professional are male-identifying bottoms, some couples hire professionals as well. This can give a curious couple hands-on training about how to do a kink and how to make it pleasurable. Simply "doing" the kink is only half of the skill; learning how to have the confidence to make it "feel" dominating can be something that can take a bit to learn! 

• Experiencing a dominant they've seen online. Some professional dominants are also kink "porn" stars. If that's the case, hiring the prodomme can lead to an up-close experience with someone that they've admired for years in their photos and videos. Imagine getting to star in a film with one of your favorite actors!

• Add kink to an otherwise committed relationship. Sometimes, someone within a monogamous couple discovers that they're kinky - and their partner really, really isn't. For otherwise healthy relationships, the couple may agree that the kinky person can see a professional at regular intervals. This reduces any "strings" that might get attached in casual arrangements while still ensuring everyone comes away happy. 

How to Avoid Being Scammed

Prodommes are providing a service - an "odd" service compared to your local dentist, but it's a service all the same.

That means: if your dentist reached out or behaved to you in the same way that a "prodomme" does, they may not be a prodomme at all. They might be a scammer.

If your local "dentist" knocked on your front door and promised to give you discount dental work if you followed them to their local clinic, you'd probably call the police. You know that's not something a professional would do.

If a "prodomme" finds your profile out of the middle of nowhere and promises to take you on as a slave after you tribute $50, they're not a prodomme; they're a scammer.

Genuine prodommes don't have the time for that! They're keeping up with multiple sessions, photoshoots to promote themselves, continuing education to stay safe experts, and editing their website and answering leads.

Financial dominants also won't do that. Just like any kink (spanking, rope bondage, etc.), compatibility is huge. Simply existing and having a wallet doesn't make you a great fit for financial domination with every domme. Considering how rare financial domination is as a kink, it just simply wouldn't make sense for a woman to reach out to loads of random submissives in hopes that one of them happens to share the kink.

Since genuine financial domination is about the back-and-forth energy and the power around loss of money, it's just as important to have compatibility as it is with rope bondage play. Any potential financial dominant will want to get to know you a bit before playing and determine if you're both a good fit for one another.

Any promised "instantaneous" play or relationship that you did not initiate is probably a scam.

If you reach out on a prodomme's website and get a same-day response letting you know their rates and dates they can schedule a session, that's likely to be real.

If a random scammer contacts you first, pretending to be a prodomme, and promises to keep you locked up in chastity for the rest of your life if you tribute $50 first to prove you're real, that's likely a scam.

View any potential interaction with a domme that leads quickly to promises of sex or kink in exchange for money as a potential scam.

Yes, there are random dommes who are turned on and want to play quickly with a random stranger to get themselves off. They won't ask for money.

Yes, there are professional dominants out there who will provide a service to you in exchange for money - but they won't reach out to you first.

Yes, there are dommes who love financial domination, but they won't promise to "give you domination" within minutes of meeting you as long as you send a tribute.

If it seems "too good to be true", it likely is - and that "hope" that it's real is what scammers are betting on to make their money.

Mistress Kay lives in the world of sexuality and kink. With a house that's quickly running out of space for things that aren't sex books and sex toys, she spends what free time she has writing femdom help articles (http://kinky-world.net/category/bdsm-advice/femdom-advice/), trying the latest and greatest in sex toys, and exploring the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World (http://kinky-world.net/).