Titles That Bind

"Oh, he's a switchy top."

"Her? She's a lesbian professional dominatrix."

"The guy? I haven't really met him, but I heard him introduce himself as a primal sadist."

If you hang around the BDSM community for more than a few minutes, you'll probably hear titles tossed out all over the place. Humans, in general, love labels, and it's absolutely no different in kink communities. 

But why? And is it really necessary in the world of BDSM?

Do We Need Labels?

"Labeling" someone has a negative connotation. It has the possibility of "othering" someone, making them seem "unlike you". As social group dynamics require finding a common thread for comfortable, seamless cooperation, this can seem like a bad thing.

On the other hand, labels are quick shorthands for our brains. If I tell you someone's a "senior citizen", you instantly know they're probably old enough to be post-retirement, and they're certainly not still in high school! I don't have to explain exactly how old they are and tell you what stage of their life they're in. You probably know that they've lived through being a teenager, adult, and middle-aged adult, complete with all of the experiences that come with every one of those stages in our lives. 

The same can be said of labels in the kink community. Once you're familiar with this hodgepodge of unique words, you'll have a very quick idea of how the person identifies, whether they're a good play partner for you, and even some kinks the person may or may not be into. 

For example, if you're a bottom, a "switchy dominatrix" might be a potential play partner if you're into women. However, if the other person identifies as a "service submissive", the two of you may not initially seem like a good fit for a quick scene. 

These quick labels are must faster than the alternative. Our aforementioned service submissive might try to explain their proclivities with a small paragraph like: "I really like being bossed around, and it would make me uncomfortable to order someone else around. I especially find a lot of joy in providing services for the people I care for. I take submissive pride out of being able to use my abilities and body to make someone else happy."

That's just way more words. 

When labels go right, they're providing quick, shortcut ways to describe ourselves to others without waxing poetic about our preferences and life experiences. 

Are Titles and Roles Permanent?

As with everything in life, labels, titles, and roles are not permanent fixtures. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is unfamiliar with kink and, well, life in general. 

You can identify as a submissive when you first get into the scene but after months of play, determine that identity just doesn't ring true for you. You might consider yourself more of a "Switch" for a few years. After really finding joy in spanking others, you may think of yourself as more of a "Switchy Sadist", identifying more with the act of causing discomfort than any sort of specific power exchange dynamic. 

It's entirely normal (and expected!) for your interests and roles in BDSM and kink to change over the years. (That's partially why you can change your profile labels at any point here at The Cage. We expect your interests to change!)

If you find yourself at the receiving end of a mislabeled introduction, feel free to correct them gently, with a laugh, as you clarify. A quick example:

Your friend says: "Oh, hey, meet my friend! She's been a submissive in the community for a few years now."

You might say: "And I was well known in these parts! (insert laugh) Nowadays, I'm feeling more like a switch, though, and I've been exploring more scenes in a topping role."

Just as people might know you by childhood nicknames that you no longer identify with, it's normal for people in the community who've known you for years to still mentally think of you with your old identities. A gentle correction is usually all it takes to help someone associate a new role with who you currently feel like.

Some Common Kink Titles and Roles

Of course, using labels, titles, and roles as shortcuts only works when you actually understand what the words mean. Otherwise, it's just using a bunch of unfamiliar words to describe barely-familiar concepts. 

Here are some of the most-common labels and roles you'll find in the world of kink:

Top: This person likes to give activities/sensations to another person. For example, if spanking is involved, they're the one spanking another person. They do not necessarily need or want to command or be responsible for another person. 

Bottom: This person likes to receive activities/sensations from another person. If spanking is involved, they'd be the one receiving the spanking. They do not necessarily want someone commanding them or telling them what to do.

Dominant: This person likes to enter power exchange dynamics and scenes with another person where they play the role of being in charge. They may also like to give activities/sensations to another person, but they also enjoy an underlying exchange of power where the person they are playing with has agreed (temporarily or otherwise) to follow all of the commands the dominant requires. Variants of this title, like femdom, domme, maledom, d-type, or dom also mean the same thing. 

Submissive: This person likes to enter power exchange dynamics and scenes with another person where they play the role of a person taking commands. They may also like to receive activities/sensations from another person, but they like those activities to have an underlying exchange of power. In this exchange of power, they've agreed (temporarily or otherwise) follow all of the commands this other person tells them to do. Variants of this title like sub or s-type also mean the same thing. 

Master/Mistress: While some “dominants” may identify with this label, Master/Mistress is usually used by someone who identifies with a 24/7 total power exchange dynamic. They enjoy the idea of their dominance both inside and outside of the bedroom for a "non-stop" power exchange where their partner is constantly expected to follow commands and mold their life around the Master/Mistress's wants and needs. 

Slave: While there have been arguments over whether this term should still be used within the kink community due to its horrific use in human rights violations, many in the kink community still use it. Identifying as a "Slave" is usually done by someone who enjoys the idea of their submission being a constant, never-off thing in a 24/7 total power exchange dynamic. They want their lives to be modified by the demands of their Master/Mistress and to follow commands from their chosen partner. 

Switch: This person identifies with multiple roles within Top, Bottom, Dominant, or Submissive, and they might "Switch" between them depending on the vibe. Some switches will remain in a single role for a full scene, but some switches enjoy intentionally crafting scenes with other switches to "win" the prize of being the top/dominant as part of the scene. 

Sadist: A person who enjoys causing pain or discomfort to others. This is often through spanking and impact play, but sadists may be turned on by many different ways to cause discomfort. 

Masochist: A person who enjoys receiving pain or discomfort. This is often through spanking and impact play, but a masochist may also be turned on by other types of discomfort. 

Professional Dominatrix/Dominatrix: This person has made a career from their experience being a dominant in BDSM, and they offer their domination services in exchange for money. Generally (but not always), "Dominatrix" designates someone who has some ties to exchanging money for kink experiences. 

Brat: This person prefers to be the bottom or submissive of a scene, but they specifically want the dominant/top to "make them" act like the bottom or submissive. They enjoy the playful defiance throughout the scene and enjoy feeling like they've been "beaten" into their role. 

Primal: A primal person is someone who identifies with the animalistic, instinctual portion of BDSM. They may or may not identify with a specific animal or wild creature. Think of someone who enjoys play with minimal words and instead, communicates via scratches, grunts, and manual manipulation of bodies. 

Prey: Someone who identifies as "prey" is specifically stating they associate with the title “primal” - but they specifically want to be the person who actions are done to. They do not want to be the hunter; they want to be the "hunted". 

Daddy / Mommy / Caregiver: All of these titles designate that someone wants to be “in charge” of a dynamic – but prefers a softer dynamic, closer to a mentor instead of a hard-hitting taskmaster. While this title is common within the ABDL community, it's also often used outside of it for people who are looking for a power exchange dynamic but may not identify with some of the more painful aspects of BDSM.

Vanilla: You may not hear it too often, but this refers to someone who isn't interested in kink. They don't need their "chocolate ice cream" sex. Instead, they prefer the "vanilla" flavor with the usually-associated acts of sex without any of the kinky add-ins. 

Mistress Kay lives in the world of sexuality and kink. With a house that's quickly running out of space for things that aren't sex books and sex toys, she spends what free time she has writing femdom help articles ( http://kinky-world.net/category/bdsm-advice/femdom-advice/ ), trying the latest and greatest in sex toys, and exploring the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at https://kinky-world.net/ .

All THE CAGE Magazine articles, including this one, were written without the use of AI.