Cash & Kink: Investing in the Pro Domination Experience

By CAGE Staff(staff) June 17, 2024

Disclaimer Although money may play a role in a power exchange dynamic, THE CAGE prohibits solicitation for financially-based relationships like paypigs, findoms, sugar daddy/mommy/babies, etc., as well as the promotion of commercial services, including professional domination sessions. We encourage you to use the provided information to make informed decisions about money and power exchange. Remember, it's your right to keep your finances out of your D/s if you choose; money can be a limit just like anything else.

Today, let's talk about prodommes and the professional domination experience.

What is Professional Domination?

You pay a carpenter to do woodwork. You pay a plumber to come fix your sink. You pay a therapist to listen to you and help with your problems. You pay an accountant to do your taxes.

And you pay a professional dominant (also known as a "Prodomme" when they identify as female!) to do kink activities with you.

Just like the rest of the careers on this list, being a good dominant takes time and skills. When you desire an experience that benefits from those time and skills, just like the rest of these careers, you can pay someone to provide that for you.

A prodomme also (usually) has the space and financial resources to have better gear and equipment than you do. You'd expect your carpenter to have all of the expensive drills and saws they'd need to get the job done - things you never could or had a need to buy. The same can be said of a prodomme. Since they do this for a living, they may have decked out dungeons or beautiful toybags that you've only seen online in adult videos.

What Can/Can't a Prodomme Do?

Let's get this out of the way first: in many areas, exchanging money for sex is illegal. This is why most prodommes will not have sexual contact with you. They may do a whole host of kinky things to you (which are not sex!), but many will draw the line at any type of sexual touch or intercourse. This is, of course, up to the professional and their risk profile, but you should never go into a BDSM appointment assuming sex will be on the table.

Most prodommes also have kinky things they won't do. Professionals are allowed to have preferences too, after all! If a prodomme doesn't want to do an activity or doesn't think they have the necessary skills to make it a mindblowing experience for you, they'll generally put it in their limits list.

If you see your interest on that list, don't take it personally. You're just not a good fit for that prodomme. There are hundreds of other prodommes out there who don't share that same preference.

How to Know if a Prodomme is Real?

Remember: a prodomme is working a job.

This is vital to remember if you're looking for a real, skilled prodomme.

If their behavior would be super weird coming from an accountant trying to get your money, it's just as weird if it's someone claiming to be a "prodomme" doing it. (Okay, it would be a bit weird if your accountant was posting nude photos to get your business, but that one is just part of the world of adult!)

A genuine prodomme:

Usually has a website or page on a prodomme-friendly hosting site explaining their skills, accepted activities, and showing off photos.

Will usually have professional-quality photos of themselves looking like a hot badass. This may not be the case if they're genuine but brand new, but their photos should look polished even if they don't look professional.

Will usually have a range of photos in different outfits and scenarios. You should expect at least 20 from an established professional, but a newbie may have a smaller selection. This is how they market themselves.

Can provide references and resources about previous clients who have worked with them.

Will first discuss things with you without the "intended for arousal" dirty talk you may have seen in porn. You may still get turned on because you're excited to hire a professional, but they won't be talking about how wet they're getting within a few messages.

Will want to have a thorough negotiation with you before agreeing to meet up. They don't want you to show up with expectations they can't fulfill! (Some achieve this through an online form you need to fill out!)

Will usually agree to a phone call or video call if you agree to pay a small fee. Prodommes have horny people contact them all day, hoping for "free" play via phone call or video call. To ensure they aren't wasting all their time on people who aren't serious about their services, they may have a small fee for such personal attention. This is normal.

Will likely have rates that rival your accountant or other professional. If they aren't charging at least a hundred per hour, you should be suspicious. Hours upon hours of prep work (to look hot for you!) goes into any appointment - not to mention their hundreds of hours and dollars to be a good prodomme in the first place.

May require at least two hours of booked time. Remember those hours it takes to look hot? Especially for newbies who are more likely to noshow, they may require a minimum booking time to prevent wasting their time.

Will be willing to walk you through what to expect with your first session with them. This may be a blog post they've posted somewhere, but they want you to feel comfortable and enjoy yourself too!

A prodomme will NOT:

Message YOU and demand tribute after promising to fulfill all of your fantasies.
Agree to meet up with no negotiation if you simply pay a small fee for their time.
Get mad at you and threaten to cut off contact if you ask clarifying questions. A genuine prodomme may block you if they're getting the sense you're trying to waste their time, but they won't threaten you to "keep you in line".
Have no online presence besides a Twitter page with the same 3 photos over and over. Most prodommes will have multiple social profiles, may be featured at local dungeons, and may have their own website.
Answer basic safety questions incorrectly.

What Happens When a Book a Prodomme?

Curious about booking a professional? I get it; you probably have a general idea of how an hour booked with an accountant is going to go. You probably don't have that same idea of what will happen with a prodomme.

First off, it's important to note that every prodomme's expectations and process are different. A professional who works in a community dungeon with security may be open to booking faster than someone who plans on having you over to their home dungeon. If you come well-recommended from other prodommes in the region, you might also have an easier time getting an appointment. Just like everyday people, prodommes also have their own risk profiles, so some dommes may simply be more comfortable with a quick appointment schedule than others. Ask YOUR potential prodomme how appointments work with them for the most accurate answers.

So, let me walk you through a general expectation of how a visit with a professional dominant will go.

First, you'll find a prodomme. Nowadays, that's probably through the internet. You'll probably look for websites or social media profiles of prodommes in your area, and scope their interests to see if they match your own interests. A professional will have an easy "how to book me" section that you'll find, and if you find your match, you may skip right to booking their form.

You may communicate with the prodomme if you have any questions. This won't be like a first date. Many will be happy to answer your basic questions to make you comfortable patronizing their business, but like an accountant, they simply don't have time to make friends with every potential client before they agree to book their services.

The prodomme will likely direct you to a form or process to book your appointment. This form will likely ask you what you're looking for, what your limits are, what you're expecting, and how much experience you have. Filling out this form isn't a guarantee of an appointment; prodommes are using this form to make sure you have a great experience with them, but they're also using it to weed out any potential clients who may be giving them red flags.

If they're comfortable booking you, they'll now reach out and do the same "when are you available?" you do with your dentist. You both will reach an agreed-upon time.

While waiting for your appointment, I highly recommend taking some time to think about the things you REALLY want to accomplish in this session. Are their names you really love or hate? Do you imagine your Domme doing bondage in a very specific way? Remember: your prodomme can only do the things that you've communicated. If you tell them you love "handcuffs", but you actually are fantasizing about a hogtie position in handcuffs while Mozart plays in the background, you're probably not going to get what you want off the simple word "handcuffs".

When you arrive, expect to sit down with the Prodomme as equals before the appointment. They'll want to have a serious, face-to-face conversation where they clarify what you put in your form, and get a good idea of what you're looking for out of the scene. While you're discussing something sexual, this conversation will likely not be intentionally sexual. They will want your full consent and awareness throughout this process to ensure you're both on the same page before beginning.

After the negotiation is over, they may set some ground rules with you. This may involve what titles to call them or how you're expected to behave within the scene. This part can start to feel a bit sexual - especially if you've imagined getting to have this type of scene for awhile now.

Your prodomme may prefer payment before (or after). If they request it before, this is where you'd pay your professional - often in cash because payment and credit card processors frown on anything adult (even sex toy stores have problems finding a payment provider who will work with them!). If you've brought a tip or extra gift, this is likely where you'll provide that to your prodomme as well.

The domme will gently ease you into the scene once you both have begun. The exact activities will vary based on what you requested and what they're skilled in, but you shouldn't expect to walk into a room, pull down your pants, and get hogtied within minutes. Your prodomme will want to gently ease you into your activity to ensure your brain and body are ready for you - and so that you're in the best headspace to have an amazing time too!

When your appointment time is near over, your prodomme will begin to wind down the scene. They want to leave time for you to come down after your experience. Speak up if you know you have specific aftercare needs, but common things include quiet conversation, blankets, chocolate, snacks, or talking about the scene itself. They don't want to send you back out into your everyday life without giving you a bit of time to come down. Scenes can be intense!

Afterwards, the prodomme may contact you requesting a review or testimonial they can use for future clients. They may also provide information about future bookings - like if you're eligible for different prices or services now that you're an established client.

That's it, though! Your prodomme experience from start to finish.

Tips for a Great Prodomme Experience

Come showered, cleaned out (if doing anal), and well-fed but not overly full. Scenes can be taxing on the body, and you don't want to feel dizzy.

Don't take intoxicants. It can be tempting to have a few drinks before your play session to calm your nerves, but don't. Not only does it soften the sensations of play, but your prodomme may cancel your session if you're intoxicated. Drunk people can't consent.

Be as detailed as you can. If you're booking a prodomme to fulfill a very specific fantasy you've had in your head, make sure your prodomme knows that. They aren't mindreaders. More details to your prodomme can help them better craft a scene for you.

Be flexible in what happens during the scene. It's impossible for every scene to go exactly how your brain imagines it. Usually, our brains leave out a lot of the "logistics" of a fantasy - like how a rope might get caught for a second or how you'll need 20 minutes of spanking warm-up time before you can take those heavy hits that'll make you cry.

Know the provider's limitations. Most prodommes are very upfront about what they will or won't do. Do NOT try to negotiate or change that after booking. If a prodomme doesn't offer something you want, simply find a different provider. You two may not be a good fit.

Build in some time afterwards to come down or masturbate in the privacy of your own home. Going right back to the office after a scene can be really jarring. Instead, try to make the most of your prodomme experience by doing something chill (or going somewhere relaxing) to reflect on your experience and pleasure yourself to it, if desired.

Mistress Kay lives in the world of sexuality and kink. With a house that's quickly running out of space for things that aren't sex books and sex toys, she spends what free time she has writing femdom help articles (http://kinky-world.net/category/bdsm-advice/femdom-advice/), trying the latest and greatest in sex toys, and exploring the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World (http://kinky-world.net/).